When you feel like you're being lied to

[jc_80]

I have this tendency to call people out when I get a strong gut feeling that they're lying to me.

Met this lady on okcupid. She contacted me first and her profile just resonated with me. Within a few days we started talking on the phone and had good convos. Problem is she lives 3 hrs away. So Monday she makes a hotel reservation to come out and meet me. Yesterday I text, asking how her day is going. No response for three hours. She's texts she's sorry didn't realize how late it was and caught up with another family issue. I just reply and say no worries. I'm guessing she's flaking on me and working up the nerve to tell me. Disappointed but understand. It's all good.

Then she texts when we usually go to bed and says she has bad news. I ask if she's canceling. She says yes but she doesn't want to. Her nephew, who lives 60 miles away, might need his appendix removed and she wants to be there for him. Hour goes by. No offer to reschedule a date. No asking me how my day was.
I think this could be true or a load of crap, an emotionally blackmailing dishonest way of rejecting me. If I question it then I become the bad guy. If I don't then she gets to lie and clear her conscience and I have to wonder what's next.

So I decide to pull a ***** move because I hate being lied to. Absolutely hate it. So I say if her nephew is really that sick then I hope he's ok. If I'm too far away or some other reason then that's cool but I'd rather just hear that if its true and hope she finds what she's looking for.

She gets all upset and says she's sorry I feel that way and her nephew is like a son to her and she was going to suggest meeting another time but she hopes I find what I'm looking for too because I seem like a really great guy. Then I say, but you didn't suggest it nor ask me anything whatsoever. You just texted you were canceling. She says sorry don't know what else I can say and does want to meet me but needs to know it can work. I just say sorry if this is all true it just seems like quite a coincidence. Haven't heard from her all day. Don't really care if I do. But it's just got me wondering if I'm paranoid and inconsiderate.

So this is where I'm flawed. I get really annoyed with this kind of thing. I can handle rejection. I've been rejected many times. And usually they're honest and say it's not working for them or just not interested. So I'm like cool ok. It's the cop outs I hate. She doesn't have to be offensive. But just say you're not feeling it's a good fit and you want to date other people. Why is that so hard?

And did I jump the gun here with assumptions?
wondering if I'm just inconsiderate and didn't give her the benefit of the doubt and let it go.
I never know when to trust my gut, let it go, trust someone, call them out....

How do you guys handle this?

 

[glass half full]

If you sense this kind of story again (I have heard some good ones too), just say it was nice meeting you, call me if you decide to seriously hook up someday, Bye.

I know what you mean, women flake and lie in the dumbest of ways, which coincidentally they would NEVER put up with anything like that from us for a second.

 

[G_Govan]

Calling women out on things like this is pointless, especially someone you met online.

There's no lesson to be learned or courtesy that needs to be extended. They have zero investment in you, in other words, they don't give a f-ck.

Don't waste energy even thinking about it.

" I hope your nephew is ok, that sounds pretty serious. Let me know how it turns out and we will do it another time"

Then you don't contact her EVER again until she reaches out. If she reaches out, set up a date. If she doesn't? Well, you have your answer. Don't wait around for her.

This.

 

[Rainman4707]

First thing - Don't date people that live to far away. Avoid it.

I realised four or five years ago that women are Bitc*es. It was a hard pill to swallow, in fact I'm still gutted.
When I was younger I thought I would wait & hold out for true love.

Now I think women are selfish. The way the woman in your story behaved is typical women behaviour. There is a member on here called Poon King, go & read his threads & there is also a thread titled "The truth about women" Read them.

You were a WUSSY. If she texts you, don't ever reply "are you cancelling" it's negative & if your going to text something like that then you might as well put on your SUPERWUSSY costume on beforehand.
If she's going to cancel, she'll cancel. My advice to you is Read a lot of books, i'll put a list at the bottom of this post. Get on this site as much as possible & get more options if you cannot meet enough women in the real world, then start messaging women online read & watch videos about how to get women online. Your inner game needs a lot of improvement.

I hope you improve

1. Feel the Fear & do it anyway by Susan Jeffers.

2. Double your dating by David De Angelo (ebook)

3. The Game by Neil Strauss

4. The Mating Mind by Geoffery Miller.

5. N More Mr Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover

6. How to win friends & influence people By Dale Carneige

7. The secrets of Female sexuality by David Shade

8. She comes First by Ian Kerner

9. Comedy writing secrets by Melvin Hilitzer

 

[WanderingMan]

Also, to add to the above posters: There's a time to call out, and a time to not give a **** (or act as if). For one thing, women love it when you get upset when they cancel - it means an emotional investment in them on your part which boosts their ego. On the contrary, if they cancel and you just don't give a **** then that, in turn, is a hit to their ego. And, in some cases, they will then reconsider and realize that they may have underestimated you.

'As if' is key here. If you have women beating down your door, why would you care if one of them cancels? One - of all things - that you haven't even met and lives three hours away? In my opinion, trying to date a woman who lives three hours away, in the first place, is fools errand - lose/lose situation - a set up for failure. Even if you two "click", the simple fact that you're trying to date a woman who lives three hours away, in itself - comes across as desperate/beta.

 

[Yewki]

Hour goes by. No offer to reschedule a date. No asking me how my day was.

You need to turn down your desperation level a few notches man.

I gaurantee if you had better things to do you wouldn't care about some girl who lives 3 hours away flaking and not asking how your day was.

Your issue here is much to do about nothing. Take a deep breath and relax.

How do you guys handle this?

Shrug and do something else.

 

[Vulpine]

The ACTIONS

not the words.

Don't get sucked into the excuses, recognize the action.

I got to maintain, as I always have, that this is what you guys get for playing texty-games with women.

You feed their hamsters too much attention, too much availability, and the hamster runs off convinced that you are a douchebeta for having a phone glued desperately to your hand. The medium is the message, and texting is automatically a woman's frame. Even if you think your texts are "good", since they are texts at all, they are attraction destroyers. Period. No "yeah, but's" about it.

As far as texting goes, you can't lose a game you don't play. Don't play those games with women and you won't have the flake-by-text problems.

 

[Fruitbat]

I lost my ****ing mind over a skillful, heartless utterly gorgeous woman...the kind i have never dated who turned me into her text pet. She was so great that I just couldn't give up and she always fed me just enough outright lies to keep me interested.

it hit me so hard I lost the ability to talk to women for fear of this happening. I put on weight, went on a 12 month drink and substance bender....it felt so near...and she was showing to my social group, mocking me...hours a night, for months. I thought no woman that hot would invest that much time into destroying someone. I thought that this must be real, she really isn't happy with her bf to spend so much time speaking to me, even trying to impress me.

I tried pulling away, but I got addicted. She is so beautiful, even now I die when I see her, and she obviously thinks I am the lowest piece of **** on earth to play me THAT bad.

Dont ever play text games. Being honest I'm naturally quite sensitive and get down some when these things happen....I'm working on it, but these games can destroy you.

I was told repeatedly on here to stay away, I didn't listen. Dont make my mistake. These guys are usually right.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

I lost my ****ing mind over a skillful, heartless utterly gorgeous woman...the kind i have never dated who turned me into her text pet. She was so great that I just couldn't give up and she always fed me just enough outright lies to keep me interested.

it hit me so hard I lost the ability to talk to women for fear of this happening. I put on weight, went on a 12 month drink and substance bender....it felt so near...and she was showing to my social group, mocking me...hours a night, for months. I thought no woman that hot would invest that much time into destroying someone. I thought that this must be real, she really isn't happy with her bf to spend so much time speaking to me, even trying to impress me.

I tried pulling away, but I got addicted. She is so beautiful, even now I die when I see her, and she obviously thinks I am the lowest piece of **** on earth to play me THAT bad.

Dont ever play text games. Being honest I'm naturally quite sensitive and get down some when these things happen....I'm working on it, but these games can destroy you.

I was told repeatedly on here to stay away, I didn't listen. Dont make my mistake. These guys are usually right.

You'll pull out of it.

So I was trying to figure out how to "depestalize" a female, because you got yours on a pedestal that she TRULY DOES NOT DESERVE.

Anyhow, I was trying to figure it out, and my weight was higher than it should be, as I'm getting my weight and SMV in line in other ways, I noticed that I don't feel such a power differential with my lady.

So if you feel that you are too into her, why not spend time on focusing on raising your SMV so you can have several of hers? It's very possible

 

[Fruitbat]

You'll pull out of it.

So I was trying to figure out how to "depestalize" a female, because you got yours on a pedestal that she TRULY DOES NOT DESERVE.

Anyhow, I was trying to figure it out, and my weight was higher than it should be, as I'm getting my weight and SMV in line in other ways, I noticed that I don't feel such a power differential with my lady.

So if you feel that you are too into her, why not spend time on focusing on raising your SMV so you can have several of hers? It's very possible

I'm out of it. I just cannot overrule the rush when I see her and the shame of being played. The woman is a bitvh who unfortunately had been blessed with looks so incredibly rocking I am disarmed and defenceless.

It's a wicked world. Just wish she could use her gift wisely instead of destroying folks.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

I'm out of it. I just cannot overrule the rush when I see her and the shame of being played. The woman is a bitvh who unfortunately had been blessed with looks so incredibly rocking I am disarmed and defenceless.

It's a wicked world. Just wish she could use her gift wisely instead of destroying folks.

Phuck her looks. What about you?