When your gut feeling is unsure….

[ZeeOwl]

Originally posted by 1utfan1
Great insight Z,

I havn't met her kid yet, she mentioned how she let one guy meet her daughter too soon and she was going to not let that happen again. I guess what I'm struggling with is how to break down her defenses enough to see if she's interested because i'm close to nexting her. Not sure what to do....

Sounds familiar. IMHO, the standard DJ approach is not as efficient for this type of situation. Sure, continue using DJ skills on her, but throwing in a bit of AFC for balance is good too. Remember, she's certainly thinking LTR here. IF you want to Next her, go ahead of course. Breaking down her defenses is not an easy thing to do. Giving her time and continuing to show interest (though not too much) is, according to my experience in these types of situations, the easiest way to go. Keep in mind that if she sees you as a good catch, she won't want you to Next her, and will act accordingly. (Decent) guys interested in a girl with a kid are a rare find. Most guys are afraid of responsibility, and she knows this.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Re: Re: When your gut feeling is unsure….

Originally posted by myfriendblu
A good DJ should be able to evaluate IL within the first 30 seconds or so of convo with a date. If you haven't figured out IL despite being on a WHOLE entire date, you need to go back to the drawing board.

That's generally true. Unless the woman is making a concerted effort to hide her IL. Because she wants to qualify a guy on a rational level. This is common behavior from a woman who's looking for marriage or a LTR, a single mom, or one who has been jaded by several bad relationships. Women are capable of hiding thier feelings, if they put enough effort into it.

secondly, don't date single moms. NEVER . Why settle for that BS when you can just as easy go find a chik without a kid. Much less hassle and BS to deal with.

Yes, we all know you hate single moms blu. I assume you've had several bad experiences with them. Let me tell you something. I've dated about a dozen women in my life so far. Out of those, most of the experiences have been bad, and only one I would consider good. So if I carried your thinking out to it's logical conclusion, my advice to all the guys on this forum would be "Do NOT ever date women!" Out of the 4 single mom's I've dated, only 1 was a bad experience. So maybe you just been unlucky, or don't know how to handle them (they are different, in general), or don't know how to qualify them... Ever think of those possibilities? A women with kids is not more trouble than one without. They're just a different kind of trouble. Nuance...

 

[myfriendblu]

Re: Re: Re: When your gut feeling is unsure….

Originally posted by ZeeOwl
Unless the woman is making a concerted effort to hide her IL.
Yes, we all know you hate single moms blu. I assume you've had several bad experiences with them.

I disagree. I think a REALLY good DJ can read IL from anyone. Wether or not she has a kid is irrelevant when it comes to judging IL. Everyone gives off IL when meeting someone else, unless that person is a corpse. Zee, if I met your mom today, she would give off a certain IL. LOL It might be zero, but you get my point. If I met YOU, you would give of a certain IL. Again, LOL, considering your straight like me, it might be zero, but your still giving off an IL number. Giving off IL when meeting people is like breathing. Its something you unconsciencely do without even realizing, and there is no way to stop it. I just think that this guy hasn't reached that level of skill yet.

And yes, Im against dating single moms. Until someone can give me a solid answer to this question, Im sticking by my beliefs.

Why settle for a girl with kids when you can find a girl without one?

 

[ZeeOwl]

Re: Re: Re: Re: When your gut feeling is unsure….

Originally posted by myfriendblu
I disagree. I think a REALLY good DJ can read IL from anyone.

I guess we're not really good DJs then... Or you haven't run into a really good actress.

Why settle for a girl with kids when you can find a girl without one?

Why settle for a girl without kids when you can find a girl with some?

 

[1utfan1]

Originally posted by ZeeOwl
I guess we're not really good DJs then... Or you haven't run into a really good actress.

Why settle for a girl without kids when you can find a girl with some?

LOL! Just a quick update. I talked to her tonight to finalize some plans for tomorrow. We decided to catch a movie. We are gonna catch a flick thats like 2 1/2 hrs long. I asked her if she could keep her hands to herself for that long. She seemed to eat this up. So this should prove interesting. LOL. Anyway, i'm workin on my skillz blue. This is just a new expierence for me and i'm tryin to get all I can from it. Thanks all.

 

[myfriendblu]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: When your gut feeling is unsure….

Originally posted by ZeeOwl
I guess we're not really good DJs then... Or you haven't run into a really good actress.

Yo Zee, my favorite single mommy chaser

Im telling you, once you are sooo advanced in your DJ skills, reading a persons IL is like second nature. You do it without even thinking. It does take a very experienced DJ though to be an expert at this. But Im tellin you, once you get extremely proficient at reading IL, the game is yours and you can't be stopped. I truly believe that the ability to read IL is the number one most important trait of a DJ.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Originally posted by 1utfan1
I talked to her tonight to finalize some plans for tomorrow. We decided to catch a movie. We are gonna catch a flick thats like 2 1/2 hrs long. I asked her if she could keep her hands to herself for that long. She seemed to eat this up. So this should prove interesting.

Your skills are obviously better than mine were when I was in that situation. She's probably starting to feel a bit nervous by now. To me, if she accepted a third date, it means she's interested. No matter what external signals she's sending out (or trying not to send out). So I think you can safely start putting the pressure on her, in a subtle and non-threatening manner. Let us know how it turned out.

I think this is the make or break point. If after 3 dates, you can't get even a kiss out of her, she's either stubbornly holding back, or a professional dater. In either case, I would suggest nexting her, in a way that allows her to re-coup the situation without losing face. If she's holding back, she'll likely revise her strategy and become more co-operative, unless she has a big ego (in which case: good riddance). If she's a pro dater, good riddance too.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Originally posted by myfriendblu
Im telling you, once you are sooo advanced in your DJ skills, reading a persons IL is like second nature. You do it without even thinking. It does take a very experienced DJ though to be an expert at this. But Im tellin you, once you get extremely proficient at reading IL, the game is yours and you can't be stopped. I truly believe that the ability to read IL is the number one most important trait of a DJ.

I won't argue with you on that point. I don't consider myself a really good DJ yet. Actually, I don't consider myself DJ at all, I'm still RAFC. Though I am really good at LTRs. Got lots of experience in those...

Yo Zee, my favorite single mommy chaser

Well somebody has to give some lovin' to the poor misunderstood darlings.
I will argue with you on that point.

 

[jnallen]

Quote:

"Listen to your gut feeling about the situation. I have not done this in the past and have gotten burned."

1utfan1 Feb 12th, 2002

Helping me get away from a very hot but crazy B

Hope this helps

See I was hard headed but I did listen

See ya