when is the right time to say I LOVE U

[Focal core]

1.) Buy her flowers and spend as much as you can. Get the expensive ones.
2.) Make sure to hand write the note on the flowers, or better yet, write her a poem and have it laminated.
3.) Dont skip out on the big teddy bear.
4.) Chocolates- the expensive ones. Dont skip out on those either.

Last but not least, make sure that you hand deliver these to her work or when there are lots of people around at school, etc. You have a greater chance of someone catching the moment on video to relive forever and you want to show her that you have big ballz and will confess your love for her in front of the world.

Let us know how it goes!

Is this a from yahoo! Question pages? Lololol

 

[lamath]

1.) Buy her flowers and spend as much as you can. Get the expensive ones.
2.) Make sure to hand write the note on the flowers, or better yet, write her a poem and have it laminated.
3.) Dont skip out on the big teddy bear.
4.) Chocolates- the expensive ones. Dont skip out on those either.

Last but not least, make sure that you hand deliver these to her work or when there are lots of people around at school, etc. You have a greater chance of someone catching the moment on video to relive forever and you want to show her that you have big ballz and will confess your love for her in front of the world.

Let us know how it goes!

top advise there





Not ...............
just incase some ppl are wondering.


Always Sex before GF/BF unles your are like 15

 

[Glassguy]

My advice was total sarcasm by the way.

NEVER do that for a woman.

 

[Spaz]

My advice was total sarcasm by the way.

NEVER do that for a woman.

Don't forget she's automatically your girlfriend after 3 dates..

 

[Glassguy]

Don't forget she's automatically your girlfriend after 3 dates..

3? I thought it was 2......

I guess the women changed the rule to 3 so we have to follow it lmao

 

[lizardking82]

1.) Buy her flowers and spend as much as you can. Get the expensive ones.
2.) Make sure to hand write the note on the flowers, or better yet, write her a poem and have it laminated.
3.) Dont skip out on the big teddy bear.
4.) Chocolates- the expensive ones. Dont skip out on those either.

Last but not least, make sure that you hand deliver these to her work or when there are lots of people around at school, etc. You have a greater chance of someone catching the moment on video to relive forever and you want to show her that you have big ballz and will confess your love for her in front of the world.

Let us know how it goes!

I hope this is irony

 

[Dash Riprock]

My advice was total sarcasm by the way.

NEVER do that for a woman.

Fu*ck, I'm glad I scrolled down. Was about to PM you and ask if you lost your mind, lol.

 

[lizardking82]

Fu*ck, I'm glad I scrolled down. Was about to PM you and ask if you lost your mind, lol.

I did that indirectly already with a post hahahahahaa

 

[Glassguy]

Fu*ck, I'm glad I scrolled down. Was about to PM you and ask if you lost your mind, lol.

My mind and game is tight.

If people want to get on here and be lifetime betas, I am going to help them along and get them to beta chaser land asap!

 

[Ranger]

I don’t remember saying the love word in the last 10+ years, even when I was married—nor have I had a desire to.

To desire to profess your love to a girl you have never dated is a character flaw, rooted in neediness and your lack of options. The more options you have the less you feel inclined to profess love, project your feelings onto her, or to develop such feelings to begin with.

I encourage you to get to the root of the problem, which are (lack of) options. Stick around and learn.

As to love itself, I do believe the word itself is misused by individuals in the early stages. Real love takes years to manifest and grows over time with a giving partner that often puts your needs in front of theirs.

This.

Real love, if it comes, takes years to manifest itself. You’re not feeling love.
Listen to the above post by guru1000. He has a good grip on it.
If you don’t...you will have to suffer more to get you to a place where you can change.

 

[HankHill]

You've gotten good advice already so I won't repeat it.

My main squeeze this weekend blurted out 'I love you' during sex...then literally did an embarrassed face-palm and said 'oh my gawd, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry'! I just said 'it's ok...I love fvcking you' and carried on until she climaxed. She's been trying to lock me down. She's also sh1t tested me several times, invites me over to stay overnight, she cooks dinner and bfast for me, comes over to 'hang out', wants to know my holiday schedule so we can get away etc etc. I still haven't said I love you to her...I have no plans of saying it either. She should know from my actions (i.e. I give it to her good and spend time with her etc). Having said that who knows, may be if she does something great for me down the road and in that moment I truly feel like saying it to her then I will.

It's ok to say it once in a while especially after they've done something genuinely nice and thoughtful for you but it can't be so early on. My ex hated that I wouldn't say stuff like that to her or get her flowers etc. that was one of her main complaints to the therapist...that I didn't make her feel appreciated, even though the sex was fantastic (she kept coming back for it even after the breakup). So I think some women really want to hear it for validation because they're usually insecure, they think you'll dump them and move on etc. But again we're talking LTRs not something that just started.

 

[Ranger]

"Will you go on a date this weekend or Are you free this weekend for a date VERSUS Join me this weekend for some fun activities"

There is a difference IN the approaches that will yield different results.

.

This is not a subtle difference that @Spaz has brought up. In fact it’s HUGE.
This is night and day. This is how I can tell who’s still plugged into the imperative and who isn’t.

His point is that the man is NOT asking. Let’s look at some differences.

“Would you like to get together Saturday babe?” vs “I want to see you on Saturday. 7:00 is about right.”

There’s massive frame difference between those two examples. One is supplication and giving her all the frame. The other is telling her she going to have a good time and to be there.

Some of you guys just floated right over it. It’s fukking hilarious. Frame.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Frame rules the day here as noted by several people. If you are in the masculine, leadership frame then you are able to do or say whatever you like without loss of attraction. Everything about my guy says masculine leadership frame. He does what he wants, with who he wants, whenever he chooses. His actions tell me he chooses me and his actions have said that for a while now.

He gave me the rose I'm holding in my avatar, and he took that photo. He said "I love you" first, and often and early on. Hell, I have him gushing about how much he loves me on voicemail (during booty calls which I did not answer, lol) but of course part of that was the unfilteredness of drink, and part of that was the saying what he thinks I wanted to hear early on in order to get what he wanted (late night sex). Obviously I did not answer those booty calls, and so enforced my boundary in that respect...which of course made him that much more curious about my whereabouts and goings on (am I really home sleeping...am I out with another guy...etc.) So he used "I love you" as a means to an end at times...during the love bombing that narcissists do.

All that early on was infatuation. Real love is a giving sort of thing. It requires investment, and it takes time to manifest and develop. It is an action verb transitive, meaning it is something you DO for someone else. I actually find the infatuation stage of relationship somewhat annoying. In the sense that it isn't real from an authentic love standpoint. You have to get through the infatuation stage to understand whether or not you have anything real at the core of the relationship. Yes infatuation is heady and its intoxicating and its warm and fuzzy and all that...its also fleeting. It isn't intimacy and it hasn't any depth. It's like a short acting drug. Great while you are actually high, and then you aren't any more.

Real love is more akin to a healthy lifestyle that you take pride in day in and day out. It is steadfast, it deepens over time, and creates genuine feelings of devotion and good will toward the other person even on a bad day. It manifests itself in actions which reflect the value that the other person has and the value that the relationship has. I find intimacy of depth and love with one person to be of far more worth than the heady intoxication of the conquest, but unless and until you are willing and able to undertake the path to intimacy you will not understand the value of intimacy over conquest, and therefore you will lack a frame of reference sufficient to assign intimacy much value. You remain ignorant about intimacy and the joys that are discoverable only there.

My guy is an intimacy virgin although he has been with countless women and had many relationships. He says "I love you" from a place of authenticity and a place of vulnerability now. And of course I say it to him as well too. Can the wheels still fall off the bus at any time? Yup. Would that suck? Yup. But that is what intimacy is. It is the courage to go on and be vulnerable in spite of the risk of getting hurt. It is the ability to stick through things and talk about things even when things are rough. And it is the comfort and warmth of being accepted as you are, flaws, imperfections, and all by someone else, having let that other person in enough to really "see" you. That takes time and investment and courage.

So watch actions rather than words, and lead from a masculine frame, and be congruent. From there do as you please for you are a man. My guy says it with some frequency, and sometimes catches me off guard, but more importantly his actions say that what he tells me is true, and as things progress that allows the relationship to grow and deepen. His congruence is increasing over time, and his investment (of time, effort, and resources) has also been consistent and increasing over time...he is emotionally engaged and present.

Again, these are not things that happen in the infatuation stage. These things happen later, once infatuation wanes and you realize you still really enjoy your time with the other person.

 

[Chi Town]

If you are in the masculine, leadership frame then you are able to do or say whatever you like without loss of attraction.

this

 

[orzi]

definitely taking some notes ill update you guys with my progress

 

[Focal core]

Advice from the old lady:

Frame rules the day here as noted by several people. If you are in the masculine, leadership frame then you are able to do or say whatever you like without loss of attraction. Everything about my guy says masculine leadership frame. He does what he wants, with who he wants, whenever he chooses. His actions tell me he chooses me and his actions have said that for a while now.

He gave me the rose I'm holding in my avatar, and he took that photo. He said "I love you" first, and often and early on. Hell, I have him gushing about how much he loves me on voicemail (during booty calls which I did not answer, lol) but of course part of that was the unfilteredness of drink, and part of that was the saying what he thinks I wanted to hear early on in order to get what he wanted (late night sex). Obviously I did not answer those booty calls, and so enforced my boundary in that respect...which of course made him that much more curious about my whereabouts and goings on (am I really home sleeping...am I out with another guy...etc.) So he used "I love you" as a means to an end at times...during the love bombing that narcissists do.

All that early on was infatuation. Real love is a giving sort of thing. It requires investment, and it takes time to manifest and develop. It is an action verb transitive, meaning it is something you DO for someone else. I actually find the infatuation stage of relationship somewhat annoying. In the sense that it isn't real from an authentic love standpoint. You have to get through the infatuation stage to understand whether or not you have anything real at the core of the relationship. Yes infatuation is heady and its intoxicating and its warm and fuzzy and all that...its also fleeting. It isn't intimacy and it hasn't any depth. It's like a short acting drug. Great while you are actually high, and then you aren't any more.

Real love is more akin to a healthy lifestyle that you take pride in day in and day out. It is steadfast, it deepens over time, and creates genuine feelings of devotion and good will toward the other person even on a bad day. It manifests itself in actions which reflect the value that the other person has and the value that the relationship has. I find intimacy of depth and love with one person to be of far more worth than the heady intoxication of the conquest, but unless and until you are willing and able to undertake the path to intimacy you will not understand the value of intimacy over conquest, and therefore you will lack a frame of reference sufficient to assign intimacy much value. You remain ignorant about intimacy and the joys that are discoverable only there.

My guy is an intimacy virgin although he has been with countless women and had many relationships. He says "I love you" from a place of authenticity and a place of vulnerability now. And of course I say it to him as well too. Can the wheels still fall off the bus at any time? Yup. Would that suck? Yup. But that is what intimacy is. It is the courage to go on and be vulnerable in spite of the risk of getting hurt. It is the ability to stick through things and talk about things even when things are rough. And it is the comfort and warmth of being accepted as you are, flaws, imperfections, and all by someone else, having let that other person in enough to really "see" you. That takes time and investment and courage.

So watch actions rather than words, and lead from a masculine frame, and be congruent. From there do as you please for you are a man. My guy says it with some frequency, and sometimes catches me off guard, but more importantly his actions say that what he tells me is true, and as things progress that allows the relationship to grow and deepen. His congruence is increasing over time, and his investment (of time, effort, and resources) has also been consistent and increasing over time...he is emotionally engaged and present.

Again, these are not things that happen in the infatuation stage. These things happen later, once infatuation wanes and you realize you still really enjoy your time with the other person.

Infactuation is fleeting and real love feels reciprocal isnt it.. I didnt miss my point.. Spot on..too many guys and girl let it slide... Too many times At the end i hear.. What ive done wrong? Whats love anyway lol@BeExcellent

 

[flowtheory]

Hasn’t been on a date with her yet. Asks about love. This conversation goes full swing in to the depths of relationship and masculinity.

OP got more than he bargained for! Is scribbling notes like a madman now.

Just go for a drink with her and see if you actually like her OP. Then do that 100 more times and see how much she invests in you and you in her. Then come back.

You’re loving the idea of love right now. It’s not the end point of anything. It comes through a person and is built within you. Never ending journey.

 

[Focal core]

Hasn’t been on a date with her yet. Asks about love. This conversation goes full swing in to the depths of relationship and masculinity.

OP got more than he bargained for! Is scribbling notes like a madman now.

Just go for a drink with her and see if you actually like her OP. Then do that 100 more times and see how much she invests in you and you in her. Then come back.

You’re loving the idea of love right now. It’s not the end point of anything. It comes through a person and is built within you. Never ending journey.

Love is an ever-expanding sense of trust in another, along with admiration and respect for their talents, character, attributes and qualities. Its a never ending journey.. U got it man.

One things to watch out tho with intimacy when it stop growing it will just start dying. Relationship takes two to works.. Your effort is only 50% balance will comes from her.

 

[Focal core]

top advise there





Not ...............
just incase some ppl are wondering.


Always Sex before GF/BF unles your are like 15

Sex alone didnt justify shes yours.. Emotional connection and intimacy does. You can have sex with your coworkers at backrooms and didnt feel anything about it later. And have with anyone one elses.

 

[lamath]

Sex alone didnt justify shes yours.. Emotional connection and intimacy does.

Ofc those are also factors.
However sex helps creates those connection and intimacy.
I think its important before getting into a serious relationship.