when you call and she says 'im a little bit busy right now can we speak later?'

[pete101]

you must have encountered this situation before.. you call a HB after a 1st date, she's busy doing whatever.. and says 'i'm a bit busy right now can we talk later?'

or 'can you call me in 10 mins/1hour' etc etc.. how do you respond?

you are all geared up to set up the 2nd date for her to make u delay the negotiation.. really they should say they'd call you back later but they seem to put it back in your court.. and when she says call in 10mins.. she doesn't really mean 10mins.. how long should you wait?

or should you just make her call you back?

 

[DonGorgon]

You say cool and dont call her back...

 

[pete101]

and if she says 'i'll call you back in 15mins or can i call you back in 15mins?'

i just had one of these convos and she asked me how i was, then when i started to say how i forgot about her thats why i didn't call these past week or so but actually i said i was expecting her to call me this past week first.. hmm.. shoulda said it the other way round i think.

if she doesn't call me in 15 mins like she said.. cos she told me she's on a bus.. i thought 'huh? so if you're on the bus there's no reason you can't speak to me..' so when i asked her 'can't you talk on a bus?' she seemed to get annoyed and said 'i'll call u in 15mins' quite sternly.. i laughed it off and said ok.

if she doesn't call in 15 do i just leave it till thursday before i call again?

 

[pete101]

well she still hasn't called me back, b1tch.. i think she's gone out as well. .i just don't see the point in them telling u this BS.. i feel like i have to say something to make it aware to her that i know she's messing me about and that she has to make it up to me..

 

[I'm Charming]

Don't, because then she'll think your being a pvssy because something so small has got at you so easily, don't be so sensitive, go out, do something else and have a good time.

 

[Nutz]

She's either really busy and/or an emergency just popped up, or she's flaking out on you. Most likely it's the latter.

When this happens you have to stop chasing. If she's actually interested then she'll call you at some point.

 

[Mr. Me]

you must have encountered this situation before.. you call a HB after a 1st date, she's busy doing whatever.. and says 'i'm a bit busy right now can we talk later?'

or 'can you call me in 10 mins/1hour' etc etc.. how do you respond?

99.99999% of the time 'i'm a bit busy right now can we talk later?' means "I don't want to talk with you ever".

If she asks you to call back in 10 minutes, it's because she'll know not to answer the phone, knowing that it's you.

If you think about it, only SHE would know when she's not busy anymore, so she ought to be calling you when she's free instead if asking YOU to call in ten minutes, right?

So when blown off and asked to call back, I'll say, "sure!" and then never call. Trust me, if she's interested she'll call you again.

In fact, that's how you can tell if she's really interested or not.

i thought 'huh? so if you're on the bus there's no reason you can't speak to me..' so when i asked her 'can't you talk on a bus?' she seemed to get annoyed

Pete, whenever you encounter a non sequitur from a woman, it's because you're being BSed. BS doesn't makes sense, that's why you can't make sense out of it. Remember that!

Most guys don't know this little tidbit and spend years being bullsh1tted by women, walking around saying "women don't make any sense!" and "WTF???"

And if you press, like you did, her acting annoyed is a maneuver to get out of the predicament.

 

[AirborneDoc82ndABN]

Gentlemen,

While I agree sometimes women flake, I think a large majority of you give up way too easily. You gotta realize you are calling someone randomly, and I dunno about you, but I work and stay relatively busy so I don't always feel like talking and generally wont answer unless its business related.

If I call a girl and she says something to that affect, I will generally say "well, hey, just give me a call back when you can".. and either they call or they don't. If they don't the most I will do is send a text saying something like "hey, thanks for calling back, you officially suck".. After that if they were honestly busy or something they will call back.

If you are just dating you need to realize she could quite possibly be out with another guy or her girls. Until you are exclusive, its just something you've gotta accept and deal with. Or don't deal with it, and cut her. But you will be dropping a ton of chicks if you automatically take it personally.

 

[pete101]

99.99999% of the time 'i'm a bit busy right now can we talk later?' means "I don't want to talk with you ever".

If she asks you to call back in 10 minutes, it's because she'll know not to answer the phone, knowing that it's you.

If you think about it, only SHE would know when she's not busy anymore, so she ought to be calling you when she's free instead if asking YOU to call in ten minutes, right?

So when blown off and asked to call back, I'll say, "sure!" and then never call. Trust me, if she's interested she'll call you again.

In fact, that's how you can tell if she's really interested or not.



Pete, whenever you encounter a non sequitur from a woman, it's because you're being BSed. BS doesn't makes sense, that's why you can't make sense out of it. Remember that!

Most guys don't know this little tidbit and spend years being bullsh1tted by women, walking around saying "women don't make any sense!" and "WTF???"

And if you press, like you did, her acting annoyed is a maneuver to get out of the predicament.

if she gets annoyed is not reasonable for me to tell her off and get annoyed myself?

not necessarily in an angry way but confrontational netherless.

 

[Prodigy746]

I would say i already called you so you call me when you are ready, Bye *click* never call again if she doesnt call .

 

[Interceptor]

if she gets annoyed is not reasonable for me to tell her off and get annoyed myself?

not necessarily in an angry way but confrontational netherless.

No, because you're showing how much of an effect she has on you.
She's basically a stranger to you, little trust, rapport, and emotional investment.
Its YOU that looks socially miscalibrated , because you want to 'get back' at some chick who has little to no emotional investment in you, yet you're freaking out at why she didnt call back.

You often dont have to 'explicate' your boundaries.

You dont have to justify yourself.


And you dont need some stranger validating your narcissistic ego, dude.


When guys want to 'get back' at women who have done these types of things, it actually kills any attraction, and it demonstrates how much of a hold this woman has on you.

Women do these things as test BTW. Just so you know.

They're actually trying to find out if youre the needy , insecure guy who will get mad at her, or the cool guy is fine with her 'being busy'.....


The thing is to stay calm and centered. You stay in control of yourself, not her.



And if she was really busy, she will often make it up to you, if there's interest.
If not, then she was never interested.

And if it was a test, same thing, she wants to see if you're the typical insecure guy who flies off the handle "Why didnt you call me back, b*tch???!!"
(And if it was to try to blow you off, why keep pursuing her? )

See, that guy NEEDS this woman to call him back. Because he has no life, and is spending every second thinking about her, and what she'll do, and if she's thinking about him.
And he needs her attention to make him feel alright, and like a man. Dont be that guy.

Not a good place to be in....

 

[619joe]

I dont see why you should over react and I think you guys harsh need to chill the **** out.

So what maybe shes busy at the time and cant talk/doesnt want to at the moment.Hell even with girls Im interested in I told them Ill talk with them later.Just because she cannot talk at the moment does not mean she doesnt like you.

I like to say to myself in these situations

"Maybe her pet bird died...". < Dont ask me why I say it,its just a random saying.I just do because this saying basically brings back the thought that ANYTHING could happen the time you call her whether she had a loss in friends/family/pets,worried about something,pissed off at friend,WHO KNOWS?

Dont overanalyze.

Just tell her to call you back when shes free and thats it.If she doesnt call back,move on.

 

[AirborneDoc82ndABN]

619 Joe,

I think me and you are on the same page with this one..

 

[619joe]

Ya whoops I just realized I said pretty much said the same thing but yea mang great minds think alike

 

[Ganondorf]

I agree with Airborne and 619

dont be so damn quick to take it to offense lol

Girls, just like you, are people. the have lives and dont just sit around waiting on you all day

if she honestly doesn't feel like talking, then let her have her space. it's ok. maybe she was in a bad mood. just play it cool and tell her to call ya back later. she'll call back later if she wants to speak to you. if she doesn't, just move on

 

[pete101]

No, because you're showing how much of an effect she has on you.
She's basically a stranger to you, little trust, rapport, and emotional investment.
Its YOU that looks socially miscalibrated , because you want to 'get back' at some chick who has little to no emotional investment in you, yet you're freaking out at why she didnt call back.

You often dont have to 'explicate' your boundaries.

You dont have to justify yourself.


And you dont need some stranger validating your narcissistic ego, dude.


When guys want to 'get back' at women who have done these types of things, it actually kills any attraction, and it demonstrates how much of a hold this woman has on you.

Women do these things as test BTW. Just so you know.

They're actually trying to find out if youre the needy , insecure guy who will get mad at her, or the cool guy is fine with her 'being busy'.....


The thing is to stay calm and centered. You stay in control of yourself, not her.



And if she was really busy, she will often make it up to you, if there's interest.
If not, then she was never interested.

And if it was a test, same thing, she wants to see if you're the typical insecure guy who flies off the handle "Why didnt you call me back, b*tch???!!"
(And if it was to try to blow you off, why keep pursuing her? )

See, that guy NEEDS this woman to call him back. Because he has no life, and is spending every second thinking about her, and what she'll do, and if she's thinking about him.
And he needs her attention to make him feel alright, and like a man. Dont be that guy.

Not a good place to be in....

but the thing is it's like you're letting her walk all over you.. i understand and hear what you're saying but how do you make it known that you don't condone this sort of behaviour??

i made the mistake of letting it slide a couple times and said 'yeah ok' and then she's been doing it consistently and brackets me in that same group of guys she can walk all over..

how do you get the balance of making it known bad behaviour like not returning your calls and getting back to you within reasonable time is not acceptable without as you say coming across as clingy or needy?

i feel as if they're going around with spoilt little girls with noone telling them off for their bad behaviour.

they'll inevitably do it even at the beginning of meeting you.. so how do you stop them from doing this and respecting your time if you don't say anything??

 

[pete101]

also what about the alternative of 'i'll call you later.. or i'll let you know later today'

you know full well she's not going to let you know later that day.. i feel like these days i should say to her 'we both know full well you're not going to call later so why dont we just speak now?'

this happens with every girl i'm out with.. she always immediately starts the BS i.e. being late giving fake apologies.. flaking.. cancelling last minute.. then you just let it slide and this burns up inside of you cos you're setting a precadent for future interactions being that way..

if she's late.. what do you say so you dont appear clingy but also demonstrate that this behaviour is not acceptable?

if she says she'll call you back and doesn't.. likewise what do you say? (usually it's when u call a week later she'll be like 'oh im sorry blah blah blah'.. how are you?'

i just dont see how you can not demonstrate your authority making it known that you'll drop her if she behaves badly without looking petty or clingy.. it just seems like a contradiction you're all saying by letting it slide.

if i make plans with her and she counter offers but doesn't give you a specific time how do you get around this..?

 

[Ganondorf]

also what about the alternative of 'i'll call you later.. or i'll let you know later today'

you know full well she's not going to let you know later that day.. i feel like these days i should say to her 'we both know full well you're not going to call later so why dont we just speak now?'

this happens with every girl i'm out with.. she always immediately starts the BS i.e. being late giving fake apologies.. flaking.. cancelling last minute.. then you just let it slide and this burns up inside of you cos you're setting a precadent for future interactions being that way..

if she's late.. what do you say so you dont appear clingy but also demonstrate that this behaviour is not acceptable?

if she says she'll call you back and doesn't.. likewise what do you say? (usually it's when u call a week later she'll be like 'oh im sorry blah blah blah'.. how are you?'

i just dont see how you can not demonstrate your authority making it known that you'll drop her if she behaves badly without looking petty or clingy.. it just seems like a contradiction you're all saying by letting it slide.

if i make plans with her and she counter offers but doesn't give you a specific time how do you get around this..?

You're over thinking it bro

no one said that you appear weak or clingy by being displeased by a woman's disrespect towards you. infact, you appear exactly the opposite, strong and a man who has self respect above all else.

where you come from is that you appear very frustrated and hurt by her actions. there's a difference between feeling disrespected and being butthurt, to which you are the latter.

not calling back when they say they will
alittle disrespectful, but i wouldn't let it get to me without knowing the reason


Being Late for a Date

again not very respectful, but who's on time these days anyways? depends. 3 min, not to bad
15 min... then bro, you got a problem. address it immediatly

flaking on a date or changing plans last min

very disrespectful. if this becomes a habit than drop this woman, as she has no interest in you, not to mention she is totally inconsiderate of your time.

as you can see, all the actions above are disrespectful, but not anything to get all hot and bothered about. if a problem comes up, address it, let her know that it's not acceptable, and keep it moving. don't over analyze.


'we both know full well you're not going to call later so why dont we just speak now?'

why would you say that? while you're at it why not call her some names and throw a toddler tantrum?

you should never say anything like that. not only does it appear weak and whiny, but you come off as spiteful and unconfident.

it's like you're expecting her to screw you over, and you're letting her know it.

 

[pete101]

but what if i know full well that she's not going to call judging from previous encounters with her on the 1st/2nd date?

 

[Mr. Me]

if she gets annoyed is not reasonable for me to tell her off and get annoyed myself?

No, what's reasonable about it? It accomplishes nothing. It doesn't make her fall in love with you, does it? IOW, it doesn't get you closer to your goals. With that thinking, why not tell your boss how pissed off you are at him, that way, you'll get a nice big fat raise, right?

but the thing is it's like you're letting her walk all over you.. I understand and hear what you're saying but how do you make it known that you don't condone this sort of behaviour??

These are two separate things.

"but the thing is it's like you're letting her walk all over you":

This is your ego talking, dude. You have to let go of this I'm-not-letting-her-get-away-with-this-no-sir-not-me! stuff. You are NOT in a relationship with this woman where boundaries have been set. At this initial part of having met a girl, you are in an EXPLORATORY stage where you have to FIND OUT what kind of person she is.

When she shows you that she's not interested, by flaking, by BSing you, by not returning your calls when she says she will, or any other "bad" behavior, that's your cue to WALK. NEXT HER and move on. STOP taking it personally. Then go back to the blackboard and figure out what went wrong.

But you don't hang around to wrestle with her! You're trying to make something good out of something that's bad. You're trying to make gold out of sh1t! WHY would you want to be involved with someone exhibiting "bad behaviors" anyway?

Once you find a good gal, one who IS interested in you, then in the dating process the ground rules for any possible relationship are set. That's done mostly by your behavior.

If you find it's even needed. It's really not even needed much, if at all, when she's crazy about you. It's SO easy.

this happens with every girl i'm out with.. she always immediately starts the BS i.e. being late giving fake apologies.. flaking.. canceling last minute..

This hints at having to do with something that you're doing after getting the number and on or around the first date.

No doubt, the "controlling" like behavior or anger or neediness or something like that you're exhibiting in your posts here comes across perhaps in other ways to these women.

Try this, Go to youtube and search for Cajun on "Keys to the VIP"

Be like him.

On a more inner level, learn how to detach from these women and the situations. Google "detachment".