When does it get better?

[recoveringsimp2024]

it’s been about 5 days since i broke up with my girlfriend. i took some of your advice on going out and meeting other women, yesterday i went out. picked up a girl, i slept with her but i feel awful. there’s nothing wrong with her she’s honestly more physically attractive than my previous girl but the sex didn’t feel right.

i was so emotionally invested. my heart feels hollow and empty and i don’t know what to do, i keep thinking about her. i’ve been through hell before but this feels worse. how do i detach my emotions and stop feeling this way

 

[Barrister]

First, please take a look at the No Contact thread. Understand that right now your brain chemistry is completely screwed up and thinks this woman you just ditched is this angel that you will never be able to replace. It isn't true. Unfortunately, time is generally speaking the only thing that will get you there.

That said, sleeping with other women will remind your brain (and body) that there is other vagina out there for you and she isn't special. That said --- sometimes we, as men, need a reset before you start putting your piece into other chicks. I am also that way. Take 30 days and see how you feel. But it is important you maintain NO CONTACT with the other chick. Other women help with that, but if you aren't there you aren't there. Find something else to spend the time.

Usually, you won't be completely over a chick for a number of months. Threeish months is usually my timetable. But every man is different.

Good luck, brother.

 

[inquisitor]

it’s been about 5 days since i broke up with my girlfriend. i took some of your advice on going out and meeting other women, yesterday i went out. picked up a girl, i slept with her but i feel awful. there’s nothing wrong with her she’s honestly more physically attractive than my previous girl but the sex didn’t feel right.

i was so emotionally invested. my heart feels hollow and empty and i don’t know what to do, i keep thinking about her. i’ve been through hell before but this feels worse. how do i detach my emotions and stop feeling this way

She's probably moving on to someone else faster than you do. However, don't let curiosity get the better of you. Forget her for a while. Detach with any reminder of her.

You broke up with her, yet you keep thinking about her. Should have thought of that happening before ending things but, oh well.

You already had sex with a different woman just after 5 days. What did your relationship with her even mean? She probably would have done the same sooner or later.

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

In my honest experience, "It" never "gets" better. But we can become better. We can also choose how to be more in tune with what WE want and what WE need. Society instead insists that we should be making ourselves out to be mr goodknight with the white charger when we REALLY want to be mr goodnight after we've done what we set out to do.

As far as the time it takes, it can really vary. If you were really into her bigtime, longer. If she was an insufferable _____, then you'd likely feel relieved. I got a little too close to a plate once and got dumb enough and drunk enough to say the big "I love you." OOF! So after doing something like that with my unfortunate big conscience, I backtracked and then let the plate spin off. She still contacts me to this day as she is in a riding chapter I'm the president of. DOUBLE OOF.

I felt terrible for a about 2 months and she felt terrible for about 6-8. Clearly expected us to be more even though until I had that major oops I was quite clear that we were "fun only." Sometimes I envy (as I'm sure others here do too) another DJs ability to be more unfeeling in certain matters that involve you wanting to make a decision and move on.

If she wasn't "it," you should definitely NOT feel bad about it! I mean, hell! Think about it this way. A girl will drop a dude for how many reasons? And I'm sure you had SEVERAL for dropping her. And you were likely VERY (or tried to be) gentle about it. Sorry for the tldr, I'm just new here and got apporved by admin, so I'm super excited to be here and hope to contribute as much as I have learned here!

 

[BPH]

it’s been about 5 days since i broke up with my girlfriend. i took some of your advice on going out and meeting other women, yesterday i went out. picked up a girl, i slept with her but i feel awful

You did this in 5 days.

Why didn't you do it with your girlfriend?

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

I still haven't fully recovered from a particular breakup I had 10 years ago. Sleeping around doesn't help much - the best thing is to get into new LTRs, LTRs will soften the blow, especially if you end up breaking up, because then you'll miss the new girl too which displaces feelings for the old one. Each successive post-breakup feeling will become weaker, while still chipping away at the remnants of what you felt for the first girl.

 

[anonymous12345]

It is said that guys have oneitis while girls are alpha widows (Tomassi). However, I believe (some) men can be alpha widows. It's a reversed dynamic hence. Though I think it's a state that can be cured in men, was with me, I don't know about women.

Prime example of this is Daniel Craig's Bond; he cannot get over that strong, dominating Vesper.

 

[CornbreadFed]

It is said that guys have oneitis while girls are alpha widows (Tomassi). However, I believe (some) men can be alpha widows. It's a reversed dynamic hence. Though I think it's a state that can be cured in men, was with me, I don't know about women.

Prime example of this is Daniel Craig's Bond; he cannot get over that strong, dominating Vesper.

I think we definitely have that one girl that will always be in our head forever, but guys do not have the privilege of being alpha widowed. We basically take what we can get that is satisfactory and work with it from there.

 

[anonymous12345]

We basically take what we can get that is satisfactory and work with it from there.

This is my conclusion too these days. It's rather depressing. Things doesn't become the way you want or plan, you just have to take whatever you can get. At least not for me. I think man walks in some kind of "dead" state, compared to the euphoric and transient, that is women.

 

[Learning Curve]

it’s been about 5 days since i broke up with my girlfriend. i took some of your advice on going out and meeting other women, yesterday i went out. picked up a girl, i slept with her but i feel awful. there’s nothing wrong with her she’s honestly more physically attractive than my previous girl but the sex didn’t feel right.

i was so emotionally invested. my heart feels hollow and empty and i don’t know what to do, i keep thinking about her. i’ve been through hell before but this feels worse. how do i detach my emotions and stop feeling this way

You just broke up.

You can't replace your emotions with a quick-sex to remove attachments.

Take your time to heal emotionally it will take time depending on how long you have been together.

Remove ur-self from women for now and focus on your mission and goals in life. There is nothing else you can do.

Going out on dates now is not a good idea.

Heal first, then you move on to dates slowly and gradually.

 

[manfrombelow]

OP, at such a young age, it's totally reasonable and natural that you're taking your breakup too painful.

I know how that feels. We all do. We all have been there.

Now, do as @Barrister told you: Go through every single page in the No Contact thread in this forum.

It's also natural you are being able to feel anything with a new chick, since you're still heavily invested in the old one, emotionally and mentally.

Make sure you go No Contact with the old chick, and do not break it under any circumstances. That's for starter.

About your question: Given your current state of mind, it should take at leask 2-3 months for you to wake up one morning and don't feel like dying. Hang on, and you'll be just fine. And when that day comes, you'll get out of this a stronger and tougher version of yourself... until the next breakup.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Easy.

You never see a woman as "the prize." You keep yourself and your goals #1 at all times.

You need to understand that in 2024, there is ZERO loyalty or long-term thinking with 98% of all women. Hypergamy is rampant. No one really gives full effort in a relationship anymore and women in particular are always looking for a new toy and/or upgrade. Some want kids, and will have them, and then most will cash out (divorce you) once the kids are gone or maybe even sooner. That's when your wealth, self esteem, and life take a nuclear hit. I'm not being negative, read the stats. Talk to men who have been through it.

Women should always be a side dish on your large plate of food. Tasty yes, but not the main course. Your goals and you are the main course. Women will come and go, my friend, that is life. Do not allow yourself to get sucked into the emotional (and $) drain and drama.

Stay strong and build your empire and you'll be the prize.

Good luck.

~Dash

 

[recoveringsimp2024]

You did this in 5 days.

Why didn't you do it with your girlfriend?

she told me she was celibate and wanted to wait, i didn’t pressure her cause i thought she was worth the wait.

 

[recoveringsimp2024]

t

First, please take a look at the No Contact thread. Understand that right now your brain chemistry is completely screwed up and thinks this woman you just ditched is this angel that you will never be able to replace. It isn't true. Unfortunately, time is generally speaking the only thing that will get you there.

That said, sleeping with other women will remind your brain (and body) that there is other vagina out there for you and she isn't special. That said --- sometimes we, as men, need a reset before you start putting your piece into other chicks. I am also that way. Take 30 days and see how you feel. But it is important you maintain NO CONTACT with the other chick. Other women help with that, but if you aren't there you aren't there. Find something else to spend the time.

Usually, you won't be completely over a chick for a number of months. Threeish months is usually my timetable. But every man is different.

Good luck, brother.

than

Easy.

You never see a woman as "the prize." You keep yourself and your goals #1 at all times.

You need to understand that in 2024, there is ZERO loyalty or long-term thinking with 98% of all women. Hypergamy is rampant. No one really gives full effort in a relationship anymore and women in particular are always looking for a new toy and/or upgrade. Some want kids, and will have them, and then most will cash out (divorce you) once the kids are gone or maybe even sooner. That's when your wealth, self esteem, and life take a nuclear hit. I'm not being negative, read the stats. Talk to men who have been through it.

Women should always be a side dish on your large plate of food. Tasty yes, but not the main course. Your goals and you are the main course. Women will come and go, my friend, that is life. Do not allow yourself to get sucked into the emotional (and $) drain and drama.

Stay strong and build your empire and you'll be the prize.

Good luck.

~Dash

thank you

You just broke up.

You can't replace your emotions with a quick-sex to remove attachments.

Take your time to heal emotionally it will take time depending on how long you have been together.

Remove ur-self from women for now and focus on your mission and goals in life. There is nothing else you can do.

Going out on dates now is not a good idea.

Heal first, then you move on to dates slowly and gradually.

 

[recoveringsimp2024]

OP, at such a young age, it's totally reasonable and natural that you're taking your breakup too painful.

I know how that feels. We all do. We all have been there.

Now, do as @Barrister told you: Go through every single page in the No Contact thread in this forum.

It's also natural you are being able to feel anything with a new chick, since you're still heavily invested in the old one, emotionally and mentally.

Make sure you go No Contact with the old chick, and do not break it under any circumstances. That's for starter.

About your question: Given your current state of mind, it should take at leask 2-3 months for you to wake up one morning and don't feel like dying. Hang on, and you'll be just fine. And when that day comes, you'll get out of this a stronger and tougher version of yourself... until the next breakup.

i’m never going to allow myself to feel like this ever again.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Six months, more or less ime

 

[BPH]

she told me she was celibate and wanted to wait, i didn’t pressure her cause i thought she was worth the wait.

Pro Tip: No woman is, especially not the ones who SAY they are.