Vulpine
Master Don Juan
I think I could stand a little support from the network myself. It seems that I have sort of a "reverse" scenario from Slicksters. I'm the one in the doghouse, it seems.Slickster said:Always good to have a few bros who really know their shyt to keep your head on straight when the emotions are flaring.
Thanks again
Slick
Over the weekend my GF and I had some plans for a group outing. There was quite a bit of anticipation as we were both needing to have a good time and blow off steam.
Well, to be direct, I lost control. I made an ass of myself (a spectacle, to be sure), and in doing so, I managed to completely spoil the day for both of us. I disrespected her (and myself, really) in front of our peers, and overall the day was a big negative instead of the positive. I don't need to get long winded about the offense, it was just a bad day - happens to everyone.
So the day passes and I knew there was going to be some fallout. I also realized that I would have some "damage control" to attend to. I acknowledged my mistake and apologized to her the next day. Now, I didn't grovel or beg forgiveness, I just admitted I screwed up, and apologized. She was still irritated, but I managed to put out the fire and avoided bringing it up again. The next day she reports to me more "damage" that we were unaware of. This time, I offered:
V: *irritated* "Look, I apologized to you already. When I see people we were with, I'll apologize to them. So, until I do, let's just get on with life, shall we?"
That worked pretty well, until the next day, that is. This time, she didn't bring up the bad outing at all. Instead, she was freaking out about herself: her goals, her feelings, blah, blah, blah... some mush about feeling like she has lost her identity, etc. At one point she said, "you're not my father", "I feel like I'm following you around like a little puppy", and "this isn't me". She was doing about 90% of the talking... following me around while I was going about my business.
[Side note of comedy: I interjected at some point in her rant about goals because her tone was obviously a power struggle/frame problem... "You want a goal? Save up some cash and get the surgery to have a d¡ck sewn on. Is that what you want? To be a man?" It was sort of over-the-top, but thinking back it really changed the tone; she physically took a step back. Not only was it funny, but it was essentially a slap in the face that cut off her 'I'm so powerless!' whining.]
In my head, I was trying the best I could to decipher the chick-speak and look through to the core and see the problem.
So you know: I had been busting her chops about some things like weight loss, lifestyle (drinking, smoking), and diet (paying for a restaurant when there is healthy food rotting in the fridge). She mentioned these things that she wanted to change, so, I was working with her on them.
Anyway, in translating the chick-speak, I could tell that she felt that weight loss, quitting smoking, not drinking as much, and not blowing money on garbage food were MY goals FOR her.
:nono:
So, at a certain point, I just cut her off...
V: "Stop. You know what? Those are YOUR problems, not mine."
....*looks down for a pause, at which point I realized that cause must be getting static from the people we were out with on 'incident day' about me*
"Go ahead, tell your friends that I'm 'controlling'. Tell them I'm 'overbearing'. Hell, tell them 'manipulative', I don't give a ƒuck. The fact is, you mentioned that you wanted to [list of her goals]. I'm doing what I can to support you and encourage you to follow through. If you think I'm doing it purely for my own benefit, you are seriously jacked in the head. You don't think you'd be happier weighing less? Who'd be more happy, me or you?"
GF: *no response*
V: "Of course I'd be happy. But you are the one constantly obsessing about it: I'm trying to help you with this sh¡t, and by doing so, getting you to shut the ƒuck up about it."
At which point I pretty much dropped it.
SOooo, the next day she pulls some blatent test type crap. She blatently did some crap to: 1. "p¡ss me off" 2. exercise her "independence".
Ok, now this is a point where she is officially 'on my nerve'.
We haven't had sex for, uh... 5 days. So, I think the only course of action is to get home from work today, throw her on the bed, and give her a good anger-ƒucking without saying a word.
I mean, there is no sense in talking about specific crap. It's just negativity: nothing will be resolved, only relived, so it's pointless.
What do you guys think?
After reading Slick's post about his drama, I figured I could use a few suggestions regarding emotional turbulence myself. I bounced the scenario off my buddy, but he's only dabbled a bit in "DJ'ing". He busted me on dwelling on it, and trying to figure it out, so I'm off that trip. I'm sure her IL took a hit, but she's welcome to move out and let me move on with other chicks.
I guess what I'm seeking is some "fire marshalling" advice. Specifically, when you guys have blowouts, what do you do to smooth them out? Please, don't tell me 'ignore it until it goes away'. We all know it's not that simple.