When a girl says I need time to think carefully about our relationship

[Jacer]

She is a girl who loves to laugh, I met her about a month ago while visiting the school hospital. He is a grade younger than me, she laughs out loud at every joke I tell and enjoys it when I touch her and kiss her. We dated every weekend, we would treat each other to dinner and a film and she would help me grill meat at the cafeteria. Walking down the street we would hold hands and last weekend we went to a bar together and we kissed for a long time, I fondled her breasts and we had a great time. We haven't slept together yet as we both live in 4 person student accommodation. I could sense that she enjoyed spending time with me. However, these changed a bit when she started to think seriously about our relationship.
She said: I should be sensible, before I fall completely in love. In the long run, it will be difficult to sustain our love because we will face parting after graduation, working and studying in different places. I need to rethink our relationship and I'm scared, I don't want to break your heart. I don't want to start a relationship because I'm afraid of ending it. She said she didn't think she was brave enough.
I told her that there is nothing I can't fix. I encouraged her to live in the moment and make the present a happy time. She seemed shaken up a bit, but soon became rational again. In the early hours of yesterday morning, she texted me to tell me that she needed time to think about it, and if possible, to think it over before dating me. I didn't reply to her. I don't know what I should have said or done that would have made her let go of her concerns and continue to have fun with me. I hate being overly rational when talking about relationships.
It's nice to hear your thoughts or advice.

 

[BPH]

We haven't slept together yet as we both live in 4 person student accommodation.

You're not in a relationship.

You're f***ing 24. Stop talking about love when you don't even know what it is. Have sex with her then figure out if you guys both ACTUALLY want to be with each other.

Otherwise, go meet some other chicks. You both sound like romantics who have no experience actually being romantic.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Live in the present and accept that this relationship is over.

 

[Tilex]

She said: I should be sensible, before I fall completely in love.

This girl gave you the best advice. Even before you asked anyone for advice on sosuave. She basically beat all of us to the answer. How often does that happen?
You should really take her advice. You would be foolish for falling in love with someone before having sex with them.

Quit thinking about future relationship logistics with her and think about how you can get past 2nd base with her on Friday night.

 

[Divorced w 3]

You need to have sex with her. Do it in a car. Do it in the bed just be quiet under the covers.

 

[The Duke]

Sounds like she is pretty rational minded and has some self control. She was clear with the reason and it's valid. She isn't wanting to have sex just to have sex. She wants a relationship without the headwinds you two would likely incur in the future.

Timing always plays a part in how relationships develop.

Key points to remember about women:

-A girl that was seriously into you wouldn't worry about things like this.
-Women bond thru sex. It all changes after you've had sex with her.

 

[Learning Curve]

She is a girl who loves to laugh, I met her about a month ago while visiting the school hospital. He is a grade younger than me, she laughs out loud at every joke I tell and enjoys it when I touch her and kiss her. We dated every weekend, we would treat each other to dinner and a film and she would help me grill meat at the cafeteria. Walking down the street we would hold hands and last weekend we went to a bar together and we kissed for a long time, I fondled her breasts and we had a great time. We haven't slept together yet as we both live in 4 person student accommodation. I could sense that she enjoyed spending time with me. However, these changed a bit when she started to think seriously about our relationship.
She said: I should be sensible, before I fall completely in love. In the long run, it will be difficult to sustain our love because we will face parting after graduation, working and studying in different places. I need to rethink our relationship and I'm scared, I don't want to break your heart. I don't want to start a relationship because I'm afraid of ending it. She said she didn't think she was brave enough.
I told her that there is nothing I can't fix. I encouraged her to live in the moment and make the present a happy time. She seemed shaken up a bit, but soon became rational again. In the early hours of yesterday morning, she texted me to tell me that she needed time to think about it, and if possible, to think it over before dating me. I didn't reply to her. I don't know what I should have said or done that would have made her let go of her concerns and continue to have fun with me. I hate being overly rational when talking about relationships.
It's nice to hear your thoughts or advice.

Classic case of someone who has done too many things too fast.

Your rate of going out and spending time with her and over-investing had essentially made her pull-back.

Back-off, let her come to you and date her once a week.

Also, you should initiate for S3X to happen this is the point of being with a woman. You are taking too long to do things because you think she is a princess that you have to take your time with her.

No you don't have to take your time with any women. 3 dates max, and then if s3x does not happen you stop going out with her.

If you have your own place you invite her there, if not improvise.

 

[RobbyDog]

She is a girl who loves to laugh, I met her about a month ago while visiting the school hospital. He is a grade younger than me, she laughs out loud at every joke I tell and enjoys it when I touch her and kiss her. We dated every weekend, we would treat each other to dinner and a film and she would help me grill meat at the cafeteria. Walking down the street we would hold hands and last weekend we went to a bar together and we kissed for a long time, I fondled her breasts and we had a great time. We haven't slept together yet as we both live in 4 person student accommodation. I could sense that she enjoyed spending time with me. However, these changed a bit when she started to think seriously about our relationship.
She said: I should be sensible, before I fall completely in love. In the long run, it will be difficult to sustain our love because we will face parting after graduation, working and studying in different places. I need to rethink our relationship and I'm scared, I don't want to break your heart. I don't want to start a relationship because I'm afraid of ending it. She said she didn't think she was brave enough.
I told her that there is nothing I can't fix. I encouraged her to live in the moment and make the present a happy time. She seemed shaken up a bit, but soon became rational again. In the early hours of yesterday morning, she texted me to tell me that she needed time to think about it, and if possible, to think it over before dating me. I didn't reply to her. I don't know what I should have said or done that would have made her let go of her concerns and continue to have fun with me. I hate being overly rational when talking about relationships.
It's nice to hear your thoughts or advice.

You need to have sex. If she won’t f*ck then you need to walk.

 

[Afrodesiac]

You’re acting like someone who isn’t preselected by women - putting all your eggs into one basket and falling head over hills for her in record speed without even having had sex with her. Ease up, don’t be too available - play it cool. I wouldn’t even respond to her message - at most, id thumbs up the message and keep it stepping. Go find some other chicks to take your mind off this one.

 

[Macadellic]

You tell her:
“Take all the time you need.”

And go out with the other women you have in your life.

Also, when a women pushes for a serious relationship and you don’t want one then you tell her, “I need to carefully think about our relationship.”

And she will have to respect your boundaries.
Respect for boundaries is a two way street.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You aren't in a relationship and by how it sounded you have moved too fast too soon and now you are freaking her out.

You want the relationship and want her to be your girlfriend. She knows it and it makes you look needy and desperate.

 

[Jacer]

Update:
I replied to her using an exaggerated approach. "According to you, there is always death in life, so people don't live?" I told her that I was going on a business trip for a while and that I wouldn't be playing with her lately.
Early in the morning, she called me and asked when I was on a business trip. I told her on a bland basis and hung up. That night, she texted me and said: She thought about it for a long time and thought I was right, and she said that she would become more and more courageous and wait for me to come back.

It's nice to see everyone's posts, it made me think a lot.
1. Sex is a prerequisite for establishing a relationship between a man and a woman
2. For now, she doesn't really love me
3. Walk away when she's low interest
4. Exposure to different girls diverts attention

The next step is to focus on your own things and communicate more with different girls to make yourself look unnecessary. When I come back from a business trip, I try to push the relationship forward because we live in a dormitory, and if we don't come home at night, we will be questioned by our roommates, which is an invisible pressure. We were both students, we didn't have a car, and we didn't have a separate house. Do you guys have any good ways to move sexual relations forward? Glad to hear about your connection.

 

[The Duke]

It sounds like you had a few successful dates where the sexual tension has progressed. Keep doing it and continue to turn the heat up. Sex is already on her mind, you need to clear the path to make that happen soon. Don't leave it up to her or ask her anything about it. Its up to you to handle all of those logistics and move things forward.

Back in my college days when I lived in the dorm, I always had my girlfriend over when my roommates were gone or we went somewhere and got a hotel room. When my girlfriend and I lived with our parents we always drove out the airport and parked at the end of the runway and had sex.

There have been several times I've been on a 2nd or 3rd date with a girl and the sexual tension got so strong on the date and we were no where close to her house or mine so we ended up having sex at her downtown office on a conference table which was really hot. A few other times I've booked a hotel room in the moment.

Maybe go to a park? I've had sex in broad dayling in a park before.

An adult video store works too. ;-)

 

[sangheilios]

It sounds like you had a few successful dates where the sexual tension has progressed. Keep doing it and continue to turn the heat up. Sex is already on her mind, you need to clear the path to make that happen soon. Don't leave it up to her or ask her anything about it. Its up to you to handle all of those logistics and move things forward.

Back in my college days when I lived in the dorm, I always had my girlfriend over when my roommates were gone or we went somewhere and got a hotel room. When my girlfriend and I lived with our parents we always drove out the airport and parked at the end of the runway and had sex.

There have been several times I've been on a 2nd or 3rd date with a girl and the sexual tension got so strong on the date and we were no where close to her house or mine so we ended up having sex at her downtown office on a conference table which was really hot. A few other times I've booked a hotel room in the moment.

Maybe go to a park? I've had sex in broad dayling in a park before.

An adult video store works too. ;-)

I don't know how I remember this, but when I was around 10 or going on 11 my family was on vacation in Florida. Anyway, I remember being in the pool and there was this guy, somewhere in his 20s or 30s, that was sitting in the hot tub. I noticed there was a woman that would surface for a bit and then go back under, this repeated several times and it had obviously caught my attention lol. I laugh looking back on it because he made eye contact with me and everything lol.

 

[member162951]

I replied to her using an exaggerated approach. "According to you, there is always death in life, so people don't live?" I told her that I was going on a business trip for a while and that I wouldn't be playing with her lately.
Early in the morning, she called me and asked when I was on a business trip. I told her on a bland basis and hung up. That night, she texted me and said: She thought about it for a long time and thought I was right, and she said that she would become more and more courageous and wait for me to come back.

Re bolded, my take as a woman? She didn't change her mind to become more "courageous," she changed her mind because prior to this she was NOT sufficiently attracted enough to have sex with you and/or to consider a relationship with you.

That all changed when she realized you won't take her BS and called her on it. Your aloofness when responding to her question about when you're returning and then hanging up added another level of uncertainty and tension.

All of this builds sexual tension and attraction, so great job!