when life won't cut you a break

[##17]

still reading all your responses, but you guys are right, i owe it to you to share the details a bit.

basically the biggest detail is the following. i lost my job a few months ago. i recently had some interviews with some great companies, but some reason didn't land the jobs. up here in canada when you are unemployed you get assistance (1500 bucks a month) for a few months.

anyway, today i found out that a job that i thought i had, i didn't get. it was a DREAM job. over 100k, AMAZING company, etc. at the same time, i also found out that my unemployment assistance ended today (i thought i still had a few more months coming to me).

so anyway. heres my situation. it costs me about 2500 bucks a month to live. i've got about 110k saved in the bank.

so now im pulling my hair out trying to figure out what to do. its a depressing thought, but part of me is considering moving in with my mom (she's reacting great to this and is being a huge positive influence - something she wasn't when i was growing up).

so im balancing do i move back in with her (which would drop my monthly costs down to about 500 bucks a month) or do i start using up my savings until i get a job.

anyway, to boot (and this is pety i know) my bro who is younger than me is a huge success and making 250k+ a year as a doctor. when i look at him i really feel like i've f*cked my life up.

so anyway, that's what prompted me to make this post.

now, in the past few hours i've had time to think about things and to assess why am i in the situation im in. and i have come to a conclusion on that. its been one thing - PRIDE.

when i was unemployed i didn't reach out to contacts. i was ashamed that i was unemployed and wanted to get back on my feet on my own. i didn't want to owe anybody for anything. i didn't want to take what i felt would be 'charity' or a 'hand out'.

what i realize now is that my EGO has sabotaged my job hunting - as well as a lot of other things in my life. probably the result of growing up in an abusive household and always fighting with my dad. i find myself not wanting to rely on anyone or anything in life and wanting to make it on my own. but i've done it in a negative way - because i've swum against hte current instead of trusting my life to the current and swimming with it.

anyway, i started reaching out today. ive reached out to people who probably are chuckling at my misfortune, but that doesn't matter. i can't let EGO hold me back anymore. I've got to just keep reaching out in every direction to life and hope and trust that i'll find a life line to grab hold of.

but while i've made that monumental shift in my attitude, i will still be dealing with a situation of eating up my savings or moving back in with my mom (unless i land a job in the very near future).

anyway, i appreciate all the insights you guys gave. and if you have more now that you know the details feel free to share.

reset - i agree with your point. its always easier to help others than yourself. and the reason is that often times what is 'blocking' you from moving forward is a part of yourself that you see as necessary to surviving. so in my particular case, it was EGO. being tough, self sufficient, not needing anyone - all these elements of my psychology have been useful in marching on in the face of adversity - BUT, they have their limitations, and in fact have limited my ability to maximize my potential.

i see that now though. so it was a valuable lesson learned. nothing opens your eyes like hitting rock bottom.

now i just have to get up and march on somehow.

Hey man,

We all go through tough times. That said, you know that you are not really at rock bottom, thanks in part to your smart saving habits. Rock bottom is when you are wondering how you're ever going to pay this month's rent. You, on the other hand, still have 40 months' living expenses, and that isn't counting any interest you might earn on your savings.

My point is that you don't need to make a big decision now to move w/ your mom or not. Even if nothing happens for you in the next 4 months, you'll still have 100k left. You have plenty of time to get a good game plan together for getting your career back, how to handle contacts, ect, even cutting your expense back. (2500/month for a single guy does sound a bit high, especially in Canada, where your dollar is stronger than ours now.) Exhale, and use that time.

PS: Your brother has his mission in life, and you are on your mission. You already know that there's no reason to compare. He probably has huge student loans anyway.

 

[MacAvoy]

Joe,

With EI, you had some freedom, however now you've got to make an important decision. Do you want to take a lower job in the meantime so that you've got an income and don't dwindle your savings OR do you want to keep yourself free so you can focus on your job hunt 100%.

I've been in this boat and I found its best to have an income. However look for a job that gives you the freedom to do your job hunt during the day. There are many jobs available in our economy, you just can't be fussy. There are many jobs where you can work afternoon so you can go to interviews during the day.

However I think you hit the nail on the head about using your network. Its always been my most valuable asset in my career. The whole reason of having a network is to use it to your advantage. You cultivated it, now rape it.

 

[romangod]

Thanks for responding, JoeKerr.

My instincts told me it had something to do with Ego. I've had to deal with my Ego a lot lately and a good friend who finished a recovery program mentioned an interesting acronym.

E - Edge
G - God
O - Out

It opened my eyes to a new way of thinking on a spiritual level. Give it some thought.

Also, keep in mind the saying, "Pride goeth before the fall." and another quote I like:"Pride sullies the noblest character".

I didn't know you were a fellow Canadian. As such, you are probably aware that the economy is due for a downswing depending on what part of the country you live in. If you are in an area that jobs are hard to find I would seriously consider moving back in with your mother until you get something solid. Don't let your Pride or Ego get in the way of making a pragmatic decision.

Best wishes and Good Luck.

 

[L B]

You have been a big help to many on this site. Hope this helps.

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."

Thomas Edison

 

[guru1000]

Hey Joeker,

You are not in a bad position. Really.

If you owned a business, it is said you need to have 12 months of business expense reserves to be SAFE.

You are very SAFE.

I dont think your true concern is or should be living expenses.

It seems like you are HUNGRY to GROW. This is key.

Read that again.

You are experiencing a PARADIGM SHIFT.

This COULD be a turning point. Every great adversity has an opportunity lining. What you do with that opportunity is in your choosing.

Take a step back and look at this objectively. What can you do now that you have the time to GROW financially? You certainly have GROWN in all other areas.

What passions do you have? Write a book? Investment? A Business Plan? An IDEA??

I do venture capital. I provide FINANCING for newly formed companies with NO CAPITAL. When these companies are funded and brought public, these SHAREHOLDERS become very wealthy. These directors initially brought to the table an IDEA (business plan) with their PASSION.

The world is filled with OPPORTUNITIES. Take ONE.

Never make MONEY an issue. Capital is easily attainable. If you desire it, apply work ethic and due diligence, it will come.

You are an intelligent guy. I work with many IDIOTS who are millionaires. Wealth to you could be easily attained with proper direction.

Most successful people share one mantra "Everything happens for a reason".

Now go find your reason. :yes:

 

[KarmaSutra]

Hey Joeker,

You are not in a bad position. Really.

If you owned a business, it is said you need to have 12 months of business expense reserves to be SAFE.

You are very SAFE.

I dont think your true concern is or should be living expenses.

It seems like you are HUNGRY to GROW. This is key.

Read that again.

You are experiencing a PARADIGM SHIFT.

This COULD be a turning point. Every great adversity has an opportunity lining. What you do with that opportunity is in your choosing.

Take a step back and look at this objectively. What can you do now that you have the time to GROW financially? You certainly have GROWN in all other areas.

What passions do you have? Write a book? Investment? A Business Plan? An IDEA??

I do venture capital. I provide FINANCING for newly formed companies with NO CAPITAL. When these companies are funded and brought public, these SHAREHOLDERS become very wealthy. These directors initially brought to the table an IDEA (business plan) with their PASSION.

The world is filled with OPPORTUNITIES. Take ONE.

Never make MONEY an issue. Capital is easily attainable. If you desire it, apply work ethic and due diligence, it will come.

You are an intelligent guy. I work with many IDIOTS who are millionaires. Wealth to you could be easily attained with proper direction.

Most successful people share one mantra "Everything happens for a reason".

Now go find your reason. :yes:

Aside from giving any financial advice this is exactly what I would say and it's also the right thing to hear.

Good post Guru.

 

[STR8UP]

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

That's exactly what I did for the past year.

Although I don't think I had a nervous breakdown, I can honestly say that I now know what one is, because without the support of family and a few months of anti-depressants (which I am no longer taking) I most likely would have ended up pretty much bedridden for a few weeks.

 

[bigjohnson]

It is often darkest before dawn.

PERSEVERANCE will always win. Take it on the CHIN and keep moving forward.

With FORTITUDE, you will always remain VICTORIOUS.

That's a load of feel good crap, sorry to say.


Find one (marketable) thing you're excellent at and hone that skill to perfection, other things will start to fall into place. Try not to worry too much about things you can't control, worry plenty about things you can change. Every day is a new one.

Well, when life throws you lemons, use the lemons to kill yourself.

I liked the one "when life gives you lemons find a woman to whom life has given vodka"

 

[Road Demon]

"You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength."
~Marcus Aurelius

 

[joekerr31]

"You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength."
~Marcus Aurelius

i love marcus aurelius. what a world we would live in with more men like him. and like Seneca.

im watching passion of the christ. ill say this much, Gibson may be a racist, but he made an amazing movie.

when you realize what people have done in this world, the suffering they have endured, it makes you realize that the only thing keeping you from getting up after being knocked down is the will to do so.

 

[joekerr31]

and just a thought that perhaps some of you may find poignant, its a varation on the theme of its always darkest before the dawn.

no man has ever found God in the riches of the world - in money, in cars, in homes, in jobs, etc.. one only finds god in the darkest, more empty places, in the suffering of man - for in such a place one will find God's presence and salvation.

(sorry to all those folks who aren't into a higher power - for those of you substitute the word god for the notion of the 'will to be').

 

[Last Man Standing]

Your spirit is much more valuable than earthly gain - make sure your spirit doesn't suffer for the sake of material want!!

For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?

You are bummed out, not only because you have been unemployed but because your expectations were that you were to get that job and then it didn't materialize - so it was a crushing blow - this is understandable!

Never compare yourself to others on a material level - a man's measurement has nothing to do with his material wealth - it rather has to do with his spirit / character!!

 

[guru1000]

Never compare yourself to others on a material level - a man's measurement has nothing to do with his material wealth - it rather has to do with his spirit / character!!

On your death bed, this is the ONLY thing you will take with you.

 

[BLebowski]

To be honest...if you lose a job but still have 110k saved up on a bank account...that's hardly a situation that could be called rock bottom. Maybe there's more playing in your life (so correct me if I'm wrong) but...you don't get a job you want and you get all misty-eyed? Come on.

I don't know...I'm coming from a poor background myself so perhaps that helps. When I was little, my dad had a whole lot of one month jobs with low pay (he was a trucker, so it was physically demanding work as well). Did he complain about it? No, he got the sack one day and the next morning he got up and went out there, calling and visiting companies for new work. He had unemployment assistance but it wasn't much and it took AGES to request and receive. He swallowed his pride and loaned money from family to be able to put food on the table for us that day.

Your brother makes 250k+ a year. So what? You have 110k saved up so you didn't do bad yourself either.

2500 dollars a month just to live? Try to cut down, and cut out the bull**** you don't need. I don't know how Canada is but 2500 seems steep.

I do understand that if you're still fighting demons (for you, by your own admission, it's the ego demon), lessons can crop up at any time and at the 'simplest' of times. Everyone's fighting a demon of one kind or another (including me). You'll get out of this.

 

[romangod]

i love marcus aurelius. what a world we would live in with more men like him. and like Seneca.

Here's a quote from Marcus Aurelius you might find helpful:

"Let not your mind run on what you lack as much as on what you have already."

Here's a link to my sister's website with more quotes you might find enlightening. Cheers!

http://www.essentiallifeskills.net/marcusaureliusquotes.html

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Hey Mr. Joekerr

you don't know me, I'm pretty new here, but I know what you're going through. I've actually been far worse. Like only about 2K in the bank and living with mom at 40! This sounds like trite feel good crap, but you'll get over it. Don't worry about it, seriously. Stop watching crazy serious movies like passion of the chirst, go rent 40 yo virgin or some stupid funny movie. your situation isn't all that bad, just laugh it off and keep plugging away.

watch some funny youtube stuff or something.

remember, interviews are like dates, if you're too needy you'll get next'ed.

get a part time somewhere while you're looking, so you don't feel like a complete loser

Hell, maybe you could get job as a writer on lost....

that was one f'd up post!

ja matta ne

Taiyuu

 

[Mr.Positive]

get a part time somewhere while you're looking, so you don't feel like a complete loser

One of the biggest lessons I've learned in life is that you can't let your job define you as a man.

Joe, if this helps, I can relate. I've been on a job transition for the past few years, however in my case, the job that I'm going for is extremely competitive. About 1 in 1000 actually get hired.

I've faced many rejections, such as being at the top of that list of 1000, waiting a whole year for the answer if I got the job, to find out that I didn't. I keep my chin up and keep plugging away.

What I would do if I was in your shoes. In fact, this is what I've done a couple of times.

Pack up your backpack, and go travelling. Move all your stuff into your Mom's house, so you don't have any rent/bills, and go see the world for a month or two. You are in the perfect situation to do this. Single, with a large bank account, and no current job holding you down.

You can travel inexpensively too, and you could even lower costs even more by going to countries where your dollar goes farther, eastern europe, asia, etc.

You will learn more about different cultures, and that can be something very useful to add to your resume of experiences.

You don't need a travel partner, going solo allows you to meet a lot more people.

Try to look at this from a different perspective, being temporarily unemployed can be a good thing. It gives you the freedom to have adventures..and having adventures, living life to the fullest, is really what life is about.

 

[romangod]

What I would do if I was in your shoes. In fact, this is what I've done a couple of times.

Pack up your backpack, and go travelling. Move all your stuff into your Mom's house, so you don't have any rent/bills, and go see the world for a month or two. You are in the perfect situation to do this. Single, with a large bank account, and no current job holding you down.

You can travel inexpensively too, and you could even lower costs even more by going to countries where your dollar goes farther, eastern europe, asia, etc.

You will learn more about different cultures, and that can be something very useful to add to your resume of experiences.

Mr. Positive............... That is a great idea. I've traveled a lot and many times I was alone. It opens your eyes to many new and constructive ways of thinking and gives you a whole new perspective. Cheers!

 

[LoneSilver]

Something was telling me to write about my unemployment experience about me not getting hired for that management position experience that just being only one experience of feeling defeated. Call it the spiritual at work or a 6th sense or a hunch whatever... I felt that this was what you Joekerr were going through and I know from my own experiences which is key here, that it's a bummer and it makes you feel in the bit of your belly until the sun comes out like a piece of sh*t.

Let me say further you say your rock bottom? Come now...let the children sing let's rejoice in a new beginning... I say your not even close to rock bottom....Not with a hundred grand in the bank if I read that right. The cost of living can't be that freaking expensive that you can't survive. You can find a cheaper place to live and shop at lower priced stores for awhile until you get that dream job or career back on track. What it sounds like to me is your use to a certain life style and it's crapping your life your pride to have to adjust to a lower state of living.. you just need to welcome your new reality.

Don't take my post as flaming or harsh I feel your pain I have been there done that with way less money that you.

Your a great asset to this forum but I had to add in one of my post on another thread and I am sure you remember where you said 99% of people who complain are only using excuses for not being happy and I followed up with I am glad you mentioned only 99% because 1% of the people in the world have good reason to not be happy and there not excuses something to that effect I wrote. I further added have you been tested in your life to be the authority on such matters and have the esteem to write such a thing? Something to that effect and you never answered.

Let me ask you now are you the 1% with a good reason not to be happy or are you the 99% that's finding an excuse not to be happy? Are you being tested in your own life now and weren't before?

This is important to answer to yourself you don't have to answer here on the forum but when you come to terms with the advice and stuff you write are you certain that you are the authority to give such advice and the esteem to do so it will help you continue along in your journey to find resolve in yourself and what it really means to be happy.

When you have been tested in life if it's experiences that were tested day in and day out with a disability if you've been betrayed by people of influence, betrayed by authority figures, betrayed my close friends whom you trusted with your life, betrayed my people who are making millions of dollars off of your ideas and you have no proof or recoarse to sue their asses and people look at you as a liar and worst of all by ministers you've trusted with your spiritual life etc.,that almost had you ready for the white coats to take you away. But some how something deep in your innards stirred you to victory and you found resolve or whatever your advice would all be good because you lived it and went through the fire the pain of such experiences if you didn't give up. You write the stuff that 99% of people are only using excuses for not being happy and you've been living on Running Smoothly and 3rd Street isn't so inspiring in my opinion unless you've been tested. It has no meat and tators and it taste a bit uncooked. I don't know about anyone else I like my meat and tators cooked it's a better receipe for success.

Your not living homeless or living in the Salvation Army homeless shelter with no money.... You don't know what hard times are when the chips are down unless one had lived through the darkest moments of hell which isn't in the boogie dept of the earth but in the pits of our bellies where we feel the shame, the rejections and the feelings of unattractiveness because one doesn't live up to the expectations of the elite or successful or model types that seems to be the norm of this world all is vanity and shallow sh*ttin' and all created by marketing and advertisers men and women who have ideas to market products to sell and so many get caught up in sucking their toe jam I am sure you get the message.

Something to chew on while your suffering through this hard time with 100 grand in your bank account get a grip ...the sun just came out and the rays are upon your soul may the peace of reason fill it.

LoneSilver

 

[joekerr31]

your situation isn't all that bad, just laugh it off and keep plugging away.

as long as you are breathing, your situation can be worse

i know that sounds silly, but its sooo true. i mean, there are people who get cancer when they are 21 and die.

life is like a movie. sometimes its scary, sometimes its sad, sometimes its funny, etc. but just because a movie might be scary at times, doesn't mean you can't enjoy it.

i have to remember the creed of the gladiators. gladiators use to consider it an insult to be pited against a lesser opponent. to know they were going to win, to not really be risking death - where was the glory?

a gladiator laughed death in the face. the harder the opponent the greater the glory.

sometimes when life takes everything from you (and im not there yet) its merely an opportunity for you to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat and to know true glory.