when to ask for second date?

[Tantric]

I met a girl a few months ago who is VERY hard to read. I've been "casually" spending time with her...nothing major...hanging out and stuff; dinner a couple of times; movie. All of it was spontaneous and not planned.

I really started to like her a lot a few weeks ago, and i "officially" made plans with her for Sunday (3 days ago). She's been going through a lot of shyt in her personal life (which she doesn't discuss with me, nor use me as an emotional tampon), and has been very reserved. Though i kino her, she seems quite shy when it comes to physical contact where even a friendly "goodbye" hug seems hard for her to do.

When i first met her, she told me that when she likes a guy she dosn't flirt much, and is too shy too say anything or make a move. So that is even more comfusing cuz what does she do with the guys she DOESN'T like?

Anyway, i thought she would bail or flake on Sunday (at least if she did i would know 100% what is going on with us), and she didn't. We originally had dinner plans, but as she wasn't feeling well, she asked if we could do something more "low key". We decided to watch a movie at my place. I thought it was a good sign.

Though i would have normally made a move on her, she was in a very low mood, and it didn't feel right at the time so i didn't. When i walked her to her car, again, she was shy or something. She said goodbye and where i normally would have hugged her, she was quite quick about leaving. Not in a BAD way like "i'm getting outta here!", but a really shy, uncomfortable way.

Anyway that was Sunday, and i'm sill confused as ever...she's never bailed on plans we've had, when i do call her (usually only 1 time per week as i see her in school a lot), she almost always returns my calls, we have a good time together...but then she's all distant physically.

Like i said, she is going through a bad time right now, and from what she has told me, her heart was broken quite recently.

Should ask her out for this weekend, or should i be playing it cool with her?

 

[golf299]

i say that you should definitely ask her out for this weekend...but don't say anything about a date per se... just say something like "hey i think it would be really fun to do xxx this weekend. wanna come with me?" -- it's just that it seems like she needs to get comfortable around you or something, so try and help make that happen.

good luck

 

[Desdinova]

Just keep it going until she flakes on you or you get sick of her. For the next date, take her out to do something fun. Take her to Walmart, buy a kite, and go try to fly it.

 

[Hellboy]

Sounds like even if she is interested, she's not gonna be much fun anyways! I'm very shallow though.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Yes, I agree with Golf, you have to take her to a different environment. Dinner, movies, etc. "dates" make a shy women hesitant on lowering those walls. So far what you've been doing hasn't warmed her up to you. When a girl is really into you, she'll say stuff like "I like to hang out with you, makes me forget about all my personal problems", etc.

Also, don't "ask" her to do anything. You suggest you get together, or better yet, you invite her to join you to do something you're already doing. Invite her to go along. Both of you will get to learn a lot more about eachother in a couple of hours on an activity "get together" than on 3-4 "dates" to the dinner and/or movies.

Go walk around at the mall, go to a book store and look at stuff together, go to a record/CD store, preferably one that sells used CD's that you can listen/sample. If she sees you for the fun guy that you are, she will warm up.

If that still doesn't work, then I suggest you temporarily cut contact with her, and go meet more chicks, which you should already be doing anyway. You cannot sit arounda and wait until she is ready, because she might never be.

 

[Kaine]

Bzzzzzz!

If the girl is NOT feeling well, plan it for another time or eject. You don't want to be around her when she is sick/feeling low. This is particularly true when you are initially dating.

Two exceptions do apply::

1) You are a doctor
2) You a Shrink

Why? You don't want to associate yourself with these bad feelings or situations. Also how much fun are YOU going to have, with a sniffy or mopey girl.

I had made this same mistake recently, the girl starting getting real moody and sullen at the end of a great date. I should have ejected but instead decided to use this opportunity to increase rapport. It was the wrong state to build rapport in. Lucky she is not a headcase and is HSE, no damage control needed, lesson learnt in retrospect.

Kaine

 

[Tantric]

Thanks for the reply guys...

Well, I've got to meet her tomorrow for a rehearsal (we are working on a project together), and figure i'll get her to come to Universal Studios with me this weekend to have some fun.

If she says "yes", i'll take it from there and make a move on her after we go.

If she is hesitant, or has other plans, i'll make a move on her at school. She's so hard to read, i figure it's probably the only way to tell for sure. I have no clue how she feels and the last thing i want to do is fall into the "friends" zone. Depending on how it goes, i think i'll know my answer.

What to you think?

 

[DeathDealer]

another long post so I'm gonna reply through quotes. I disagree with what some of the other posters have suggested to you.

I met a girl a few months ago who is VERY hard to read. I've been "casually" spending time with her...nothing major...hanging out and stuff; dinner a couple of times; movie. All of it was spontaneous and not planned.

So where's the part where you went out for a "second" date. Dunno about this.. why do guys start as friends and assume a relationship may start after hanging out after a couple of months?

... i "officially" made plans with her for Sunday (3 days ago). ...Though i kino her, she seems quite shy when it comes to physical contact where even a friendly "goodbye" hug seems hard for her to do.

What do mean by official? Did you use the word date? She seems shy and stuff? Nah dude, she's JUST NOT INTO YOU.

....So that is even more comfusing cuz what does she do with the guys she DOESN'T like?

So you're saying she likes an AFC. She's lying to you, and you're doing what she doesn't like in a guy she doesn't like.

Anyway, i thought she would bail or flake on Sunday (at least if she did i would know 100% what is going on with us), and she didn't. We originally had dinner plans, but as she wasn't feeling well, she asked if we could do something more "low key". We decided to watch a movie at my place. I thought it was a good sign.

Just cause a girl doesn't flake out doesn't mean she is 100% into you. And you don't know 100% what's really going on. Low Key? It's just dinner, a girl turning down dinner is questionable. Not sure about the movie part.

Though i would have normally made a move on her, she was in a very low mood, and it didn't feel right at the time so i didn't. When i walked her to her car, again, she was shy or something. She said goodbye and where i normally would have hugged her, she was quite quick about leaving. Not in a BAD way like "i'm getting outta here!", but a really shy, uncomfortable way.

She's not into you.

...but then she's all distant physically.

She's not into you.

Like i said, she is going through a bad time right now, and from what she has told me, her heart was broken quite recently.

Should ask her out for this weekend, or should i be playing it cool with her?

Well, going out with a girl that is sick/has a death in family is a bad time - but you know what. That is Life. Her heart was broken, if she was INTO YOU she would not feel all depressed.

Play it cool or ask her out - it won't ever change her mind.

 

[DeathDealer]

Originally posted by Tantric
Thanks for the reply guys...

...I have no clue how she feels and the last thing i want to do is fall into the "friends" zone. Depending on how it goes, i think i'll know my answer.

What to you think?

Buddy, you've known her for months, you are already in the friends zone. Why do you need to depend on her YES/NO answer. Her body reflects her desire for you.. which is NONE.

NEXT.