What you DJ's think about polyamory?

[LittleBigOne]

Lately i was reading in a magazine (Psychology, dutch edition) about polyamory. It means that in a LTR one or both are allowed to have a (sexual) relationship with someone else. These people believe that monogamy is not normal (i say thats true, when i hear about cheating and divorces) but that monogamy is set up by our society.
In one part of the article a man was telling that he was very happy for his wife that she had a sexual relationship with another guy because it made her more 'complete'. He was totally not jealous, he had the (in Dutch) 'Jalief' feeling, which is the opposite of jealousy.
I never tried polyamory, but i do wonder what it would be like. I mean, i do have my problems with jealousy when it comes to woman. I don't like such feelings. If you can erase that feeling even when your gf/wife is f#cked by another guy and you don't mind it must give you a very big feeling of freedom.
Was just wondering what you people think of this or even had experience with it. And how would you react if your partner suggested this?

 

[joekerr31]

well some people like to wear diapers and piss on each other as well.

you're always going to find people who are in to alternative lifestyles.

but the reality is that polygomy doesn't work for most people. at best you'll a bit of the european attitude, where successful men often have a mistress and its ok with the wife (as long as she doesn't have to hear about it or know the details).

but generally speaking most people are not psychologically set up to deal with polygomy and be emotionally healthy at the same time.

 

[KontrollerX]

Is that where people want to marry more than one person?

I say hey if thats the case and they all want to be together this should be allowed.

Morality shouldn't be legislated.

 

[Colossus]

Lately i was reading in a magazine (Psychology, dutch edition) about polyamory. It means that in a LTR one or both are allowed to have a (sexual) relationship with someone else. These people believe that monogamy is not normal (i say thats true, when i hear about cheating and divorces) but that monogamy is set up by our society.
In one part of the article a man was telling that he was very happy for his wife that she had a sexual relationship with another guy because it made her more 'complete'. He was totally not jealous, he had the (in Dutch) 'Jalief' feeling, which is the opposite of jealousy.
I never tried polyamory, but i do wonder what it would be like. I mean, i do have my problems with jealousy when it comes to woman. I don't like such feelings. If you can erase that feeling even when your gf/wife is f#cked by another guy and you don't mind it must give you a very big feeling of freedom.
Was just wondering what you people think of this or even had experience with it. And how would you react if your partner suggested this?

I disagree. I think monogamy is the natural tendency for healthy people.

People use the 'its not normal, look at ______' excuse as a cop out for their own behavior or something they are planning on doing in the future.

Mistresses, concubines, consorts, and the like have been around for millenia. Men instinctually have a desire for a variety of women sexually. Not all men act on it. It takes discipline, even for the most morally upright.

 

[Juando]

I've tried it but I don't have enough experience to know for sure how I feel or if it's really a complex area that does not lend itself to one-size-fits-all.

From my limited experience if I had to say now I would say it's tricky, but could work with the right people and circumstances.

Funny how this sort of thing seems to bring out strong feelings and opinions from many people, many of whom I suspect have little, probably no experience with this area of relating.

The OP asked for thoughts from people in the know and that's also what I'd like to hear.

 

[joekerr31]

The OP asked for thoughts from people in the know and that's also what I'd like to hear.

well im not in the know, but i did know a guy who did this. although more accurately i guess youd say him and his wife were 'swingers'. i think he was bisexual also. strange guy.

anyway, not my cup of tea. im more a traditional kind of guy.

 

[lookyoung]

Its not my thing and this would never work if your a real man. Were men woman cater to us and us only. Do you want your woman getting fvcked by some other guy. This goes against our nature.

 

[Drum&Bass]

Its not my thing and this would never work if your a real man. Were men woman cater to us and us only. Do you want your woman getting fvcked by some other guy. This goes against our nature.

False, a woman having sex with another man is just hard reality that YOU were not good enough for someone else, at that point you can either improve and become the dominant male or you can look for other women who perceive you as having desirable traits.

As a man our nature is to have lots of sex with lots of women. Society has made men insecure and therefore unable to handle NOT BEING DESIREABLE ENOUGH IN THE EYES OF A WOMAN and UNABLE TO SEEK OUT OTHER SOURCES OF SEX WITH EASE (Oneitis syndrome).

Was just wondering what you people think of this or even had experience with it. And how would you react if your partner suggested this?

I don't like to share my woman, but I won't look down on people who practice polyamory, especially if there lives are happy and enriched, who am I to judge ??

If my lady ever suggested it to me, I would not go along with it

 

[STR8UP]

I disagree. I think monogamy is the natural tendency for healthy people.

Semi-monogamy is a natural tendency. As humans that's what our species has proven to be.

I would propose that monogamy is unnatural. To a man it is unnatural due to his desire for sexual variety. For a woman it is unnatural due to the fact that there is no such thing as a superman- it usually takes more than one man to "fulfill" her.

 

[Juando]

Semi-monogamy is a natural tendency. As humans that's what our species has proven to be.

I would propose that monogamy is unnatural. To a man it is unnatural due to his desire for sexual variety. For a woman it is unnatural due to the fact that there is no such thing as a superman- it usually takes more than one man to "fulfill" her.

I semi-agree.

Non-monogamy would be practiced by many more people for sure if the heavy metal blanket of religion and Puritanism did not press down on us.

That's not to say that in a very free society (Scandinavia, Netherlands) that many, perhaps most, people would not choose monogamy.

But even those "free" societies have a dark history and the repression is still in the blood. It would be interesting to see and how things would evolve in a large, cosmopolitan society where people were encouraged to think rather than believe. And I'm not talking about a little commune where government ninjas are poised to swoop down on.

I'm not holding my breath for such a society to emerge any day soon.
So what that leaves us is free thinking rebels who rebel for a variety of reasons. I've met quite a few and usually avoided getting sexually involved not for moral reasons, but because they, being human, had a variety of other emotional/psychological issues that I did not want to get wrapped up in.

I proposed (with trepidation in my heart) to my last LTR an open relationship experiment. She demurred and I backed off.
I'm an experimenter and seeker so I'm probably more suited for going in the free love direction than most but ironically enough I'm rather conservative, sentimental, and tend towards monogamy.

Being human is weird. I once met a beautiful girl, spent a couple of hours raving about my new gf (honestly) to her and soon found my head buried in her bare chest. Did not feel guilty, could not wait to see the gf.

I'm also a puzzle solver so after a few of these experiences I thought there's gotta be a way to eat your cake.... but it's very personal and best left to the individual to sort out.

I'm still sorting....

 

[Luthor Rex]

Semi-monogamy is a natural tendency. As humans that's what our species has proven to be.

I would propose that monogamy is unnatural. To a man it is unnatural due to his desire for sexual variety. For a woman it is unnatural due to the fact that there is no such thing as a superman- it usually takes more than one man to "fulfill" her.

From the history of the human race, and other primates like us the typical setup has been:

One man, and as many women as he can 'afford' to support. In the extreme this took the form of harems.

That being said 'pair bonding' it not a social construct, its is an evolved trait (look it up, go I bid you).

Most men would have more than one woman if they could. Honestly, I think of myself as a relationship kind of guy and I would love to be married to Hilary Duff and Avril Lavinge at the same time, and they loved one another and we all loved each other at the same time. *sigh*

As they have more $$$ than me, no pre-nup for them of course.

 

[happyguy]

Compared to what you guys seem to be talking about, I am an authority on the subject. I have been in 2 polyamorous relationships as a social experiment, and know a whole lot of polyamorous folk (they make me sick).

One word: Polyamory is an umbrella for kinky geeks who have Zero social skills and are doped out on medication (anxiety/depression/OCD etc.).

The practice of polyamory is found in only one social niche; The group who write programs or edit literature and spend their free time going to renaissance faires, learning to fly airplanes, and playing D&D. The women of the group are lumpy, pale, ugly, and spend their free time beating on frame drums singing about how juices are flowing down their thighs. They also belly dance.

Seriously folks, DJ's should not have anything to do with polyamory. It is for cowards and escapists. For those who don't have the balls to chin-up and say 'I am a sexual creature', and for those who don't have the courage to be magnanimous, loving and affectionate in society. Polyamorists make me wanna puke.

 

[Juando]

Honestly, I think of myself as a relationship kind of guy and I would love to be married to Hilary Duff and Avril Lavinge at the same time, and they loved one another and we all loved each other at the same time. *sigh*

I was at a party with a past, new LTR and she figured it out before I did:

So, all these women you know here- you've fukked all of them??!!



serial-haremology

 

[Juando]

Compared to what you guys seem to be talking about, I am an authority on the subject. I have been in 2 polyamorous relationships as a social experiment, and know a whole lot of polyamorous folk (they make me sick).

One word: Polyamory is an umbrella for kinky geeks who have Zero social skills and are doped out on medication (anxiety/depression/OCD etc.).

The practice of polyamory is found in only one social niche; The group who write programs or edit literature and spend their free time going to renaissance faires, learning to fly airplanes, and playing D&D. The women of the group are lumpy, pale, ugly, and spend their free time beating on frame drums singing about how juices are flowing down their thighs. They also belly dance.

Seriously folks, DJ's should not have anything to do with polyamory. It is for cowards and escapists. For those who don't have the balls to chin-up and say 'I am a sexual creature', and for those who don't have the courage to be magnanimous, loving and affectionate in society. Polyamorists make me wanna puke.

??

Like I said, I don't have much experience in this area but I too have had a couple of forays, mostly pretty cool and interesting.

And I somehow overcame the impulse to belly dance.:flowers:

 

[Bonhomme]

The practice of polyamory is found in only one social niche; The group who write programs or edit literature and spend their free time going to renaissance faires, learning to fly airplanes, and playing D&D. The women of the group are lumpy, pale, ugly, and spend their free time beating on frame drums singing about how juices are flowing down their thighs.

This should not come as a surprise, because the usual tendency of a woman is to want to mate with the best man she can -- preferably exclusively.

But women such as those described in happyguy's post quoted above tend to have few monogamous options, so polyamory affords them the opportunity to bed "hotter" men than they would otherwise be able to, as many men tend to be much less choosy about sex partners than relationship partners.

Of course, there are also some women who are very much into sex for its own sake, who may or may not be "hot." But not many.

I personally have no objection to polyamory... but do find it hard to achieve in practice, mainly due to the natural tendency of women to want to mate exclusively with the best man they can.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I'd say it's both depending on an individual's personal conditions and the stage of life they find themselves in. This is what confuses a lot of people. There's strong arguments for both sides of the monogamy vs. polyamory debate from behavioral and biological sources, but I think the common mistake is to think of it as a one or the other condition.

It's in women's best interest to be selectively polyamorous in order to breed with the best genetic stock available to her until she becomes pregnant. At this stage monogamy becomes preferable in order to maintain long term security and ensure sharing a reliable parental investment with a man. Men are natural polyamorists(?) for obvious reasons. Our reproductive methodology is to scattter seed to widest available pool. However, it is in men's biological interest to participate in parental investment (at least for a time) to ensure his progeny survive and are themselves taught the skills to thrive and reproduce as they did.

You also have to consider stages of life in this equation too. As women age their sexual marketability declines, while men's capacity to provide long term security (should) increases. Generally, women's period of optimal sexual selectivity comes between the ages of 18 and 30. This is the peak period of her fertility and her capacity to select the best biolgical stock. Men on the other hand are slower to mature. Generally, a man's optimal sexual selection comes between ages 30-40. At this point he's in his best position to provide long term security and has a better ability to sample and select the women he's going to invest it with. It should be obvious that as menopause approaches it serves a woman best to be well invested in a monogamous, secure relationship as her sexual marketability drops to zero.

On a side note, about religion being a factor, lets not forget that some of the most rigidly strictured religious culture of the past (and some in the present) viewed women as property. A Jewish man could take many wives (if he could afford them) and even father Abraham could knock it out with his servants (his property) if he so chose with no moral repercussions. People want to ƒuck, and they'll find ways to ƒuck irrespective of conviction.

 

[Mack555]

I'd love to attend polyamorous parties or group meetings. I think parties at sex stores would be fun. I also think a bar/restaurant/club atmosphere would be a great place to meet.


______________________________
Mack555

 

[zekko]

I'd say it's both depending on an individual's personal conditions and the stage of life they find themselves in. This is what confuses a lot of people. There's strong arguments for both sides of the monogamy vs. polyamory debate from behavioral and biological sources, but I think the common mistake is to think of it as a one or the other condition.

It's in women's best interest to be selectively polyamorous in order to breed with the best genetic stock available to her until she becomes pregnant. At this stage monogamy becomes preferable in order to maintain long term security and ensure sharing a reliable parental investment with a man. Men are natural polyamorists(?) for obvious reasons. Our reproductive methodology is to scattter seed to widest available pool. However, it is in men's biological interest to participate in parental investment (at least for a time) to ensure his progeny survive and are themselves taught the skills to thrive and reproduce as they did.

I completely agree with your entire post.

A lot of posters who complain about monogamy not being natural are actually talking about lifelong monogamy. I think it's been fairly well established that it's not unnatural at all for couples to pair bond, at least for long enough to raise offspring to viability. How long that is considered to be varies, usually I've heard between 5-7 years. Some guys are so invested into this PUA stuff that they think all fathers should be out being players instead of caring for the family - that's what the AFCs are for. To say that it is unnatural for a father to care for his family shows unbelievable tunnel vision.

Look at all the oneitis cases that come here. The community thinks that the only reason all these guys feel that way is because they've watched too many Disney movies. False. They are feeling the natural biological urge to pair bond run amok in their systems. Sometimes you shouldn't let these things go unchecked. They are just too immature and inexperienced to know how to handle it.

If pair bonding was actually unnatural we wouldn't be seeing it so often. Newibies would only come here complaining about how they can't keep themselves from dry humping every girl they see instead of complaining about some chick they're hung up on.

 

[Boilermaker]

I thank whoever bumped this post from 2007.

It's cleansing to the mind to read Rollo Tomassi every once in a while. It's like reading Feynman teach physics. You can read it 25 times and manage to learn something new.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Oh, you don't have to miss me so much, just peruse my blog archives and feel free to comment on anything – I give my SoSuave brothers preferential treatment.