When A Significant Other Becomes Disabled

[Desdinova]

If your spouse became disabled for the rest of their life, would you stay with them?

This showed up in my Facebook feed and it really got me thinking. I work with disabled people and I notice quite a huge difference when it comes to who is disabled in a relationship.

When the man is disabled:
Generally, the woman in the relationship seems to carry a certain resentment toward her husband. She's usually consistently crabby, grouchy, and does things for him as if she's a beaten slave. It's kinda sad. I can't help but wonder if it's because the man who's supposed to be the strong one; the one who is her support has become the supported.

When the woman is disabled:
The man does absolutely everything within his power to make his wife's existence as comfortable and pleasant as possible. If she needs something, he gets it for her. You never hear a complaint out of him.

The most amazing thing I ever saw was the husband of a woman who was severely disabled from a stroke. She could no longer talk, could barely move on her own, and lived in a personal care centre. The husband talked to her in the most loving, caring way possible and took her out for lunch every couple of days or so. I was just deeply amazed at how caring this old dude was, and the only thing his wife was able to do was cry.

It's a bit of a sad realization when you see stuff like this. Would the woman stay? Probably not. Would the man stay? Most likely he would.

 

[dustmuffin]

If your spouse became disabled for the rest of their life, would you stay with them?

This showed up in my Facebook feed and it really got me thinking. I work with disabled people and I notice quite a huge difference when it comes to who is disabled in a relationship.

When the man is disabled:
Generally, the woman in the relationship seems to carry a certain resentment toward her husband. She's usually consistently crabby, grouchy, and does things for him as if she's a beaten slave. It's kinda sad. I can't help but wonder if it's because the man who's supposed to be the strong one; the one who is her support has become the supported.

When the woman is disabled:
The man does absolutely everything within his power to make his wife's existence as comfortable and pleasant as possible. If she needs something, he gets it for her. You never hear a complaint out of him.

The most amazing thing I ever saw was the husband of a woman who was severely disabled from a stroke. She could no longer talk, could barely move on her own, and lived in a personal care centre. The husband talked to her in the most loving, caring way possible and took her out for lunch every couple of days or so. I was just deeply amazed at how caring this old dude was, and the only thing his wife was able to do was cry.

It's a bit of a sad realization when you see stuff like this. Would the woman stay? Probably not. Would the man stay? Most likely he would.

Yes it is sad. Women are what's in it for me. They are a selfish lot.

 

[logicallefty]

If I truly thought the woman I was with would have worked out long, long, long term before she was disabled then I would stay and attempt to do so for the long haul. But if she was just another fly by night girlfriend who hadn't proved herself to me fully yet, then I would stay after she got disabled but if she started to be a real b|tch I would have no problem leaving... I guess what I just said her was, I'd do the same thing I would do if she wasn't disabled. But I wouldn't leave her just for that and no other reason.

 

[zekko]

I know guys that have no honor and would leave. John McCain comes to mind. However in practice I've seen what you have seen.

Yeah, I agree with this, I've seen it both ways. Some guys aren't cut out to be nursing nurturers. And some women can't handle it either. The male's place is generally to be a source of strength, that's the tragedy of the situation where the man needs care. But I've seen wives stand by their husbands when they have required years of draining care also.

There's also a type of female who goes for males who need to be taken care of. Not sure what the psychology of it is, but they're out there.

 

[logicallefty]

There's also a type of female who goes for males who need to be taken care of. Not sure what the psychology of it is, but they're out there.

There are a lot of nurturing females who are married and once their hubby gets disabled they take excellent care of him.. Most of these women are of older generations than mine. I doubt you would ever see a 20 or 30 something woman of 2015 do this, and maybe not even a 40 something... 50,60, 70, 80 something would be more likely..

On the other hand, the females who target disabled men to date/marry are likely thinking dollar signs in some way. Either he is disabled and getting disability money that they can get their fishy little fingers on now. Live off of his disability money now without having to work... Or, if the guy is wealthy, they are thinking that he may die in XXX years and leave his cash to her.. Whatever it is, mark my word it involves money somehow..

 

[Julian]

hahah fuk no im way too selfish to give a fuk about if my gf goes full retard for whatever reason.

 

[Young OG]

I hate to say it, but I'd bail.

My gym has a tanning room with one bed in it. Almost everyday this old guy comes in pushing his wife in a wheel chair. She makes him take her there because she just has to be tan, even though she's a old hag and disabled. He has to push her into the room and lift her in and out of the tanning bed. She treats him like shvt. He is pretty much her servant. No thanks on that.

 

[logicallefty]

She treats him like shvt. He is pretty much her servant. No thanks on that.

Treating him like sh|t huh? Well damn that sure would suck if his dementia suddenly kicked in and he forgot to take her off the bed. And just left and went to the t|tty bar or something. She sure would look "hotter" when he came back huh lol

 

[amazingswayze]

well what you think would typically happen doesnt always happen, OP. Years ago, my mom fell and broke her back and it was around that time where my dad left and moved 400 miles away. now she lives every day in pain barely being able to walk just me and her, and when my dad does see her he is not the least bit nurturing. he is turned off by her condition. she is a heavy burden on me because she needs my help on a daily basis. no wonder im becoming a nurse...

edit: just realized im not supposed to post in MM. sorry. delete it if you must.

 

[Tenacity]

I would surely say that women would be more likely to leave "faster", the guy might stick around longer but he surely will cheat on her. I just think we are living in the day and age where the traditional "family structure" is outdated and a thing of the past.

- Women no longer need men, they can go out and get their own financial resources either directly or from the government.

- Men no longer need women, modern technology makes it so that you can do your own household duties in no time.

This creates a widespread LACK OF LOYALTY culture, turning today's relationships to the equivalent of a fast food drive-thru. This means that you want what YOU want now, fast and how you like it. If at anytime they "fvck your order up" or if at anytime you become aware of another place that you "like more", you will ditch that one and HOP on the other one within 5 minutes.

It's why long term relationships are a challenge today, especially those with a legal tie to them such as marriage or child custody. You just really DON'T KNOW when your chick is going to turn on you. She might not turn on you and you maintain a happy/loving relationship.....or she might turn on you and leave you when you either need her the most, or least expect it.

 

[glass half full]

I know guys that have no honor and would leave. John McCain comes to mind. However in practice I've seen what you have seen.

John McCain...lol!! that's a good example

 

[LiveFreeX]

My wife didn't bail on me when I was dying, I'll be there for her long after death.

 

[zekko]

Has anyone seen that movie about Stephen Hawking, The Theory of Everything? Hawking, of course, has ALS, but his girlfriend married him and helped care for him for years. Until HE left HER and married one of his nurses. So that's sort of like this topic in reverse. Of course, Hawking has fame, and presumably some fortune to his advantage.