what's your take?

[knighttime]

hey guys. wanted to get your take on my situation. i'm turning 32 soon. Life seems to be going ok. i've got more money in the bank than anyone i know anywhere near my age (no debt either). I've got a career that is going really well. making 6 figures, and for 31 that's pretty good where i live.

anyway, i find i'm pretty darn content with my life without a woman in it. I don't really feel any urge to go catch women and sleep with them. i'm much more interesting in my own pursuits, like working out, investing, my career, etc.

in fact, i'd say the opposite. women seem to bring complexity and stress into your life more often than not - taking away focus and energy from your pursuits.

i have no problem chatting women up and having them interested in me. but i basically don't bother pursuing them beyond that, as to be honest, i just don't have the desire for one in my life that much.

do you think i'm wacked?

i mean, sometimes i think it would be nice, but then i think about how after a lot of hard work i've finally gotten my life to the point where i've got some serious forward momentum going for me. i've gotten here by staying focused on my goals and NOT women. i think back to my 20s and the relationships i was in, and truthfully, they detracted from my life more than added to it. sure, it's nice to get laid, but the before and after price you pay seems to be more than its worth sometimes.

and i'm completely content being on my own. i'm strange that way i guess. i enjoy being 100% responsible for my life. I enjoy just worrying about my own life and no one elses.

that said, now and then I do realize that by making the choices i've made i'm basically bailing out on the whole idea of getting married and having kids. and that part im not so sure about.

it was easier not to think about that side of things in my 20s. now im hitting 32 and thinking that time is ticking down rapidly to go down that path or not.

anyway, just wondering what your views are on my situation are.
it seems like 99% of the folks out there see finding someone as the entire point to life, that and having kids. whereas with me I basically don't feel any great urge to complicate my life. i don't particularly feel that marriage and kids are the point to life, they are just one path you can take - in the great scheme of things there is no point to life other than whatever point you decide to attribute to it.

don't get me wrong, if a woman came along that fit like a glove i'd see where it lead. but short of serendipity appearing, I don't feel any urge to desperately find someone.

as content as i am with my life now, i suppose the only worry i might have is whether or not i'm selling out my future happiness (say in my 40s, 50s, 60s) by not seeking out a woman to settle down with.

from my current perspective it seems to me that it's utterly pointless to settle down with someone that you don't have an unbelievable mature bond with. i've seen sooooo many people trapped in marriages that suck (even if they look great ot hte outside world) and which end in divorce. and during the marriage people completely loose themselves. so they spend 20 year in a marriage only to realize that they don't even know who they are. the divorce is actually a blessing because they for the first time get to live life how they want to - but seems kind of disappointing that they wasted 20 years in some sham get up called a marraige.

I'd rather enjoy my life, enjoy my personal freedom, and have tons of dough in the bank as opposed to settling down with the wrong woman and in 15 years be single anyway, still have all the responsibilities of kids, mortage, etc., and have a fraction of the cash i'd otherwise have.

i'm sure many of you have gone the single route, and some the marriage, and some the divorce. so just wondering whether you think i need to reassess my perspective on things given my age.

at the end of the day i typically tend to feel that as long as you are 'happy' then you're on the right path. and all in all i'm pretty happy with my life as it is.

but it does seem to be slightly abnormal the lack of "need" i have to have a woman in my life. and no, i'm not gay an yes, i still have a libido. i just don't have any overwhelming urge to having a woman in my life.

thoughts?

 

[wrender]

Hey Knighttime,

You sound exactly like me. My thoughts were the same up to about 5 months back. I Took some serious time off the dating scene in my late 20's to establish my own business, set some goals and finally reach them. It was an awsome learning experience for me. I learned that I didn't need women in my life to be happy. I was so consumed with myself and my goals that women were hardly even an afterthought. Especailly considering how looking back at my 20's, relationships got in the way of my priorities (basically like you said).

The way I look at it now is again, simialar to your take. I don't have an overwhelming need for companionship, but part of me wonders if I really do want to spend the rest of my life alone. I mean, I like sex, I like female companionship, so why deny myself things that I enjoy? Sure I don't want to get too distracted from my priorities by letting a potential bad relationship get the best of me. But I firmly believe that I'm at a completely different level now compared to my 20's. I want but I don't NEED. And this is the whole key.

So, seeing as how you even took the time to write this post, I'd guess you've got that same itch for companionship that I began to feel once again. You seem to have great control of your life and the means to aquire what makes you happy. So I'd say get out there and date some women just for fun. Spin some plates, don't get attached, and don't sacrifice too much of your personal time for them. It should be a win-win for you. You'll naturally be a challenge and you should have complete control. So why the hell not get some play?

And if that "perfect" woman falls on your lap in the process then there you have it. But I no longer look at dating as soley the means to find a marriage partner. Just have fun.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

You two are gay, that's what it is. Ha. Just kiddin' fellas. You guys just not interested in relationships, or not interest in sex? If you're not looking for a relationship but want to date and have sex, then I don't see anything abnormal.

 

[knighttime]

well unfortunately its been my experience that once i sleep with a woman they end up falling for me.

perhaps i need to consider the trashier women. but not much of a fan of catching an std.

 

[knighttime]

hey wrender,

thanks for the reply. glad to know someone else is going through a similar experience.

all in all i know i've made the right choices in life. i look at others who've gone the marriage route when they were younger or who didn't wait for that mature woman to settle down with. now they consider their lives to be somewhat lame.

great, intelligent, ambitious guys who could have achieved a lot only acheive a fraction of what they could have. and its not that they dont work hard or anything, its just that they can't find or stay in the "zone" of mental focus and determination. because every day there are kids and a wife all wanting something from them, sapping them of their energy bit by bit. so they never get as far as they could have, and it seems to take them just that much longer to mature and evolve to the next stages in their lives.

but i have seen a few guys who have great marriages, and they don't lose a step. well perhaps they lose a little bit, but its negligable and is easily offset by the enjoyment they get from their family - but its rare that I come across this type of set up.

 

[wrender]

well unfortunately its been my experience that once i sleep with a woman they end up falling for me.

perhaps i need to consider the trashier women. but not much of a fan of catching an std.

Let 'em fall. Just make sure you don't

 

[NewMan]

I would consider going after professional women. Find someone with a simular outlook as you - perhaps a woman who is into her career and doesn't have much time to date or to spend in a traditional relationship. You would need something relaxed and someone who doesn't have the time available to think about the relationship - and then pressure you into seeing her and spending 'quality time' together.

Fvck buddies work as well.

Be honest with women in what you want - and you maybe surprised with the results.