When you dump her and change your mind

TRPShill

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Howdy folks. I'll try to keep this as concise as I can. I'm new to SoSuave, but have been in the Red Pill/ Pick up community for years.

Context: Dated a girl who I would estimate at a 6.5. Id consider myself a 7.

We dated for a few months, I took her virginity, was one of the first people she did anything with. I had to teach her how to kiss. We fought a bit, but she always acquiesced to me, and even hand made me some gifts during our relationship for no reason. She told me she loved me a week before I dumped her the second time, and was accepting of me not saying it back. She wrote poems about me! Her interest was high, she asked me "Why I dated her" and "Why did you pick me?". The Sex was great, there was ample dirty talk and she let me do whatever I wanted. I was definitely an Alpha to her.

Last month, she got on my nerves by being dramatic, in part because I was ignoring her for no reason and went out late at night ambiguously. She was often paranoid that I would cheat on her, and knew monogamy was not a normal occasion for me. I tried to downgrade her to a friend with benefits, and at first she accepted. Then she changed her mind. Four days later, I'd tried getting back together with her.

She was receptive to me sexually, turned on by me, and I got her naked. We almost ****ed but right before she started crying saying she couldnt do this. I held her and said nothing. She cried three times, and before leaving said "now you can **** other girls." After one day of radio silence, the paragraph texts about her missing me rolled in, but she also said she was worried about me going back on my feelings a week later.. I replied a bit coldly, and told her if she wanted to talk to me about it she would get out to my apartment in a skirt and stockings, and that "no, this does not mean we are getting back together". She acted hurt, and then a bit angry, and assumed I only wanted to **** her and not get back with her. On Sunday she said she would meet up with me, and she did. She surrendered to my demands that we meet at my place and not in public. But when she arrived, I had our sex toys out on the dresser. She acted cold about that and said I wouldnt change, and left soon after.

We saw eachother twice more after that,

Two days later I texted her telling her I missed her. We talked a bit and she told me she had moved on, that I needed to move on. I told her that was BS and that she was just emotionally exhausted. She then sent me three paragraphs about she didnt think I could do monogamy steadily with her and that that was the ultimate reason she was not doing this again. She agrees to come outside and talk to me at her dorm. I meet her there.

She acts very hard like she is trying not to have fun, but she is taking out time she needs to do an assignment due very soon to speak to me. She hugs me, lets me get away with slapping her ass, lets me pick her up, lets me carry her. We go up to her room and when I get in her bed she tells me I need to get out of her bed. I leave, and she acts a bit sad, and tells me she cant believe I thought I was going to come over and **** her. I did imply that when I got in the bed, and after some resistance I did get out of it.

Two days later she was at my nextdoor neighbors, a female, drinking. I went over there not knowing she was there, and after awhile drew her outside, and then into my apartment. I cuddled on top of her while speaking to her, and she somewhat embraced me with one of her arms, and let me get away with kissing her cheek as well. This is all while she was supposedly now with her ex boyfriend, who is a super beta. I tell her I really do want to be with her, and she starts crying. I get her to ask me if I mean it, and she gets very emotional and cries more. I say yes. She talks a bit more, and says she needs to go out and think about it. She comes back in after a few minutes and says she cant do it. I tell her that if she doesnt want to do this because she doesnt like me anymore she can leave, but if she doesnt want to do this because she doesnt trust me she should stay. She says nothing but does not leave. We speak a bit more and soon after she leaves. Since then we have not spoken.

This ex boyfriend took five dates to kiss her, and told her it made him nervous. That was the most they ever did.

Since our breakup a month ago, we have not spoken. After a week, she removed me on SnapChat after she noticed was not watching her stories at all. One of her stories she posted was her friends singing "we are never getting back together" in chorus. I assume she posted this because she suggested the idea to them, and they then convinced her against it. Her friends think I am an *******.

She has posted or favorited things which are clearly about me on social media, and on her blog reblogged a bunch of stuff about heartbreak and how hard it is to get over someone. THE MAJORITY OF THESE HAPPENED WHILE SHE WAS OVULATING

I know I dumped her originally, but she still has not spoken to me in a month. Since I was practically her first boyfriend, I have a feeling she is trying to get over me because she thinks shecan like an AFC who is super nice to her, compared to someone with a spine.

What I am trying to decide my friends, is if this is a matter of a girl scared to get emotionally hurt soon after getting back with me, or a girl who does not like me anymore because I pursued her after breaking up with her. Or, perhaps she actually is happy with her new ex. Although if that were the case, she wouldnt have much reason to have me on her mind so often as evidenced by her social media and angry behavior.

I was the first person she loved, the first person to ever do anything sexual with her, and she always talked about how she wanted us to to date a long time, so I can understand her being hurt.

Perhaps she likes me, but for self preservation wants to get over me and like someone else. I want to remove her on Facebook but I think it will now look like I am mad that she has not contacted me

I don't know what it is, but I figured more experienced Don Juans may have some opinions.
 
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dustmuffin

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Interesting read. I have no clue but that is drama right there.
 

parkthebus

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I think her issue stems from you not being monogamous and your constant hounding for sex. You have made her feel like you have no commitment to her and that makes her feel insecure. You have behaved in a way that is opposite of provider.
 

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TRPShill

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I just unfriended her on FB. I hope that doesnt look too petty since its a month late
 

TRPShill

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any more opinions? Staying NC for at least 60 days probably
 

TRPShill

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You're both drama queens. And from your description, both of you are inexperienced at sex and dating.

So move on. 60 days NC is about right. You'll both forget all about each other by then.
I'm young, and don't have enough LTR experience. I hope not though. It's been over thirty days since contact, 45 since breaking up. It was a pretty functional relationship when we were together, just not when we were apart.
 

TRPShill

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Do you guys think that she'll contact me if she likes me or that I may need to contact her?
 

thatfeel

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You should be a bit more forthcoming about what is you want. This shouldn't be a question of "dumped her and changed my mind". It should be more of you asking yourself what you're continuing to expect from your dealings with her. If it's just sex then that's fine. I'm just not sure you can continue to milk this cow for much longer(figuratively speaking, not saying she's a cow lol). When it comes to committed relationships some PROPER beta game is acceptable, look up relationship game on chateau heartiste, he goes over it a bit.
 

TRPShill

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You should be a bit more forthcoming about what is you want. This shouldn't be a question of "dumped her and changed my mind". It should be more of you asking yourself what you're continuing to expect from your dealings with her. If it's just sex then that's fine. I'm just not sure you can continue to milk this cow for much longer(figuratively speaking, not saying she's a cow lol). When it comes to committed relationships some PROPER beta game is acceptable, look up relationship game on chateau heartiste, he goes over it a bit.
That's the thing. I broke up with her cause I wanted some strange but after getting some I realized I preferred the emotional connection we had with sex. I can't tell if she's not with me because she's unattracted or if she doesnt trust me.

If its the first, NC is essential.

If it's the second, NC may still be essential, because while contacting her may show im committed to liking her, it also looks clingy, and that could kill the attraction. There's no reason to date (perceptually) a beta you dont trust when you can get another you do.

She seemed really torn up about it when she was ovulating a few week ago. Does it get worse for her or does it get better?
 

TRPShill

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It's really therapeutic to discuss this. I'd just like to say to everyone posting that I appreciate it so much
 

Krueg

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I'm not a PUA but, what did you expect? All girls fall in love with a guy who takes their virginity, she was head over heels for you but, you dumped her cause you wanted to try something else! Now she sees you for what you really are and is moving on... You should do the same and find other girls. You both sound young, enjoy your life and wait for the right one. This chapter is over!!
 

El Payaso

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You're just having a case of "FOMO". Fear Of Missing Out. Once the next chick rolls in, you'll forget all about her. There are millions of women walking around with holes between their legs. There's nothing inherently special about this one. Don't get so hung up over her.
 

SgtSplacker

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Girl you dumped got a boyfriend and now you want her back. That's all you had to say man, one sentence. You are too emotional dude. Relax with that. Either give this girl time to leave her man naturally or keep being beta and going after her. What you really need to do is find some new azz. If things are so iffy with her then you really should go out and find something you are crazy about. Not something you just want when you can't have it.
 

TRPShill

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Girl you dumped got a boyfriend and now you want her back. That's all you had to say man, one sentence. You are too emotional dude. Relax with that. Either give this girl time to leave her man naturally or keep being beta and going after her. What you really need to do is find some new azz. If things are so iffy with her then you really should go out and find something you are crazy about. Not something you just want when you can't have it.

I'm staying no contact and if she wants to hit me up, awesome. If not Ill be spinning plates and having fun in the meantime
 
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