Rhino22 said:
Ok, so I met a girl online almost a month ago. We have now hung out twice in person. The first time we went to lunch and the second time (this last saturday) she came to my place and I cooked us dinner and we watched a movie.
While it's good you got her to feel comfortable enough to come back to your house for the second date,
DON'T BE FOOLED into thinking she doesn't want sex.
If she's had some type of tramatic history of sexual abuse or something like that,I
might be inclined to believe her,but even then,I'd be suspect.
Quite simply,I DO NOT believe her.
I think she's simply testing you to see where
you're at,to see if you're only after sex,or really want to get to know her as a person.
Rhino22 said:
Before we ever even met she asked me why I wasn't a perv and said that it was a breath of fresh air because she is sick of getting messages from guys asking her for sex.
This is DEFINATELY a test. I say that because this statement is weird. It makes no sense.
Why would some stranger who you've never met before ask you why you're not a pervert?
That question is down-right DUMB,offensive is what it is.
She was also hinting at something as well. She said she was sick of getting messages from guys asking for sex,and she told you that WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING YOU.
So that means she was hoping you'd get the hint and not be one of those guys asking for sex as well.
Don't misunderstand:it's NOT that she
doesn't want sex,she just doesn't want your interest in her to be about sex ONLY.
She wants to be viewed as a person,a human being,an individual,NOT as a pair of boobs and vag walking around.
Once she knows and believes you see her as a person,I believe she'll be more open sexually with you....BUT as Cinamon said,you DO need to escalate.
You gotta do
something romantic/sexual. Start small:Hold her hand,tell her you like the way she looks in something,etc.
Give her a hug,but right before you do,tell her to make sure she keeps her hands
above your waist.
These little things will steer her mind to a sexual place with you,WITHOUT being too overboard or agressive.
RHINO22 said:
Anyway, so we had our second date and I still haven't even kissed her or anything. We layed on the couch together and we talked for hours.
You laid on the couch and talked for hours.
Hmm. You better be careful doing that. Not doing anything sexual plus talking for hours can be a recipe for disaster.
It would be helpful to know what you two spent all that time talking about,though.
Also,when you two were laying on the couch,was she in your arms or what?
Did you caress her,play with her hair,or anything like that? Or were you just lying there afraid to do ANYTHING because you didn't want to offend her?
Rhino22 said:
She mentioned some other guys she has been with and how she found it annoying when they tried to fu** on the second date or so. And she said that it's not fun when you do that.
Let me ask you a question:You keep saying that "she said this" and "she said that" and "she mentioned this".
Umm...did
you speak at anytime on these dates,or did you just respond to everything
she said?
I don't like the way the frame is set up here. It's like she just went on and on about guys being perverts,guys asking for sex,and guys trying to fu*k her after a date or two,and you just sit there and listened while she babbled on the whole time.
That's NOT GOOD man. You gotta open your mouth and talk to generate some attraction in her.
If you just sit back and let her run the show,she'll run it right into the ditch,and NOT ON PURPOSE.,but she'll still do it.
Where's the busting,the teasing,the negging from you? Where's the playfulness?
When she told you she told you she gets annoyed when guys try to fu*k her on the second date,You should have hit her with something like...
"Oh,I'd
NEVER do something like that,I have too much respect for women. That's not me. I usually wait until the third or fourth date,then I try to get it on".
She probably would have cracked up laughing AND felt a jolt of attraction for you at the same time.
Don't let this girl make you timid. And let's say you are right,and she in fact
doesn't want sex. Well if that's the case,then fine,it's her life.
She can be asexaul if she wants. Now that she's decided what she wants for her life...
YOU DECIDE what you want for YOURS. Don't let
her decision for herself cause
YOU to be unhappy.
She simply needs to go find a guy who she can be asexual with (good luck),and you need to go find you a girl you WANTS TO BE sexual with you.
There's no point in two people who want two different things trying to force the other one into something they don't want.
