What's my title???

[ZTIME]

So I've been hanging out with this chick for about 3 months. Posted some stuff about her a bit back.

We're talking last night and she asks me what she's supposed to call me when her friends and family ask about me?

I respond with "ZTIME of course! That's my name."

Of course this leads to the 15 min. Conversation like: "No seriously! What are we?" "Like what type of relationship is this?"

I just said "Well we'll just see how it plays out."

She responds with "Eventually you need to. I don't just want to call you this friend of mine, or this guy I'm hanging with"

Me: "What's wrong with that?"

Her: "I don't want to feel like this girl you just come and fvck with no commitment, then you can just go and fvck whoever you want"

Question? Do chicks really think if you call them your girlfriend that everything changes?

And are there any good canned responses next time this comes up?

 

[guru1000]

Deeper question that you may want to consider:

If she started withholding sex, what would you do?

I presume you would dump her, correct? Because she is no longer servicing your need.

Well ...

You have come to the point where your relationship status is no longer servicing her need, and so, she will eventually leave if nothing changes. So you have three options:

1) Continue as you are, spin plates, and let her leave;
2) Go exclusive; or
3) Call her your "gf" but continue to spin plates.

No right or wrong answers here. It's a matter of what serves your interests best.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Do chicks really think if you call them your girlfriend that everything changes?

Do guys really expect girls to consciously admit they are just in it for the sex? Some will but most won't.

How about telling her the truth?

"I like you, I like being with you, but I don't know if I'm ready for a commitment, if that's what you need, and you want me to decide, I'm afraid we have to just be friends. If you want to stop seeing me because of that, I understand."

Tell her to tell her friends you are a "guy she's seeing"

If you're honest and say you think you MIGHT be ready for a commitment ONCE YOU GET TO KNOW HER BETTER, then she probably won't have a problem.

If she says, "well, what do you need to know about me?"

Say: "The things you can only figure out through time and experience of being with somebody."

If she asks if you're seeing other people say:

"If you're asking me for an exclusive relationship NOW, I'm afraid I can't agree to that YET. If you want to stop seeing each other, I understand."

The "canned response" is to listen patiently to all her fears/worries, but just keep coming back with the same line.

Maybe in the future, but not yet. If you want to break up, I understand.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Z,
If I may be so familiar...What's wrong with Consort,it was good enough for our Dumpy little Queens,Prince Albert,most appropriate for you...can be as close or distant as you please...If you have a good tan...My Dusky Consort Zee...set the Regal tone LOL.

 

[resilient]

Interesting responses to a woman's exclusivity prompts, taiyuu_otoko. In your experience, does this drive the woman's interest level higher with increased respect? I could imagine if the plate vehicle was firing on all cylinders than she would enjoy the continual pursuit/challenge of trying to become top/main plate then prompting those questions again. However, if no plates are in the air and a DJ tries to pull those lines, wouldn't they get suspicious and call the bluff. Thoughts?

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

ZTIME,

She's following the chick "playbook" pretty well. About 3 months in is when this usually comes up.

I think the question is, do you have any interest in going exclusive with her in the future? If so, Taiyuu_otoko's response might be good.

Either way, you could throw her the "girlfriend" bone (so to speak), without specifically stating you're exclusive. It could potentially lengthen the time before she blows it up and leaves because you won't go exclusive.

-Augustus-

 

[guru1000]

ZTime,

I have a hunch you intend to stretch this plate relation out as long as possible without the "title."

If she does not end the relation herself, the first sign that you are not meeting her "needs" will manifest as act of overt disrespect, which she will deliver unconsciously. Then the disrespect will aggrandize over time until either you or she ends the relation.

Keep us posted.

 

[dude99]

So I've been hanging out with this chick for about 3 months. Posted some stuff about her a bit back.

We're talking last night and she asks me what she's supposed to call me when her friends and family ask about me?

I respond with "ZTIME of course! That's my name."

Of course this leads to the 15 min. Conversation like: "No seriously! What are we?" "Like what type of relationship is this?"

I just said "Well we'll just see how it plays out."

She responds with "Eventually you need to. I don't just want to call you this friend of mine, or this guy I'm hanging with"

Me: "What's wrong with that?"

Her: "I don't want to feel like this girl you just come and fvck with no commitment, then you can just go and fvck whoever you want"

Question? Do chicks really think if you call them your girlfriend that everything changes?

And are there any good canned responses next time this comes up?

Throw it back on her. Ask her "is this your way of asking me to be your boyfriend?"

 

[ZTIME]

ZTime,

I have a hunch you intend to stretch this plate relation out as long as possible without the "title."

If she does not end the relation herself, the first sign that you are not meeting her "needs" will manifest as act of overt disrespect, which she will deliver unconsciously. Then the disrespect will aggrandize over time until either you or she ends the relation.

Keep us posted.

It was my intention to stretch the plate relation, however I have spent a considerable amount of time with this one. Almost to the point of exclusivity.

A while back we had a thread diagnosing her with a B type personality disorder. I personally find this yet to be sustantiated, but have been on the look out for anything weird.

So I've invested my time, given the girl no reason to believe I'm sleeping with anyone else, and have included her in many of my social events.

I don't have a problem with titles.......I just find them irrelevant. When I take her to social events I say: "hey this is my friend Jean (fake)", Now I need to socially validate her by saying: "hey this is me GIRLfriend Jean"?

Maybe it offers her more security. I can't see any other way around it. Sheesh!

 

[womensview]

It doesn't matter that u don't like titles, she does and her friends/family want to know the status and so does she. She wants to know where to categorize your relationship or stop wasting time and move on. Eventually u have to decide because if u don't she will and find someone else. So u have come to a fork in the road and don't want a solid commitment and she does. Most women do, so u will repeat this pattern over and over if u keep spending time with someone months on end. My advice to u is don't see one person for months on end and make it clear u are a free agent and want nothing more than friendship. If u don't u will continually go thru this.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

However, if no plates are in the air and a DJ tries to pull those lines, wouldn't they get suspicious and call the bluff. Thoughts?

It's not a bluff. It's the flat out truth. It's not intended to increase her interest level or anything else.

It is description of the relationship. It is also a TEST of HER interest level. If it's low, she'll bail. If it's high, she'll try to CONVINCE YOU to be exclusive.

It's a man's job to seduce and bang the woman. It's the woman's job to CONVINCE HIM to be in an exclusive relationship.

He is the bee, she is the flower. She has to convince him that with exclusivity comes something from HER that HE can't get anywhere else.

Granted, it's harder to do if she's the only one, but otherwise you're agreeing with her demands out of scarcity.

That never ends well.

 

[ZTIME]

It's not a bluff. It's the flat out truth. It's not intended to increase her interest level or anything else.

It is description of the relationship. It is also a TEST of HER interest level. If it's low, she'll bail. If it's high, she'll try to CONVINCE YOU to be exclusive.

It's a man's job to seduce and bang the woman. It's the woman's job to CONVINCE HIM to be in an exclusive relationship.

He is the bee, she is the flower. She has to convince him that with exclusivity comes something from HER that HE can't get anywhere else.

Granted, it's harder to do if she's the only one, but otherwise you're agreeing with her demands out of scarcity.

That never ends well.

I totally get what you're saying and thanks.

I'm not agreeing out of scarcity though. I have a higher level of interest in this girl than the other plates I've been spinning.

The problem is that even the plates want some sort of exclusivity after awhile.

As @womensview pointed out, this is becoming a repetitive cycle.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

this is becoming a repetitive cycle.

It is, until it isn't. And it stops being repetitive when you find a girl that satisfied YOUR criteria and is willing to do her share of the work to CREATE and MAINTAIN the relationship.

That's a personal choice, and everybody is different.

The general idea is to keep dating girls until find the ONE GIRL that makes you want to STOP dating girls.

If this girl is her, then good on you.

 

[BeTheChange]

Ztime, I get the impression from your posts that you do not really want a relationship with this woman. And you seem to be entertaining the label due to fear of loss. Thats never a strong basis for any decision...Don't settle. It will only bite you in the ass later.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Heh....she wants you to service her need of moving on to relationship status of some sort. So in other words, in order to service this need of her's, you have to "hibernate" your own need to be free and fvck any other woman you want.

So one question I have is how old is this woman.

Second thought is, if you find yourself in this conversation again with this woman, find out how many orbiters she's got. Is she sure she wants a relationship with you? You do not accept scraps of any kind in your life, including leftover ex's who may be hanging around and the pitiful excuses of "men" orbiting her waiting for some type of pity fvck from her when she's got nothing better to do. She MUST kick them all to the curb. If she's got those types of guys in her life, I'd be willing to bet she isn't willing to kick them to the curb so easily. If that's the case, you just bought yourself plenty more time to continue as is, or she'll decide to keep the orbiters and end what you two have going on.

 

[ZTIME]

Ztime, I get the impression from your posts that you do not really want a relationship with this woman. And you seem to be entertaining the label due to fear of loss. Thats never a strong basis for any decision...Don't settle. It will only bite you in the ass later.

Thank you for the input. The true problem is that there is no fear of loss.......It feels like a stage of pedalstlizing a chick.

I've done frame for the last 2 years. I still do it now. She just turns the right knobs and says the right things.... Ohhh, she's hot also.

Problem is that I won't be able to play the "who gives a **** card" for much longer.

 

[ZTIME]

Heh....she wants you to service her need of moving on to relationship status of some sort. So in other words, in order to service this need of her's, you have to "hibernate" your own need to be free and fvck any other woman you want.

So one question I have is how old is this woman.

Second thought is, if you find yourself in this conversation again with this woman, find out how many orbiters she's got. Is she sure she wants a relationship with you? You do not accept scraps of any kind in your life, including leftover ex's who may be hanging around and the pitiful excuses of "men" orbiting her waiting for some type of pity fvck from her when she's got nothing better to do. She MUST kick them all to the curb. If she's got those types of guys in her life, I'd be willing to bet she isn't willing to kick them to the curb so easily. If that's the case, you just bought yourself plenty more time to continue as is, or she'll decide to keep the orbiters and end what you two have going on.

She's 39 Saul.............and totally stupid into it. I'll say hb8 with a total IDGAF attitude.

 

[dude99]

If she is a b type dude .....you can't dump her fast enough.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

Ever notice how much of this is always about what her friends and family think? That's the main thing - she wants to put the boyfriend title on you and change her relationship status on Facebook so all of her friends can oooh and ahhh. That's all they care about. It's status and showing off for their inner circle.

 

[dude99]

Ever notice how much of this is always about what her friends and family think? That's the main thing - she wants to put the boyfriend title on you and change her relationship status on Facebook so all of her friends can oooh and ahhh. That's all they care about. It's status and showing off for their inner circle.

True. Girls are naturally competitive with eachother. They want to tag you bf so their friends will envy their relationship. They buy expensive purses high heels make up dresses etc... to make their friends envious. Not to impress guys.