When your best buddy is a very attractive guy

[AMF]

Hi Clooney,

Strange question buddy, but his names Jay. why do u ask!

Like what your saying here tho; I would say I'm more fashionable, and more "funky" (horrible, horrible word!) than he is, and like you said, I am growing my hair where once we both had short and spiky.

So yes, I think this your "mumbo jumbo" is absolutely KEY.

A cross between Ricky Martin and Beckham eh? no wonder you call yourself clooney mate!

Once again, top advice all round

 

[CLOONEY]

I just like to know the names of my competition, haha, no really I once was in London and met a group of guys, one of them all the chicks were after "apparently" and he thought and so did his friends that he looked like a cross between David and Brad. However at the time I stole his girlfriend, haha, poor guy. But then I left and went to Paris, the french girls are HOT!! Too bad I live so far away from them here in OZ. Well anyways he had a group of fairly good looking buddies as well, just thought there was a long shot you were talking about the same guy.

hahaha, Clooney was another time a guy called me a young george clooney, I have been called many actors in my time, I just seem to have a VERY familiar face, even to little children, haha, sometimes they run upto me and ask me if I am an actor. Even when I was in Italy I had my photo taken in this nightclub in Florence by about 10 Italian girls, seperately, although not sure exactly who they thought I was, hahahaa, but it was pretty funny, my mates wanted to know what the hell was going on, unfortunately none of us could speak Italian and they couldnt speak english.

yeah grow your hair, and look FUNKY, it is a cool word and should be used more often, chicks dig that ****e. Stay cool and just remember, your friend will end up married to ONLY ONE GIRL, thats all he can ultimately have, there are MILLIONS of cute girls in the world, take it easy, Im sure u will find a few that match u, just dont get worried about a FRIEND who was born with some good looks and a personality, even if you dont have them (which I am sure you do), u can develop them.

Laters (thats how u say it over there dont u)

 

[Krassus]

Originally posted by Player_Supreme

I can understand how you feel....at first it sounded like you were in love with your buddy but now I see your point.

 

[myfriendblu]

Hold on a sec there everyone,
Didn't he say that his friend is a natural DJ, with very smooth game and solid pickup skills? Well, I think an exception has to be made here. He may need to NEXT his friend. Why? Not because his friend is very attractive. Heck, there are attractive guys everywhere. His friend is an Alpha Male type guy, who commands the attention in the group, and he is, regardless of how hard he tries, always gonna be left behind.

My question is this - How is he ever gonna improve his pickup game? Or his cold approaches? Learning to read IL? His alpha male buddy is always gonna be getting in the WAY OF HIS IMPROVEMENT. I have got one buddy in particular, who is a VERY good looking guy. Yet, he is kinda just a normal, run of the mill slightly better game than an AFC, yet he is nowhere near my status of game. So when we go out, despite the fact that he is better looking, I usually get way more hookups, or at the very least, equal attention.

I think it has to do more with the fact that this kids buddy is a DJ. In order for him to really improve his game, he needs to start doing things on his own, away from his friends "leftovers". Because one day his buddy might not be there. then what is he supposed to do? He won't be used to having to do all the pickups and approaches because his buddy used to do it.

 

[PlayerinTraining]

Hey,

I was in a similar situation awhile ago. A chick started hitting on me just to get to my friend. I wondered what was wrong with me after that. Finally, I got over it.

When I go out with a friend of mine, he is much more outgoing than I am. We are both good looking guys. When I go out alone, women do try to get my attention. But when I go out with him, he typically has more success, because he feels more comfortable than I do in the bar/club scene.

A lot of it has to do with your personality and comfort zone. If you are going out to spots where you don't feel confident in yourself, don't expect so much success.

I notice one typical mistake--you are assuming there is something wrong with YOU because this guy gets more women.

Basically, you are judging your personal worth by the opinions of FLAKEY, DECEPTIVE, FEMALES WHO YOU DON'T KNOW!

I've posted about this problem--the main cause of men being AFC's before:

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=40403

This is self-defeating for a number of reasons:

1) Your NEED for female approval will show up in your body language as discomfort. If you aren't comfortable with yourself, a female who doesn't know you, (and who is prone to assuming the worst) will feel repelled by you.

2) If you aren't careful, you could get very jealous of your friend, and resent his success. What kind of friend would you be if that happened?

Bottom line: Your friend's success has nothing to do with your failure with women. The more you think "What am I doing wrong." the worse the problem will get.

It is possible you are doing nothing "wrong", except for DEFINING your friend's success as YOUR FAILURE.

If you stop seeing this as a competetion, you can take the pressure off, and maybe you will even have more "success" than him.

 

[AMF]

Originally posted by myfriendblu
Hold on a sec there everyone,
Didn't he say that his friend is a natural DJ, with very smooth game and solid pickup skills? Well, I think an exception has to be made here. He may need to NEXT his friend. Why? Not because his friend is very attractive. Heck, there are attractive guys everywhere. His friend is an Alpha Male type guy, who commands the attention in the group, and he is, regardless of how hard he tries, always gonna be left behind.

myfriendblu, I am NOT going to NEXT my best friend, no matter how many women it will get me.

But I feel that what you mean, is that I may need to get away from him in the bar/club scene, and I agree. Thing is, even if I MATCH him in looks AND game, i'll still be the other guy, or if not, he'll be the OTHER guy...

Either way, we're always gonna be treading on each others' toes.

What I havent said yet, is that I LIVE with this guy.

Every chick I meet, Im anxious about my boy meeting her. When they do... I get paranoid and insecure. I run out of things to say. Things go from bad to worse. Basically, he turns me from high confidence to near-zero. Without trying to. And this is my best friend, guys!

I've actually had to ask him, seriously, to NOT TALK to this one chick when we're around, so she'll want ME!

Player, good post. Sounds like you have the same issue. Do you still go pick-up with that guy?

Thanks again dudes

 

[Ricky]

I won't make sweeping judgements about the relative attractiveness of my friends, but I do definitely dress better. These guys don't go out of the t-shirt and jean realm very often.

I dress very good now, and it pays off. I always wonder if their relatively slovenly appearance would degrade from my grade. One thing is for sure, I do just as well or better DJing alone. Normally keeping a convo going with my buddies is good for laughs only and the seductive convo goes out the window. Can't isolate with your buddies fighting for the same girls either.

 

[PlayerinTraining]

Originally posted by AMF
myfriendblu, I am NOT going to NEXT my best friend, no matter how many women it will get me.

But I feel that what you mean, is that I may need to get away from him in the bar/club scene, and I agree. Thing is, even if I MATCH him in looks AND game, i'll still be the other guy, or if not, he'll be the OTHER guy...

Either way, we're always gonna be treading on each others' toes.

What I havent said yet, is that I LIVE with this guy.

Every chick I meet, Im anxious about my boy meeting her. When they do... I get paranoid and insecure. I run out of things to say. Things go from bad to worse. Basically, he turns me from high confidence to near-zero. Without trying to. And this is my best friend, guys!

I've actually had to ask him, seriously, to NOT TALK to this one chick when we're around, so she'll want ME!

Player, good post. Sounds like you have the same issue. Do you still go pick-up with that guy?

Thanks again dudes

Hey,

Yeah, I still go out with that friend of mine. I realize his success has NOTHING to do with me. His success IS NOT my failure. There are other issues I have that are holding me back from doing as well as I could in the pick-up game.

I've also seen him act like a clear AFC at times when he meets a girl who he is attracted to.

I won't lie, though. I seriously considered not hanging out with him when I was in the mood to go out and meet women. But, I thought that was a cop-out and an excuse.

I'm curious: after your friend meets these women, how successful is he in getting the relationship to progress? I know my friend is great at the initial meeting, but often seems to have trouble after the first 2 dates or so.

I generally have trouble meeting women, but after they get to know me, I have trouble getting rid of them!

 

[Julius_Caesar]

I have the same problem althought I am in highschool. A good friend of mine is an attractive natural dj. At first, I admit, I was jealous. But know I realize that this is just another challenge. So my goal is to become more charming,confident,funny,outgoing than he is. Not to BEAT him, per se, but to improve myself by working towards a goal. He is more like a guiding light than an opponent.

As for natural DJs, those of whom happen to be very attractive, their success with the DJ method comes not FROM the good looks but as a RESULT of them. A naturally good looking guy will be thrown into the game of girls MUCH earlier than the ave joe because little girls liked him. So, as children do, he will quickly learn how to "handle" women very well because he HAD TO in order to save himself from embarassment. But this good looks with girls also gives him more social power in school, so he then, on top of his social experience with girls, gets attention from guys because he has worth, thus MORE SOCIAL EXPERIENCE. So the moral of the story is to realize that this natural DJness comes from socializing AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE with as many people as possible.

The only way to solve a problem is to understand it.

But don't next a friend for a girl. Have fun with him, make connections, meet people, live it up. Bros before Hoes.

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by AMF
myfriendblu, I am NOT going to NEXT my best friend, no matter What I havent said yet, is that I LIVE with this guy.

Every chick I meet, Im anxious about my boy meeting her. When they do... I get paranoid and insecure.

Dam, that sucks. Im against living with anybody, much less another guy your own age. Of course your paranoid, he may end up banging your future LTR. Don't think it won't happen, it may possible will. Best friends banging their buddies girl happens all the time. Of course, there no longer friends, but it can and does happen alot. Add the fact that he lives with you? Dam. Good luck bro.

About NEXTing his friend - Its not an issue of bro's before ho's kinda thing. Its about YOU and YOUR IMPROVEMENT over him. I think thats more important. Your never gonna improve your game unless you do it on your own. Trust me on this. He is always gonna be getting in your way.

 

[AMF]

blu, i'm getting mixed advice here... but I gotta say, I'm inclined to agree with you... sadly. You sound like you talk from experience dude.

I dont think my boy would bang my chick.. would he? But your right, he's always gonna be in my way, isnt he.

One more thing.

I just found out my chick and my buddy once made out, before i knew them.

Damn.

Any confidence I get will just be shot down.

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by AMF
blu, i'm getting mixed advice here... but I gotta say, I'm inclined to agree with you... sadly. You sound like you talk from experience dude.

I dont think my boy would bang my chick.. would he? But your right, he's always gonna be in my way, isnt he.

One more thing.

I just found out my chick and my buddy once made out, before i knew them.

Damn.

Any confidence I get will just be shot down.

LOL, Told you all so!

Told you. Everyone here never wants to listens to what i say, but sadly, its true. Bro's before hos'? Yea right. Told ya dude. Yep, I speak from LOTS and LOTS of experience. I have seen so many best friends get torn apart because a female got in between. Basically, most guys, even the natural DJ types, are honry dogs who try and bang whatever they can get their hands on. Only an experienced DJ, with plenty of girls on the backburner, can make a good wingman. Go re-read my two posts. You gotta
1. Move out.
2. Get your own place.
3. Pick up your own girls.

Be selfish. Very selfish. Take care of YOU first.

 

[AMF]

I respect what your saying blu, but I'm not planning to move out. I aint gonna dump my friend outta fear of losing a woman.

But if something were ever to happen...

The friendship would be OVER.

 

[drixsa]

AMF-

i had and have a situation quite similar yours

my boy (his name is jay, actually) gets the visual attension of every girl

in fact if he were a little smarter he could be the king of one nite stands

most girls consider him so good looking that it takes them weeks to realize what an AFC he can be

with that said i was up against some fierce competiton

so i started this DJ thing and i went balls out, hardcore

read everything and anything i could get my hands on

but realized after that reading is solid but practice makes perfect

i did PICKUPS ON MY OWN without friends

and let the true me come out and there isnt anyone better than that

see the truth is that you dont see yourself as valuable, good but 2nd best

by all means dont get rid of him but pickups would probably be better without him until you improve your game

remember a pickup can take 5-20 minutes so theres no need to get rid of him

also takin his sloppy 2nds usually will not work

 

[Saine]

Amen! drixsa said it well!

 

[Ol'BlueEyes]

Similar situation with my brother

My bro is three years older than me. He's ALWAYS been a ladies' man. Not a ladies' man in the sense that he's a master PUA, but just from the fact that he's good-looking.
He's a UPS delivery man and his route includes our local mall. I've heard tons of stories from him about all the hot chickies who work there, hitting on him, teasing him, etc. He has standing offers for dates from five or six girls. His social proof is through the roof.
Only thing is, he's engaged, and getting to be a bit of a stick-in-the-mud. He goes to the same bar almost every weekend and it's a boring place. When we go out with the guys it's always a blast.
Just last night we saw a band and I got a couple of numbers from girls dressed up as the "Smells Like Teen Spirit" Cheerleaders.

 

[WishIWas]

that sucks

 

[Porky]

I used to be in the same situation as you fellas. I still am to some extent, I suppose. When I found this site, my main goal was to try and figure out a girl who I was chasing/was chasing me. But, as a I grew to understand her motives and action, I got a new goal - to upstage one of my best friends.

I've been told that I'm more attractive than he is. Everybody tells us that we look alike, and we're very good friends, but man this guy can piss me off. I think he sees me as something of a rival, so he tends to downplay my achievements/experiences. It isn't a regular occurence, but it's annoying enough.

Anyway, last night me and him headed over to a friend's house, and her best friend who we didn't really know was over there. By the end of the night I somehow had her jumping on me to wrestle, hitting me playfully, and giving me a hug goodbye. He didn't get any of that.

Ahh, it was nice. All I did was upstage him by acting like a ****y *******. All jokingly, of course. So my advice is to be more outgoing than he is. I don't know if you can do that, this guy sounds like a natural while my friend is only halfway there.

 

[becker]

I agree with the last post. It's definitely better to be more outgoing than a good looking friend. It's even better to be just as good looking. I was out with a friend of mine and we are probably very close as far as physical looks, but I'm much more charismatic and I can talk to women pretty easily.

He, on the other hand, pretty much becomes wingman when we're out together. He almost has no game unless it's the strong silent type, but he's gotten some girls with this alone, but so far, they've been below my standards. The women I've pulled have been by far better looking. He's less choosy than I am though.

 

[princelydeeds]

One of my closest friends in college was the star athlete (he went on to play in the NFL for 5 years). Hes also a great singer, and has a ripped body. Im not gay, even a little bit, but the guy is pretty good looking. He always had 10x's more pu$$y than I had. The cool thing is that hanging out with him I always got to meet the best looking chicks. There were times when I would see the girls he would introduce me too, in the clubs on campus or in the street and they were always great social proof. I boned many of his cast offs. If you are always hanging out with the best looking women trust me you are being noticed. It makes other women curious. Us eit to your advantage. Don't try to out pretty the guy, be the cool funny guy, to his great looking guy, It will get you far.