What's the key to presence?

[Lexington]

Have you ever noticed that there are some people who, in the middle of a crowd, just know how to get everyone's attention and become the center of any conversation?

It's not necessarily good looking folks either. There are some guys I know that can move from conversation to conversation and instantly become a major participant in it. They can even interrupt other people and everyone pays attention to them. One of these dudes I know has pretty much zero chance of getting laid (he comes off as gay even though he's not), but the ladies just love him as a friend.

I can move from conversation to conversation and can become a participant. I usually have very interesting conversations with gals and guys when it's one on one. But often, at parties, I find myself drowned out when a bunch of people are standing together in a circle.

Is part of it just having a loud voice? My voice doesn't carry very well unless I really try. Does anyone have any tips?

I think it's easy to see how being able to interact with ladies while with large groups of people in a loud environment could be a valuable tool in gaming them. It's tough to get their interest when 1 or 2 people are dominating the conversation.

 

[randalll]

im in the same boat
and i have a quiet voice, so maybe thats the reason

could be your body language as well and the speed you talk

 

[Groovy]

The person in the middle of the attention is ALWAYS the most powerful, the one with the highest positive energy.

 

[Interceptor]

As much as many of us want attention, which is not BAD per se, be very very careful of NEEDING it and CRAVING attention.
Do NOT go out look to always 'hog the spotlight' and 'steal his thunder'.
Those are very immature and petty attitudes to have.

Much of the key to presence is really being an INTERESTING person, who can RELATE well to others, is WELL SPOKEN, is NON JUDGEMENTAL, and has a certain CHARISMA about him.

He truly LISTENS to others.
And what he has to say is not trivial, it has MEANING. And there is a PURPOSE to what he says.

He doesnt waste words, or time. And isnt worried about how he appears to others. He is self confident and self assured.
He is not concerned nor worried, nor succumbs to anxieties about how he is coming off.

Thus, he has tremendous SELF LOVE and SELF ACCEPTANCE.

Thus, believe it or not, he has the capability of demonstrating great love, affection, caring, and is not ciritcal nor judgemental of others.
So people just naturally feel comfortable around him.

So , yeah, you can try to be the loud mouth guy, who tries to dominate everyone and everything. Who tries to control other people's attention.
That's being CONTROLLING and DOMINEERING.
And get some attention.
But you dont really get people's respect and admiration.


If you value being respected...
...then you will get attention on YOUR TERMS.

There is a very very deep lesson found here.
I think we should all think about it...

 

[Solarium]

Well spoken interceptor. I remember when I first started gaming, I was the person who used to crave attention. I did everything to get the attention, but not the respect of others, especially competing men. Over the years, I grew more aware of other's needs, got more in touch of who I am, and became more understanding and experienced socially and politically (not about politics, but about social interaction). All of us has to go through the attention craving stage to get there, it just takes time, and worldly experience, not just partying experience. This is the difference of being a don juan and a pick up artist.

 

[SinJester]

If you listen to The Authentic Man Program (which is great stuff), presence is being in your body. It's having an awareness. According to them women notice this, although not consciously.

There are also different types of presence. There's the loud party guy who gets attention. But then there's the relaxed, confident, dominant 'alpha' who gets respect.

You can also look at it superficially and say it's the loud, peacocking guy with body language that takes up a lot of space. You could also look inside and say that it's someone who is comfortable with themselves and confident.

It depends what you are looking for. There are different paradigms. You could look at presence like pickup. There's inner and outer games. There's also different styles

 

[SuavePlaya]

They realized that perfect is boring (pook) and you are still stuck on that. What you have to realize is you aren't always going to say the perfect thing and you have to learn how to accept that. People with presence find what they say interesting no matter how dumb it will sound to anyone else.

 

[Dstructor]

I wanted to add to this a long time ago.
Interceptor outlined it, IMO, but described it a little

Let's dissect it a little: Presence
What does it connect to when you hear that word ?
Now ? Something that IS happening ?

From the Dictionary:
6. the ability to project a sense of ease, poise, or self-assurance, esp. the quality or manner of a person's bearing before an audience: The speaker had a good deal of stage presence.
7. personal appearance or bearing, esp. of a dignified or imposing kind: a man of fine presence.

You clearly want to be like those people that when they're clearing their throat to speak everyone is suddenly listening
But you what you want is different from presence

You described it as a "tool"...Do you really think those powerful people that you see and mentioned turn it on for the parties and then become totally different people when they go home alone ?!
I know you're captivated but do you think THEY...how can i say it, controlled you into being captivated by them ?

These are people who are KNOWINGLY being who they are; they know who they are from the inside, they are aware of their own experience of the world, the moment as it is happening

They're like surfers; they don't try to make the wave a certain shape nor do they drift with it like dead bodies, they surf it

So, in my own terms what does being present mean ?!
Present is when your conscious is connected to something genuine, authentic and true from the INSIDE
Example: how you're feeling, not necessairly what you're thinking or what does it mean. Something from the outside would be IOI's or people's looks at you

When you're connected or aware of what's going on inside you (having faced the guilt & issues you have about yourself) in a way you're standing on a very steady floor and how deep or clear is your connection determines how steady is that floor; You're at ease and comfort (Stop right now and see if you're worried that the floor your sitting on RIGHT now might be swept away)

Compare that to what's going on with you right now, i assume, basing everything you do or feel on your outside which could exist or not would feel like standing on a piece of wood in the middle of a rough sea

There's a couple of words my lifestyliest/coach told me that clicked with me INSTANTLY in terms of presence, they may do the same for you:
See Yourself From The Inside

Now the question is...do you really want to cultivate presence or do you just want a remote control for people ?

 

[Lexington]

It's not that I want all the attention to myself. Most definitely not! I encounter a lot of attractive females at parties/social gatherings. Before you can isolate most girls, you usually have to interact with them in a group setting. My problem is that often one or two loudmouths steal all the attention and I can't start connecting with these girls.

 

[Dstructor]

Thanks for the elaboration

Well..now that you mention it i do notice that there are those who are loud when i'm in a group and i want to talk to a girl (or someone, we're not talking flirting here but the same point stays) and i want to talk to someone, i just take him aside and talk. lol today actually there were 3 groups of people talking to me at the same time and i was calling someone and i wasn't giving any of them half-assed attention, i was managing them nicely

That's presence too man; these captivating people are not waiting for others to listen before they can speak
Coz, from what i've felt, that i want people to listen to me so i can listen to what i want to say (In other words, have confidence in what i want to say or respect it)

Once i started believing in my emotions, desires and myself it's almost of no importance whether people listen to me or whether they out-talk me (eg: cut me before i start speaking) because i feel that what really matters is what's going on inside me, that which already happened whether or not those people are even there !

And that's another example of a steady & unsteady grounds that i mentioned
and about the situation you mentioned; some people are quite captivating so you may find yourself intrigued when you actually came to approach that girl, it's okay, let yourself be intrigued
Others who are just loud-talkers, trust me, they're not interrupting anything or even commanding any attention and if you don't like them you won't like the girls that are attracted to them

Connection ain't in the sound-waves man, it's in what they and everything else mean