when she says she is busy ?

[scordate]

i'm new to this forum, and have been reading up on previous threads and the various stories

there is so much to learn from others and others mistakes ;-)

one 'problem' that seem to happen a lot is when she says; i am really busy at work / school / whatever

the original poster always tend to believe that this is true, cause she has been telling about heavy workload, late hours etc

OTOH will a woman who has a high interest level in you not *make the time* to see you ?

are we guys way to gullible when she tell her stories and bat her eyes ?

are there guys out there that have stories where the woman really has been busy ? and what do they do to keep your interest ?

please share

/ scordate

 

[Mister Big]

Originally posted by scordate
OTOH will a woman who has a high interest level in you not *make the time* to see you ?

are we guys way to gullible when she tell her stories and bat her eyes ?

/ scordate

Welcome to the forum. For some feedback.

It doesn't really matter if women are "really" busy or not. Your response should ALWAYS be indifference. Move on and get some other options in your life. Other women, hobbies, working out, etc. If you see her again, let her know about the "busy" and happy you.

If she has moderate IL but is busy, this should motivate her. If her IL was low and she was BSing, this should increase her IL. If her IL was zero and she was BSing, she won't respond no matter what you say or do. Don't even spend a second thought worrying about her IL again. This is not a topic to focus your energy. Expend you energy on other women and improving yourself.

 

[marcuk]

if brad pitt called her she wouldnt be busy,she would make sometime,time to move on,best of luck

 

[BigDawg]

I've gotten that brush off from more than two women recently. I think it makes them look weak and stupid. They don't have the courage to say what they really mean, and that is that they are just not interested. Instead, they want to let you down easy and not feel guilty in the process. Instead, it's easier for them to make you feel like a tool for asking.

What gets me is that in my case, these women initially said yes to a date, and then when I followed up to schedule something, they gave me the "I'm busy from now until the end of the semester" line. Actually, I know this to be true in both cases, but I don't believe for a second that it was the real reason that they turned me down. Hell, I'm putting in 6, sometimes 7 days of work every week, and I still make time to hang out with friends.

There is a word for women like this: flake.

 

[Ricky]

BigDawg

I ****ING HATE FLAKEY WOMEN

 

[Aztec]

Originally posted by scordate
...will a woman who has a high interest level in you not *make the time* to see you ?

are we guys way to gullible when she tell her stories and bat her eyes ?

are there guys out there that have stories where the woman really has been busy ? and what do they do to keep your interest ?

A woman who has a sliver of interest will make time for you.


Are we gullible? We make ourselves gullible. Our gut feeling smells bullsht but because we are so beguiled by her beauty, we push common sense aside and hope that she is remotely interested.


Come on Scordate, we are rooting for you. It's time to reattach your balls and put her in her place, then move on. You may be surprise what may happen.

 

[scordate]

when I posted the original question, its really ( honestly) was a general question, because it has happened to me quite often in the past and because, from what I've read in this forum; it is kinda universal thing for women to do;

however just this sunday it happened to me twice; i've been online-dating as a wolf ;-) and am currently emailing with about 5 ( i lost count ) women this sunday and have been making dates for next week; however one woman who must have high interest level ( more about that one in a separate message ) said; well not the upcoming week because she is pretty busy, but the next one, so I didnt get to close that woman

another woman said the same, but we agreed on next week again; firm date

BTW I really think we need a separate section for online-dating do's and don'ts; it really is a jungle !

not when you move on to actual meeting her, but the profile, answers, way to handle her tandrums !

 

[Paradox]

Originally posted by scordate
BTW I really think we need a separate section for online-dating do's and don'ts; it really is a jungle !

There is an online dating thread here in this forum. There is also another very large one in the Archive forum

 

[BigDawg]

Originally posted by Ricky
BigDawg

I ****ING HATE FLAKEY WOMEN

I hear you. It seems that lately, they're all flaky. Wouldn't it be nice if they just gave an honest rejection? Of course, that would require them to have the courage to do so.

 

[penkitten]

Originally posted by BigDawg
I hear you. It seems that lately, they're all flaky. Wouldn't it be nice if they just gave an honest rejection? Of course, that would require them to have the courage to do so.

come on dear, you know as well as i do that its not just women that use this excuse. men flake out too.

how can you tell someone that seems like a sweet person that you just dont care for them? or that you think they are not interesting in the least?

there is a point in everyone's life where they get flaked on and when they flake on someone else.

the whole point is to recognise when someone is flaking on us and walk away, right?

 

[BigDawg]

Originally posted by penkitten
come on dear, you know as well as i do that its not just women that use this excuse. men flake out too.

how can you tell someone that seems like a sweet person that you just dont care for them? or that you think they are not interesting in the least?

there is a point in everyone's life where they get flaked on and when they flake on someone else.

the whole point is to recognise when someone is flaking on us and walk away, right?

You're right. I was feeling particularly cynical when I added my response. Of course, I agree that those of us with the Y chromosome are certainly capable of, and regularly commit, "flakery."

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You tell them "I want to get busy with you!!" and then gyrate your hips!!

 

[Rock33]

i always beleived, i don't care how busy some one is, if they really want to go out with you, they will find the time. i also feel if there too busy and can't find the time, why bother? jsut my observation

 

[crowes22]

Originally posted by penkitten
come on dear, you know as well as i do that its not just women that use this excuse. men flake out too.

She is right, and when you do this, they will wish death upon you, seriously. I'm w/ you guys too, I think women flake waaaay more than do men.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by penkitten
come on dear, you know as well as i do that its not just women that use this excuse. men flake out too.

yes, but it is the man that has to do the approaching, ask for the number, call the number, deal with voice mail games, ask for a date, initiate contact, follow up, jump through sh!t hoops.

wash rinse repeat.

flake factor is 10x more of a problem with men than it is with women. i have zero sympathy for women that say that men flake out. women have zero appreciation of the effort that men have to take. and when you go out on a limb, they seem more than willing to chop it off.

it is the man that invests all of the time, energy and effort at the initial stages. no wonder men flake out at the slightest sign of woman flakeyness.

just told a chick the other day, "i'm done with you...wasted enough time and effort...bye".

i dug on her too, good vibe. at the end of the day, who cares? got better things to do with my time than to deal with flakey chicks.

when a woman says she is "busy", i call BS. TOOCOLD IS BUSY! works on avg 60 hours a week, plus teaching. sometimes more. but yet he still finds the time. hmmmm....

soooo....when a woman says she is busy, i say, "bye". perfectly fair as i see it.

lastly, at the first sign of flakeyness, i'm out. i've been around long enough to know there's a 90% chance you are wasting your time. a chick that flakes DOES NOT appreciate your time. period. it will happen over and over again, and you, the man, will be 1) pulling your hair out, and 2) coming to sosuave asking questions.

"bye" is powerful. use it!

 

[BigDawg]

Woo hoo! I think I found a girl who doesn't flake out, though she still has time. We've been planning to get together for several weeks now, but every time I brought it up, she had some excuse, like she was going home on vacation for a week and a half or she was out of the office for a couple of days.

So, just when I'm about to NEXT her, she contacts me and explains her slow responses. I guess sometimes "I'm busy" really means "I'm busy." So, the plans are a go for Friday.

I can't help but feel cynical and jaded, so I'll just say, "Yeah, I'll believe it when it happens."

Diminished expectations result in diminished frustration in the event of her flaking out. Pessimistic? Yeah. AFC behavior? Most likely. Flat out rejections I can handle, but after the recent string of wishy-washy crap, I can't help but feel this way.

 

[penkitten]

Originally posted by Jaun_Don
I hate it when they send a txt message saying I have been busy and they used the !! after the busy, but then they say we could do it this week (have coffee) what is that ****?,

hon the whole point we are trying to tell you is this:

if she wanted to make time , she absolutely would do it.

i'm busy = i dont want to tonite maybe in a few days if i am just so bored that i cant find anything else to do , i might go have some coffee with you and tell you all about my life and my job and my real love interests that are not you. (ljbf)


when shes says she is busy, put the ball in her court, give her your number and polietly say, if you ever find time gimme a call.
then walk away.
do not call her.
when you do not contact her after a few days to a week, she will wonder why the hell you havent and she will call you.
you dont have to answer.
call it back hours later and act like you dont know its her.
then say, oh hell i havent heard from you in forever.
then you ljbf her.
tell her you are a little busy, you worked all day and now your on the way to the gym .
she will ask you to call her after that
you say i 'll try.

do not call her !

if she calls say you got hung up with some buddies .




do you see where i am going with this?

if she didnt make time for you, you dont make time for her!

 

[scordate]

penkitten:
i understand what you are saying / writing, but this will get you no dates

i guess my original question should be divided into 2 scenarios;

1. when her being busy lets the "whole set a date" remain in limbo

2. when her being busy gets you a date fx. on Monday 2 weks from now


re. 1.
if you try to get a specific date, asking her for next friday 18:30 ( giving her some time to arrange things ), and she says; sorry am way too busy and she doesnt offer plan-B, then i presume its a "kind" way in her thinking to say; NO WAY ?

re. 2.
and this was the kind I was wondering about;
ok so I got a date for friday next week and its tuesday this week ?

what do I do in the meantime ?
stay a bit in touch with her ?
no communication at all untill date ?

and ok, i am already biting my tongue cause I venture into AFC mode again

so I got a date, great; and i'll make sure that I have other dates in between, and perhaps even a backup date for friday should original date cancel last minute

/ scordate ( still learning every day ) ;-)

 

[al77]

Originally posted by scordate
re. 1.
if you try to get a specific date, asking her for next friday 18:30 ( giving her some time to arrange things ), and she says; sorry am way too busy and she doesnt offer plan-B, then i presume its a "kind" way in her thinking to say; NO WAY ?

re. 2.
and this was the kind I was wondering about;
ok so I got a date for friday next week and its tuesday this week ?

what do I do in the meantime ?
stay a bit in touch with her ?
no communication at all untill date ?

Not necessarily: you offer at least two days for a date: "what are you doing on Tuesady or thursday?" if she is busy on those two
and doesnt offer plan-b - yes, she is not inetersted at all.
Some girls play hard to get from the let go, i.e. they are busy on the first day you offered but would go out with you on the second one.

What to do? nothing. no contact with her. Not even an email or txt message. If you do contect her she'll think "aha, he is clingy and desperate for a date".

 

[al77]

Originally posted by penkitten

when shes says she is busy, put the ball in her court, give her your number and polietly say, if you ever find time gimme a call.
then walk away.
do not call her.
when you do not contact her after a few days to a week, she will wonder why the hell you havent and she will call you.
you dont have to answer.
call it back hours later and act like you dont know its her.
then say, oh hell i havent heard from you in forever.
then you ljbf her.
tell her you are a little busy, you worked all day and now your on the way to the gym .
she will ask you to call her after that
you say i 'll try.

It makes sense, yes. But why would anyone (a guy) want to play
that game? I mean what is the goal of this game? he is not going to get a date that way. Probably he just has to move on. "Next"