When 2 call or text her?

[Inquirer]

Hi,

I'm amateur and a recovering AFC. So, I finally had this girl over to my place. We met through my university and had several conversations on the phone (about 3 convos, average 2hrs). I realize that spending so much time on the phone was a blunder. She stoppped by my place for the first time. We chatted and had a few drinks, but I felt like there wasn't the same chemistry we had anticipated, based on our previous phone conversations. She gave me a hug when she left, but then said something about keeping her updated about university/work stuff (no: "let's do this again," "I had fun," etc).

It may be a good thing that she wasn't too into me, because, despite her beauty, I didn't feel any chemistry. Unfortunately, I'm about one month out of a bad break-up (LTR: 9 months) and she's kinda lookin' like my only option, due to a hectic work schedule and lack of opportunity to meet new girls (lack of chemistry or not). If I still wanted to see her, waiting to see if chemistry could be CREATED, how long should I wait before calling or texting her? I do find her attractive, it just seemed kind of blah. Or should I simply cross her off the list as a lost cause, dedicating my time to self-improvement?

Thanks for the feedback!

 

[Packers2010]

i texted a few hours after the meet. at like 6. at 10 we had a small convo then i asked her when she was free. she said the next couple of weeks. i told her to meet me on Friday, didn't get a text back after that.

either that day or the next. just don't wait too long.

 

[bigneil]

(we) had several conversations on the phone (about 3 convos, average 2hrs) I realize that spending so much time on the phone was a blunder.

Yes, one should never talk on the phone that long. Nowadays you don't have to call ever, just text until you get the first date. Why? Because when you call you are much more likely to interrupt them. If you do call, it is to say "I'm going to (this place) on (this date) and you are welcome to join me." and read their tone of voice.

I felt like there wasn't the same chemistry we had anticipated

This is the point where so many men could save themselves a world of grief if they would just trust their gut and move on. It literally is chemistry, as in, does your DNA match hers? You can improve your DNA by working out (it's a myth that it is set in stone, it simply reflects your current state), but sometimes you're just not her type. My oneitis left me for someone from a different race. Nothing you can do about that. She probably instinctively knows her kids will turn out better that way.

She gave me a hug when she left

Not even a pity peck? Sounds like it was an air hug, or chest hug versus her holding you like a man is supposed to be held hug.

waiting to see if chemistry could be CREATED

That's alchemy

how long should I wait before calling or texting her?

Forever. You go NC until she writes to you 3 times. On the third time you can reply.

I do find her attractive, it just seemed kind of blah.

As Doc Love would say, we're not concerned about your interest level, it's hers you need to worry about.

Should I be...dedicating my time to self-improvement?

Always, especially after you finally find your dream girl.

.

 

[Inquirer]

Thanks for the responses. She actually ending up texting me when she got home, asking if we were gonna hang out again sometime. I said yes, but teased her a little bit (placed a goofy condition on us hanging out again, based on the coversation we had). She responded positively. It's this weird "hang out" stuff right now.I do know valentines day is coming up, so I'm wondering what my plan is for that (get her something? go out on a date? or is it too soon, meaning that my actions would be AFC?).

She is very attractive, but she's very smart and assertive. I think we may be too much alike. I'm used to wearing the pants (or at least feigning it, lol), but I can tell that she is a very dominant woman. Yeah, just a hug. Although, she did send me a text about a month after she noticed of fb that I broke up with my ex. I'm thinking deciding whether we will be friends or not will be the first step (should this be done consciously or what?). I almost want to kiss her, as a way of establishing dominance, as opposed to chemistry or romance, lol. I've never felt that way before. She seems very skilled in the game--definitely more than me! Like I said, she's very smart. It's rare for me to find a woman who comes close to being my intellectual equal. She actually seems to be my superior regarding the game, though.

I can't tell what she wants (friendship or fwb, or what). She's leaving in May, I know that (I graduated already and she's about to graduate....she reports wanting to move to another state for a grad program and/or job). Maybe I just need to do something really bold. She says that her mother is dominant and her father is more passive. I was raised with the opposite configuration. Even if we were in a short term relationship/dating (as opposed to the friendship that it is now), I think she might even suceed at dominating me--a poor attitude, I know, but somewhat insightful perhaps on my part.

She did mention that she was hanging out with another guy friend the night before. Based on the situation, my gut is telling me we will JBF or be FWB. Either way, neither of us has established dominance yet. Usually, friend or romantic relationship, dominance is quickly established. I honestly can't tell in this case...she is showing signs of interest..hmm.

Any ideas would be greatly appreciated, fellas.

 

[bigneil]

Blah blah blah. She has low interest and you're writing novels about her every deliberation.

 

[sighsigh]

I'm sorry but wtf is "chemistry?" Do you want to bang her? If yes, then be a man, ask her out on a date, initiate the kino, C&F, etc. etc. etc. and then bang her. How hard can it be?

If no, then gtfo of her sight.