whats up fellas, very important question(for me)

[hzachuck]

Ok, so I finally am talking to but not quite Gf/bf with this girl yet. She is flat out gorgeous, but lately she has been doing all the "hard to get" crap or maybe she is just losing interest? The typical stuff finding reasons or not saying anything at all when I bring up meeting again, putting ME on hold when a "friend" calls, and yes the tables have turned to where she was after me but now she got me.

Today I send her a text asking what's up and I get the typical "been busy" excuse, so when she said she would text me after work, I sent her a reply saying to not even bother. I said I felt like she was tryin me like a punk, and to delete me number and find another sucker.

Her first text back is "are you ****ing serious?", then an hour after me not replying she calls and I told her I was on the other line and i will call her back, like she has done to me.

Bottom line guys, this is a big turning point for us. I really do like her, and she says the same to me, but not like she used to because remember, she "got me". Don't tell me to meet with her we live a couple hours away so itcant be a short notice everyday thing, but when you want to see someone you make it happen.

What I want? Her all over me again, is basically the bottom line question. I'm afraid if I ignore her for these next few days her ego will say **** it I'm done, but she is gorgeous so I'm sure she ain't used to guys calling her out and telling her to delete their numbers. But I do want her. Where do I go from here? Remember as it stands I told her I would call her back, but could just saying screw it and let her go nuts for a little while work?

 

[hzachuck]

I mean how would a VERY attractive woman, how do they normally react to getting told to **** off after they thought they "had" the guy.

 

[SoSuave666]

Let me respond to this as someone who has been with a chick who I thought couldn't have a bigger ego. She is also BPD, which means her hyper-sense of entitlement/control overrules her feminine need for emotional support.

Anyway, the ONLY thing that works with a chick like this is scarcity. You can't talk your way into ANYONE'S heart, let alone a chick who wants to be in control.

The way a woman thinks vs. operates: she wants control of the relationship; but at the moment she receives it you become devalued.

The way a man thinks vs. operates: he wants control of the relationship; at the moment he receives it everything is right in the world.

Women are illogical. They want control...but they won't and can't be happy with it. They aren't built for control, they are built to nurture. It's human instinct to control; but female nature to supplicate.

If you want to give her a mixture of what she desires/wants, that's fine. Be dominant but every once in a while do something romantic. Every other month pick a day where you surprise her with something. Always end these 'romantic gestures' with some secks.

Never internalize what a woman says vs the way she acts. If she stops texting you, it's probably because she has lost interest, even if she texts you things like "I love you."

 

[Hobbs]

It sounds like in the beginning your were being AFC

then just now you've started to take back control.
I think you sort of acted childish with the random "dont even bother, delete my number etc.." part.
I think a smooth way to handle these situations is when she starts to pull back
You pull back twice as much
When you randomly have fits it makes it seem like you're childish, crazy or just a headache to date.

Just keep in your mind that girls are a part of your reality, if they start to show you les attention, then stop moving forward and pull back

 

[hzachuck]

Thanks for the reply. So for now, tonight, you would leave her hanging? Because she acts like she doesn't know Wtf I'm mad about and I really don't feel like arguing over something I made clear in my text. So, ignore or call? I said I would, but lately that means nothing.

 

[Zarky]

OP, you're clearly very young. Why don't you get interested in other chicks for now. You were already beta with this chick, and trying out ways to "leave her hanging," etc is even more beta. Once she sees you in this way, you're done. So move on to other women. Oneitis is sad to watch.

Lemme tell you this now and perhaps at some point you'll believe me: Nothing you do right now is going to make this chick interested in you. NOTHING. You're 2 sets down to Roger Federer, he's up 5-0 in the third and serving for the match, and you're wondering what moves will allow you to win? Not one move. Not one.

 

[hzachuck]

She is blowing up my phone right now since I said what I said.

So what does that mean?

And no I haven't answered, but I still do want her.

 

[hzachuck]

Answer and be nonchalant or just give her what she has given me several times. She just misses that control? I mean bottom line, would you answer or not?

 

[Zarky]

You need to relax, bub. Seriously.

 

[DonJuanabe]

[Today I send her a text asking what's up and I get the typical "been busy" excuse, so when she said she would text me after work, I sent her a reply saying to not even bother. I said I felt like she was tryin me like a punk, and to delete me number and find another sucker.]

*** Never text that kind of crap. What's up? Texting should be in response to her or to set something up. None of this amorphous crap. More importantly, NEVER let the girl know you have lost your cool, which you did in the last two sentences. Once you provide info you cannot take it back, and you, as a male, will never know how she, as a female will interpret what you said or how she will extrapolate it. Silence. No contact.

[Her first text back is "are you ****ing serious?", then an hour after me not replying she calls and I told her I was on the other line and i will call her back, like she has done to me.]

*** See, you didn't reply and her little hamster brain went into overdrive.

[Bottom line guys, this is a big turning point for us. I really do like her, and she says the same to me, but not like she used to because remember, she "got me". Don't tell me to meet with her we live a couple hours away so itcant be a short notice everyday thing, but when you want to see someone you make it happen.]

*** She is two hours away. That is way too far. And way too easy for her to meet other guys who are all around her. Forget her and find someone in your area. If you don't heed this advice I promise you you will be very depressed in the near future when she starts f*cking someone who lives 10 minutes from her and you've been lead along for weeks, creating nothing but mental and emotional turmoil for youself.

[What I want? Her all over me again, is basically the bottom line question. I'm afraid if I ignore her for these next few days her ego will say **** it I'm done, but she is gorgeous so I'm sure she ain't used to guys calling her out and telling her to delete their numbers. But I do want her. Where do I go from here? Remember as it stands I told her I would call her back, but could just saying screw it and let her go nuts for a little while work?]

*** See above.

 

[omega05]

It sounds like in the beginning your were being AFC

then just now you've started to take back control.
I think you sort of acted childish with the random "dont even bother, delete my number etc.." part.
I think a smooth way to handle these situations is when she starts to pull back
You pull back twice as much
When you randomly have fits it makes it seem like you're childish, crazy or just a headache to date.

Just keep in your mind that girls are a part of your reality, if they start to show you les attention, then stop moving forward and pull back

why are girls allowed to ignore texts and calls but when the guy says "delete my number", he's acting childish?

 

[hzachuck]

So we talked bla bla had her guard up bla bla everything is cool I guess. She said she would call me back, I knew she wouldn't , she didn't. It was late whatever its fine.

It's pretty imperative that I DO NOT contact her first since last night, right? I feel like last night could be the turning point in this "relationship". I can't go back to the way it was. So IMO contacting her wouldn't be a wise idea.

 

[JoelyBoy]

crikey mate, once again, after she knew you were pi55ed at her for never responding etc, she said the same thing 'i'll call you' and didn't!!!!! if it were me, after having that 5hit happen to me many times, I would GIVE UP!!!! everyone on here will say the same thing, it's done dude - yeah it sucks but IT'S DONE!!

 

[hzachuck]

I don't get this. If the bish didn't care why would she blow up my phone after I told her to **** off basically. We talked, and she hasn't contacted me since that night, and I haven't contacted her either.

My new question is, if she didn't care or didn't like me why the desperation to talk to me after what I told her? Every girl I've asked said that if they received that message from a dude they didn't care about they would have laughed at him and deleted his number, like I requested. Or should I just man up and call her and quit the stubborn ****.

Like Marcellus in Pulp Fiction said, pride only hurts, it never helps, and I'm just trying to figure out if she is just that damn stubborn like me, or really doesn't care.

 

[Iceberg]

I don't get this. If the bish didn't care why would she blow up my phone after I told her to **** off basically. We talked, and she hasn't contacted me since that night, and I haven't contacted her either.

My new question is, if she didn't care or didn't like me why the desperation to talk to me after what I told her?

Stop trying to figure out why women do what they do. Seriously. There is not always a logical answer for it. The only thing you should judge a woman on is "Does she treat me as I want to be treated?" Other than that, dont waste your time analyzing.

Every girl I've asked said that if they received that message from a dude they didn't care about they would have laughed at him and deleted his number, like I requested. Or should I just man up and call her and quit the stubborn ****.

Girls don't date girls. So they're terrible at giving advice on dating girls.

I mean, but we're men here, and you're not going to listen to us. That's not an insult. I can just tell that you're at the stage in life where you think it's normal to invest this much emotion and effort into a girl who isn't reciprocating. You want to believe that there's some trick, or tip, or talk that you can have that will make her want you. And it's just not the case.

Like Marcellus in Pulp Fiction said, pride only hurts, it never helps, and I'm just trying to figure out if she is just that damn stubborn like me, or really doesn't care.

Simple as this - if she were attracted to you, then you wouldn't have to ask this question.

 

[hzachuck]

^^^^^^^

I get that. So because I haven't contacted her does that mean I'm not attracted to her? Pride can get in the way of a lot of things, and all over the internet if you searched you would see women "fighting the urge to give in" or "I want to text him so bad, but he has to text me first.

So you're saying that 4 days of no contact from a woman means 100% certain she is not attracted to you?

 

[Iceberg]

^^^^^^^

I get that. So because I haven't contacted her does that mean I'm not attracted to her? Pride can get in the way of a lot of things, and all over the internet if you searched you would see women "fighting the urge to give in" or "I want to text him so bad, but he has to text me first.

So you're saying that 4 days of no contact from a woman means 100% certain she is not attracted to you?

Here's my interpretation of your relationship. Correct me if I'm wrong.

You're a guy. She's a girl. You talk. But you don't have sex. So it's pretty much like a boy and girl in 1st grade, holding hands and calling it a relationship.

So, I'm not saying that 4 days of no contact from a woman means she's not attracted to you. I'm saying weeks/months of talking without any sexual progress means she's not attracted to you. I'm saying that maybe she would have been attracted to you a while ago if you came to her and took what you wanted. But you didn't. And now you're just "some guy."

Your position with this girl was killed a while before your "4 days of no contact."

Now, I could totally be wrong. You could tell me that you've been f**king like rabbits since Day#1. But I see you getting frustrated at a lack of texting/phone calls the way I get frustrated with a lack of sex. So it just makes me think "This dude isn't getting anything from this girl. But he thinks that if he has enough conversations with her, she'll suddenly start getting wet for him." Which is grossly, terribly wrong.

Again...just my interpretation. Prove me wrong.

 

[hzachuck]

No I'm not going to lie to a guy I will never actually meet, I'm here to get help and the only way to truly get help is being flat out honest.

We live a 100 miles away. One date, no sex, intense kissing and I left it at that. You know the whole leave her wanting more thing. To me right then and there my "being a chump" or "not going after what I wanted", she would have dropped me right then and there. Well, the attraction, texts, calls, etc ramped up even more after that night. This is pretty recent the whole distance thing, but again my main question is, her motive, her game, WHAT made her come after me after I told her to **** off. WHAT did that? To get me back on a leash? Well obviously that hasn't worked because its not like she has ignored me since then, because i havent even contacted her. So if it bothered her so much when I was ready to cut her loose, why is it not bothering her now that I haven't even said hi.

I already know where I ****ed up sending texts late at night under the influence, which IMO is what made her more distant. She thought she had me.

 

[hzachuck]

And i have tried to set up spontaneous meetups, which is where our argument started. I said I felt like you weren't putting in the same effort. So I get the "guard up, been hurt: single mother, babysitter excuse.

 

[rjd]

Dude man, this chick is just a serious attention wh*re. I hate to tell you, but just the simple fact that you're trying to understand the situation means oneitis has you. I know, I've been there. Use your natural given logic: a girl seriously into her would never play games. Don't let her gorgeousness get to you, there are plenty more "gorgeous" women out there. IMO, "gorgeous" is in the mind of the beholder.