What's wrong with this chick?

[AlphaNate]

Seriously, I'd like to know what's wrong with this person. Met her on Tinder, gave her my number, and she starts texting me screening questions immediately. I told her we can meet for a drink and go from there. This is what followed:

I don't smoke or want kids, but I wasn't telling her that. Can someone enlighten me as to what's going on in this person's head?

 

[QuadDeuces]

She either has had a ****ty day, or she is an utter biatch.

 

[AlphaNate]

I'm curious if I did something wrong here. Not that she really gave me time to do anything. But I'm open-minded, and if she has some valid point that I'm not seeing, I'd like to be privy.

 

[The Duke]

I don't blame her for asking those questions, but her approach was a little rough. Those 3 things are solid deal breakers for her and I could understand why a person wouldn't want to waste their time.

Why not answer her simple questions and avoid the frustration?

Interview questions are much more pointed, this was just general surface stuff.

She should have kept her cool a little better and you could have answered her questions and everybody would have been happy. ;-)

 

[Konada]

Your mistake was blowing up everything instead of trying to close the deal.

I'd would have said "Looks like we're on the same page on those kind of things. My question to you is - are you good company? If so, let's meet for a drink. What's your schedule looking like? "

If you pass those dealbreakers, why would you blow sh!t up? At this stage, its important not to take everything she says so seriously. Your job in the early dating phase is to close the deal, not enter a courtroom.

 

[AlphaNate]

Why not answer her simple questions and avoid the frustration?

***** was making me angry lol

Your mistake was blowing up everything instead of trying to close the deal.

Fair enough. I just didn't like her approach.

I'd would have said "Looks like we're on the same page on those kind of things. My question to you is - are you good company? If so, let's meet for a drink. What's your schedule looking like? "

I tried getting her to agree to meet, but she just KEPT pushing these qualifying questions on me.

 

[Konada]

Then you have to ask yourself. Do you want to keep your ego or do you want to get the lay?

If I were to put this in salesman terms, your interaction will look something like this:

HB (Buyer): I'm looking for a car with xxx specs at $xxx
You (Salesman): Why the fvck should I tell you if I don't see the money?
HB: Well I don't want to waste my time if you don't have the car i'm looking for
You: Show me the money and then I will tell you about the car or gtfo

You're being an idiot salesman bro, too pushy with no regard for the customer's needs.

 

[AlphaNate]

Then you have to ask yourself. Do you want to keep your ego or do you want to get the lay?

You're being an idiot salesman bro, too pushy with no regard for the customer's needs.

Hmm, I didn't look at it like that. My ego did get involved, and it usually doesn't. How did this chick push my buttons so easily??

Thanks man.

 

[sazc]

A few cents....
She's clearly frustrated with OLD and the quality of men that she is meeting. Believe it or not, OLD is a scum bucket when you are looking for men, as well. I'm not saying that there are not god men on OLD, but, sh1t, they are hard to find!

You got a little overly sensitive when you interpreted what she was saying and responded "so meeting me is a waste of time?" If some dud responded to me like that my immediate thought would be that he must lack self esteem to be asking such a question. You can think it, but never express things like that. What you express is "You seem frustrated with OLD, I can assure you, you wont find me a waste of your time".

She's screening because, as she said, she's shown up on dates before where the men have lied (im sure y'all know what that is like) she's tired of looking and smelling nice, and taking time out of her day, for a man who has lied to her about who he is, or what he is looking for. She has decided that she is going to be upfront with her OLD prospects. She is a little harsh, and blunt, about it, but it seems like she figures every guy is probably lying/not a good prospect, so why not be straight forward.

In all honestly, she should probably take a break from OLD until she has better perspective. OLD is a place you walk into believing you will be let down. that way when the date is not bad, you are surprised.

@XI AlphaMale IX YOU didn't do or say anything wrong in this exchange (outside of appearing insecure with that one comment) In this case your best angle would have been to realize she is frustrated and hit up the sympathetic angle (I think @El Payaso or @Bible_Belt belt talks about this well) The angle of empathizing..... "Kim, I can see you are frustrated with the quality of men you are meeting on OLD. I completely understand where you are coming from and, to be blunt, I am relieved that i am finally talking to an OLD female that has standards and screens her dates! No, I dont smoke. No, I dont want children. We should definitely meet up for a drink, how about X day at Y time at Z bar? At the very least we can have a few drinks and swap horror stories"

Or something along those lines. Im sure the guys will correct me if I get it wrong somewhere......

 

[sazc]

Hmm, I didn't look at it like that. My ego did get involved, and it usually doesn't. How did this chick push my buttons so easily??

Thanks man.

do not ever take OLD personally. do not ever take anyone's behavior personally if they dont know you well. people are people and people can be a$$holes. unfortunately we make assumptions about people based on our past baggage and treat them unfairly.

 

[Bible_Belt]

She comes off as a hateful b!tch to me, and I would have lost interest right away. But I would at least have made fun of her first, which would have probably led to her being less hateful.

When she said that she wouldn't meet if you were religious, I would have said something like "the fastest growing religious identification is Jedi, you know? Do have some complex about The Force?" It's a way of pointing out that she is being ridiculous, without stooping to her level of being bitter and hateful. She's a negative person, but you let her draw you into that negativity by taking the first silly thing she said seriously. You have to call her out on that immediately and not get drawn into her frame.

 

[sazc]

She comes off as a hateful b!tch to me, and I would have lost interest right away. But I would at least have made fun of her first, which would have probably led to her being less hateful.

When she said that she wouldn't meet if you were religious, I would have said something like "the fastest growing religious identification is Jedi, you know? Do have some complex about The Force?" It's a way of pointing out that she is being ridiculous, without stooping to her level of being bitter and hateful. She's a negative person, but you let her draw you into that negativity by taking the first silly thing she said seriously. You have to call her out on that immediately and not get drawn into her frame.

saying that to her (is hella funny) and should have immediately changed her mood IF she was just OLD irritated and not a hateful biyatch in general. if you had said that, and she kept on with hateful biytach, you clearly would know what you were dealing with

I agree, never get sucked into someone elses negative frame

 

[AttackFormation]

Your response is the bad option, Konada's response is the neutral option, and Bible_Belt's response is the good option because it cycles the negative mood away for a fun one. It's good not because it's necessarily better than Konada's for moving things forward, but because it puts a positive spin on the interaction and thus your mind in the bigger picture. We become what we think, and if you think in the way Bible_Belt gave an example of, you're bound to enjoy your life more and spread that to other people.

 

[El Payaso]

There are ways you could have handled it better but honestly, like many other people have stated, she comes across as a very, very bitter woman.

You dodged a bullet here.

 

[AlphaNate]

Thanks guys and girls! I've pulled some good lessons from this one! You're all awesome!

 

[dude99]

Seriously, I'd like to know what's wrong with this person. Met her on Tinder, gave her my number, and she starts texting me screening questions immediately. I told her we can meet for a drink and go from there. This is what followed:

I don't smoke or want kids, but I wasn't telling her that. Can someone enlighten me as to what's going on in this person's head?

She gets 100 or more messages a day from thirsty men. She has the choice to put herself on the pedestal and look down on those who try to score a date with her. She doesn't care if you are annoyed because 5 minutes later she will ne rejecting the next 15 men who send her a "hey hows it going " message.

You were in her frame the instant you got testy with her.

Next time a chick pulls this you reply like this:

"Do you screen all guys like this?"
"Yes i do."
"Ok you take care."

 

[dude99]

I'm curious if I did something wrong here. Not that she really gave me time to do anything. But I'm open-minded, and if she has some valid point that I'm not seeing, I'd like to be privy.

Be opened minded. But be shut mouthed. The best combination.

Did you do anything wrong? You lost your cool on a girl who knows how to push buttons.

 

[WanderingMan]

As what's been conveyed, I believe you were trying to fight skewed logic with rational logic. In other words, you brought a knife to a gun fight. Someone else brought up sales "win the argument, lose the sale". When she hasn't met you yet, and/or you haven't touched the right buttons yet, she will be basing her decisions off of some type of logic she's rationaled in her brain, Example: some list her and her friends put together on the perfect man for her. However, as is known, once a man touches the emotions in a woman, all logic and lists and what her parents told her, and everything else goes straight out the window.

I understand you got sucked into her argument, it happens all the time. I remember a time I was arguing with this girl on OLD who "believed" that she would have to be friends first with whoever she met, then, after a month or two, she could decide whether or not to take it up a level. Couple ways to go when she says something ridiculous like that, most guys take it in the wrong direction.

@Bible_Belt's response here was gold. If anything, it's a nice example of how to "be above the influence". Don't get sucked into her frame - her world. Laugh at it, see it as being cute, then bring her into yours.

 

[AlphaNate]

Thanks again!

 

[old_skoolr]

Your mentality is all wrong.

You should be thinking, thank god this b1tch isnt wasting any more of my time.