I've read yeareally. What things have you used of his? How does a typical approach in a bar look for you, verbally? How does the first 5 mins look. How do you open? What sorts of things do you say?
You mention Julien, too. I'm actually in the process of experimenting with doing the opposite of what he says! He's big on 'breaking rapport' on the open etc (commanding ''You!! who are you?!!'' kind of thing), but I find that UK girls here HATE any kind of break rapport so early on (and react in an almost combative, hostile way) and am gonna try a more rapport seeking opening/transitioning style, more like Tyler
There are a couple main things I took away from both of them:
- Take action—actually approach
- Laser eye contact
- Tonality
- Cut space
- Lead
- 100% Self Belief/Frame/Congruence
- Self amusement
- Let her experience you
- Abundance--even if you fvck up 1000 times, there will always be more girls
I like reading about the other nuances as well, but when I’m out that’s it. I don’t over complicate things and keep things flexible. Each of those is something you can practice and then you don't have to think about those either--it just becomes who you are. In fact, I'd just block off a month to master each of those things and then you never have to worry about them again. (Self-belief and Abundance are lifetime efforts--no easy fixes there).
Approach (Changing up some of the wording/details in case any girls are out there doing google searches lol)
:
- Ideally my opener is contextual, but my fallback for when I don't have anything is: “Why are you over here acting like you're better than everybody." (Most people think of themselves as being 'nice' people and care what others think = immediate qualification). Or "Hey, you're [whatever adjective]. I want you to meet me."
- Quickly address group: "Introduce me to your friends." Repeat names, add value.
- Do a quick cold read of the relationship/dynamic. "Oh, you're the responsible friend. She's the wild one." (Girl I like is always the wild one). Talk up all the dudes, troll the girls a little bit.
- From there it's pretty much being natural & listening to your instincts, which is harder than it sounds.
- Joke about her style, her jobs, my job--always act like I have a super low status job that I can riff on in funny ways. Basically, the less you give a fvck about impressing them the better.
I don't get too technical--at the end of the day, I want girls that I want and that want me. If I have to do anything that goes against my values to make us seem compatible, fvck it. I'm also very honest--girls know exactly what they get with me. Costs me plenty of lays, but saves drama. If they're not down for what I'm down for, then cool, plenty of girls will be. But I do know how to handle social objections and sh1t tests, and the only way to learn by those things is
practice.
As far as UK girls, it's less about them and more about
you. You have to find the game that fits you. Chances are breaking rapport just isn't congruent to you and
that's why it bombs. It may never be, but you won't know til you try on a couple hats. I tend to lean that way most of the time--though not nearly to the extreme Julien does--and it's worked on girls from all over. But I also balance it out by being a genuinely decent dude at the end of the day--I'm not out to hurt feelings, break down anyone's self-esteem, make anyone feel badly about themselves, or any of that. If a girl wants too much negative emotions (and plenty do), I'm good peacing out on that. I don't like being around those kind of people. So I kind of ride that edge, and adjust based on my natural chemistry with the girl.
Which is what you should do too. It doesn't have to look a certain way--just a handful of core rules, and you can break those later.
