When you no longer react

[hithard]

Hithard,
Ok no flaming intended, however I disagree with you. I believe that walking away from disrespect is the proper course. I do not believe that she would character assasinate me to her social circle. To be honest she is probably sitting now wondering what the F she did wrong. Most of the circle that she travels in would probably read in my favor due to her drunken obnoxious state at the Black tie affair. They saw her behavior, and they saw mine. In public I was the man. In private I too was the man and just kept my eyes forward and walked clear of her behavior.
Plate theory to me means that I can drop a plate that is not on the same wavelength as I am. There's no harm if you do it as a mature man. No arguing, no anger, no emotion other than disappointment. That's what I did.
I believe this is good discussion that should be covered on the forum, and I do respect your ideas.

KC

I have absolutely no problem with what you did and your method of plate spinning. Everything you mentioned in this post is spot on.The fact we disagree on LTR and FWB plates is only a minor thing.

 

[jophil28]

IM with KC on this one.

Your requirement to be respected and treated very well by a woman -any woman, should not be conditional on who she is in your life or what you are getting out of it.

Being willing to mold and bend your ethics and morals because of the depth or quality of your connection with her reeks of expedience and convenience.

THis is not a mature man's way.

 

[jafyk]

OK, KC and Hithard I read your exchanges and I have a question that's been bothering me.
I'm building up plates however most of the time on this forum I hear when a girl disses you you should next her. So, if each time a plate flakes and you next her how do you build up your plate collection? lol, plate collection. Anyway, this girl I met a few weeks ago. I got her # also added her on facebook. She says she doesn't have caller ID on her cell and she doesn't have voice mail either. Anyway, after the first time we hung out (we did it by the way). Since she lived in another city I called 40 mins later to make sure she got back ok ( i deliberated with myself on if this was the right course of action) I couldn't decide so I called...normally in the past I'd just ask the girl to call me when she got back to let me know she made it back ok. I was told you're supposed to call so that's why I called. Anyway, she didn't pick up the phone. I called her again some days later and then left her a message on facebook "Just so you know I called you". I gave her a few days then deleted her # and off of my facebook list. She replied a few days ago saying that she hardly answers her phone because it's expensive bla bla... something along those lines. Anyway, I haven't responded. I deleted her contact info because when girls don't respond in a timely matter I assume they have either lost interest or are just disrespecting me and I next them. Is this the right approach? So, how does one build a plate collection in this type of situations? Are there any rules?

 

[hithard]

IM with KC on this one.

Your requirement to be respected and treated very well by a woman -any woman, should not be conditional on who she is in your life or what you are getting out of it.

Being willing to mold and bend your ethics and morals because of the depth or quality of your connection with her reeks of expedience and convenience.

THis is not a mature man's way.

Sorry I don't buy into this for FWB. On FWB trivial $hit should not matter because you shouldn’t really care that much or be that ego driven for it to hit home.FWB is about enjoying. I have fun with my plates and genuinely like them as people. When one throws a minor diss I do not let it get to me I just put them in the naughty corner and let them cool off while I spend more time with my other plates. If it plays on my mind I might ditch. But honestly I don't know how you get into these situations with FWB's

Now when my good friends I have known for years piss me off with something trivial.I don't just suddenly never speak to them again. Yet by your logic, ethics, or whatever, I should apply this to them as well?? I don't bend to be with a plate its have fun have sex and see you later simple as that. It’s not Judge your every action, be righteous and look down from my Ivory tower. I am not interested in multiple LTR's. Sometimes you guys seem a bit confused as to what ethics and morals are applied where. To the point they seem like double standards.

There are standards you expect with a plate. But I usually work out the personality type, know what to expect and go from there. And if I don't like a plates actions to the point of not wanting to spend time with her then she gets weaned off. I can't say I have had anything dramatic though. The only exception is the hotter plates (8 and above) which throw more tests and crap at you. These plates often have a shorter duration on them as they want too much attention.

Being respected and treated well, read this line over. You get what you give. Think it over the next time you go cold turkey on a plate with no explanation because of a perceived ego hit. Now let’s toss out the moral and ethic bs talk and I will call it what it is. She pissed you off by her actions you ditched in a shallow like manner. WHY??? Because you are king amongst peasants and should be treated as such.

WHY do you spin plates and expect plates not to spin???
GREED and SELFISHNESS


And the list goes on. For every moral and ethic you place on someone else you are probably breaking all of them yourself and worse. Not only this but then you do not expect karma to come around and take a bite. Then you preach to me while you are breaking your own rules. But you know what that’s ok because you should be number one. You should move across the land like an alpha.
But you shouldn’t preach morals and ethics to me when you are breaking them yourself though. Its getting old.Perhaps call them 'rules of laying your way to an LTR' .Not the mature mans moral and ethics rules Clearly they aren't.

On another note can we keep these afc or not the mature mans way comments to the side. Its ok.... a different opinion is just that you don't need to justify you being right or me being wrong with these kinds of side comments added to every post. I understand your posts and respect them as I am sure the rest of the readers do. Don’t taint them with low blows. Wether it is intended or not.

PS: not having a go at anyone in particular btw

 

[hithard]

Anyway, I haven't responded. I deleted her contact info because when girls don't respond in a timely matter I assume they have either lost interest or are just disrespecting me and I next them. Is this the right approach? So, how does one build a plate collection in this type of situations? Are there any rules?

She lost interest somewhere along the way. You did the right thing. Don’t take it personally as it happens a lot when building a plate collection. Work out which part of your game was lacking in this instance so you don't repeat the mistake again. Once you establish a few plates its easy sailing meeting new ones from there.

 

[poster_guy03]

I appreciate those of you with the most "conservative views" on nexting the offending plate.

Hopefully she'll learn after a dozen or so of these experiences and develop into the kind of plate another guy (lucky devil!) would keep in the collection.

If more men did this her type of behavior would be reduced considerably

 

[jophil28]

Sorry I don't buy into this for FWB. On FWB trivial $hit should not matter because you shouldn’t really care that much or be that ego driven for it to hit home.FWB is about enjoying.

Under all your rhetoric and poorly thought out smug pronouncements there is a belief and a willingness to tolerate a FBs poor behavior just because she is NOT your G/f and you are just "getting some". Apparently you bend you rules to suit your d!ck.

In your criticism of KCs actions you are confusing ego driven hissy fits with appropriate applications of a man's "rules of engagement." What KC did was perfect in the circumstances.

You( Hithard) are entitled to live your dating life in whatever rubbery ,self driven way that "feels" good at the time. Do whatever you want I could care less, but do not expect others who have more experience and a firmer grasp on their own requirements of women to agree with you..

Enough said.

 

[hithard]

Sorry, hithard, but no. Nobody said a damn thing about mistreating the woman - just demanding respect. Where did the original poster say he behaved badly? He didn't. He just stood up for himself.

I don't disrespect women in such a way and expect them to hang around, nor should I. Why should I accept such behavior from them? No double standards allowed. I am not required to put up with disrespect simply because women feel like using it as a test. Mild **** tests are fine and no problem.

Active disrespect? Not tolerated.

I'm talking about obvious snubs like that posted here, or simply ignoring your attempts at getting together.

"She pissed you off by her actions you ditched in a shallow like manner."

Uh, wrong again. She disrespects, you walk. You mistreat her, she walks. Fair enough, and to be expected in a healthy relationship. No free rides. Having a kvnt doesn't give you a pass from men with value. You've got to earn their attention, and behave properly to keep it. Either gender.

Johnnyrem I don't have a problem with walking and I said trivial $hit for an FB.I am not saying stay and accept it. But I have a problem with guys talking about morals ethics and other BS in these situations when they are spinning multiple plates. It’s ok if you have double standards or break your own rules but call it like it is. Don’t hide it under some false pretence.

"She pissed you off by her actions you ditched in a shallow like manner."(this was an example of a ditch not aimed at OP post)
It is what it is. Respect is a two way street. If you are going to crusade morals ethics and being the almighty man then don't play tit for tat. Respect doesn’t just involve you it also involves the person you are with. If you are going to pull out the respect line of defense and the mature man posing. Then at least show respect to the other person in spite of what has happened in one instance.

I don't have a problem ditching at all BUT DON"T PREACH YOUR MORAL BS when you are doing it. I agree totally with the OP considering his method is focused on an LTR outcome. And the prior post was not aimed at him it was aimed at an FWB situation.

Jophil28 I realized you were the one to bring up the ethics. Not only that but the feel from your posts is that it is women vs. men mentality. You condone poor behavior within yourself. And blindly throw words like respect and self respect around without any thought to the other parties involve. I do not have a problem with the actions of walking away I have a problem with your deluded respect/moral /ethics rules that don't seem to apply to you. Mature mans way :yes:

You can have rules on what is acceptable that’s fine.
You can ditch a plate over something really small with a no contact clause, that’s fine.
You can lay ten plates and expect them to all be faithful, that’s fine

But understand that respect morals and ethics do not just apply to who you are with.It applies to you. Don’t tell me you are living by them when clearly it only applies to the other person.

This is aimed at those that are crusading the moral high ground in FB situations.Not an attack on the OP's original post

 

[SharpGame]

There have been a lot of great posts on this with good points made by many. Here is the conclusion I've come to - If a woman behaves badly you need to determine whether she was acting out of character or if she was revealing her character. If the latter, she's gone. Otherwise, depending on the severity of the infraction, you may choose to let her know where the line is, that she crossed it, and put her on the back burner for a while. Assuming the bad behavior isn't a full on show of disrespect, I'm inclined to give the woman a second chance. But not a third. I believe most women will cross the line once just to see where the line is. If she crosses it again knowing where the line is, she's gone. What do you guys think about this?

Knight's Cross - question for you, and don't take this too personally. It sounds like you believe she was revealing her character to you and, if so, you did the right thing. But if not, is it possible you could've avoided having to ditch her by letting her know earlier that she was getting out of line before it escalated out of hand?

 

[Knight's Cross]

SharpGame you ask a valid question and I will reply: Yes I let her know thru my word and action that I didn't appreciate A) her being drunk and silly at the reception...basically I went to the fridge and grabbed a couple bottles of water for us to drink during the movie...she went for the extra glasses of wine. Ok she was given the chance to sober up....she declined.
Then when I told her I was heading home I was again a gentleman. She knows that I enjoy getting up early and going to Mass on sundays....that's a standard that I hold firm. She was trying her hardest to make me break from my standard....can you say $hit test? So I politely told her I was heading out. I even said that I enjoyed the evening etc. For the most part I did. Now....when she started acting pouty, I smiled and told her to get a good nights rest. Then I gave her a kiss goodnight and left. The window opening, shouting jerk thing really surprised me. My reaction...was to ignore her, and continue walking. As I cleared the next block, I realized how disappointing that was. To YELL at me, openly trying to shame/humilate me.... That's too much. I agree there are times that a person deserves a second chance, but this was public disrespect. There were LOTS of people on the street still. Heck my city, Savannah GA is not that big. I wouldn't be surprised if someone that I knew saw the event. No, I won't accept that.
Hithard has his own ideas, and I don't agree with them but if they work for him, then he has all right to stick to them. To each his own. I honestly believe I gave her complete Mature Man behavior. I'm not on the NEXT for anything plan. There are occasions however where you have no option. That was the case here.

KC

 

[hithard]

Once again you've gone off on a tangent.

Nobody said anything about disrespecting women - just asking for respect themselves.

"This is aimed at those that are crusading the moral high ground in FB situations."
Do you often make your own windmills to tilt at? Nobody brought this up but you. Ditching the woman here, once again for emphasis, is about self respect, not hypocrisy. There was none here. And he didn't lecture or preach the moral high ground. It's about the plate's actions, not his.

Your "advice" is not needed. Especially since you make up the situation to fit your advice. You're off topic.

Maybe you missed it or I misinterpreted. LTR and FWB plate spinning and if there was a difference was brought up, as were morals and ethics, as was respect and self respect, as was any other thinking is not the mature mans way.Do I really have to go through and cut and paste.You are right though I am off topic to a degree.But imo there is a difference between LTR and FWB plate spinning which iniated my first rant.

You talk about self respect but would show no respect to a plate in similar tit for tat tactics when something goes wrong, which is what?

Knights cross did exactly the right thing as his motives are for a LTR and as mentioned this looked like a character flaw. But if given the same scenario with an FB then you wouldn’t get yourself into this position in the first place. Secondly if this were a best friend, I would wonder if you would show the same self respect or if it is only portioned out to plates? There is nothing wrong with walking away but let’s not wrap them up as noble actions or being a mature man. They are rules to protect you and weed out the chaff, and nothing more.

One question I would like to ask Knights Cross purely out of interest (not accusing, or trying to flame) is did he have respect prior to this incident for his plate?

I am not asking you or anyone to change methods or attitudes. Simply a different perspective. And to consider the motives that may actually drive you. Not the moral and ethics that get brought up in an attempt to covertly beat you into submission in one line of thinking.

Lastly thanks for bearing with the terrible grammar plus syntax, being off topic, and poor attempts at getting a point across. If you personally feel disrespected by my posts treat me like a plate and hit the ignore button

 

[Knight's Cross]

Hithard,
Yes prior to her poor behavior I had a healthy level of respect for her. She had actually shown herself to be very giving, and flexible. 2 traits I look for in a woman. I don't believe I have lost respect for those qualities in her. As a whole though she lost my interest when she did said acts last weekend.

KC