What's the best way to "walk away"

[Ultradj]

When "walking away" from a chick...is it better to let her know how you REALLY feel, or just walk away and not bother cuz it's not worth it?

A girl i liked for a very, very long time basically just played me as her "fallback guy". acted like she needed me and liked me, only to get over a BF, and then moved to another guy, keeping me in the "friends zone".

This has happened twice.

After the first one, it ended up in a heated argument, and i told her i could never be friends with her without wanting more, we agreed to go our seperate ways.

Then she chases me 2 weeks after the break-up. We talk, she starts flirting with me, we hit it off, then after 1 month of trying to get to know each other, she tells me she is seeing someone.

So...do i walk away again, and forget about this chick, or do i lay into her for all the bull**** games, and let he know how i feel?

 

[sapphire]

Forget about this girl. She is an attention wh0re seeking validation from as many guys as possible She is playing you like a fiddle. Never settle for being a third stringer on her roster of guys unless you are not emotionally vested in her; that is you don't give a fyck and are just interested in banging her. If that is the case, then accept the fact that you do not have an exclusive relationship with her and fyck her if you have not already done so.

Otherwise, walk away for good with your head held high and find a more LTR suitable companion.

 

[MindOverMatter]

Just disappear. Don't answer her calls, don't talk to her, don't read her e-mail. If she tries to reach you in person, be friendly, but if she tries to reach out and drag you back into this destructive relationship, tell her you're not interested and that you're seeing someone else. Date other girls, and never give this b!tch the time of day again. Ever.

 

[Ultradj]

I fvcked this chick a while ago, and ended up really liking her. I always looked at her as LTR, but she was only interested in a fvck at the time. I've known her for about a year and her and i do have an emotional bond. She started some really intense flirty **** fo the past month, and made it clear she wanted something. I assumed she wanted me...guess it tuned out it was just attention.

I know i have this chick in a pedastal, and i've got an attachment for her, so my mental state is kinda fvcked.

So i take it telling her off is just a waste of my energy? I'm just really pi$$ed off and want to vent.

The day she told me she was seeing someone, i actully told her i didn't like her anymore anyway...it was bull**** of course. Later on in the convo she reveals that she always regretted us sleeping together so quickly, and not taking the time to get to know each other (huh? WTF do you think i've been doing the past few months). Then has the idea to tell me i was really good in bed, a good kisser, and loves me to death...she's just "not available".


?????

 

[Ultradj]

Originally posted by MindOverMatter
Just disappear. Don't answer her calls, don't talk to her, don't read her e-mail. If she tries to reach you in person, be friendly, but if she tries to reach out and drag you back into this destructive relationship, tell her you're not interested and that you're seeing someone else. Date other girls, and never give this b!tch the time of day again. Ever.

i've always liked your posts man

 

[DJ_Dork]

You do not ever want to leave the ball in her court. You give her the ball if you spill out your feelings of hate/love to her. Do what girls do best at, ignore/cut contact with them. If they do crawl back, do so on your terms and on your schedule.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You were just the next pimp in line!!! Leave this hor alone and don't get so emotionally involved so soon, especially to a hor!!!!

Walk away in silence and keep your dignity!!

 

[Ultradj]

P.S.

This chick also owes me some cash. She wants to get together with me on Tuesday to pay me back...

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Ultradj
P.S.

This chick also owes me some cash. She wants to get together with me on Tuesday to pay me back...

Tell her you'll meet her there, but you can't stay because you have to run. When you meet her, be cordial, get your money, and leave.

Telling her you like her may save a relationship where she ALREADY likes you and you've left her uncertain whether her love is reciprocal. It will NOT suddenly MAKE her love you if she has already decided she DOESN'T.

So if you're cutting it off, then there's no reason to tell her how you feel. It makes no difference.

 

[damnbugs]

I had to "WALK AWAY" from a LTR about a year ago and I had to stop answer my phone at all for about 3 months and at the start I would read the emails before I deleted them, but then I smartened up and just deleted them without reading them.
She also owed me a lot of money ($600+) and everytime arrangments were made to settle it there would be another excuse. I finally just decided that it was the cost of a valuable lesson.

Make the arrangments to meet up with her but just tell her when you get there that something has come up and you have to go, so if we can settle the dept I will be on my way.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

after you get your money back... cut all ties with her.


Simple as that.

Screen your calls, and delete any e-mails. Don't reade 'em.

That is how you walk away.

If you bump into her, be cordial, but that's it.



The Bad Ass Canadian

 

[Ultradj]

Originally posted by squirrels
Tell her you'll meet her there, but you can't stay because you have to run. When you meet her, be cordial, get your money, and leave.

Telling her you like her may save a relationship where she ALREADY likes you and you've left her uncertain whether her love is reciprocal. It will NOT suddenly MAKE her love you if she has already decided she DOESN'T.

The thing is...after i told i hadn't had feeling for her in a while, is when she told me she was seeing someone. She said it was not serious and she is taking her time with it. Then she said that she regretted not not taking time with me. I told her..."you know...i love you to death." Her, "ultradj...i love you to death too.". She then proceeded to tell me that he's a cool guy, and started talking about him a bit. Part of me regrets telling her that i don't like her anymore.

 

[damnbugs]

Don't regret anything- it happened for a reason- it needed to!

Move on and stay away from her. If she did "love you to death" she wouldn't be with another guy, she would have made an effort and not used you.

WALK AWAY

 

[frivolousz21]

if you have a "real" friendship which it seems you dont.


then you have to de attach urself from wanting her if u want to keep that.

if u cant.

Walk away

 

[Ultradj]

yeah...

I think i've just got her on such a pedestal that i'm second-guessing everything i do, or want to do.

When we first met it was quite intense, and when we both decided to walk away because we couldn't BE friends, i accepted it as that, and acted accordingly...i didn't talk to her, i ignored her emails, i ignored her phone calls. We started talking again because we were in the same class, and she made a VERY big effort to be in my life. She called me a lot more, she was a lot more receptive to spending time with me...our relationship was by far, the best it had ever been.

I guess i feel bad ending it again for the second time, after she has made such a huge effort to be in my life.

I really don't care about the money, and it isn't that much. I'm not going to call her for it, but if it comes down to us meeting to get it, i will do as you all have suggested, and be quick and cordial. She can always leave it at my work or school if she needs to.

 

[damnbugs]

CONGRATS!!!!

You have just taken that huge step towards being a true DJ!

Walking away can be hard but it has to be done.

 

[DJDamage]

the problem is that she saw how easy it was for her to get you back and thus she can play you again without making any sacrifices.

Think about it: If you broke up with a girl you really liked and regret it, you would probably want to talk it over dinner in which you will pay for the meal- you would want to make it up to her.
(Notice how much guys are supplicating when they want a girl back but when she wants you back, she never really offers much? an appology and a hug is usually good enough for most AFC's)

Reverse the situation: If she asks to talk to you say: Why should I talk to you? you didn't even try to make it up for me even if you knew you were wrong. When she asks how can she make it up for you, Say: take me out to my favourite resturent as a sign of good gesture and I will hear you out but I don't promise anything!" (she has to know that your time is valuable commodity and talking it over a cup of coffee will not do it anymore!)

couple of things could happen

1) she declines to your offer - obviously her plan of getting you back into her life and using you again will not work out. Also she doesn't really think she did you wrong and cares much about the "friendship".

2) she agrees to the offer but all you hear in the resturant is the same old lies. You tell her you will think about it and never see her again ( at least you left the place with a good free meal haha)

3) She agrees and appologized to your liking. Make her you friend amid not a close one. Try finding out who her friends are and hit on them. In life everyone has a purpose and if she is really your "friend" she wouldn't mind you getting other chicks.

Or just walk away and never talk to her is a good thing too.

 

[LouieVaton Don]

The best way to walk away is with your hand on your balls. Nuff said! Walking away is so crucial to your self esteem, it confirms that you dont need women and you dont have to put up with bs. It gets easier everytime.

 

[Ultradj]

Originally posted by DJDamage
the problem is that she saw how easy it was for her to get you back and thus she can play you again without making any sacrifices.

Think about it: If you broke up with a girl you really liked and regret it, you would probably want to talk it over dinner in which you will pay for the meal- you would want to make it up to her.
(Notice how much guys are supplicating when they want a girl back but when she wants you back, she never really offers much? an appology and a hug is usually good enough for most AFC's)

Reverse the situation: If she asks to talk to you say: Why should I talk to you? you didn't even try to make it up for me even if you knew you were wrong. When she asks how can she make it up for you, Say: take me out to my favourite resturent as a sign of good gesture and I will hear you out but I don't promise anything!" (she has to know that your time is valuable commodity and talking it over a cup of coffee will not do it anymore!)

She did make it up to me...

She bought be lunch - TWICE...her idea. I played it cool to see what she wanted. Both lunches ended up being around 3 hours each.

Then she invited me over to her place a week later, and i spent 7 hours with her at her place. She apologized for everything that happened, and asks me to stay for dinner. I accept. We both went grocery shopping...i chose a wine...and then she made me an amazing dinner (i helped a bit).

For the next couple of weeks i played it cool, and she initiated some really intense kino / flirting...lots of sexual innuendos. i reciprocated.

the next couple of weeks were quite busy for the both of us, and we ended up talking about twice per week.. if she was any later than 2 days in returning a phonecall, she would really apologize.

We met for a couple of lunches where she revealed that she was finally over her ex-boyfriend. As i walked her to her car, she mentioned that she was feeling kinda "wierd" around me (meaning in a good way).

I was taking it slow with her, as we really jumped so quickly into it many months before.

I asked her out a few days later for a casual hook-up with some friends, but she had plans...the week after (3 days ago) she tells me she is seeing someone, and it is new (1 week) and not serious.

Anyway, i know the general consensus was to ignore her and walk away completely, but i had to change the plan a bit.

I called her to make arrangements for her to drop of the money at school, where i could pick it up. I got off the phone quite quickly. She sensed something was wrong, and called me back immediately.

I know i should have ignored the call...but there is a lot more to the story, and a lot more to the relationship...

Her and i are "extremely" close. We have about 3 years of history wrapped up into 1 year, and her and i have a very strong connection. Something didn't feel right by playing the walking/ignoring bit.

I basically told her the deal, and that it was too hard to be "just friends" with her, and that i couldn't be. Her first reaction was , "oh...well...i mean...if that's what you want...then... i guess i'll have to respect that..." Her tone was quite low, and i could tell she was disappointed. A couple of seconds later it turned into, "..but...i really like you."

I explained, "everytime you are available, you and i get closer. it's great, comfortable, fun...and then you get a bf. I'm tired of trying to figure out why a girl who has such an amazing connection with me, will never want our relationship to grow...and will never say "yes" to a date.

I leave a dramatic pause, and there is complete silence from her end.

"I don't understand you, and i'm tired of trying to figure it out. I don't even want to figure it out anymore. I can't be there for you anymore."

Another dramatic pause, and i hear nothing from her end.

I left it at that and said good-bye.

I know what you are all going to say..."what the hell were you doing...she's a *****...she didn't deserve any explanation!"

I know, i know...but i needed an ego gratification. I needed to be selfish, and it made me feel better. The outcame is going to be the same...I'm never going to talk to her or email her again.

Anyway...

End of story, and now i have to see her in class twice a week.

Oh well...

 

[DJDamage]

I dated someone very similer to your situation well actually not dated because according to her we are just friends with benefits and this wasn't a relationship ( see how those women twist their words)

"""Her and i are "extremely" close. We have about 3 years of history wrapped up into 1 year, and her and i have a very strong connection. Something didn't feel right by playing the walking/ignoring bit."""

really? well I was there too where I thought we had a strong connections like I have found my better half and I was in love, so in essence I had oneitis really bad. What I suspect you were to this "USER" was a part time boyfriend - where you help her out solve her problems, maybe get a kiss here and a touch there while she goes out with other guys on action dates and have wild sex with them hance the full time Boyfriend.

You can never have a really CLOSE and STRONG connection with a girl unless she is in love with you and you banged her. You are pouring your own feelings on to her. In reality if she really cared about you, she wouldn't have dated someone before breaking up with you , SHE DIDN"T SHOW YOU ANY RESPECT. The guy she just started dating and got to know with in a matter of weeks got more respect then you!!

""I basically told her the deal, and that it was too hard to be "just friends" with her, and that i couldn't be. Her first reaction was , "oh...well...i mean...if that's what you want...then... i guess i'll have to respect that..." Her tone was quite low, and i could tell she was disappointed. A couple of seconds later it turned into, "..but...i really like you.""""

She said Ill have to respect that???? where was the respect to begin with? I think she was upset that you were a good friend because you did what she told you, everyone uses someone and I suspect that you made her feel good about herself when she was single, but as soon as another FULL TIME BOYFRIEND comes into the picture, you are yesterday news.

sorry to be harsh, but this is what Ive experienced and the best thing to do is to try to cut all contact with her. Tough luck seeing her in class, I still see mine at work. ONEITIS has struck again, try to get over her by seeing other women.