What You Need To Know When Transitioning To A Long Term Relationship

[Wyldfire]

I decided to put this information in a tip because I think it will be useful to anyone trying to have a successful long term relationship.

This tip is NOT intended for anyone who is not transitioning into or currently involved in a LTR.

As a man, you are well aware of your most significant need in a long term relationship...sex. Just as you have the need for sex, the woman you are involved with has the need of feeling loved. These are the most basic core human needs of men and women. For a LTR to work, last and be a positive experience...BOTH the man and woman MUST have these core needs met.

Before you discovered this site you had the bad habit of showering a woman with TOO MUCH love and affection. You smothered and suffocated her with attention and affection. It was too much. You were too clingy and too needy. So you learned to stop doing that in order to stop scaring and chasing away women. It worked for awhile, but then you found someone you really wanted to have a serious relationship with. You got into a LTR only to discover that you still lost the girl. You never told her that you loved her and ignored her pleas for you to show her more love. You were convinced that showing her that you cared was sure to be the kiss of death that would mean the end to your relationship. She started testing you, starting arguments, creating drama...she FORCED you to give her some attention, even if it was negative attention.

If you have found yourself in this position before, this tip is that elusive "missing link" that you must understand when you transition from dating to LTR.

Just as a child who isn't getting enough attention will act up to force their parent to give them what they need...women will do the same thing. That is why women test their boyfriends and start pointless fights...it's their way of saying "I need you to give me more attention." And although the dating "rules" tell you not to give women more attention...that rule doesn't apply in a LTR. You DO have to meet the needs of your partner to have a successful relationship just as she needs to meet your needs for sex. Finding the proper balance of the affection and attention you give is the key to satisfying your partner's emotional needs without smothering her. I'm going to share the most simple way to determine what the right balance is for your relationship.

If your partner is testing you, picking fights or doing anything to force you to give her more attention, then you are not fulfilling her core needs. Gradually increase the level of affection and attention you show her...but only slighty. Continue to do this until the testing and fighting stops. The point at which the testing and such stops is the perfect balance she needs to feel loved. Do not go beyond this point in affection/attention because then you risk giving her more than she can handle, which is just as bad as not giving enough.

Remember, feeling loved is to women what sex is to men. You have a clear understanding of how bad it is for a woman to ignore a man's sexual needs. It is equally as bad for a man to ignore a woman's emotional needs.

 

[CrotchSniffer]

Interesting....I have to disagree with the following though:

If your partner is testing you, picking fights or doing anything to force you to give her more attention, then you are not fulfilling her core needs.

While this can often be the case, sometimes a girl who consistently tests you is simply not LTR material. From my experience, some people are never happy no matter what you give them. So take Wyld's advice but be sure to use your own judgement so you don't invest you energy on an ungrateful, needy psychob!tch.

LTRs have never been my strong suit, precisely because I don't play the surrogate daddy role. It seems that most women really are looking for their fathers (or the attention their fathers never gave them) Perhaps I should be more understanding, but when you are an impatient assh0le, this can be quite difficult.

feeling loved is to women what sex is to men

True..

I did shack up with one lady who was unlike the rest...probably the closest thing to a successful LTR I ever had. One thing I noticed was that whenever I did something kind for her or her friends, or surprised her with a nice gesture, she was EXTRA appreciative in the sack. It's really the little things that make or break a relationship.

Some cool things I did that made me lovable:

1. Scavenger hunt - get a stack of post-its and scribble instructions on each one which will send her to different parts of the house until she reaches her prize. One time I made my penis the prize and I thought she would laugh, but I ended up getting the greatest BJ ever....go figure.

2. Telling her how hot she is. Even the most beautiful people are insecure at times. Let her know how much she turns you on. Sometimes it pays to do this in a non-sexual way...like you are just wowed by how amazing she is.

3. Talk is cheap, so make sure she knows you love her. Cuddles are VERY important. Sneak in some smooching whenever you can. I love to sneak up on her while she is washing dishes, slide my arms around her waste and place tender kisses on her neck. B!tches melt when you do sh!t like that. When you have sex, dont roll over and snore...pull her close, caress her body, tell her how great she smells and how incredible she makes you feel.

4. Surprise her often. Listen to the things she complains about and make a mental list. One time my girl was b!tching how the knives in her kitchen were old and blunt. Weeks later I ran into this Chinese dude on the street selling knife sets for 10 bucks. I gift wrapped it and she rewarded me with dinner and, you guessed it, mind-blowing sex.

5. Flirt with other women in a subtle and classy manner. It may sound counter-intuitive, but she will work harder to keep you if she knows you are wanted. Make sure to balance this out by reassuring her that she is your queen bee.

6. Teach her how to do stuff...play pool, build furniture, kite-surfing...whatever. Anytime she sees that activity she will think of you and only you.

7. Be a good listener. Don't be so quick to propose a solution for every problem because 9 times out of 10, women just need an emotional outlet to vent their frustrations.

8. Seduce her friends and family. I don't mean you should bang her mom (unless she is hotter ) It is helpful to the relationship when you win her circle over with your charm because women need to hear from their friends what a great catch you are.

9. Last but most important - Learn how to make her come....hard! I highly recommend David Shade's book. Do a search on amazon and order that sucker...you won't be disappointed. It also helps to maintain your penile fitness with Kegel exercises and constructive masturbation. Look into Tantric studies and open your mind to your own sexual potential. Be the best lover she ever had because it will make it a lot easier for her to forgive you when you mess up!

To all you young fellas out there, don't be so quick to jump into a LTR with the first ho that spreads her legs. Be picky, because at your age you can afford to be. Besides, the more women you date, the clearer idea you will get of what you want out of relationships, and we all know women get wet over guys who know what they want.

Some food for thought.

 

[Evangenlion]

i wanted to read the whole thing , really i did. but u totaly lost me after the first five lines.

i'm still wondering how i got to this post lol

 

[comic_relief]

great posts CS and Wyld

Damn guys

I'm taking notes and realized one things that once you get into an LDR/LTR to just say "FVCK THE RULES!!!" I almost lost my current girlfriend because I was following the rules. She ended up finding out that I was a player but was now reforming.

She opened up entirely to me and told me everything and I've opened up a lot but not entirely (I keep some things hidden for later on).

BTW Wyld, my girlfriend doesn't try to pick any fights with me at all. She does get pissy when I can't come down to see her because of my family problems.

CS, I followed most of those ideas you gave out and believe me that they work.

I cannot stress enough that you need to follow idea 8 and I almost put it into rule status because if her friends are content with you then they won't try to break you guys up. I managed to do this with her friends without even meeting any of them . Yeah, just the way she feels about you sometimes is enough to make them like you. When she is happy, they will also be happy.

 

[NaturallySelected]

Thanks very much for this short, but informative post. I have been in a relationship for a little over three months now and it looks to be a LTR.

Originally posted by Wyldfire

Remember, feeling loved is to women what sex is to men. You have a clear understanding of how bad it is for a woman to ignore a man's sexual needs. It is equally as bad for a man to ignore a woman's emotional needs.

I have been thinking about this a lot recently, and it's nice to have a woman confirm it. My advice to women is that one of the key things to keeping a man is keeping him happy in bed. The better the sex he gets from you, the less likely it is that he will go somewhere else.

My girlfriend does a lot for me sexually that I can't imagine any other girl doing, therfore I don't consider cheating or leaving her.

The same applies for women, if she isn't feeling loved, her boyfriend never does anything romantic for her and she doesn't recieve enough attention, she will find someone else who will give her that attention.

Obviously too much attention is bad in that she will feel smothered.

Thanks again for the enlightenment!

 

[Wyldfire]

CrotchSniffer is right that you don't want to assume all the bad behavior a girl has is because of how much attention you pay to her. Every woman's emotional needs are different and really high maintenance women will test and create drama just about all the time. This tip should really only be applied with women you've already determined is actually worth the effort.

And I'm glad the others who responded found this useful.

To the guy who couldn't read te whole post...just read the bold and underlined part...that's why I made those parts stand out...because they are the main points to the post.

 

[On_the_Top]

After reading this post I have realized some things,
I love being single, relationships are too much input for little output, there are better things in life, and up until reading this I was a fool for ever wanting to be with someone.

Good post btw

 

[Wyldfire]

Such a helpful tip and so little response...

What a shame.

 

[DJDamage]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
If your partner is testing you, picking fights or doing anything to force you to give her more attention, then you are not fulfilling her core needs. Gradually increase the level of affection and attention you show her...but only slighty. Continue to do this until the testing and fighting stops. The point at which the testing and such stops is the perfect balance she needs to feel loved. Do not go beyond this point in affection/attention because then you risk giving her more than she can handle, which is just as bad as not giving enough.

This advice is a mix bag. I don't believe most women know where the line is of the so called "perfect balance".

If a woman can push your buttons so you will submit to her whims who is to say she won't try to push some more???

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by DJDamage
This advice is a mix bag. I don't believe most women know where the line is of the so called "perfect balance".

If a woman can push your buttons so you will submit to her whims who is to say she won't try to push some more???

No, most women don't even realize why they test and create conflict in a relationship...so knowing the balance is highly unlikely.

This is an incredibly valuable piece of information for men, though. (This tip) A man can find a woman's balance just based on her behavior. Obviously there will be some women who require an unreasonable amount of attention and affection, and those ones you want to steer clear of anyhow. But in a LTR with a decent woman, understanding this can make a decent relationship really great with not much effort.

 

[sol2k]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Such a helpful tip and so little response...

Wyldfire, you rock ! Been looking for your posts with eagerness, and it is funny that you should bring back this one.
Just so happens that I really needed to hear some of the things coming out of this tip.

Thanks.
sol2k

 

[Wyldfire]

Glad it was helpful. This is actually a new tip that I just posted recently. I explained this to someone whose girlfriend of 3 years had broken up with him because she basically felt that her needs weren't being met. What I wrote helped him get back together with her and he's now working on finding the right balance in his relationship. It dawned on me that despite how simple this it, most guys don't understand it...so I put the tip here for anyone who is trying to keep their LTRs working for them.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Obviously there will be some women who require an unreasonable amount of attention and affection

It's funny how they are often the hottest ones.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Ahh, and while we're espousing the lofty virtues of meeting 'her needs' let us not forget the prime directive here,..

Originally posted by Wyldfire
As a man, you are well aware of your most significant need in a long term relationship...sex.

And that's the rub now isn't it (pun intended)? Those who cannot cooperate, negotiate. Is your LTR cooperative or negotiated? What if it's your core need that isn't being met? I'd dare say that more often marital/LTR discord is due to the sexual 'bait & switch' mentality prevalent with most young ladies. Perhaps the difficulty she has in attaining her 'needs' is the result of her not meeting his?

And as you illustrate, if a man's need isn't met, blackmailing him with intimacy only sends him to look elsewhere to fullfil it that much sooner. I'm a good dog, but you've gotta pet me to keep me on the porch.

The sexes are meant to compliment each other, not be adversarial to each other.

 

[Wyldfire]

Re: Re: What You Need To Know When Transitioning To A Long Term Relationship

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
Ahh, and while we're espousing the lofty virtues of meeting 'her needs' let us not forget the prime directive here,..



And that's the rub now isn't it (pun intended)? Those who cannot cooperate, negotiate. Is your LTR cooperative or negotiated? What if it's your core need that isn't being met? I'd dare say that more often marital/LTR discord is due to the sexual 'bait & switch' mentality prevalent with most young ladies. Perhaps the difficulty she has in attaining her 'needs' is the result of her not meeting his?

And as you illustrate, if a man's need isn't met, blackmailing him with intimacy only sends him to look elsewhere to fullfil it that much sooner. I'm a good dog, but you've gotta pet me to keep me on the porch.

The sexes are meant to compliment each other, not be adversarial to each other.

It works the other way around as well. If a woman isn't making the effort to fulfill the man's sexual needs, he too will be unhappy. All healthy, quality relationships need to include the fulfillment of both partners' core needs. Guys here already know that if their core needs aren't being met they aren't going to value their partner or relationship as much as they otherwise would. As a woman, I understand the importance of sex in a relationship. I didn't go into detail about a guy's needs having to be met too because everyone here SHOULD already know that. It's the other side of the coin that is so simple and elementary that is almost always missed.

I don't think a lot of men truly realize that women have a need just as important as sex is to men, and that is what this thread was for...to point that out and explain how to meet the woman's needs without going too far or not far enough.

 

[B-Lemond]

Now I know why I broke up with my gf last night. What should I do from here? Instead of giving her more attetion like you said, I ignored giving her the attetion. If only I read this earlier. So what should I do?

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by bluelemond
Now I know why I broke up with my gf last night. What should I do from here? Instead of giving her more attetion like you said, I ignored giving her the attetion. If only I read this earlier. So what should I do?

At your age it might not be this issue...it might just be immaturity and teenage girls having no clue what they want.

If you weren't together for at least 3 months you probably don't have to worry about this too much. Teenage girls sometimes change boyfriends more than they do their underwear. If you think it applies to your situation (not giving her enough attention), then keep it in mind next time you have a girlfriend. At your age, it's normal to break up fast, so unless your situation with this girl isn't a typical teenage relationship, you probably shouldn't do anything about any mistakes you may have made with this girl.

 

[B-Lemond]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
At your age it might not be this issue...it might just be immaturity and teenage girls having no clue what they want.

If you weren't together for at least 3 months you probably don't have to worry about this too much. Teenage girls sometimes change boyfriends more than they do their underwear. If you think it applies to your situation (not giving her enough attention), then keep it in mind next time you have a girlfriend. At your age, it's normal to break up fast, so unless your situation with this girl isn't a typical teenage relationship, you probably shouldn't do anything about any mistakes you may have made with this girl.

I've been going out with her for 7 months. She was REALLY crying last night. What should I do because if it were only 3 months then I could care less. Well, I care for this girl. I've been doing some Seduction Science NLP exercise so I'm not that attached...just a little sad. I think she on the other hand is really attached. Well, I should give the whole story while I'm at it. She's gone to college. She called me asking why I didn't call her back. (6 days prior I told her I'd call her back because I was busy). She was worried that didn't like. Its so true what you said, Wildfire, she wanted attention. I asked her if she wanted to see other people. She was unsure. Because she didn't say "NO" I felt like I couldn't trust her and that she probably would do something behind my back, jugding by what she told me about how there so much partying going on. So because of this I just had to break up with her. I didn't want to get played or cheated on. So I told her its better she goes and sees other people. She told me that she still wants to see me and what not. She said "I just want you to know that I love you blah blah blah." and so on. "Your my first love and I'll never forget you". I told her that I didn't want to see/hear from her ever again. Maybe I was a little mean. So the last words I said were. "Good luck. Have a great life. And I'll miss you". She was still crying but I didn't wait for a response, I just hung up. What should I do?

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by bluelemond
I've been going out with her for 7 months. She was REALLY crying last night. What should I do because if it were only 3 months then I could care less. Well, I care for this girl. I've been doing some Seduction Science NLP exercise so I'm not that attached...just a little sad. I think she on the other hand is really attached. What should I do?

Well, did she break up with you or did you break up with her? And did you relax the rules some in order to allow her to feel like your relationship was growing and progressing with time?

If you want to try to fix things and get back with her then you can try to do that and adjust things so she feels like the relationship is progressing.

 

[B-Lemond]

I just edited it. So mostly, the story is 2 posts before this one.