Yo LL,
I have assessed your battlefield given the brief intel that you have supplied me, and here are your orders:
PROTECT YOUR HEART, SOLDIER.
In my opinion, this "relationship" seems to be too mysterious and too ambiguous to have been going on for 3 months. You've been dating this woman TOO long for it to not have progressed further than it has. I understand what you mean when you say that sex is not your goal with her. But does SHE understand that it IS one of your goals?
I know that there are always exceptions to any rule, and this woman COULD be a good candidate for an eventual LTR, but please consider these things as you make your decision to "kick it up a notch" with her:
Understand that it should NOT even be YOUR job to kick the damm relationship up a notch-----it should be HERS. Women who are "comfortable" with seeing a guy a few times a week INDEFINITELY usually are suffering from one or two things:
Either LOW interest level in the guy, or a STAGNATED interest level in the guy.
Check your history with her and see which one it is, because it's definitely one or the other. Either way, this woman is CONTROLLING the speed, progress, AND outcome of the relationship-----this is NOT good.
Women with a high or a continuously rising interest in a guy will move to escalate the progression of the relationship THEMSELVES-------without any coaxing from the guy at all. Any woman who actually "prefers" a certain structured amount of time spent with a guy is a woman who is usually either already exploring other options, or waiting for some more and better (in HER mind) options to come her way.
So brace yourself for the possibility that she COULD be just using you as a dating/companionship tool to tide her over until she finds a guy she REALLY likes. I HOPE I am wrong about this, but...
PROTECT YOUR HEART, SOLDIER.
There is a difference between Mr. Right and Mr. RIGHT NOW. And in regards to sex, realize that in most cases, women who will give you head but NOT have sex with you probably have some types of "hangups or issues". Not ALL of these issues are NEXT-worthy, but some are. You will have to decide that.
Who knows, it could be anything from being a virgin to being an undercover freak with random fukk buddies unbeknownst to you. I know that sex is not your ULTIMATE goal, and I respect that because I see the maturity imbedded in that mindset. But I also think it is a mistake to give the woman the impression that it is not a PRIMARY part of your ultimate goal.
The main thing that separates a friendly relationship and a romantic relationship between a man and a woman IS the sexual component. You see, many women KNOW that once they have sex with a man, they will lose a lot of control over their emotions. And then, their objectivity, their strongly held, and often overly-idealized "criteria", or whatever will give way to a more REALISTIC and grounded bond with the guy.
So, as a result of this, some women avoid sex altogether to keep THEIR emotional distance because they DON'T want to get TOO into the guy.
My battlefield commands to YOU is to be far more DIRECT about your intentions than you have been. It's been long enough, you need to apply a subtle form of pressure on her to make her show HER true intentions more explicitly as far as your relationship is concerned.
Don't do it so much by words, instead communicate your STRONG, manly, sexual, and holistic interest in her by your actions. If you don't do this soon, you could wind up being made her OFFICIAL emotional tampon. So...
PROTECT YOUR HEART, SOLDIER.
Lastly, I would advise you to gradually change the "mindframe" as soon as YESTERDAY. Start LEADING this woman, rather than let her call the shots. Start shaking things up schedule-wise too. Start being a little more spontaneous and less predictable. Become a little more mysterious. And start being FAR more sexual. After all, you don't really want an LTR with a woman who secretly DOESN'T like sex at all, do you? But NEVER give her any ultimatums about anything and NEVER ask her for an LTR.
Why? Because you didn't set the frame from the start, so ultimatums will come across as incongruent if you suddenly flipped the script now. NOW you HAVE to be more covert in your manuevers towards her.
And never ask for an LTR because if you allow yourself to contnually emotionally undress in front of this woman, she will have seen ALL she needs to see of you and may lose interest in you altogether.
It's really not my intention to be negative, so the purpose of my post to you is to inspire you to get out of that FOLLOWING mode and take up your weapon and charge full speed ahead in to the LEADING mode-----where you BELONG.
Take back your power, soldier. You don't let a woman tell YOU what she wants from you, YOU tell HER by your words and actions what you want from HER!
Women are eventually turned off by an indecisive man, and if you keep letting HER dictate the direction of the relationship, she may eventually start losing interest in you. And you'll know the line has been crossed when the DISRESPECT starts...
Now I understand that I could be wrong, and that my views could be colored by the heaps of men with broken hearts that I have seen along the way, but still at least CONSIDER what I have said. I HOPE that I am wrong this time. I HOPE that you have found a true semblance of a "good" girl, and that she and her intentions can be trusted.
But until you take the lead, and until she begins to FOLLOW your lead by showing you a higher and continously RISING interest level over a longer period of time, please do not continue to OVER-INVEST in her emotionally.
One thing that I've found is that women who are really INTO you, want to become MORE and MORE into you. And they show this by demonstrating their desire to become a more frequent and MORE INTEGRATED part of YOUR whole life.
So until she shows you enough of THAT kind of interest, please...
PROTECT YOUR HEART, SOLDIER.
Peace...one day.
(her study friends are nearby)