When is it acceptable to "get mad"?

[cupraikso]

There's one thing that confuses me to no end after reading the DJ bible, and it's this contradictory advice.

• Nice guys never get mad; show her that you can get mad.
• Show that nothing affects you. Never get mad at her, just smile.

An obvious scenario is when she shows disrespect of some kind. Should I just forget about it (to me this seems 'nice'), or get mad at her (to me this sounds 'AFC')?

I've also seen the advice that 'you should not get mad, but show her that you're not ok with what she did'. Yeah, well, that's tricky. How do you do it?

 

[Mr Wright]

Perhaps tell her in a calm voice, that her behaviour was out of order and she should respect your authoritah! :trouble:

 

[Tyson420]

You should be angry, but then you shouldn't.

But you absolutely have a right to be angry, if she flakes on you and doesn't call ahead of time to tell you when shes not going.

You have every right to. But then you shouldn't. lol

 

[Atom Smasher]

I think the idea here is to get mad, but don't let it control you. Instead, take measured steps to correct the situation. The thing to avoid is losing your cool or raging.

 

[EvilAgenda]

Catch-22:
Getting really mad at something a woman did (and letting her see it) essentially means you can't control your emotions (which is failing her sht test).

Not getting mad at something a woman did means you aren't a man to set down boundaries, which will just make her up the test ante.

IGNORE THE SMALL STUFF, DO NOT TAKE SMALL STUFF SERIOUSLY.

As for the NOT small stuff:

There are two acceptable ways that I know of to get mad at a woman.

1) Scream ARRRGHHH, meanwhile accepting that you love her. So like "ARRRGHHHHHH I fking love you when you do that!"
Essentially translate being mad into wanting to fking ravish her with mad passion.

2) Let her know that's not the way sht works with you. If she continues to whine and btch and doesn't get what you are saying, then just go out for a drink to clear your head.

 

[Atom Smasher]

As an addendum, when a woman makes you angry, although you need to exercise self-control, you MUST take EXTREME action.

She must be trained to respect you and she must be made to pay consequences for unacceptable behavoir. So a man should divert his primal urge to yell into taking decisive action.

I've always found that the most effective punishment (or corrective measure, to put it more delicately), is to remove attention from her. That the area where she can be made to feel lots of pain. There are very few other effective measures that a man can take. Most other measures she will turn around on you.

Rational explanation (which she initially WILL NOT comprehend), coupled with matter-of-fact change in your behavior toward her will cause her to start to understand. But don't expect her to change her ways because she understands that it's the right thing to do. She will do it strictly to avoid pain. Sad, but true in this day and age.

 

[PDubb75]

2) Let her know that's not the way sht works with you. If she continues to whine and btch and doesn't get what you are saying, then just go out for a drink to clear your head.

I think this is the key here. Show you are mad by the way you set the rules going forward. It's one thing to say "You are such a *****! How could you do that!?"

Instead, speak with authority and say "I'm not gonna put up with that sh!t again."

It will be understood that you are mad, without you acting it.

 

[n00bPimp]

Never. Just ignore people showing immature behavior.

 

[The_411]

Women love anger because it shows that you care and that they are getting to you. They also lvoe drama so when they blow up and then you blow up it feeds their ego becuase you're emeshed in their drama. The best way to get your point across is to be indifferent. That makes them insane because they can't affect you emotionally and have you step into their manner of thinking. Once you can always appear immune to their emotional insanity you control the relationship. I say appear in that you may be seething but as long as you don't outwardly manifest it you win.

If a woman does something disrespectful you either walk with conviction or you indicate in the msot non threatening way that next time you will walk. (Of course you must walk if and when that next time happens).

 

[Johnnyventana]

The 411 is the 411. Pay attention. Dude's right on this one.

 

[Strelok]

Lots of good advices here but its easily said than done.

I suggest an other approach,the one you got from your instinct from the caveman days.

As 411 said women loves drama and the anger they can create on you however they are hardwired at the same time to dont piss off the caveman.

I can tell you with no doubt that a powerful fist on the wall solved some many problems and stopped many b1tchy behaviour from girls in my life.

However is like having a gun, the moment you show it, the other person is gonna look at your eyes to see if you have the gut to use it,the only way to avoid using it is be ready to do so cause it will be obvious in your eyes.

Sincerly I have no moral problem at all to slap someone man or woman, it depends on you and how strict is the law in your place.
The withdraw attention card simply doesnt work if the girl doesnt give a flying fvck about you.

 

[joverby]

The withdraw attention card simply doesnt work if the girl doesnt give a flying fvck about you.

That's your problem. Why are you going to waste energy / time / punch a wall? On a girl that doesn't give a flying fvck about you. Fvck her. Don't give her the time of day.

 

[Strelok]

That's your problem. Why are you going to waste energy / time / punch a wall? On a girl that doesn't give a flying fvck about you. Fvck her. Don't give her the time of day.

The two things are not connected.

My line was focusing on the suggestion of withdrawing attention as a way of punishing a girl, and I pointed out that it doesnt work in that particular case.

And trust me punching walls or doors when a girl piss you off,is great and takes away all those bad feelings that comes from a disrespect.
Its not wasting energy is releasing anger and it's great.

I still remember a couple of years ago when I had a work in Berlin, I was going to sit on a table at mcdonald and while I was sitting two stupid girls stole my table even if I was there long before them.
They actually made some running to pass close to me and even hiited me.

They sitted and laughted and told their boyfriend to join them (or at least thats what I think not my language), the guys realised something was wrong and looked at me with a strange look, then they said something to the girls to which they replied with a ****y tone of voice.

I actually tought it was some kind of allucination beause stuff like that cannot exist.
I politely told the girls I was there before them and I was waiting for a table before them and they simply ignored me so I grabbed one of their drinks and thrown it to the wall with violence.

They left with no further problems, problem is I had to leave too since I happened to get "some attention" from the other people.
Well I was going to lose the table anyway at least I had some fun and most of all teached someone that actions lead to conseguences.

 

[st_99]

I think the thing about anger is, its mainly more about you and not so much about the girl.

Whenever I found myself getting angry about what a girl did or didn't do or I didn't get my way, it was ALWAYS because I put too much into a situation that didn't warrant it (meaning I liked her too much) OR, it was because I didn't know how to deal with the sh*t tests women pull. If I had been more of an experienced DJ about it all, I may be ticked about some things, but wouldn't be ANGRY.

To me, getting mad is more a sign of inexperience with women. Its frustration and fear of loss. I don't think its something that you should ask if its ok or not ok, its more an internal dilemma.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Strelok, if that's your modus operandi, I suggest you carry around one of these for your own safety:

http://tinyurl.com/3l53sfq

 

[BustedKnucks]

Excessive anger is a weakness.

Stay in control, and you keep control.

Being too indifferent can backfire too. You have to make it clear that something displeases you without being angry.

 

[Strelok]

Strelok, if that's your modus operandi, I suggest you carry around one of these for your own safety:

http://tinyurl.com/3l53sfq

People used to violence dont piss off other people, they know violence and know what it means to be hurt, bleeding or dealing with authorities.

The average joe who has a knife to brag about being a bad boy with his friends is simply no threat, he is like a deer with fake horns
who doesnt know how to charge and is the one more afraid of the situation.