Where did this go wrong - what can I do better next time?

[Eternal_water]

Ok so anyone who has seen many of my comments/threads knows that I'm an early 20's virgin, who has had 1 girlfriend for less than a year in my life. I've kissed but thats it. Hadn't been on a date since 2010 so very inexperienced with this kind of thing.

I met a girl at a (distant) female friends party, and we got talking and had real good vibe, people were already joking about us getting together before we left the party.

(not much of a party, mid day BBQ type thing)

I got her number and we set up a first date, I honestly feel like I could have got the first kiss before leaving but decided I would go for it on the date.

The first date was very fun, went for the kiss in the middle rather than the end and I got it. Kino initiated middle of the date onwards and was very high by the end.

The 2nd date was kind of similar, kino etc. Although she started talking about family problems which was a bit of a red flag. But Kino was very high at the end and I succefully went for the 2nd kiss at the end.

3rd date at her place, kino was through the roof, and there was lots of kissing (closed mouth), the flow of the date wasn't quite right for sex as she was feeling ill and had a meeting to go to later that day (true or not I don't know).

We were setting up the 4th date, she said she didn't know what time she could do but would later on and would text me.


Never heard from her again. I sent her a couple of messages asking what she had found out in regards to the time she could do (yeah yeah I know, you tell her what time not the other way around), silence.

So yeah thats the end of that, no contact and move on, but where did this go wrong and how do I do better next time?

 

[Bokanovsky]

She met somebody else and lost interest in you. It happens.

 

[pyros]

I cannot belive you have 739 posts and you are still a virgin with no clue.
It is just unbelievable.

Anyway, one simple rule I discovered by reading this forum plus my personal experience is that...:

"If you have the opportunity to f-uck a girl and you decide not to, she will most likely loose all interest in you." Same applies if you have the chance to kiss her and you choose not to blah blah...

You went to her place on the third date and you did not have secs, great...
I do not know how you planned this date but you should have escalated a lot. You should have sucked her tits, at least. It does not matter if she looks shy or whatever, you escalate until she gives you a huge NO, STOP.

Anyway, it could be this, or there is another dude in the picture, sad but true. It happens all the time...trust me.


Radio silence after your texts? never contact her again unless she does. End of story.

P.S.
never ever again send more than ONE text, or ONE call. If she doesnt reply to your message/call, you dont do anything else.

 

[Genos]

Anyway, one simple rule I discovered by reading this forum plus my personal experience is that...:

"If you have the opportunity to f-uck a girl and you decide not to, she will most likely loose all interest in you." Same applies if you have the chance to kiss her and you choose not to blah blah...

Damn, is this really true? If so, it makes a ton of sense...there was a girl who I was really into who I had a chance to have sex with, I had her on the bed and everything, but stopped after sucking on her tits and some petting because I was too much of a wuss to go for it, said "we don't have a condom, we shouldn't", such a lame-ass excuse...

Why does it work that way though? If a girl turns guys down, sure it hurts his ego a bit, but the guy still has sexual interest and could pursue things the next night, or in the future. Why does a failure to escalate all the way when reversed spell the end for the girl's interest in the guy?

Though I'm curious why exactly this is the case, regardless, I can't deny that it has some degree of validity, from my own personal experience - we kind of fell apart and separated soon after. She even teased me a bit afterwards: "missed opportunity Konduit!" Damn, holy ****...your quote pyros really drives it home. But is it really so absolute that if you turn down sex once it's done with that girl? Fk man I regret it so hard right now ;___;

 

[apprenticedj]

IMO you failed to escalated beyond a kiss/make out. This is understandable on the FIRST date but when she showed up to the second date she more than likely had already made up her mind that she was going to bang you. That’s why it’s important to strike while the iron is hot, once that moment has passed and she’s cooled off it’s hard to get her heated back up.

As others have said I believe you followed up too many times. One text OR call, not one of both, is all you need to do. Any more than that seems thirsty and women are turned off by perceived desperation. If she doesn’t respond then it’s usually a wrap.

Oh well, on to the next one my friend!

 

[JaegerPilot217]

She met somebody else and lost interest in you. It happens.

that's what it sounds like

 

[jurry]

But is it really so absolute that if you turn down sex once it's done with that girl?

Not in my experience. But she does need to be turned on, and if she sees a shy little boy whos scared to go for what he wants and will end up being a needy clinger and make a huge deal about it then thats going to instantly dry out her pvssy(not saying thats u just making a point). From your description it sounds like she was probably ready to fvck on date 2 and midway thru date 3 realized you werent going to go for it and this turned her off. Silence from there on..

I wouldnt take it too hard, being a virgin with a girl whos ready to bang on the second date is a bit of a challenge. Maybe you could be more up front about it in the future like "i dont have much experience so am kind of nervous" etc. Lota chicks would find that cute probably just blow u or something and u can ease into it instead of it being this big uncomfortable weight you are carrying in your mind. No worries just relax and enjoy..

 

[gov87]

Maybe you could be more up front about it in the future like "i dont have much experience so am kind of nervous" etc. Lota chicks would find that cute probably just blow u or something and u can ease into it instead of it being this big uncomfortable weight you are carrying in your mind. No worries just relax and enjoy..

This... there's something confident in just being honest and upfront even if it's something like this. It lets her know you're into her and want to move further as well as getting rid of any awkwardness that is probably floating around the room.

Also, hang in there man! It'll happen. Sounds like you're on the right track.

 

[Eternal_water]

I cannot belive you have 739 posts and you are still a virgin with no clue.
It is just unbelievable.

I've had that comment a lot lately.

Well thanks for the feedback guys. So essentially after first date/first kiss just keep escalating up until she says no, if she does cool it and build up to it again.

 

[pyros]

I've had that comment a lot lately.

Well thanks for the feedback guys. So essentially after first date/first kiss just keep escalating up until she says no, if she does cool it and build up to it again.

It is not that YOU HAVE TO FUC-K all girls on date two or three or then its doomed. What I say is that IF SHE CREATES AN OPPORTUNITY to bang her, you should. Actually, you should be the one that is planing how to fuc-k her, before the date.

These things are really wrong:
a) she is waiting for you to kiss her at the end of the date but you decide not to because X reason. --> she looses interest.
b) she invites you over, then you're talking or watching a movie on her bed/couch... and you do not escalate to secs.--> she looses interest.
c) she suggests to go to your place to do X but you decide it is too son and you take her out to have dinner instead.--> she looses interest.
d) you go to have some drinks. You notice she is drinking a bit too much ON PURPOSE, and you think it would be wrong to "take advantage" of her...so you just drive her home and wish her good-night.--> she looses interest.

you get the point right?

For example, when I was a teenager, I went on three dates with this girl I really liked. First date I was too nervous to kiss her, second date I was still pretty nervous and I could not find the right moment. Third date she gave me a hug and wish me good-night before I could react. what happened next? she never went out with me again. Why...? cause I did not escalate so she got bored.

And keep this sentence in mind, it helped me:
"Being a bit sexually aggresive from the begining (kissing her, making out, touching her ass, boobs...taking off her clothes...in short always escalating) will get you way further than being too polite and correct".

And for the ones that suggested that you should be honest and tell her that you have little experience, WHAT DA F-UCK???? dont do that! it will just turn of 90% of women!
For the one that said that if you do this, she would find it cute and may blow you...are you kidding? what on earth are you thinking man?

P.S.
anyway, in this particular case it's likely that she is messing with another dude, so just learn from the mistakes and move on.

 

[The_411]

Ok so anyone who has seen many of my comments/threads knows that I'm an early 20's virgin, who has had 1 girlfriend for less than a year in my life. I've kissed but thats it. Hadn't been on a date since 2010 so very inexperienced with this kind of thing.

I met a girl at a (distant) female friends party, and we got talking and had real good vibe, people were already joking about us getting together before we left the party.

(not much of a party, mid day BBQ type thing)

I got her number and we set up a first date, I honestly feel like I could have got the first kiss before leaving but decided I would go for it on the date.

The first date was very fun, went for the kiss in the middle rather than the end and I got it. Kino initiated middle of the date onwards and was very high by the end.

The 2nd date was kind of similar, kino etc. Although she started talking about family problems which was a bit of a red flag. But Kino was very high at the end and I succefully went for the 2nd kiss at the end.

3rd date at her place, kino was through the roof, and there was lots of kissing (closed mouth), the flow of the date wasn't quite right for sex as she was feeling ill and had a meeting to go to later that day (true or not I don't know).

We were setting up the 4th date, she said she didn't know what time she could do but would later on and would text me.


Never heard from her again. I sent her a couple of messages asking what she had found out in regards to the time she could do (yeah yeah I know, you tell her what time not the other way around), silence.

So yeah thats the end of that, no contact and move on, but where did this go wrong and how do I do better next time?

The good news is that you avoided getting involved with a train wreck of a girl. It's a gigantic red flag if girls starts talking about family problems with someone she barely knows.

If you see an opening take it. Never hesitate because you may get blown out and you may never get it again.

Think of it like a game of sorts. You climb up step one on the ladder (kino) and a door opens right near your head and you can grab a token. If you don't step up (kino) you can't reach the door and can't grab the token there's no guarantee that the door will ever open again. It could it might but why run this risk unless you so well versed that you know how to open the door again.

Continue escalating the ladder until either a door doesn't open (she rebuffs your advance) or until you've reached the top step (sex)

If the door doesn't open then step back down a step and try to climb the ladder again so the door at that level will open and you grab the token and you can move on.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Surprised you didn't have sex with your ex

 

[Eternal_water]

Yeah well, thats me.

 

[Partizan]

These things are really wrong:
a) she is waiting for you to kiss her at the end of the date but you decide not to because X reason. --> she looses interest.
b) she invites you over, then you're talking or watching a movie on her bed/couch... and you do not escalate to secs.--> she looses interest.
c) she suggests to go to your place to do X but you decide it is too son and you take her out to have dinner instead.--> she looses interest.
d) you go to have some drinks. You notice she is drinking a bit too much ON PURPOSE, and you think it would be wrong to "take advantage" of her...so you just drive her home and wish her good-night.--> she looses interest.
.

Need some advice.

Scenario d reminded me of something that happened to me a few weeks ago with a girl. I had kissed her on a previous date but not fvcked her yet. Here's what happened:

We went to dinner. She had plenty of wine. She was tipsy. Drove her back to her place. She invited me in. I figured I'm pretty much gold. So we're sitting on the couch and start making out.

Now here is where things start getting strange. She's not exactly resisting but she seems barely into it. I'm trying to slip her the tongue but she's not allowing it. So given she's not reciprocating, I just find an excuse and then leave.

What should I have done here? Just ignored the fact that she wasn't into it and keep escalating anyway even when the vibe was off? Was it ASD? Very unusual.

 

[VladPatton]

It is not that YOU HAVE TO FUC-K all girls on date two or three or then its doomed. What I say is that IF SHE CREATES AN OPPORTUNITY to bang her, you should. Actually, you should be the one that is planing how to fuc-k her, before the date.

These things are really wrong:
a) she is waiting for you to kiss her at the end of the date but you decide not to because X reason. --> she looses interest.
b) she invites you over, then you're talking or watching a movie on her bed/couch... and you do not escalate to secs.--> she looses interest.
c) she suggests to go to your place to do X but you decide it is too son and you take her out to have dinner instead.--> she looses interest.
d) you go to have some drinks. You notice she is drinking a bit too much ON PURPOSE, and you think it would be wrong to "take advantage" of her...so you just drive her home and wish her good-night.--> she looses interest.

you get the point right?

For example, when I was a teenager, I went on three dates with this girl I really liked. First date I was too nervous to kiss her, second date I was still pretty nervous and I could not find the right moment. Third date she gave me a hug and wish me good-night before I could react. what happened next? she never went out with me again. Why...? cause I did not escalate so she got bored.

And keep this sentence in mind, it helped me:
"Being a bit sexually aggresive from the begining (kissing her, making out, touching her ass, boobs...taking off her clothes...in short always escalating) will get you way further than being too polite and correct".

And for the ones that suggested that you should be honest and tell her that you have little experience, WHAT DA F-UCK???? dont do that! it will just turn of 90% of women!
For the one that said that if you do this, she would find it cute and may blow you...are you kidding? what on earth are you thinking man?

P.S.
anyway, in this particular case it's likely that she is messing with another dude, so just learn from the mistakes and move on.

I agree with this 100%. Have a few drinks yourself, have fun, and go for some sexy fun, at least you'll know where you'll stand.

 

[Jay Dee]

Need some advice.

Scenario d reminded me of something that happened to me a few weeks ago with a girl. I had kissed her on a previous date but not fvcked her yet. Here's what happened:

We went to dinner. She had plenty of wine. She was tipsy. Drove her back to her place. She invited me in. I figured I'm pretty much gold. So we're sitting on the couch and start making out.

Now here is where things start getting strange. She's not exactly resisting but she seems barely into it. I'm trying to slip her the tongue but she's not allowing it. So given she's not reciprocating, I just find an excuse and then leave.

What should I have done here? Just ignored the fact that she wasn't into it and keep escalating anyway even when the vibe was off? Was it ASD? Very unusual.

Bear in mind it could have been bad breath, body odour, etc which would be a turn off. But if it wasn't those then she's got issues and would have been a damp fish in bed anyway judging from her behaviour - no point trying to understand it as it could have been anything (ex, money probs, family etc) and she ain't likely to tell you. There's always more gals out there that'll be more into you - it'll be more obvious than this one.

 

[VladPatton]

Need some advice.

Scenario d reminded me of something that happened to me a few weeks ago with a girl. I had kissed her on a previous date but not fvcked her yet. Here's what happened:

We went to dinner. She had plenty of wine. She was tipsy. Drove her back to her place. She invited me in. I figured I'm pretty much gold. So we're sitting on the couch and start making out.

Now here is where things start getting strange. She's not exactly resisting but she seems barely into it. I'm trying to slip her the tongue but she's not allowing it. So given she's not reciprocating, I just find an excuse and then leave.

What should I have done here? Just ignored the fact that she wasn't into it and keep escalating anyway even when the vibe was off? Was it ASD? Very unusual.

Can't do anything, man. You loose the fire, you loose the drive. You can't rape her, wtf lol

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Damn, is this really true? If so, it makes a ton of sense...there was a girl who I was really into who I had a chance to have sex with, I had her on the bed and everything, but stopped after sucking on her tits and some petting because I was too much of a wuss to go for it, said "we don't have a condom, we shouldn't", such a lame-ass excuse...

Why does it work that way though? If a girl turns guys down, sure it hurts his ego a bit, but the guy still has sexual interest and could pursue things the next night, or in the future. Why does a failure to escalate all the way when reversed spell the end for the girl's interest in the guy?

Though I'm curious why exactly this is the case, regardless, I can't deny that it has some degree of validity, from my own personal experience - we kind of fell apart and separated soon after. She even teased me a bit afterwards: "missed opportunity Konduit!" Damn, holy ****...your quote pyros really drives it home. But is it really so absolute that if you turn down sex once it's done with that girl? Fk man I regret it so hard right now ;___;

From my experience it's not true. I found it much easier to escalate when I would stop multiple times while making out and say "I don't usually do this", "this feels so wrong, we should stop", "I think we should slow things down a bit".
I even did this to my ex when we broke up two years ago, she came to my house with the intention to have a "final talk" (she later told me she was going to tell me we should both stop talking FOREVER because her new boyfriend didn't like me). It worked hilariously well. I ****ed her and she dumped her boyfriend a day later.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Yeah well, thats me.

Im sorry, oh well, life is not fair

 

[Great being a man]

Only reason you regret anything is because you don't know enough girls.........you're not using an abundance mindset like I'm always trying to get men to develop.

At your age, girls are a disposable pleasure, or should be.

You should have at least 10 girls that you're sniffing around at all times........if you start using an abundance mindset, you'll never ask these kinds of questions here again............

BTW, send her a text........." does your silence mean I can forget about that BJ I was hoping I'd get?"

best of luck