When a dropped plate reconnects

[EverSure75]

there was a woman I was seeing a couple years ago. It was just sex for me. She wasn't particularly attractive. The sex was great. She was a good person though. She was slated to migrate to pursue more studies so I didn't see a future at all.

After she left we kept in touch somewhat. Brief texts here and there. She visited once and we spent the night together.

After that visit I had a few more plates and lost track of this one. I was also in the process of cutting off quite a few female friends I had friend zoned myself with. I was also going through some serious blue pill withdrawal anger and resentment at the time.

Last night out the blue...she texts me saying she wants to ask me a question. Says she's in a relationship for almost 2 years now and "wants to close a few chapters in her life". She asks why I stopped communicating with her all of a sudden. Wanted to know if she did or said something offensive.

It was late and without much thought I replied saying that I wasn't in a very good place at the time and that I'd cut a lot of people out my life at that time too. Told her it had nothing to do with her. I said that she's a good person and I wish her all the best in her relationship.

Could I/ should I have handled that any differently?
Also...do you think she was being genuine with her question or was it an attempt to try and reconnect? I suspect I'm overthinking here.

 

[JohnChops]

She could be trying to find orbiters to validate herself while in a relationship, being 2 years out of the market makes her wonder if she's still got it. Or, she could be looking for another option, if her relationship is failing. Then the third option is she wanted to cheat. You'll really never know unless you find out a few weeks later she breaks up with her boyfriend.

However, I feel like her reaching out was for validation. She wanted to know why YOU stopped speaking to HER. When you just suddenly drop a girl, go ghost and she is into you, this is the hamster wheel spinning. She will continuously wonder why it happened, if it was her or you, etc. . You are clearly still on her mind as "the one who got away."

In terms of handling it, eh, you just told the truth, and I can never knock a man for doing that. I say you handled it fine. Your response really depends on what you wanted from this girl. If you wanted to go in for the lay, you should've responded differently, and if you wanted nothing from her, then no response would have been the best response. Your response, being neutral, sets you up for future encounters with her, if she plans to "reconnect" in the future.

 

[EverSure75]

She could be trying to find orbiters to validate herself while in a relationship, being 2 years out of the market makes her wonder if she's still got it. Or, she could be looking for another option, if her relationship is failing. Then the third option is she wanted to cheat. You'll really never know unless you find out a few weeks later she breaks up with her boyfriend.

However, I feel like her reaching out was for validation. She wanted to know why YOU stopped speaking to HER. When you just suddenly drop a girl, go ghost and she is into you, this is the hamster wheel spinning. She will continuously wonder why it happened, if it was her or you, etc. . You are clearly still on her mind as "the one who got away."

In terms of handling it, eh, you just told the truth, and I can never knock a man for doing that. I say you handled it fine. Your response really depends on what you wanted from this girl. If you wanted to go in for the lay, you should've responded differently, and if you wanted nothing from her, then no response would have been the best response. Your response, being neutral, sets you up for future encounters with her, if she plans to "reconnect" in the future.

Yeah. I really don't want anything from her. She's still overseas. Sounds like she might be settling there. She is a good woman though. I think she'd make good long term relationship material. It wasn't practical at the time though. I needed to be plate spinning at the time and she was about to migrate.

 

[SoSuave666]

What does it matter how she perceived your response?

 

[EverSure75]

What does it matter how she perceived your response?

Good question. I really don't know. Lol. Just thinking aloud I guess

 

[The Duke]

If she is a good person then its highly likely she just wanted some closure. If she goes away after this that will likely be all she wanted. There are some genuine people out there that don't always have an ulterior motive! Geez!

I once went on a couple dates with a girl. I tried to have sechs with her on every date but the first one. It finally happened on the 4th date. After that I never saw her again because I wasn't impressed with her bedroom skills. She reached out a few times and I blew her off.

3yrs later I see she is getting married so I send her a message congratulating her and tell her I always thought she was a good person. She replied with a thank you and asked if I never saw her again because I didn't like her. I explained that was not the case. After that she thanked me for explaining and said she felt better because of it.

 

[Von]

She either branchswinging back to you (maybe she's leaving the place and coming back) or she seeks to close your chapter for ever (like Howiestern said)...

Do what you feel is a good answer, treat her good.... cause you know she value your opinion

 

[EverSure75]

Yeah. She replied with "oh my god I can't tell you how much peace this has brought me...I've always wondered what happened."

Again. Good woman. I wish her the best

 

[cola]

Sounds like she reaaalllly liked you more than you knew and this has truly bothered her for some time.

 

[EverSure75]

Sounds like she reaaalllly liked you more than you knew and this has truly bothered her for some time.

Yeah, bruh. She did say that. Said "although it wasn't practical at the time. I really liked you"

 

[EverSure75]

I'm not convinced it's ever best for a woman to tell me that I bring her peace (i.e. closure). Best for me to keep them a bit off-kilter.

Noted, my brother

 

[JohnChops]

If she is a good person then its highly likely she just wanted some closure. If she goes away after this that will likely be all she wanted. There are some genuine people out there that don't always have an ulterior motive! Geez!

I once went on a couple dates with a girl. I tried to have sechs with her on every date but the first one. It finally happened on the 4th date. After that I never saw her again because I wasn't impressed with her bedroom skills. She reached out a few times and I blew her off.

3yrs later I see she is getting married so I send her a message congratulating her and tell her I always thought she was a good person. She replied with a thank you and asked if I never saw her again because I didn't like her. I explained that was not the case. After that she thanked me for explaining and said she felt better because of it.

it's hard to tell which girls are genuine and which ones have an ulterior motive, I feel like on this site, we swing to the side of "all girls have an ulterior motive."

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

it's hard to tell which girls are genuine and which ones have an ulterior motive, I feel like on this site, we swing to the side of "all girls have an ulterior motive."

its because they are all deceiving and talk to other guys. That alone makes them untrustworthy with an ulterior motive.
Does not matter if she says otherwise or looks as innocent as a white dove. We just tread lightly when it comes to them h0es

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

My MO when I believe that they will be extremely hurt to allow them to make the Final Cut. Not because I fear conflict, (I tend to thrive on it,) but because I don’t have to deal with the bounce backs - which only occur if I instigated the break.

I also believe that being gentle is better karmically- you can choose your words in such a way that they don’t carry as much of a sting - and why not? Truly costs you nothing.