when to end a great LTR

[rbd]

Yes, you read that subject line correctly.

I just turned 23 and would like the opinion of some of the older, more experienced members of this board, so I figure I’d post here.

I have been dating my current girlfriend for over 7 months now. She’s great: low-maintenance, empathetic, kind, good looking, loyal, quite mature for her age, can cook, understands my needs, and all that. Her parents raised her right. I have learned a lot in the past seven months, and I can finally say I am at the point where I don’t fear women at all, flirting and socializing is much more natural since I’ve experienced what comes after all of that first hand.

This far into it, I’m thinking about the future a bit. After summer, she’ll be going off to college (surprisingly she’s 18), and I’m not sure what I want to do with our relationship. Although nothing is wrong with it, and she would like to date me in college (she’s said this) I can’t stop thinking that then will be a good time to break things off. I do like being single, and I’ve been single most of my life. I can attract decent women without working at it, and have done so in the past. The thing is, I enjoy relationships as well, and like the support that they bring…a string of ONS and dating psycho chicks can get old after awhile. So, as you guys can see, I’m kind of clueless here…I guess I’m just afraid of “missing out” on my 20s…. I figure I have the rest of my life to be married or otherwise committed. I’ve learned a lot out of what I want in a woman and what I can provide one with in return, but I am thinking that if I get out there again I can learn and grow more, and hopefully not pick up a STD in the process.

I would like to get married eventually, and if I were 29 and dating this girl (*and* she were older), I would definitely keep up the relationship…from what I’ve seen of her, she may very well be “marriage material”. But no doubt she will change in college…she is still young, despite how mature she may seem.

I’m sure many of you guys have found yourselves in a similar situation…what did you end up doing? Were you happy with your decision?

Thanks!

 

[penkitten]

usually you end a ltr when it turns sour , not when it is great.

if the chick is so great, why would you dump her?

because of something she may or may not do later.

im sorry if i dont agree with you there but to each their own right.

most guys that would have dumped a great girl for no reason, would end up wondering what if one day when they got older and could never find anything so right again, lots of regrets.

 

[jbbrain]

it's really up to you bro..but whatver you decide to do, do it 100%. I tend to think we end up regretting more the things we don't do then the things we do. If you've found a great girlfriend, but it's not exactly the right time for YOU to be tied down, then so be it. Don't make excuses for your decisions and try not to live with so much regret. At this point, it's as simple as:

"She's a great girl, but I'm just not ready to settle down".

If that is, indeed, what u want to do.

 

[penkitten]

if you are done, be done with it .

 

[Donald Kaufman]

I read your post and I see why you might want to stay in the relationship but I'm still not sure why you wouldn't.

Your best excuses to end it are:

1. I want to go out and see what's available.

2. She might change later.

You argue yourself out of the first, although I think it is the defing one. You're 23. You already know what's out there. It's not going to be about discovery, it's going to be about planting your flag. Be honest with yourself and decide if that is what you want to do. If you're going to do it anyway get out of the relationship first.

The second one is more valid. On average, women most define themselves between 18 and 23. It can be an interesting process to be involved in but it can also be a rather long roller-coater ride. Solid women go through the process and usually come out more solid, even if it gets crazy in the middle. Psychos usually become more psycho and it's worse during this time. Flakes can go either way. Sticking with someone through this process is hard, both because of how unpleasant it is for you and her, but to wind up with a solid women is worth it.

If you think it might be easier to wait it out, remember, a less intense version of this process continues to happen every ten years or so for the rest of her life. You can also take comfort in the fact that guys never actually go through this period. They live in a milder version of it for their whole lives.

Which side would you rather be on?

 

[Desdinova]

After summer, she’ll be going off to college (surprisingly she’s 18),

This chick is only 18 years old. Personally, I wouldn't think of marrying a chick this young (after being close to doing so). She hasn't even been of legal age for a year yet. Once she hits the bar scene, things will most likely change and she'll want her freedom.

If you decide to stay in this relationship, keep this in mind.

 

[NewMan]

It's all about you.

You wouldn't be asking this question if all right.

She maybe a wonderful girl - but you have things that you need to do for yourself (so it sounds).

You need to be ready if you are thinking of sticking this out.

Sounds like you are not.

I did the same thing - although I was older.

I was with a great woman - very smart and very hot.

But I ended it, because I just felt that I had not done the things that I needed to do as a single guy. Banged more women. Travelled more - etc. etc.

I don't regret it.

I do wonder where she is - and what she is doing and ho it would have turned out.

But the experiences I have gained - and wisdom - I would not want to trade that for anything.

It's your life. You've got to live it on your terms.

Regret the things you did - not the things you didn't do.

 

[Climax]

ITS YOUR LIFE!!

rbd: All I can say, is that its YOUR life and u only live ONCE... Do what YOU want to do, make the most of YOUR life! If you do not think that being committed is what you WANT now, then DONT be, again, it’s YOUR life, do what YOU want to do. I personally PREFER being in a relationship because I have when it comes to being single and messing around with girl I have "been there & done that" and to me, a relationship has so much more meaning and happiness... But like I said... It’s YOUR life, and if being single is what YOU WANT at this time of your life, then BE SINGLE! Your current gf might cry, she might go into a depression, and she will hurt a lot, but she will get over you, and she will find someone else, and life will go on. Everyone wants different things... You prefer to be single at the moment, I prefer being in a relationship, the next guy might want to become a gigolo... We all have our different wants, and we all need to do what we WANT, because its OUR life and we only live it once, so we want to make the best of it and live life to its fullest! So If you wanna be single at this point in your life, then BE SINGLE, its YOUR life.


laterz...

 

[whistler]

rbd -

Break up with her. You know you want to.

Posting the question here just makes it appear you're looking for a way to rationalize breaking up with her. You can spend months or years considering how fair and honest you're being with yourself and your girlfriend.

In the end though, it just comes down to your gut. And if you trust your gut, you probably won't regret your decision once you've made it.

Do it. Be firm and certain. And realize every girl gets her heart broken.

 

[rbd]

Thanks for the posts guys,

Lately I have been feeling really down. I think she IS great, and always seems to be there for me despite my mistakes. She says she loves me because I am great and try very hard to right my wrongs, but it gets to the point where lately I feel I haven't been allowing myself to learn from my errors. When things did go a bit bad and I said something really stupid (i.e. something that would upset me if she said it to me), it always seems to me like it was because I was feeling inadequate because she seems so much better at the relationship thing than I am...she's just more natural in that field and is always ready to care.

I think Newman hit it on the head with his reply. At one level, yes, things are (or were, at least) going well, but at another level, I feel that I'm not "ready" for her -- that I can't fully appreciate a woman like that yet. Other aspects of my life (work, etc) are going great, but this is one area that will need some work. I am prepared to learn, but I feel I keep letting her down, despite what she says. It's almost as if my ego is now rejecting any attempts to learn more in this relationship...I'm not sure why, and I don't want to run from something that will just manifest itself again later in another relationship.

I will see how things go, but if this feeling sticks with me, then I will have to call it quits. It will be hard but I think it will be the best thing, for both of us.

 

[TizZle]

My marine buddy married a 19 yr old after being together 2 yrs... He's 22 and she's 19. You just never know. Once you find someone you feel like holding onto i would advise trying to not let them go unless something drastic happens. If things are good why try to end it? My buddies g/f went to college and he went to basic training then she basically moved back and went to a close community college for a semester then they got married and moved from Illinois to California.