What's an adequate reaction to this?

[ChesterB]

Sunday I called a girl to set up a second date on Wednesday. I told her it'd be best for me at 4 pm, because that's when the lecture I attend at the university ends. (Btw, I recommend setting up dates directly after lecture/work/school, it saves time)
She basically agreed, except she has too much to learn, depending on how much they make her learn (she's studying medicine, so she does have to learn a lot).
She said, she'd call me and let me know.

Guess what? She didn't call.
Regardless, I tried to call her on Wednesday after my lecture and she didn't pick up the phone. (I thought "OK, another b*itch I must next.)

Some hours later she sent me a SMS saying "Hi ChesterB, sorry, I messed it up completely! I've been learning all day, they gave us a lot to learn. I hope you aren't mad at me. K."


How would you react?
I thought of these three alternatives:

a) Send back a SMS saying "You could have told me earlier." - I think it's too late for that now (Thursday noon here).
b) Simply call her a few days later and set up another date.
c) Just wait for her to call. I don't think she'll call, because girls never call.

 

[Ballistik]

B. She made the effort to send the message and explain herself, after all.

 

[Dirtheart]

Give her the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes people do get caught up in their studies and she had the courtesy to apologise.

I'd msg her and tell her it's ok and "maybe we can meet another time", but don't specify a particular day. Then leave it a few days to a week before you contact her again. It shows you aren't bitter or upset by it, but it also suggests that you're not desperate and that you have other things to occupy yourself in the meantime.

 

[Zircon]

Sure, you say, she made an effort to explain herself.

As I mentioned in the thread with MOTU (Please do not be so sensitive) - what would YOU have done if the situation had been reversed. If the girl had asked YOU out for coffee, would you have forgotten it, or simply ignored the meeting?

The reason guys like this are in a situation is because you can NEVER believe a woman's sincerity. Now you just can't tell this until you get to know her better.

What you experience is VERY normal - it's not often that a girl will call you.

Up to you to decide. If you decide B you run the risk of ALLOWING her to push you around. If you choose C you give implicit power to her (not good, she doesn't call you, nothing happens, if she does call and you accept, then it might seem weak. In this case, refuse her initial offer, and suggest another time and place that suits YOU).

Option A is not too bad, because after all she did mess up, and you can go forward from there. You might try a more subtle version of this, although the message should get across (as in "no harm done - just dont make it a habit"), and at the same time ask her out again. Cool and in control (easier said than done I know).

In conlusion you draw the boundaries. If she inconvenienced you let her know. If she does it again...bye byeeeee

 

[squirrels]

She'll call you and let you know?

F**k that. You've got better things to do than wait around for her to make a decision. Tell her straight up-front when you need to know by, and if she doesn't call by then, MAKE OTHER PLANS. Even if it's just you going to a movie or the gym by yourself...if she doesn't call, she loses.

But like Zircon said, there's no excuse for a no-show, no-call. In most jobs, if you no-show, no-call, despite previous record, that can be grounds for termination. You're going to let a girl do that to you on a first date?

If she's interested, studying or no studying, she'll be thinking about you. If she just "forgot" about your plans, then she's most likely not that interested. If she remembered but didn't call, that's ignorant...forgivable in certain circumstances, but very ignorant. But if she's interested in seeing you, she (most of the time) WILL call you back and let you know she can't make.

I never bought studying as an excuse for not being able to go out, unless it's for a final the next day or something. Maybe I'm just gifted, but except for the aforementioned next-day final situation, I wouldn't turn down a fun night with an attractive member of the opposite sex for a stack of textbooks.

 

[dietzcoi]

I have to agree with Zircon and Squirrels. Do not trust women!

As Zircon said, have you ever blown off a girl you were interested in or just "forgotten" to call when you said you would?

THe key is of course "interested in". If she was interested she would not have forgotten. It is pure BS

I have had a girl tell me she did not SMS me back for 36 hours because she was "working". Yeah, working on what? If I am working I can still find the time to write a short SMS or call duering a break.

It is BS, but that is my opinion. Some guys will tell you to take the disrespect and give her more chances to stomp on you.

Dietzcoi

 

[ChesterB]

Thanks for your replies, guys.

What I want to do now is to give her one more chance, but let her know that her behavior is unacceptable.
I think, I should have sent that SMS, but it's too late for that now (24 hours after she sent it).

So, maybe I should mention it next time I call her (next Tuesday or so). But it seems strange to me to bring it up myself. I'd tell her if she brings up the subject.

 

[Zircon]

Chesterb,

Why is it too late? When did you receive the SMS? As far as I'm concerned YOU can SMS her back whenever you like. Do NOT try to justify yourself in her eyes (nor your actions - as you are trying to do when sending this SMS). I personally would send it whenever I want, as these days I do what I like.

The key with telling her off (letting her know) is that it should be done casually in a cool manner. If you make a point of it, she may notice you are inexperienced, and she will try you on again.

Even if you send her an SMS 1 week later -SO WHAT? this would put it across perfectly

"hey biatch - been busy all week. Would appreciate if you let me know earlier in future as I do not like to waste time on flaking people".

Now you can either call her when u want, or if/when she calls you, you DON'T suggest the date. If she does, then say you are busy then, and arrange the date and venue to suit you (be "difficult" - do what you want)

Look it feels weird to be tough, but that's the way it is. Just try (unlike me) not to create a "war situation". Don't get pissed with her.

Now tell me...does it feel like it defies the point of trying to pick up girls? Personally I think they r so ful of **** they are not worth it. I still subscribe to the NEXT rule, saves me a lot of time and effort. Don't get caught up in this chick

PS ...if every single guy in the world had this take no **** attitude, life would be a lot better...I have a cunning plan...

 

[deeloo]

lol i like how you use the word "learn".

 

[ChesterB]

Originally posted by deeloo
lol i like how you use the word "learn".

Explain, please.

 

[ChesterB]

Originally posted by Zircon

Now tell me...does it feel like it defies the point of trying to pick up girls? Personally I think they r so ful of **** they are not worth it.

Yeah, recently, I'm getting lazy when it comes to picking up chicks.

PS ...if every single guy in the world had this take no **** attitude, life would be a lot better...I have a cunning plan...

LOL, I like your plan.

 

[deeloo]

Oh, it's nothing important, and it's not related to your problem. Seeing that you're from Germany, it's understandable. It's just that nobody really uses the verb "learn" that way... I believe you're saying that she went to class, or maybe she was studying. I've never heard that someone is "learning". Learning is used more as a general sense, or followed by a topic to be specific. When you ask someone "what are you gonna do today?" They won't say "I'm gonna be learning." If they ARE going to use the verb "learn", they will say something like "I'm gonna learn how to drive."

But then, this isn't important.

 

[Zircon]

yep "lernen"...he's german...so am I...that's why I didn't see it was used differently, but now I see your point...

 

[dietzcoi]

In German:

"Lernen" = to study when in high school or younger, or to practice lessons, etc.

"Studieren" = to be a student at university, it is a very specific term

A German would never use the word study to describe a person not in a University...

Just some trivia for your enjoyment!

Dietzcoi

 

[ChesterB]

I see. "To study" is the correct word. Good to know that.