when life won't cut you a break

[reset]

However my belief is in yourself. So my only advice is to find something that you can relate to and that will help you get on track. But its up to you, nothing that I do or anyone says can pull you out of it.

One of the things for me besides my belief in myself was a line from the Rocky Balboa movie

That's a great quote, I remember when I first saw that on DVD I rewound it a bunch of times. Joe I hope you get through whatever it is. I have a lot of your posts and threads saved, the things you've said to me have influenced the big changes I'm going through, so obviously you have what it takes inside you. I mean if it works on me, and it came from you, then that's in you, right? Behind the BS?

It reminds me of that "banging my head" thread where the dude's relationship ended and you walked him through it for weeks, long after the point many guys would have said "dude snap out of it!" but you never said that, you just kept building him up, and up. And I still remember the stuff in there and it was motivational for me.

So the way you treat people you care about, and the people you help here, you're going to have to be in your own corner in the same way.

And I will continue to assume there are no bloody bodies on your carpet.

 

[LoneSilver]

I remember years ago I was in the management of apartments I had the experiences of apartment management and was more than qualified for the position I was seeking at this particular apartment complex. The position would be an added welcome of income increase and it would be a few miles from my home.

The people taking my resume after looking it over were impressd and actually told me before I left that I had the job and they would call me when they were ready. I waited about two weeks and wondered why they haven't called so I called them back and ask when will you be ready for my services? They commented that the position was filled by someone else and that it was all a big misunderstanding blah blah blah.

This upset me so much because I had told friends, family and the present employer that I woud have this job...when it didn't come to past I went into a depression and felt as the decade has gone here it goes again I can't trust anyone anymore betrayal, betrayal and why, why, why me for what have I done to deserve this in my life.

It would be a couple months I would be watching the news when I heard that a tornado smashed and leveled several apartments at the place I was seeking the position that was the unspoken whisper for that moment.

Was it something bigger watching over me that maybe my life was spared for a reason. That was spooky as hell at the time when that news report came in my spirit was lifted out of that depression.

As a human do I really know my future as much as I might like to think?

Though I try in each setback to see a bigger picture and not try to question why it's happening I still ask and I know now deep down that even though the setback is a pain in the ass it will pass and the enlightment will be presented in due time and all will be good.


LoneSilver

 

[reset]

Also you say it's been a year. So this means in the year you've been giving great advice to others, your own crap couldn't be handled as well. That's always the way, it's easy to be objective about others, but when it comes to us sometimes it's hard to follow the same guidelines. When I sometimes give advice here, a while later I'll step back and think "yeah, that's what works. So why don't YOU actually try that more on yourself, reset?" lol.

I don't know you in "reality" but you strike me as a guy who is on the ball. So even though you're going through crap, I bet... that you're doing it in the best, most mature way you're capable of right now.

When we form new ways of thinking, it's easy to say "this is my philosophy" when it's the good times. But in the bad times, THAT'S when your philosophy or mindset is put to the test.

So do whatever you can to take care of yourself, don't skip on your good habits. This means exercise, hygiene, eating, refraining from drinking heavily or whatever. Refuse to give in to any of those "coping behaviors" that people use when they shut out the world. Your daily routine and habits will give you some momentum to carry you through.

And you have to stay active, just move around. Do stuff. Clean house, go for a drive, clear all the porn off your hard drive, anything where you are not starting into space. That's kind of where I was at when you guys started helping me and I've changed quickly.

Finally.... I read this book a long time ago but it was a Dale Carnegie book about worrying. He said to see yourself as living in air tight compartments, like on a sub. Each room has to be firmly sealed shut or there will be leaks and sinking ships. So the past is in its air-tight compartment, firmly sealed shut, you're not in that room. You can't go there. Same for the future. They aren't available to you. Only now. This compartment is all you should concern yourself with. Right now.

 

[Mr.Positive]

This upset me so much because I had told friends, family and the present employer that I woud have this job...when it didn't come to past I went into a depression and felt as the decade has gone here it goes again I can't trust anyone anymore betrayal, betrayal and why, why, why me for what have I done to deserve this in my life.

It would be a couple months I would be watching the news when I heard that a tornado smashed and leveled several apartments at the place I was seeking the position that was the unspoken whisper for that moment. LoneSilver

Great post LoneSilver. You just never know what's really a blessing, until something like this happens.

It reminds me, years ago I went back and forth on accepting a particular job as a contractor for a military organization. Had I accepted, I would have been working at the pentagon the day 9/11 happened, and the plane hit.

You have to have a roll with life attitude I believe. Be thankful for the good, yet don't turn you back on the bad, because the bad...well, it may see that way at the time, but it could save your ass sometimes.

 

[reset]

Guys that's powerful stuff.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo JOEKERR,


My friend, I know you probably don't mean to...but you are doing a disservice to all of us here by NOT elaborating further on the general nature of this crisis you are facing.

It puts us at somewhat of a disadvantage in our War Effort----The "mission" to rescue JOEKERR from a recurring Axis of Evil----Spiritual Exhaustion, Lack of Hope, and Depression. But nevertheless, I will REPOST this "mix-tape" of some things I've shared with YOU and some others in the past, in hopes that you may get SOME benefit from it:



"For me, the ROCK that keeps me standing during the darkest of times is my Spiritual beliefs. But unlike many, my spiritual beliefs are not the product of childhood training, traditional church indoctrination, OR “societal pressures”.

And from your body of posts, I recognize that you and I SHARE this general life-philosophy. That hasn't CHANGED, has it?

I believe that your faith, much like mine, was not a faith that was born from naivety, or a need to deny reality, BUT from a recognition of certain truths that resonate within you. If this is true, I would encourage you to continue to view your current situation through the eyes of your FAITH.

HOPE is a byproduct of a maintaining a viewpoint that sees through the clear lense of unlimited POSSIBILITY----as opposed to just the cloudy "peephole" of mere pre-experienced, PROBABILITY.

I would also remind you that:

Your PAST does not have to equal your FUTURE.

Count your blessings my man. Take some time to list AND APPRECIATE all the things that you usually take for granted------things that if you didn’t have them, your life would definitely be even more negatively impacted.

I have found that an attitude of GRATITUDE is a powerful weapon in overcoming a spirit of DEPRESSION.

Field Report:

One Christmas, years ago, after the death of my Grandmother (who raised me, who I took care of for many years due to her prolonged battle with illness), I was thinking in a similar fashion as you----NOT suicide, but definitely ambivalence over living or dying. At the time, my life was filled with the mundane. No women worth anything in my life, dealing with chronic health issues, working the most mundane of jobs, etc. You get the picture…Anyway, while I was deep into “hour three” of my self-pity party, I was distracted by the sound of laughter. Somebody on CNN was laughing like hell, almost hysterically so.

I turned the sound up-----it was CHRISTOPHER REEVE. Here he was, a quadriplegic, strapped to a machine, with a tube connected to his throat-----talking and chuckling about how much he was enjoying his day.

What the FUKK????

And here I was, with problems, and dealing with adversities that were nowhere NEAR as challenging as his must have been, YET, I was the one wallowing in my own self-magnified grief like a BIIITCH. Needless to say, it didn’t take me long after seeing that to snap the fukk out of it and get over my mutherfukkin’ self.

That’s the day I started purposely reminding myself to always try to have an attitude of gratitude. Sure, there are still dark times. I’m fighting my way through a NEW barrage of them as I’m writing this right now, but still----I MARCH ON.

Why?

Because my mindset now is that every day ABOVE ground is a “good” day-----if for no other reason, than just because another day alive is another day to GET IT RIGHT.

One step forward from where you are, one minute away from where you are now, or one decision that you make from now, can make ALL the difference in your present mood.

The storms we face in life, the down times, and that little bit of fear that we face as we step from certainty into uncertainty is the price we pay for having our eyes OPENED.

Yes it's true, my friend.

Sometimes your eyes DO "hurt because you haven't used them before."

But there are ALSO times when your eyes hurt "because you've been looking too hard and you've seen TOO MUCH."

So for now...REST easy, soldier. For tomorrow is a new day...

With new challenges...

New obstacles...

New opportunities...

And YES...

...new VICTORIES.


And this is my wish for you:

"That no matter how many battles you fight, may your VICTORIES be UNLIMITED!!!!":rockon:

 

[Mr. Wise]

Keep focus on the positive things that are going on in your life right now. That's what I'm doing and it's working. Life is constantly throwing you curves and twists that you must learn to deal with - that's just how it is. The fact is EVERYONE has their own set of problems. To say that one has bigger or more important problems than another person is hearsay.

Ex boxing champ Buster Douglas said when he defeated Mike Tyson as an overwhelming underdog, "I just kept chopping away, sooner or later I knew he was gonna go down." I constantly replay that interview in my mind over and over in my head as if it happened yesterday. It was one of the best fights in boxing history and one that I'll never forget. Douglas kept flurrying Tyson with punches and eventually the champ went down. Like chopping down a giant tree one small cut at a time.

So focus on the positive Joe, make your health, friends and family a priority. Keep chopping away eventually you're gonna catch a break and good things will happen.

 

[romangod]

Yo JOEKERR,


My friend, I know you probably don't mean to...but you are doing a disservice to all of us here by NOT elaborating further on the general nature of this crisis you are facing.

I agree with Victory. You can't reach out half way and expect us to grab you and pull you to safety. Open up and let it out without fear of us being judgemental or taking your concerns too lightly. Here is an opportunity for all us Mature Men to learn and grow together through your struggles.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Joekerr, read all of your sosuave posts again as though they were advice to you instead of advice from you.

And stop watching Lost unless you are using it as an opener to meet women. TV rots your brain. So do most women, but they are at least more fun than TV.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Here is an opportunity for all us Mature Men to learn and grow together through your struggles.

You got it Romangod..

Joekerr, uva uvam vivendo varia fit.

You've personally helped out who knows how many people, this is a chance for others to try and give back a little.

It's about working together sometimes...so we all become better men when the day is done.

 

[eyedogg]

Yo - Joker!

2007 had a ton of ups and downs for me. I stayed focus by gettting a schedule in place that was about improving on me. I ate better, slept better, and worked out 5 days a week. In the end, the year ended really good.

I would have never guessed that in the beginning of the year.

Stay POSITIVE!

-eyedogg

 

[Interceptor]

joey.

the main thing that is happening to you right now is you are TOO close to the problem/s.


You MUST 'step back".

gain a WIDER Panorama of perspective.

Where will you be in a month?

Where will you be in 6 months?

Where will you be in a year or 3 years?


You are feeling this , like the bottom fell out because you have no plan.

You must step back, gain OBJECTIVE Perspective, and FORMULATE a Plan.

Readiness.

Think about that word, joey.
Troop Readiness.


COMBAT READINESS.



Are you willing to stay objective? Are you willing to not look at this full of emotion?
Are you willing to step back and take out all the emotions, and just be LOGICAL and PRACTICAL?


Now, I don't need your details.

But YOU NEED to understand Problem Solving. You NEED to understand THREAT ASSESSMENT.

How bad is this? Really?

How hard of a hit is this to you? Really?

Are you absolutely POSITIVE that your EGO is NOT involved?

And most imprtantly, did this happen because you were not consistent in taking care of YOUR NEEDS?

Were your NEEDS being met, joe?
Were they?

If so, then you should be stronger than this.
If not, then WHY?
WHY?

You must have a Mission in Life, joe.
If you don't , then it is harder for you to ALIGN or RE ALIGN yourself when the sh*t starts happening.
When the 'bottom falls out' , joey...this can sometimes mean there wasn't a "HOUSE" in the first place!



Sometimes, you MUST REMOVE all EMOTIONS and the Emotional Attachment you have.
And if you go into "Survival Mode" then, so be it.

But this means that you haven't been consitent in the past to stay strong during the hard times.
This is now the time to evaluate yourself.
Now your METAL is being tested, joey.

Now you feel the burn of not preparing yourself for combat.

Does this make sense?

Now is the time to FOCUS on just WHAT happend and your correct, logical, mature RESPONSE needs to be.

You are being TESTED, joe.
And you have to decide if you're going to be strong and mature, and get your needs met, come Hell or high water, or youre going to sink into your despair.
Are you just going to drown yourself, joe?
Give up?

Why?


If not, then get your **** together, get up, check your ammo, put on your rucksack, your helmet, and get back in formation.

 

[joekerr31]

still reading all your responses, but you guys are right, i owe it to you to share the details a bit.

basically the biggest detail is the following. i lost my job a few months ago. i recently had some interviews with some great companies, but some reason didn't land the jobs. up here in canada when you are unemployed you get assistance (1500 bucks a month) for a few months.

anyway, today i found out that a job that i thought i had, i didn't get. it was a DREAM job. over 100k, AMAZING company, etc. at the same time, i also found out that my unemployment assistance ended today (i thought i still had a few more months coming to me).

so anyway. heres my situation. it costs me about 2500 bucks a month to live. i've got about 110k saved in the bank.

so now im pulling my hair out trying to figure out what to do. its a depressing thought, but part of me is considering moving in with my mom (she's reacting great to this and is being a huge positive influence - something she wasn't when i was growing up).

so im balancing do i move back in with her (which would drop my monthly costs down to about 500 bucks a month) or do i start using up my savings until i get a job.

anyway, to boot (and this is pety i know) my bro who is younger than me is a huge success and making 250k+ a year as a doctor. when i look at him i really feel like i've f*cked my life up.

so anyway, that's what prompted me to make this post.

now, in the past few hours i've had time to think about things and to assess why am i in the situation im in. and i have come to a conclusion on that. its been one thing - PRIDE.

when i was unemployed i didn't reach out to contacts. i was ashamed that i was unemployed and wanted to get back on my feet on my own. i didn't want to owe anybody for anything. i didn't want to take what i felt would be 'charity' or a 'hand out'.

what i realize now is that my EGO has sabotaged my job hunting - as well as a lot of other things in my life. probably the result of growing up in an abusive household and always fighting with my dad. i find myself not wanting to rely on anyone or anything in life and wanting to make it on my own. but i've done it in a negative way - because i've swum against hte current instead of trusting my life to the current and swimming with it.

anyway, i started reaching out today. ive reached out to people who probably are chuckling at my misfortune, but that doesn't matter. i can't let EGO hold me back anymore. I've got to just keep reaching out in every direction to life and hope and trust that i'll find a life line to grab hold of.

but while i've made that monumental shift in my attitude, i will still be dealing with a situation of eating up my savings or moving back in with my mom (unless i land a job in the very near future).

anyway, i appreciate all the insights you guys gave. and if you have more now that you know the details feel free to share.

reset - i agree with your point. its always easier to help others than yourself. and the reason is that often times what is 'blocking' you from moving forward is a part of yourself that you see as necessary to surviving. so in my particular case, it was EGO. being tough, self sufficient, not needing anyone - all these elements of my psychology have been useful in marching on in the face of adversity - BUT, they have their limitations, and in fact have limited my ability to maximize my potential.

i see that now though. so it was a valuable lesson learned. nothing opens your eyes like hitting rock bottom.

now i just have to get up and march on somehow.

 

[Sir Juanalot]

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

I always approach situations with the mindset "what am i supposed to learn from this" it helps me to try to be objective about what is going on, and to see where i am going wrong, and what lessons there are for me to learn.

Sometimes life can be crappy, but as long as you know there will be up days and down days, you can grit your teeth and say "i'm gonna get through this" then when the up days return, you can look back and see that you are stronger, wiser, and more able to cope with the next batch of crap that is thrown at you.

Wondering what if, and looking backwards are like trying to catch the air you just breathed out, ultimately pointless. Move forwards, aim high, and don't quit.

 

[joekerr31]

With FORTITUDE, you will always remain VICTORIOUS.

i agree with this - but what i've learned in all this is that sometimes being strong means being humble. sometimes reaching out to others is the right thing to do and that trying to do it all on your own or not appear like you need anyones help is the wrong thing to do.

 

[joekerr31]

"i've found, and its been a tough lesson to learn, that when life is sabotaging me on one front, often its really just life's way of pushing me in a different direction. and when i embrace that and go with the flow, things work out for the better (sometimes it takes a little time though, hence why patience is a virtue).

.....i've found the whole point of life is change. if you can learn to get excited about the unknown life becomes a completely different experience. most peopel are scared to death about what lies around the corner and would rather never turn the corner. whereas i believe the most interesting element to life is not knowing whats around the corner and then going and checking it out - life becomes one big adventure then."

some dude wrote this to me....

haha. wise words. i did exactly what i advised others not to do. i tried to control the journey. i refused to look down certain alleys out of Ego. i was too concerned with how it would look if i went down an alley (say calling ex collegues who were envious of my success and asking for help) that i didn't give those alleyways a chance.

this has been an epiphany like experience for me. i'm learning that life doesn't have to be a war that you fight alone. that you can reach out to the world around you and it doesn't mean you are weak or a failure.

you have to reach out to people as though they are branches that will help you get out of the quick sand. and yes, some of those branches you will reach for and they will break and be useless. but all you need is one branch to be sturdy and it will assist you out of the quick sand.

heres hoping i find such a branch sooner rather than later.

 

[joekerr31]

Take your own advice, and put your life in perspective. Just how bad is your situation, really?
As bad as this? http://www.wftv.com/news/3643877/detail.html

as of this moment im healthy, i have some money in the bank, i have a car, im intelligent, etc.

so my situation isn't as bad for sure.

the problem is that if life were like climbing a mountain, i've been sliding backwards now for a few months. and today i slide backwards big time. i look back and i can see a ledge looming and know if i continue to slide im goign to fall off the mountain.

so while my situation isn't nearly as bad, its really tough to be looking towards the top of the mountain and finding yourself sliding backwards.

very demoralizing.

 

[reset]

Well my dad always says any problem you can fix with money is not a problem. Hey dude. I've never even NOT lived with my parents, so you've got some options here. You have savings so no one is going to break your legs if you don't pay up....and no bloody bodies lying on the carpet (thank god).

My buddy lost HIS job today, not even close to the savings you have.

I know what you mean about being self-sufficient though. But damn, you're basically a good job away from this not being an issue. And no one's pounding on your door for bills.

 

[Interceptor]

Well, the good thing is you HAVE Savings.
This is VITAL.

If you are currently renting your home, then I say move back in with mom for the next 6 months, and make it your mission to LAND a JOB!
Renting , means no equity , no real investment. Let it go.



Keep your savings intact.

Now, If you own your home, this is tougher. How the hell do you let go of your home you're paying for? Assuming youre still paying the mortgage.

Perhaps, a roommate?

Perhaps refinancing?

Perhaps govt assistance in another area of funding from the govt?

Try to keep your house,if you can.

the deal with your briother is a total NON ISSUE!!!!!!!

Absolutely FUTILE and USELESS even thinking about comparing yourself with him.
You have your life, and yuor ideas preferences identity, completely apart from him.
be proud that YOU ARE DIFFERENT!
No one wants two versions of your brother!
Why cant you be the best version of YOU???!

You got to getthis handled, joe. Its silly.
Let your briother live thelife HE wants to. And focus on living your OWN,
the WAY YOU want to.
Not comparing yourself.

THE ONLY REAL TRUE OPINION YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO IS YOUR OWN!
The only expectations you shoudl live up to are YOUR OWN!


Your life is your own.
If you feel you wasted time in the past....SO BE IT!

LET IT GO!

NOW is the time!

NOW!

BE in the NOW!
You cant get back the past!
You can only control the DECISIONS THOUGHTS and ACTONS You are MAKING RIGHT NOW THIS VERY MOMENT!

At the very least, let go of your EGo.
Let go of needing to impress others withyour accomplishments, joey.
Thats wasted energy.
Joe, you have so much to offer.
Why are you not following your own philosophy?
Why are you not living your ideals?
joe, NOW is the time to make a plan.
Learn from this, and make the commitment to CHANGE.

You need to PREPAVE your future.
You need to do things every day, that will help you reach your goals!

Write out your goals.
Make a plan.
Feel the burn of what youre doing right now, and remeber the foolishness and the uselessness of some of the thoughts you are thinkiing.

Change.
For the better.

You have now.
What you decide right NOW decides YOUR FUTURE.

Cut ALL TIES with the NEGATIVE PAST, and completely REMOVE the movie and visuals in your mind over and over again which are negative.

Make a MENTAL DISCONNECT top those negative thoughts and the PAST.
NOW.
Start fresh.

The NEW YOU.
The NEW LIFE.
The LIFE you ALWAYS wanted to LIVE.

Again, you need to gain perspective.
Step back and see the larger picture.

You will get out of this,.

And whatever happens you MUST makle the COMMITMENT to have the FORTITUDE and RESOLVE to take on this challenge.
There will be days you may be a little weak.
But if you follow that inspiration, you will not go astray.

Discipline.
Humility.
Courage.
Nurturing
Peace of Mind

 

[Phyzzle]

Well, when life throws you lemons, use the lemons to kill yourself.

(Did I say that right?)

Damn you have a lot of savings. Looking to retire at 50? Maybe life is telling you to do some traveling and fishing now that you're young and retire when you're 52. You're not doing bad for now.