What's my next move..?

[SunnyD]

Alright, will try to keep it short...

Its the ex-fwb I've been talking about...who I've been talking to again for the last month after not speaking for several...

Knew I'd eventually see him again because we have a lot of mutual friends. Sure enough, Thurs. night he talks to me on MSN like he has been every single day since we started talking again. Told me he was staying in town for the weekend after all and that we'd probably be hanging out together because he was also going to a mutual friends bday. I know he stayed in town just for me because he knew I was going...because the girl he has been sleeping with (but refuses to date) was going home also (they are both from the same town.) He let me look through his phone (yeah, dont ever do this guys...) and I saw a text from her saying "it wouldnt be sunnyds bday you're ditching me for would it?" And this was the night before they were suppose to drive home together.

He has been telling me he is slowly blowing her regularly with her trying to end things, because he doesnt want to be with her. But that its hard because they all have the same friends and he doesnt want things awkward. I asked what it is about her and he said "she does everything for me." I told him I didnt think she was that hot..haha, and he said "I know, you're way hotter than her. I dont even like her." I said "i guess she's amazing in bed then" and he said "no, she's ok. I had way more fun with you."

So to the point, he and I get wicked drunk Friday and he has his two buddies out with him who kept saying to him "you're an idiot! Buddy she's awesome, keep this one." Shvt like that. They talked to me all night and must have liked me because they added me on facebook..haha, which ex is probably wondering..."what the hell.."

So ya, he acts like he used to all night long..kissing me infront of everyone, being extra nice, etc. We go home together. Things were fantastic.

I leave the next morning with mixed thoughts though....knowing he is obviously still sort of with this other girl and won't be telling her today that he thinks they should end things. So I told him that I had a lot of fun but maybe we shouldnt talk until he gets all that shvt figured out with her. He said "if thats what you want.." I said "guess I wont talk to you anytime soon.." and he said "I will talk to you soon."

So, now what?? Leave at just let him contact me when/if he ends things with her??? Or stay in touch and keep him intersted?? Dont bother at all and just move on because he wont really end things with her??

Ughh...help. What can I do now to end up back together with him?

 

[stylemaker]

I think you did right by saying he needs to get things straightened out.

He said he will talk to you soon. See if he lives up to it.

So, now what?? Leave at just let him contact me when/if he ends things with her???

IMO, Yes. Besides, he said HE would contact you. You don't want him having too much power and wind up thinking less or using you.

Or stay in touch and keep him intersted??

It really depends on the situation. Sounds like he is hesitant. I'd suggest letting him figure out what HE wants. Staying intouch while he is with someone else isn't exactly stable at least for what you're expectations call for.

Dont bother at all and just move on because he wont really end things with her??

If you think that he wont really end things with her, but only they will decide what will happens with that. I don't suggest moving on because of that though.

Stay on sides. Don't push for anything and stay a little less interested while the interest level rises.

 

[Interceptor]

Sunny, I think it's better just to wait till things blow over.
Try to respect everyone's feelings here, and be cool, and let him sort out his issues.

 

[SunnyD]

Should I maybe not have even said that?? Does it sound like Im making him break up with her??

Or is it good that I did and maybe force him to make a decision?

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Sunny, I do not not much about you on here but, obviously your a woman.

I don't know how to put this lightly... It seems he is just telling you all this bullsh!t you wanna hear so he can get back in your pants. Maybe, he does still like you and wants to work things out with you. To me though it seems like he just wants to be fvck buddys again. Maybe, thats what you want and not a commited relationship.

There is a few possibilitys here. I think you need to figure out what is really on his agenda. And what you really want.

 

[Interceptor]

Actually no ,Sunny it was perfectly fine.
It is not shameful to express what you feel and what you want.
You always said that you wanted to be with him 'exclusively' in a non exclusive arrangement.
If he wants to break up with her, let him.
She deserves better.
I hope they DO break up.

If you still want this guy, then let the cards fall as they will.

Again, I think it's GOOD that maybe you did make him realize his situation

And if you're expressing your availability to him, and thats what you want, then go for it, but..let this thing finish first.

Let him cut her loose. Then you two can work things out.

 

[SunnyD]

So he just talked to me even though we said we werent going to. After tonight I wont.

But he just told me that his friend (that was out with us) has a thing for me. Why the hell would he tell me that???

 

[penkitten]

sunnyd, what sort of hold does this exfb have over you chickie? please don't get upset, but girl , why can't you quit him yet?
it sounds like it is time for new plates to spin, and chickie, there are lots of different patterns of plates that you haven't even looked at yet.

why did he tell you his friend has a thing for you? to keep tabs on you, to see what you like, if you really moved on from him or if there is a chance he can keep you on the back burner until he dumps the other girl.
then what? will he go back to being your fb? will he want a relationship?
he can't even tell you because he is unsure of everything.

chickie,you can't wait on him to decide, look how long he draws everything out that he does........ go look at some other plates on another isle!!

 

[ketostix]

Your next move is similar to what a guy with oneitis should make GFTOM. If you really want to get leverage over your loser ex this will do it too. But you should just move on anyway.

 

[Birdem]

Why would you want a guy that is indecisive anyway? another question why would you want to settle as the backup girl? The reason he is telling you his friend likes you because of the saying bros before hoes or he just wants to turn you down in a nice way. The best move is to move on. Look at the bright side you had a fun night.

 

[SunnyD]

I dont know why I even asked this question. Good point, what do I want with this guy anyway?

Pretty certain he just filled my head with shvt so I'd go home with him again. He has no plans to end things with her, pretty certain. Pretty certain he is there right now.

Is it totally out of line and psycho to msg his buddy and ask if I am wasting my time (with ex.) Met the buddy through ex over the weekend and we got along real well...he kept telling ex to hold on to me and treat me with respect etc. But I know its always bros before hoes...so maybe I won't get anything out of him anyway... ugh.

 

[KontrollerX]

Your next move should be to PM me your phone number and stop being hung up on this fvcking loser.

For christsakes girl believe in yourself.

You are worth more than this scumbag!

 

[Microphone Fiend]

He let me look through his phone (yeah, dont ever do this guys...) and I saw a text from her saying "it wouldnt be sunnyds bday you're ditching me for would it?" And this was the night before they were suppose to drive home together.

Maybe this is a sign that you are meant to be together or... maybe he left that message there so you could see it and that and he smartly deleted the text messages to her saying how he loves her so much or w/e bullsh!t he feeds her to keep her in check like he does for you.

He has been telling me he is slowly blowing her regularly with her trying to end things, because he doesnt want to be with her. But that its hard because they all have the same friends and he doesnt want things awkward. I asked what it is about her and he said "she does everything for me." I told him I didnt think she was that hot..haha, and he said "I know, you're way hotter than her. I dont even like her." I said "i guess she's amazing in bed then" and he said "no, she's ok. I had way more fun with you."

The only way this move could be more cliched and obvious is if she was his wife and you were the girl on the side he was going to break up a happy home for. Get a clue.

So to the point, he and I get wicked drunk Friday and he has his two buddies out with him who kept saying to him "you're an idiot! Buddy she's awesome, keep this one." Shvt like that. They talked to me all night and must have liked me because they added me on facebook..haha, which ex is probably wondering..."what the hell.."

Friends say stupid stuff. I've been with friends who tell my fb that we look cute as a couple or ask why she wasn't invited to the party we had last week when girl B was. His friends are not going to factor in on who he sticks his d!cks in coz he is getting pvssy already. They sound like some AFCs who are trying to cash in on knocking boots with you.

So ya, he acts like he used to all night long..kissing me infront of everyone, being extra nice, etc. We go home together. Things were fantastic.

I leave the next morning with mixed thoughts though....knowing he is obviously still sort of with this other girl and won't be telling her today that he thinks they should end things. So I told him that I had a lot of fun but maybe we shouldnt talk until he gets all that shvt figured out with her. He said "if thats what you want.." I said "guess I wont talk to you anytime soon.." and he said "I will talk to you soon."

So, now what?? Leave at just let him contact me when/if he ends things with her??? Or stay in touch and keep him intersted?? Dont bother at all and just move on because he wont really end things with her??

Spin More Plates. Read Rollo's Plate Theory and The Cardinal Rule of Relationships. If you have read it already then try actually applying it to your life this time.

Ughh...help. What can I do now to end up back together with him?

You are ALREADY with him. The question you are really asking is how do I make him want exclusivity like I do. If he wants it, then things will be great, but if he (obviously) doesn't want it, then you are S.O.L. The only thing I think that can work in your favour is if he loses all of his plates/options and goes on a drought. When ppl are away from each other (and not getting any action) they tend to poeticize their previous interactions and the person in general. You could try the whole 'get another guy to make him jealous' facade, but that will only last until he fvcks you again and then it's w/e to him... trust me.

 

[SunnyD]

Maybe this is a sign that you are meant to be together or... maybe he left that message there so you could see it and that and he smartly deleted the text messages to her saying how he loves her so much or w/e bullsh!t he feeds her to keep her in check like he does for you.


The only way this move could be more cliched and obvious is if she was his wife and you were the girl on the side he was going to break up a happy home for. Get a clue.



Friends say stupid stuff. I've been with friends who tell my fb that we look cute as a couple or ask why she wasn't invited to the party we had last week when girl B was. His friends are not going to factor in on who he sticks his d!cks in coz he is getting pvssy already. They sound like some AFCs who are trying to cash in on knocking boots with you.


Spin More Plates. Read Rollo's Plate Theory and The Cardinal Rule of Relationships. If you have read it already then try actually applying it to your life this time.


You are ALREADY with him. The question you are really asking is how do I make him want exclusivity like I do. If he wants it, then things will be great, but if he (obviously) doesn't want it, then you are S.O.L. The only thing I think that can work in your favour is if he loses all of his plates/options and goes on a drought. When ppl are away from each other (and not getting any action) they tend to poeticize their previous interactions and the person in general. You could try the whole 'get another guy to make him jealous' facade, but that will only last until he fvcks you again and then it's w/e to him... trust me.

Makes sense.

So at this point, all I can really do is disappear for awhile? Do I tell him I am? Or just do it?

 

[iqqi]

Just do it, like Nike.

I've BEEN telling you that he is just saying what you want to hear... don't be the "stupid girl" who believes him.

 

[SunnyD]

I know. It's fvckin hard to do. He's been my go-to the last two years and no matter what...we get see each other and we can't not hook up. He said so tonight, we can't stay away from each other even though we get along like oil and water. Ughhh.

In any case, I told him tonight that I'm done. I can't do it anymore so he won't be hearing from me again. I logged off before he could convince me otherwise and deleted him so I'm not tempted. I have to get over it once and for all.

 

[DonJuan11]

I don't how you could even consider it. He slept with you while he was sleeping with this girl who he refuses to date? How good looking is this guy? Is the sweetest talker?

If I'm sleeping with a girl, I'm not sleeping with another girl at the same time. The girl's giving me her body, allowing me in. To sleep with another girl at the same time is digusting and ridiculous, IMHO.

------------------------------------------------------

I walked her home and she held my hand
I knew it couldn't be just a one-night stand
So I asked to see her next week and she told me I could
(I asked to see her and she told me I could)
Somethin' tells me I'm into something good
(somethin' tells me I'm into somethin')

 

[SunnyD]

I don't how you could even consider it. He slept with you while he was sleeping with this girl who he refuses to date? How good looking is this guy? Is the sweetest talker?

If I'm sleeping with a girl, I'm not sleeping with another girl at the same time. The girl's giving me her body, allowing me in. To sleep with another girl at the same time is digusting and ridiculous, IMHO.

------------------------------------------------------

I walked her home and she held my hand
I knew it couldn't be just a one-night stand
So I asked to see her next week and she told me I could
(I asked to see her and she told me I could)
Somethin' tells me I'm into something good
(somethin' tells me I'm into somethin')

Yeah...it is disgusting. You're right. And yeah, it is the sweet talk. He told me he hasn't been with her since he got back from his vacay a couple weeks back and doesn't plan to again. I saw his txts, he has been blowing her off. So I believed it for the time-being. But...he is no a one-woman guy, never will be and I have to realize that I can't change that no matter what.

 

[SunnyD]

So I asked him today if he is still with her or plans to be..because really, I'm not hanging around if he is. He knows this. His response was a stupid "well I havent been with her lately but things happen and I can't help it if we are out one night and we happen to have sex again."

Yeah, class act this guy...I mean really. And he has no intentions of ever dating this girl..but you know, she does "everything for him." One week ago he was filling my head with the BS of "I dont even like her", "you're way better in bed", "I'm ending things with her.."

Well anyway, she can have him. But after he told me that ridiculous line of how he can't help it..I told him "well Im not telling you what to do, but tell me what it is you plan to do so I can decide what to do.." (ie. keep talking to him.) He blew up on me (no idea why..Im not asking him for a damn relationship...) and he said "if you can't be cool then I dont want to talk to you and dont want to be your friend anymore."

Nice. I know he was just trying to get a stir out of me so I ignored it and never replied. Not even 20 minutes later he msgs again "no answer to that?"

WTF does he expect me to say to that????? Was this just a shvt test?? He expected me to BEG for his friendship???