What's my next step?

[stevo]

Fellas, I often preach for us to post on here for advise before messing up a thing (being proactive) rather than posting on here trying to recover a situation (being reactive) so here goes what I have going on. I need your guidance.


Went to a game night at a bar (Thursday, 2days ago), PYT was introduced to the group, ended up sitting next to me. Light appropriate kino (high 5s and subtle shoulder rub) through the night.


End of the night, PYT goes to get a drink at the bar. I walked up, started talking she couldnt hear me so I took her outside the bar. We talk for almost 2hours, included sexual notions into our convo and she responded fine, good convo all together.

About 11.25pm, walked PYT to her car. Continuous kino, touching her back when I talked, touching her back at the light for her to start walking. (everytime, her reflex was like she was surprised of the touch like she doesnt like getting touched off guard or stranger danger)

Tried to schedule a date without taking her number.

She offered her number, she added it to my phone

I didnt say a word waiting for her to answer the question of when we could get together. She asked if I meant seeing her at the next group meet (which is next thursday), I clarified I wanted us to get dinner, wine, have some convo, she then said she was free all day Monday that she has to work this weekend and could meet anytime Monday.

I gave her a hug/peck combo, left.

_________________________________


Next day (Friday) text:

Me: Good morning XYZ
Her: Good evening -- her work requires her to not have her phone during shift (i think)
Me: How are you doing Miss Lady
Her: Excellent, how're you?
Me: I'm doing well, are you free 8pm monday?
Her: There's something I have to make you aware of...
Me: Ah ok
Her: I have to make you fully aware that you are not exactly the type I would go for
Me: Haha good stuff
Her: I should have said something last night
Me: Lol I thought you were going to say you were pregnant

Next day (Today, Saturday)
Her:That would be quite a shocker
Me: (pending response)


___________________________________

What should be my next step/response?

 

[JohnChops]

Tell her it's always good to try new things.

 

[stevo]

That sounds like qualifying myself to her, indirectly putting her on a pedestal.

 

[stevo]

Exactly! You understand what's going on. Her actions not matching up


I could ask the question for the last time but again I'm thinking if I should just chill and see if she'll double text (chase a little).


If she does hit me up again, then I can ask her about Monday. (Increasing my perceived value)


I do remember her saying she craves some intimacy, seem like she's presently on a dry spell


If she doesn't hit me up again (double text), I'll just act casual on Thursday if she shows up.


Thoughts?

 

[No.Danny]

"Yeah you're not my type either but sometimes compromise is key."

 

[cola]

Bro, I have to be honest with you..
This Is not something you can spin in your favor. She is not attracted to you and was trying to let you down easy.

Keys that lead me to this conclusion:
-The reaction to you touching her
-The riddiculously long reply time between texts.
I know the whole no phone on the work floor bs but I promise you, she is a chick.. she snuck away to check her phone at some point during the shift
Do your self a favor, dont take it personal. Everybody is not going to be into everybody. Doesn't make you or her a bad person. Somewhere out there, there is a chick who would pass on Brad Pitt.

Gracefuly bow out of this one bro.

 

[MAYALL]

What should be my next step/response?

Her: I have to make you fully aware that you are not exactly the type I would go for

Your next step should be to delete her number. She just said you're not her type. Don't crack jokes after you've been rejected by text. Also, cut out the high 5's and the hug/peck combo on future dates.

 

[MAYALL]

Ah yes - the first **** test . She wants to see your reaction. She hasn't said she WON'T go out with you, nor has she said if she WILL.

She tossed a bit of bait out and wants to see what you do with it


Me: Good morning XYZ
Her: Good evening -- her work requires her to not have her phone during shift (i think)
Me: How are you doing Miss Lady
Her: Excellent, how're you?
Me: I'm doing well, are you free 8pm monday?
Her: There's something I have to make you aware of...
Me: Ah ok
Her: I have to make you fully aware that you are not exactly the type I would go for
Me: Haha good stuff
Her: I should have said something last night
Me: Lol I thought you were going to say you were pregnant

Next day (Today, Saturday)
Her:That would be quite a shocker
Me: (pending response)
You : So are you free Monday night at 8pm?




That's it. You ignore the little test and repeat the question. She is free or she isn't. Interested or not.

She wasn't testing him. She isn't interested. Couldn't you read her text?

Her: I have to make you fully aware that you are not exactly the type I would go for

 

[Yewki]

Next day (Friday) text:

Me: Good morning XYZ

I literaly just shouted out loud, "Noooo.... NO... come on" after reading that.

... Sigh. Another case of bad text game.

Anyways, your next step is to forget about her and move on to other girls. Let her come to you (she probably won't). By the way, your "haha good stuff" and "Lol I thought you were going to say you were pregnant" responses were weak. Stop pretending to laugh at unfunny things, it's a clear indication that you're trying too hard.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

BTW: This is another example of how texting KILLS your chance at a relationship.

For starters, this should have been a phone call. Most girls will say crap like this via texting, but aren't able to actually verbalize it when talking to a guy.

Secondly, when a girl says stuff like this, you don't just deflect or act like she didn't say it, which is what this guy did. Nope - instead, you actually inquire further:

HER: I have to make you fully aware that you are not exactly the type I would go for
ME: Oh, really? And what type would that be, exactly?
HER: (explains what type she goes for)
ME: Hmm, interesting... and how's that working out so far?

Thirdly, your sales pitch was week. Stop asking these girls if they're free BEFORE telling them the activity. The activity you plan is the one that's supposed to get them excited about the idea of seeing you.

YOU: I'm doing well, are you free 8pm monday? <---WEAKSAUCE
ME (via a phone call): Hey, so I wanted to check out this new restaurant in town on Monday, and would love to take you - let me know if 5pm or 8pm would work better for you <---MONEY, assumes that she'll say YES so it's not a question

Lastly: another reason to make this a phone call is that, were she still to say to you "you are not exactly the type I would go for," you could sell her on why she needs to at least consider ONE date. See, actually talking to the girl in person or on the phone where you use your voice can be much more persuasive than texting can. I've been able to get dates with women that were on the fence simply by taking the pressure off and making them understand that, if it doesn't work out - it's no big deal... but that it would at least be good to find out first vs. guessing:

HER (via phone call): I have to make you fully aware that you are not exactly the type I would go for
ME: Well, to be honest, I'm not sure if you're my type either. After all, we just met for the first time last night. But hey, I figure I'd rather take you out and see for myself than make a guess - that's what smart people do. We're pretty smart, right?
HER: Hmmmm...
ME: Look, we'll keep it light - just a simple meal at a nice restaurant. As long as you don't try to propose to me I'll do the same, deal?
HER: (laughs) Okay, what place did you have in mind?

Then you set the date - simple!

Lastly - on the off-chance that there's hesitation on her part, it's less about you being her type and more about what you did when you met her. Trying to touch her (before she gave you the OK to do so by touching you first - that's why she reacted the way she did), the sexual innuendos in the convo (which should be kept to a minimum until you've gone out a few times)... all these things are giving her certain impressions of you that lean towards the negative, and could make her think you'd only be in it to bang her. Oh, and also hitting her up the next day made you look too eager - anytime you get a new girl's number you should wait at least 4 days to call. I'm sure they'll be debates on this board about that last sentence, so I'm just speaking from my own personal experience: when I wait to make calls, I end up with their draws, lol

Anyway... hope this helps!

 

[MAYALL]

Me: How are you doing Miss Lady
Her: Excellent, how're you?
Me: I'm doing well, are you free 8pm monday?
Her: There's something I have to make you aware of...
Me: Ah ok
Her: I have to make you fully aware that you are not exactly the type I would go for

He asks her out for a second date. Immediately she hits him with the stone cold truth of him not being her type. A clear sign she isn't attracted to him for another date. Women don't say this stuff if they have intentions of dating.

Secondly, when a girl says stuff like this, you don't just deflect or act like she didn't say it, which is what this guy did. Nope - instead, you actually inquire further:

HER: I have to make you fully aware that you are not exactly the type I would go for
ME: Oh, really? And what type would that be, exactly?
HER: (explains what type she goes for)
ME: Hmm, interesting... and how's that working out so far?

What would be the point to inquire further? She formed her decision about him on the date realizing he isn't her type. If she thought he had potential she'd never utter those words accepting his second date offer. Some guys need to just let go when this happens.

HER (via phone call): I have to make you fully aware that you are not exactly the type I would go for
ME: Well, to be honest, I'm not sure if you're my type either. After all, we just met for the first time last night. But hey, I figure I'd rather take you out and see for myself than make a guess - that's what smart people do. We're pretty smart, right?
HER: Hmmmm...
ME: Look, we'll keep it light - just a simple meal at a nice restaurant. As long as you don't try to propose to me I'll do the same, deal?
HER: (laughs) Okay, what place did you have in mind?

Then you set the date - simple!

Are you saying he would score a date if he called her? Her mind was already made up that he wasn't her type and her decision was final. Nothing else would change that.

 

[stevo]

Fantastic!
I like these feedbacks!

Your next step should be to delete her number. She just said you're not her type. Don't crack jokes after you've been rejected by text. Also, cut out the high 5's and the hug/peck combo on future dates.

I did delete her number after two hours of sending the first text, habit.

The "haha good stuff" was to come off as though her comment didn't bother me.

The high 5s were to bring her out of her comfort zone a little

Hug/peck combo, i figured a peck was better than nothing. I couldn't go in for the kiss then, rough part of town and with her later comment, she might have turned down the kiss anyways.




You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Espi again.

 

[stevo]

Then you set the date - simple!

I like what you wrote. My issue with it is it comes off as me qualifying myself to her which I wouldn't do. You either want to go out or you dont. I'm not trying to persuade you or ignite an interest level that's not already there.

I literaly just shouted out loud, "Noooo.... NO... come on" after reading that.

... Sigh. Another case of bad text game.

Anyways, your next step is to forget about her and move on to other girls. Let her come to you (she probably won't). By the way, your "haha good stuff" and "Lol I thought you were going to say you were pregnant" responses were weak. Stop pretending to laugh at unfunny things, it's a clear indication that you're trying too hard.

Lol. I couldnt remember her name so I made up a name for her hence the XYZ. My thinking then was to go in light before asking for the date.

What would you have sent as your first text? ("nice to meet you" and the sorts seem too generic)

Honestly, I think it was more so a case of no/low interest level, the following convo could not ignite or fix whats not there.

The funny thing though is how well these beeches pretend and hold a conversation wasting time knowing nothing is going to come from it.

Live and learn.

 

[Yewki]

What would you have sent as your first text? ("nice to meet you" and the sorts seem too generic)

1) You texted her the very next morning. Waaaaaaay too soon. You tried to set up the date like 8-10 hours after having just met her.

2) Not only did you text way too soon, what you texted was also bad. Look at your first three messages,

Me: Good morning XYZ
Me: How are you doing Miss Lady
Me: I'm doing well, are you free 8pm monday?

Dude... never... NEVER send "Good morning" (in the actual f*cking morning nonetheless) as a first message. Ever.

You actually said a lot in your first two messages. What you said translates to, "Hi. I'm boring, desperate, and don't have a lot going on... that's why I'm texting you generic crap immediately after meeting you in the morning"

Your first message should have been on Monday, why? Because you're busy. It should not have been in the morning. It should have been in the evening. It should have been a basic greeting with some reference to what you talked about before. For example, "Hey, got a peanut?" (maybe she was hogging the peanuts)

The one thing you did right was get to the point and try to set up a date. At least there's that. However you could have gone about it better. Be more specific and instead of asking if she's free, state that you'd like her to join you somewhere. For example, "Lets grab some drinks tomorrow at X place around 8:00." Don't mention how she said she could do Monday either, let her bring that up if she wants. She might even come back with, "I'm actually free tonight" in which case great maybe you're available.

 

[:-)]

'Ok, cool' is all you really needed to say. If you needed to say anything at all.

 

[stevo]

Good point.

I thought I did well not texting her same night I got her number (didn't give her mine).

Met Thursday, wait till Monday to text? when supposed date would have been on Monday?

I get your point though. The "good morning" felt like some subordinate sheet at the time but couldn't come up with anything else to ease into convo.

Live and learn.

 

[Yewki]

Met Thursday, wait till Monday to text? when supposed date would have been on Monday?

You're thinking too one sided here, you have to give her room to be interested... if she wants to meet up Monday, she can text you also. If you texted her Monday and she wanted to do that night, she can bring it up.

Live and learn.

As long as you learned something and maintain a positive frame, I'd say you still came out ahead on this