Whats the move?

[JUNGDJ]

Hey guys long time lurker decided to finally get into some discussion and learn from the masters.

Just got onto the online dating scene. Hit it off online with a total 8 or a 9. Strictly texted her to setup the first date and nothing more. Got her on a first date did some good kino lots of eye contact had some good connection I could tell she was opening up and sharing some pretty personal stuff about herself. The first 30 minutes or so she told me she would have to leave early due to her having to catch a flight and pack the next morning. We ended up talking for about 2.5 hours and I felt we were connecting and having a good time.

I really did feel confident with her was dressed like a stud and well groomed and intelligent and attentive in our conversations. I may have come off a little needy since I was genuinely interested in her but I didn't push for another date or talk about myself too much. We kept the conversations about 60/40 for her with me asking some good questions about her values and me trying to qualify her.

Mistakes after the fact. Wasn't able to go for the kiss end of the night got a good strong hug from her. This was my first date with a girl in 8 years (got out of LTR about 8 months ago) but I was not too nervous and I really thought we hit it off or I was delusional but I felt the connection was there. Was maybe a little too serious but we were in some pretty good discussion about her job field and other things about life. Touched her hand a few times and was able to get some kino in guiding her while walking and hugs.

I texted her after the date Was good meeting you and have a safe flight she responded right away thanks.

Waited 3 full days and texted her...Just asking about her trip and that I think she is a cool person and when she was available again to meetup again when she got back.

Her response next day "Hi! JungDJ Yes I had a great time on my vacation - thanks for thinking of me

I had a nice time meeting you in person the other night, thank you. I thought you were a cool person too and it was fun getting to know you. That said, if I'm being totally honest with myself and you (which I think you deserve) - having spent sometime together in person, even though we got along, I don't see us being a match. I don't want to waste anyone's time so I hope you can appreciate me being up frront and honest with you, JungDJ, I wish you all the best!"

I responded simply with "appericate your honesty and no hard feelings" she responded a few hours later thanks JungDJ

Now I know everyone is going to say next and thats fine I have accepted and learned from it and probably know her IL wasn't too high to being with and I am focusing on spinning more plates and being a badass and confident with women.

The part that I want to ask you guys is ever since she told me she wasnt interested she has been checking my match.com profile every single day. Guessing everyone is just going to say next her but curious if anyone managed to recover off something like this.

 

[wifehunter]

 

[Mazer]

She rejected you in a nice way which I can respect. Most women would just ignore you. I am guessing she didn't find you extremely attractive (no offense bro) but really enjoyed your company. Your response to her was perfect. She might be on the fence. Either way, do not contact her ever. She rejected you. You wait for her to contact you, in the meantime start dating other women.

 

[Wilko]

The part that I want to ask you guys is ever since she told me she wasnt interested she has been checking my match.com profile every single day.

That is a little curious to be honest.

Possible she thought she had a better option and it fell through/isn't working out how she thought it would.

Nonetheless, let her reach out first.

Solid response to the soft rejection by the way - may have scored yourself some points there.

 

[Wilko]

"Are you going to keep stalking me without saying hello? "

That ain't half bad actually. If she's checking you on the reg you could add that to your profile instead of texting.

 

[JUNGDJ]

I don't online date. Does it give you notifications telling you that she's looking you up? And would she be aware of that?

Perhaps mess with her to re-open communication:

"Are you going to keep stalking me without saying hello? "

Or some such.

It gives notification that she is looking me up. She has done it every single day since she rejected me. I didn't think much of it until I started to notice it was every single day. I am not sure she is aware but I am going to assume yes since its a pretty popular feature in the dating site.

 

[JUNGDJ]

She rejected you in a nice way which I can respect. Most women would just ignore you. I am guessing she didn't find you extremely attractive (no offense bro) but really enjoyed your company. Your response to her was perfect. She might be on the fence. Either way, do not contact her ever. She rejected you. You wait for her to contact you, in the meantime start dating other women.

I figured that was the correct course of action. I did learn a lot first date so I will chalk this up as a learning experience still trying to spin plates. No offense taken I figured it was a lack of interest level and my lack of experience in a while that blew this.

 

[JUNGDJ]

That is a little curious to be honest.

Possible she thought she had a better option and it fell through/isn't working out how she thought it would.

Nonetheless, let her reach out first.

Solid response to the soft rejection by the way - may have scored yourself some points there.

Thanks man been pretty hard on myself for all this fell for the dreaded oneitis on this one. Yeah i figured that was the best course of action not holding my breath she returns.

 

[JUNGDJ]

actions, not words.

what women vocalize and what they actually do are usually inconsistent

women WANT a man that knows he needs to and is capable of wrecking her walls (heh).

your ready acceptance of her rejection and wordy texts did you no favors. women are not into men who dont "get it". she was also fully aware of your desperation. women are more attracted to men who can control their brooding, feral arousal. that is why push-pull is so effective. they thrive on the confusion of wondering how bad you actually want to fvck them

you should have ESCALATED on that date. she gave you a timeframe for a reason. it was her ginas vocalized "go for broke tiger"

ASSUME THE SALE, ESCALATE, KINO, PUT YOUR SEXUALITY ON FULL DISPLAY, GO ALL IN

so many dj lessons in this scenario

you talked for 2.5 hrs? hugged her? are you her girlfriend?

you waited till the end of the date to for the kiss. rookie move. this should happen naturally during the course of the night after some masterful teasing, and emotional/sexual tension through kino escalation and growing intimacy (location helps, dont put her on the spot by trying to kiss her in an openly visible area). there was a poster here recently that stopped his date and kissed her in the street while bouncing her from one location to another. and then pulled away first. brought her down again and then re-initiated. thats how its done. a last minute kiss attempt after a date that lacked any emotional roller coastering and physical contact is gonna be awkward for any girl. a properly escalated first date with some push-pull is gonna leave her wanting more.

the kiss should come NATURALLY if you have good game. if youre doing things right, they WANT you to kiss them. it will show in more open and fidgety body language. wide eyes and an unmistakable look of longing mixed with invitation.

in any event, there is no better scenario for an "all in" than this. but in any date your goal is to escalate, get physical, retract, re-engage, trigger her imagination and arouse her emotions. she will thank you the next time you see her the best way she knows how for preventing her a good nights sleep on your first date

I am going to be honest any girl that is willing to give it up first date I don't care how smooth you are is not good long term material in my books I wanted to take it a little slower. What I definitely learned though I was a little desperate could of been more laid back but I was definitely interested in her not just physically but as a person as well. Its not like I told her hey I like you lets be together forever no not at all I just listened and tried to learn about her and stimulate her. I did not joke around enough or flirt that much which I regret but at the same time she was engaged as well. We were sitting in a nice cafe and sitting across from each other huge mistake since its difficult to engage in touch but all the body language from her were positive facing towards me, eye contact, lots of smiling, and hair fidgeting plus she tried to impress me as well. I did manage to touch her hand with some gentle touching but I blame the venue more than my courage on this one was too difficult logistically in this dating scenario to do more.

Plus it was our very first meeting ever I respect the advice and thank you for the help but I really don't think every single girl is saying that ginas vocalized "go for broke tiger" I think it would of scared her off. If she gave me a second chance I definitely would of went that route but first round it seemed a bit much. I will definitely plan a better date for more ability to push and pull for the next date and swing harder for the escalation so thank you for the pointers. Going to also think her interest level was not sky high in the first place I did fail to raise it though and I will have to improve my game on that end with the push and pull thanks a lot for that bit of advice.

 

[JUNGDJ]

"Are you going to keep stalking me without saying hello? "

That ain't half bad actually. If she's checking you on the reg you could add that to your profile instead of texting.

This is the part where I am like do I lightly peruse or just let it fester and if she interested she will make the move. I am not trying to impress this girl but I have a very solid resume for my life and she knows that so I want to get the mindset I am the prize. So I think I will continue to try to spin more plates and assume this one is lost in the ocean until it may resurface.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Your situation is the perfect example of the right move being a soft no-contact. Don't contact her first, but you may reply if she texts you first. It may all be a test, and that is what she is looking for, especially if you were a little too serious. Are you strong enough to let her go? If you are, that is very attractive.

 

[JUNGDJ]

Your situation is the perfect example of the right move being a soft no-contact. Don't contact her first, but you may reply if she texts you first. It may all be a test, and that is what she is looking for, especially if you were a little too serious. Are you strong enough to let her go? If you are, that is very attractive.

Yes definitely ok to let her go. Not like I have another option in this scenario with this particular plate. Glad to know I am at least making some right moves since I am very rusty at this. Been in LTR for 8 years so very rusty and just started the game again. Appreciate the words of encouragement and feedback I am doing something right.

I am trying to get that mindset I am the prize and I am of high value the challenge is it comes and goes that kind of mentality. I had a moment where I felt like the Sh**T chest out looking like a boss girl was checking me out so I looked back at her and she looked away first downwards strong dominant eye contact. I just smiled and went about my business. I caught her checking me out again and when I looked she looked away right away. I just drove by her smiled at her she smiled back and I drove off I had this strong sense if i walked up to her I could of got her #. Just trying to keep that kind of feel and vibe up at all times but it seems like a challenge to feel like that at all times with women at all times.

 

[JUNGDJ]

i made no implication of a first night lay being a neccessity. but as you learn, you will naturally push the envelope and escalate sexually with all the women you meet. whether you want a same night lay (granted you are getting positive reception) is up to you. the caveat here being that women know now to put out too soon if they dont want to be viewed as a slut, but any woman is CAPABLE of a first night lay under the right conditions. re-read that over and over again and remember it the next time you find yourself viewing women as potential relationship material

the mistake in your mentality is having a "comfort first" approach. women seek comfort. men seek sex. you are not doing yourself any favors by "taking things slow" especially not with beauitful women. dont hide your sexuality. you subcommunicate it through physical escalation, body language and suggestive language. this is the difference between being a seductive charmer and a pushy desperate creep. this is also what helps women decide whether you are a potential lover or a boring nice guy.

all the hints she gave you tell me that you could HAVE kissed her that same night and possibly more. hair touching, resting her head on her chin, ankle dangling, lip licking etc are all tells of a physically inviting woman.

the solution to your proximity problem would be to bounce her to a different location. like the guy i mentioned who kissed his date in the relative privacy of his walk to another spot.

thinking that escalation would have been "too much" is a symptom of your monogamy-as-goal mindset. you shouldnt be checking off boxes with a girl you just met. she can have a heart of gold and be a great person for all you care, but how does that help you if she doesnt view you as a potential lover? all those details are things you worry about after youve been intimate with a woman, not before

I did not really get this message until I had a while to re-read it and digest. This is some great advice man thank you. I think I have to get my mindset right still on the newbie oneitis thing where for some reason I really wanted to commit with her and I barley knew her cant believe how ridiculous I was. I half swung too wont hesitate like that again. I get it now that this will increase my chances at success and a happier life with women. I would imagine even the most seasoned DJ's out there despite knowing this still strike out with girls but they have much higher chances. I think spotting the interest level still kind of eludes me and when to take the steps for it but will come with practice.

 

[marmel75]

Lack of escalation. Learn from your mistake and dont make it again.