What's the deal with women and simps saying "communication" is so important?

[jimwho]

I have learned a hack that works when I need to air something that he is not willing to discuss in a direct manner. I call a girlfriend or my sister, go in the other room and an amazing thing happens….

So you have this Hack when you want to discuss private issues with your husband which involves sharing the delicate subject with others? Delicate because you don't believe you can bring it up directory. You pretend he's not listening while he eavesdrops outside the door. Then you both "act" as if it nothing happened. Do you actually believe he doesn't know what you're up to?. This means of communication is defiantly a Hack, I agree.

 

[member160292]

Why do women complain and say that guys need to communicate more?

I believe all of them have been through the evolution of a traditional relationship and seen it go from healthy "back and forth" in the beginning of the relationship into less and less communication from the man's side. When you look at relationships that ultimately fail you will notice the same familiar pattern, the woman grinds the man down through war of attrition, where she will work on the man, all day, every day, 365 days a year. Not because of malicious intentions, this is just how they are wired when there are no clear boundaries and they feel unhappy. I think most guys with experience are familiar with the danger in the saying "give her a finger and she will take the whole hand". That's why we know the importance of calling out her nonsense from day one. Women will talk just to ventilate, they will complain, sometimes b itch, sometimes be wonderful but many many relationships (outside of the manosphere?) evolve into her talking and complaining and the guy turning more and more quiet or agreeing for the sake of peace and/or escaping into his "safe zone", which can be the garage, the car, another room, friend etc. which frustrates the lady because it makes her not feel heard (= not important), until it's over one day and that is when she decides to create an account on tinder to get a better guy the next time and because communication (and feeling heard) is very important to her she writes about it in her profile.

You will not hear it from women in happy relationships because the guys they're with didn't cave in the 451th time she complained about why you didn't put the toilet seat down after you. It comes naturally with having a spine. Being aware of relationship dynamics and game helps too. Being a good "communicator" seems to come naturally for a masculine man.

Agreed, women want attention and if they don't get it from their partner - they'll get it elsewhere. It can be on social media, work, dating apps, etc. This blends pretty well with the drama thread, it's a balance. The men that keep to themselves and avoid conflict will soon be replaced.

 

[Barrister]

Why do women complain and say that guys need to communicate more?

I believe all of them have been through the evolution of a traditional relationship and seen it go from healthy "back and forth" in the beginning of the relationship into less and less communication from the man's side. When you look at relationships that ultimately fail you will notice the same familiar pattern, the woman grinds the man down through war of attrition, where she will work on the man, all day, every day, 365 days a year. Not because of malicious intentions, this is just how they are wired when there are no clear boundaries and they feel unhappy. I think most guys with experience are familiar with the danger in the saying "give her a finger and she will take the whole hand". That's why we know the importance of calling out her nonsense from day one. Women will talk just to ventilate, they will complain, sometimes b itch, sometimes be wonderful but many many relationships (outside of the manosphere?) evolve into her talking and complaining and the guy turning more and more quiet or agreeing for the sake of peace and/or escaping into his "safe zone", which can be the garage, the car, another room, friend etc. which frustrates the lady because it makes her not feel heard (= not important), until it's over one day and that is when she decides to create an account on tinder to get a better guy the next time and because communication (and feeling heard) is very important to her she writes about it in her profile.

You will not hear it from women in happy relationships because the guys they're with didn't cave in the 451th time she complained about why you didn't put the toilet seat down after you. It comes naturally with having a spine. Being aware of relationship dynamics and game helps too. Being a good "communicator" seems to come naturally for a masculine man.

Great post.

I have found that in an LTR, there are times to use silence and distance and there are times to be very direct (maybe even aggressive) about establishing your boundaries and calling the woman out on her bad behavior. Sometimes, I think the woman can misinterpret S&D as you acquiescing to her position on something because she thinks you have nothing to say since she is right. I think this can also depend on the woman.

For the women who love to nag, I think you have to aggressively nip that in the bud. Silence and distance doesn't work for nagging problems. And I don't mean lose your temper when I say aggressive - but clear, firm communication that it is unacceptable.

 

[Barrister]

Here’s the thing. I knew when I shared the whole eavesdropping thing that it would create some controversy. That’s Ok. The way I learned he did this was that he came home from work early one day and I was chatting with my sister.

On the surface, "eavesdropping" is certainly a common act by someone who is insecure and/or has trust issues and/or doesn't trust the person they are with. I am not sure if you are saying it is a positive trait, but I think if you are that is a tough sell to most people. I know that if I caught my LTR doing that, I would definitely be questioning why they felt the need to do that surreptitiously instead of just walking in the room and asking me about the conversation when I hung up. It definitely would come off like there is a latent issue to me.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

As cheesy as it sounds, this is where the Myers-Briggs stuff can help. It seems like mumbo-jumbo at first, and then it seems a little on the technical side, but when you dive deeper into what the various personalities are like in the real world, there are definite differences in communication styles and preferences. Having an idea of which personality template you are, and what template your partner is, can go a long way into optimizing comms.

Myers Briggs is psuedoscience, two quacks (women with no education) invented it ages ago by borrowing Jungian personality archetypes (no easy feat) and trying to distill them into an easily understood personality test for the masses - had absolutely zero empirical testing, but people just bought it hook line and sinker and have stuck with it ever since.

If you want a real personality test, the only one is the Big Five.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Why do women complain and say that guys need to communicate more?

I believe all of them have been through the evolution of a traditional relationship and seen it go from healthy "back and forth" in the beginning of the relationship into less and less communication from the man's side. When you look at relationships that ultimately fail you will notice the same familiar pattern, the woman grinds the man down through war of attrition, where she will work on the man, all day, every day, 365 days a year. Not because of malicious intentions, this is just how they are wired when there are no clear boundaries and they feel unhappy. I think most guys with experience are familiar with the danger in the saying "give her a finger and she will take the whole hand". That's why we know the importance of calling out her nonsense from day one. Women will talk just to ventilate, they will complain, sometimes b itch, sometimes be wonderful but many many relationships (outside of the manosphere?) evolve into her talking and complaining and the guy turning more and more quiet or agreeing for the sake of peace and/or escaping into his "safe zone", which can be the garage, the car, another room, friend etc. which frustrates the lady because it makes her not feel heard (= not important), until it's over one day and that is when she decides to create an account on tinder to get a better guy the next time and because communication (and feeling heard) is very important to her she writes about it in her profile.

You will not hear it from women in happy relationships because the guys they're with didn't cave in the 451th time she complained about why you didn't put the toilet seat down after you. It comes naturally with having a spine. Being aware of relationship dynamics and game helps too. Being a good "communicator" seems to come naturally for a masculine man.

This is probably the most accurate answer to the topic at hand. Men don't communicate because women wear them down and they just want peace. Then women complain about it without ever taking accountability for it. I have actually noticed many women say in OLD that they want a man to "call them out on their BS" but most men are too afraid of conflict.

Maybe it's confusing for some men, since women both need to feel heard and understood AND also be challenged, disagreed with, and have boundaries set on what they say.

 

[BeExcellent]

So you have this Hack when you want to discuss private issues with your husband which involves sharing the delicate subject with others? Delicate because you don't believe you can bring it up directory. You pretend he's not listening while he eavesdrops outside the door. Then you both "act" as if it nothing happened. Do you actually believe he doesn't know what you're up to?. This means of communication is defiantly a Hack, I agree.

Wrong. I am fearless about bringing things up. I’m also very happy to be direct. He shuts down at times and doesn’t communicate well. So an indirect means is fine.

 

[jimwho]

Wrong. I am fearless about bringing things up. I’m also very happy to be direct. He shuts down at times and doesn’t communicate well. So an indirect means is fine.

You should just admit you are WonderWoman and come clean. Hollywood can make a movie about your perfection.

 

[member162951]

I am fearless about bringing things up. I’m also very happy to be direct.

Masculine energy.

Eavesdropping, snooping, being indirect and avoiding confrontation is passive feminine energy.. Your dynamic is in reverse of what is espoused on this forum.

You're the dominant to your boyfriend's feminine. There is no getting around this, at least with respect to communication. Which is fine, just own it. You're older than him which makes sense too.

 

[manfrombelow]

When a woman demands you give her "important communication", it means at some point prior to that, her BS bored you to the point you decided to say nothing and walked the fvck away. This drove the broad crazy so now she's acting as if communication was something really that "important". She hates the fvck you walked away from her BS. That's all.

 

[Barrister]

When a woman demands you give her "important communication", it means at some point prior to that, her BS bored you to the point you decided to say nothing and walked the fvck away. This drove the broad crazy so now she's acting as if communication was something really that "important". She hates the fvck you walked away from her BS. That's all.

It could mean that. But what I have found is that demanding "meaningful communication" is really just an extension of nagging at the end of the day. In every relationship I have ever had, I was always the direct and clear communicator - my women have had different levels of communication but never near to my own. However, that didn't stop some of them saying we "don't communicate," which the irony was I agreed with, but it certainly was no fault of mine.

Women simply use this line when they aren't getting what they want from you. Another popular variation is that "she isn't being heard." It is code for "you aren't doing what I want you to do, so rather than phrase it that way since it would be crystal clear I am just being selfish, I will cloak it in this 'communication' language so I don't come off like a self-centered b1tch."

 

[manfrombelow]

Women are crazy. Period.

It could mean that. But what I have found is that demanding "meaningful communication" is really just an extension of nagging at the end of the day. In every relationship I have ever had, I was always the direct and clear communicator - my women have had different levels of communication but never near to my own. However, that didn't stop some of them saying we "don't communicate," which the irony was I agreed with, but it certainly was no fault of mine.

Women simply use this line when they aren't getting what they want from you. Another popular variation is that "she isn't being heard." It is code for "you aren't doing what I want you to do, so rather than phrase it that way since it would be crystal clear I am just being selfish, I will cloak it in this 'communication' language so I don't come off like a self-centered b1tch."

Exactly.

"I'm not being heard" in female language is short for "He's not giving in like a simp and not doing what I want him to do".

 

[DonJuanjr]

It could mean that. But what I have found is that demanding "meaningful communication" is really just an extension of nagging at the end of the day. In every relationship I have ever had, I was always the direct and clear communicator - my women have had different levels of communication but never near to my own. However, that didn't stop some of them saying we "don't communicate," which the irony was I agreed with, but it certainly was no fault of mine.

Women simply use this line when they aren't getting what they want from you. Another popular variation is that "she isn't being heard." It is code for "you aren't doing what I want you to do, so rather than phrase it that way since it would be crystal clear I am just being selfish, I will cloak it in this 'communication' language so I don't come off like a self-centered b1tch."

What are your responses to this when brought up?

 

[Barrister]

What are your responses to this when brought up?

Generally, I explain my position very clear ONCE. I also will listen to what she has to say and I will respond to it in a reasonable way. But I stick to my guns. I don't give in "just to get along." If she won't see reason and keeps nagging you have no option but to employ silence and distance. If that doesn't work, you have a decision on your hands as to the viability of the relationship moving forward. Because it is a clear sign she isn't going to be happy with anything.

Even if you give in to her demands, it is only a matter of time before something else pops up she doesn't like, and then you've set a dangerous precedent: "Remember when you agreed with me that I was right last time after we fought? This is no different!" Etc.

 

[BeExcellent]

Bear in mind that we are planning a wedding and there are things he hasn’t thought of, and isn’t really interested in conversing about. I get that. So these are things I am simply arranging. But when something doesn’t meet whatever his unspoken expectations are, he balks or objects. So in those instances obviously there is a need for communication but he on one level doesn’t care about the details but on the other level wants veto power when things don’t suit him.

You can’t have it both ways. Either trust the decisions I make that you chose not to participate in or be willing to communicate your preferences and expectations.

My man is plenty masculine and he leads just fine. But there are costs associated with some of these decisions as it’s a major life event coming up and I consult with his mother (this is the first wedding in his family) to honor his family preferences for example. This is part of dealing with a never married childless guy. He doesn’t have the frame of reference or life experience that I do. I’m very easy to deal with as I’ve been there, done that. So I am patient but if decisions don’t get made & deposits don’t get paid (jointly) then dozens of people are flying into town at great expense without a venue to attend.

You can’t effectively make life decisions such as getting married, buying a home, what school district the kids will attend/where to live, where you give birth etc. without communication with one another.

I know some of the posters on this thread thoroughly understand this because you have made major life decisions with a woman before. But many who are chirping at me have zero experience with these sorts things of things. So communicating will be become important in a serious relationship. No doubt.

 

[Epimanes]

Ha.. I seen this vid a long time ago on this issue...

Women have fkn pink hearing aids... and speak with a pink megaphone...

Men have blue hearing aids.. and speak with a blue megaphone

The difference is this... communication is interpretation....

Example:

A woman is hanging out with Her GFs... and one woman says "I have nothing to wear" .... cuz she spoke with her "pink megaphone" into all the other women's "pink hearing aids" ... they all hear and say... Well let's go shopping and find something.

A group of men are hanging out and one man says "****, I have nothing to wear" ... cuz he spoke with his blue megaphone into all the guys "blue hearing aids" .... they all hear and say "shyt, she didn't do your laundry either?"

So.. the same thing can be said by each group and both groups hearing it differently.... but it's also supposed to be that way.

Epi

 

[CaptFinnBad]

This meme has been repeated ad nauseam for a long time now. Women say it all the damn time and so do the simps on places like Reddit.

Last I checked, men are direct, simple communicators, and if anything they over communicate in relationships. Women are the ones who don't communicate: stonewalling and generally refusing to answer "what's wrong?" when a man is fully ready to have a civil conversation, and instead expect the man to read their mind.

I honestly cannot wrap my head around it. Is this some massive gaslighting campaign? Or are these women so used to dating aloof dark triad Chads that the only form of "communication" they're used to is with the guys who don't give a **** about them?

I wouldn't say communication is important to women, in my opinion it's mostly about the need for her feelings to be recognised.

Also women are generally terrible communicator's anyways!!!!

They do all this weird sneaky covert stuff, to avoid straight up communication.

I have found that usually women are very poor communicators. They either shut down OR they will use bad behavior (acting very cold or bitchy) to let you know they aren't happy about something without actually telling you how and why they are upset. The problem is that many men try to overcompensate in response (saying he is sorry for example when he did nothing wrong), which only reinforces this negative reaction.

If a woman is a poor communicator, all you can really do is be firm at all times with your position at all times. You can't make her be a good one. If she doesn't listen to what you are saying, you withdraw your attention for a time until she is ready to have a productive discussion. If you never reach that point and this becomes a problem on multiple levels, then you likely need to think about nexting.

I'll just quote this. Saves me typing.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

Here’s the thing. I knew when I shared the whole eavesdropping thing that it would create some controversy. That’s Ok. The way I learned he did this was that he came home from work early one day and I was chatting with my sister.

That's manipulative, weird and terrible communication .

Why are you unable to have a straight up conversation with your husband without all this sneaky covert stuff?