What's an AFC, REALLY?

[horaholic]

Hmm, it's odd that they would be dumping you guys so regularly just "believing" that you've cheated without any information to confirm it. I know there are women out there who are really insecure, but it seems like there would be something else in play to make them go all out and dump you as often as implied.

I know a guy who is constantly asked "are you cheating on me?" by his wife (or soon to be wife) and he always gives her the same obvious answer, but I think it's a manipulative tactic. He'll complain afterward about how upset she gets and how he'll have to be "nice" and all this BS. Why would she agree to marry him if she doesn't trust him? I think it's a way for her to maintain leverage and compliance on his part, while making him believe she's jealous or insecure about his commitment because he's such a prize. It's pretty clever actually.

Thats, sometimes, sign of being cheated ON. Maybe your friend needs to dig around on her.

 

[STR8UP]

I get dumped a lot, and the reason is because most women believe I'm cheating on them. I don't know what other "true DJs" experience along these lines, but I know that being social and likable with women in general carries that stigma. I could be the most faithful SOB on the planet and they'll still dump me on that assumption.

If you ask me, that's the #1 issue with a lot of women: They want the guy every other woman wants, but they lack the trust to make it work.

Amen.

I don't know that I have necessarily been dumped specifically for this reason, but oh man....display your value by being social with other women when you are "with" someone and the sparks start to fly.....

We all know life isn't black and white, and the population isn't divided into strictly AFCs and non-AFCs. Self-improvement is never-ending. It's like a people achieving Utopia - impossible but worth striving for.

Good point. Even the strongest, highest value male will pull an "AFC move" from time to time. I know I have had a few of those moments in the past couple of years.

 

[jafyk]

So, given what Amante Silvestre posted how do we as guys win? After being what a DJ is supposed to be and yet still encounter such mishaps? Is this to assume then that for a long term relationship to work there needs to be some level of AFCism to accomodate the woman? I saw the movie fire proof by chance 2 days ago and while I was happy to see the couple's marrriage saved in the end. I was really ticked off of how the whole blame was subtly placed on the husband as being the reason the relationship failed. Yet when he started trying to change to make his marriage work his wife just scorned him. While I'm glad for a site like this that embraces the brotherhood of men, yet I believe in marriage but things I read on here make marriage seem like a pessimistic endeavor. It's sad to see many men giving up on marriage and can you blame them really especially when you consider Amante's post. Is there any ray of hope?

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

AFC started as an acroynm describing a certain type of male. When did it become description of a mindset? Who made the decision? What type of mindset? Did the mindset conventiently spring up as the term did?

Fair enough. The term AFC was coined in the early days of the PUA community to describe an all too common observance of conditions amongst guys without a natural ability to attract women, and/or they were unable to maintain interest due to those same sets of common circumstances. Average, meaning common or a norm, Frustrated meaning the condition these guys find themselves in, and Chump (being subjective) would mean a guy unaware (willfully or not) of his own disadvantages due to his inability to acknowledge his own conditions and clinging to outmoded ideas that provide little or no reward while believing they should in spite of realities that prove the opposite.

However, rather than becoming preoccupied with the semantics of AFC as a definition, lets look under the hood for moment. As I stated prior, what are the characteristics, beliefs and resulting behaviors that guys WE would define as AFCs share in common? In other words, what is their perspective? How was it that they came to this? Why do they think (mindset) as they do?

Read these threads:

Qualities of the AFC

AFC Social Conventions

The Self-Righteous AFC

The AFC C0ck Blocker

The 'Mature' AFC

None of the material covered in these threads precludes a man being a loser. Despite what anyone else wants to redefine the abstract of what an AFC is, an AFC is NOT exclusively a stereotypic nerd. As I stated prior, there's a popular trend to think of an AFC as the new Geek or Dork, but it's not a category or type of person. Rather it's a mindset; a collection of common beliefs and characteristics that make an AFC. This can be completely apart from a man's outlook on other aspects of his life. There are a great many successful men, model quality good-looking men, celebrities, and a majority of mPUAs who are consummate AFCs. To be an AFC is not a position of status, it is a condition in thinking.

For the term "AFC" for example, I like to be better than average (in whatever particular goal I'm shooting for), and not frustrated (happy with what I"ve achieved so far). I'm still not sure about the Chump part, though.

In this example it's very easy to define your own degree of progress when you hold to the grammatical, and somewhat ambiguous definition of A.F.C. But the terms are not concrete; what makes you average, what makes you frustrated, what makes you a chump? This is why I would argue that AFC is an abstract for the qualities I described in the above threads. This is where the work is done. It's not enough to entertain this "hey, make it a great day, be the best you YOU can be" motivation. As I said, you must look under the hood and look at the parts that make a guy an AFC.

Nothing annoys me more than reading a kid in the High School forum or the AE forum asking "If I do this, is it AFC?" as if that one action will determine the outcome of their success or failure with a particular girl. The behavior is the result of a mindset, but behavior can be mimicked while no genuine changing of ones outlook ever takes place. This is precisely why Mystery falls apart as an abject AFC with Katya (?) in the Game. He reverts to AFC behaviors because he hasn't killed the inner AFC; he hasn't changed his genuine perspective and belief. Mystery went to the point of being suicidal because of it. One very common (i.e. average) tendency for guys aping PUA behavior is them reverting to an AFC set of behaviors in an LTR once they've secured that ONE girl they were after. They do so because that mindset is still ingrained. They haven't fundamentally changed their minds with regards to that strongly internalized AFC default beliefs.

You want to stop being an AFC? Look under the hood and see what it is about yourself that's contributing to an AFC mindset. Do you have Cap'n Save A Ho tendencies? Look into why you do, why you think they'd ever be productive, and why they are a hinderance to your maturation. I'm not trying to devalue the ideas GURU stated, that degree of positive confidence is important, but not at the cost of understanding the dynamics of what makes an AFC.

 

[ketostix]

I tend to think AFC is a position but I can see where being AFC is a mindset or at least the manifestation of a mindset. Likewise the opposite of AFC is a mindset too. I think it's easy to define what the mindset of AFC is. Just listen to what women and culture in general say about how men should think and act, and there you go the definition of AFC.