When to give up on a girl?

[f283000]

Re: Set the location/time beforehand

The issue I have here is I don't see how setting the date up more clearly before hand will reduce flaking. I prefer to give an idea of what we will do and then clear it up with a call either the night before or the day of. It seems like I'm way off in this regard in your opinion.

I don't have a car, so the "I'll pick you up at _" doesn't apply.

You are supposed to surprise/make it exciting! Not give her a brochure of what you're planning! Not only that but it makes you seem like you are placating to her tastes and they don't like that. Girls don't like guys that ask them for approval. They like guys that take charge.

Since you don't have a car just say for example "meet me at _____ (downtown, mall whatever) at __ pm."

You are asking her to meet you in a public place so she can feel safe and you are setting the time. If she agrees then it's up to you to give her some fun. No need to give her a verbal proposal of what you plan on doing with her. Mystery creates excitement and she will anticipate what you have planned.

Don't Facebook her
- Seeing as we met on an online dating site, I was actually glad to facebook her to get a better idea of what she looked like.
I completely agree with what you said about my mistake regarding being available Sun, Mon being an attraction killer. I didn't, however, tell her to find me on facebook on those days, I think there was some confusion there. I expected her to reply to the message and further set up via phone or text.

It's all about being mysterious. You might be an awesome guy but she might see 1 little thing in your facebook she might not like and be totally put off. She might flake on you just on that without even giving you a chance!

Why give her so much access to your life when she is nothing to you yet? That's supposed to be a reward for good behavior. She hasn't done anything deserving of you rewarding her yet.

You should strive to be mysterious with all the women you plan on dating. A woman thinking she has you figured out and under control is when she loses interest. You adding her to your facebook gives her knowledge about your life that she should be EARNING by going out with you. Make her earn it not give it away for free!

Read the 2 strikes rule and apply it to this situation since you want to give her another chance.

 

[volkme68]

I pretty much agree with the advice given here, but I think it is essential to get some way to communicate other than through slow messaging on these dating sites. If she doesn't volunteer it in her first two replies, ask for it. AIM/phonenumber/whatever. But get off the site and your chances of meeting just went up 100 fold.

Occasionally, some girls want to meet first at some neutral location BEFORE you get anything. Its not that they aren't interested, its a safety thing. When that's the case, do coffee or drinks or something set time, and place, if she can't make it, ask her availibility and then give her a time that works for you.

That is pretty much the only exception in my experience online where a girl will meet if you don't contact her off the site within a few messages, otherwise it turns into some queer penpal fantasy they don't want to ruin. Like friendzoning except worse.haha

 

[mrrippey]

Here's the sitch:

- I TEXT her cell phone today (Monday) to tell her tonight won't work, and that I'm about to leave on week-long vacation, and that we can try when I get back, and to enjoy her week.

- She hasn't responded.

Do not do anything until she replies back. You still have your online account and she knows how to get in contact with you if she really wanted. If she has not responded in 2 weeks, delete her number and keep it moving. You have not invested anything so dont start wasting your time either.

With everything, it takes two.

 

[wanderlust420]

Do not do anything until she replies back. You still have your online account and she knows how to get in contact with you if she really wanted. If she has not responded in 2 weeks, delete her number and keep it moving. You have not invested anything so dont start wasting your time either.

With everything, it takes two.

I appreciate your comment as well as all of the others in this thread.

What makes this situation particularly difficult for me is how a) we had a lot of unique interests in common (fav. author, movies, just read the same book, both lived in Spain) & b) how she was the one eager to meet in the first place, and yet now is the major flake...

I will wait the 2 weeks. Deep in my gut I want to go for the Hail Mary at the end of those 2 weeks, and tell her I'd still like to meet someone who oddly has these same interests as I do, but I know it won't work... The Facebook **** kills me too - as she adds me on Facebook, but doesn't reply to the msg, and updates her status, etc. Very annoying.

 

[Iceberg]

I appreciate your comment as well as all of the others in this thread.

What makes this situation particularly difficult for me is how a) we had a lot of unique interests in common (fav. author, movies, just read the same book, both lived in Spain) & b) how she was the one eager to meet in the first place, and yet now is the major flake...

Yeah but you two haven't even met each other. So how difficult can it really be?

I could understand getting caught up after you've banged a girl. Or after you've went on some nice dates, and she all of a sudden flakes. This is just some internet stuff. She's ignored you. It's over. You'll find other girls who enjoying reading and traveling abroad.

I will wait the 2 weeks. Deep in my gut I want to go for the Hail Mary at the end of those 2 weeks, and tell her I'd still like to meet someone who oddly has these same interests as I do, but I know it won't work... The Facebook **** kills me too - as she adds me on Facebook, but doesn't reply to the msg, and updates her status, etc. Very annoying.

Wait for 2 weeks for what? You don't have to wait for 2 minutes. She isn't gonna contact you again. You should have forgotten about her 2 seconds ago. Screw the Hail Mary. If you went on a few dates with her, and something came up where she stopped calling you, then I'd say go for the Hail Mary. Right now, you're going through all these hoops just to MEET her. Not to get a 3rd date. Not to get into her pants. To MEET her. To physically be in the same room as this woman. If this is how things are going PRIOR to meeting, just imagine what DATING her would be like. Oh what great conversations about authors and Spain you'd have!

 

[wanderlust420]

If you went on a few dates with her, and something came up where she stopped calling you, then I'd say go for the Hail Mary. Right now, you're going through all these hoops just to MEET her. Not to get a 3rd date. Not to get into her pants. To MEET her. To physically be in the same room as this woman. If this is how things are going PRIOR to meeting, just imagine what DATING her would be like. Oh what great conversations about authors and Spain you'd have!

Too true. Dating a girl like this would probably be near impossible.

 

[f283000]

What makes this situation particularly difficult for me is how a) we had a lot of unique interests in common (fav. author, movies, just read the same book, both lived in Spain) & b) how she was the one eager to meet in the first place, and yet now is the major flake...

Have you read the DJ Bible? You should.

but anyway you are under the false impression that common interests = total attraction

This is what you been taught all your life and it's a lie. You been taught that all you need to do is find women who share the same interests as you and she will fall in your arms in no time. So if that's the case what happened here?

You talked to her about all the stuff you two have in common and now she won't even answer your messages on facebook! yet she updates her status and probably answers the dozens of pms she has in her box from everyone else!

Why is that you have to ask yourself when you thought everything was right and you two had soooooo much in common.

You learned a tough lesson in the game which is that too much in common, too much agreement can be BORING.

1. Too much in common can be BORING: Women want guys that are different, fun, exciting, edgy and a bit dangerous. This is why the hottest girls go out with bad boys and jerks. Not because they traveled to spain, not because they read the same book or share the same interests but because they are different than they are.

2. Too much in common can be seen as PLACATING TO THEIR INTERESTS: Do you think you are the first guy that told her how much they have in common? Cute women talk to countless guys that pretend/lie about sharing interests. So women have built a defense to this and sort of look upon any guy that have a little too much in common as fakes, and as desperate guys just trying to get some p___$y from them.

Don't worry most guys make this mistake when starting out. It's ok to share interests with a female but don't put that much focus on them. What you need to do instead is accentuate YOUR DIFFERENCES

*** Tell her about stuff that makes you UNIQUE not what makes you the same.
*** Tell her about your beliefs/opinions which she may not agree with which will make you DIFFERENT.
*** Don't be afraid to disagree with females, in fact do it often! It's one of the best weapons you have to set you appart and let women know you have a spine. Rather than agree with everything and how you have sooo much in common let her know you disagree with what she says if you don't believe it. Conflict creates attraction

I will wait the 2 weeks. Deep in my gut I want to go for the Hail Mary at the end of those 2 weeks, and tell her I'd still like to meet someone who oddly has these same interests as I do, but I know it won't work...

I already explained the part in bold and I hope you don't do that. That will only make you seem hopeless and desperate. I hope you realize this one is over like everyone has been telling you.

Delete her from your facebook and start gaming other women. If you focus on just 1 girl this is what happens you become obsessed and they can see that. You are a man you shouldn't be letting no woman disrespect you like she is doing by ignoring your messages while updating her status at the same time! You don't have to take crap from no female.

 

[doubledown11]

She sounds like a 'playette' to me. A lot of girls join these sites to boost their ego. Don't contact her again. Find a new girl. Girls will flake at every stage of the game, you just got to keep playing.

 

[wanderlust420]

For those interested - a few days ago, on her Facebook, she listed herself as in a relationship. So obviously I will not pursue like a chump after a girl who is advertising her unavailability. It's lame that she couldn't have just told me that before.

 

[Scion]

For those interested - a few days ago, on her Facebook, she listed herself as in a relationship. So obviously I will not pursue like a chump after a girl who is advertising her unavailability. It's lame that she couldn't have just told me that before.

I doubt she's in a relationship (though I could be wrong). She probably did that because she suspects your facebook stalking her and she's hoping this will get you off her azz. This is the facebook equivalent of " I have a boyfriend".

 

[Jeffst1980]

Dating in general is a numbers game, but online dating is even worse...you should EXPECT to be flaked on! Don't take it personally, it's just the nature of electronic communication.

You really have to strike when the iron is hot in situations like this- come up with very specific plans, and avoid scheduling dates more than a couple days in the future. As one poster mentioned, you should aim to schedule more than one date each day, so if one flakes it's no biggie.

"Hail mary" -type plays rarely work, but i'd say that there's not much lost in trying to re-establish communication (except a little dignity). I would do this by texting something completely random to them that makes no reference of your past exchanges. Most likely, you won't get a response, but it's worth a shot if it will lead to some closure.

The BEST thing to do: delete her number and facebook right away, so you will forget this incident. There is pretty much no chance of recovering if you haven't met in real life already. On the bright side, she probably wasn't all that.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

If you've already escalated enough to get a girl's number, and then she replies to your call/voicemail with a message on the dating site, it is a bad sign. I also see it as disrespectful even.