What would you have done different

[Rez]

Guys, I'm at a stage in my life where every move can have a lifetime ripple effect. In a couple years I'll be 30 and thought I'd pose this question:

"Looking back at your dating life and all you've been through/accomplished/learned, what would you like to go back and change if you could?"

If you have no regrets about the past then that's fine, but if there's something you wish you had paid more attention to or even taken care of at an earlier age....then I would truly appreciate learning from your advice.

There is no right or wrong answer. Thank you.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Reez,
I regret:Ever getting married,not learning dancing earlier, running DOWN mountains,not making love to more Women...What about you Brother?

 

[Rez]

Thanks for sharing.

I regret giving the current girl I'm dating the benefit of the doubt. Just when you think every thing is in line, in order, women always find a way to throw the car off the road.

 

[window]

I would keep the women that had high interest in me for longer and not chase after the women that didn't. Ascertaining the difference is the key.

 

[twister]

I regret being to far to honest for my own good and putting too much trust in people. There are way too many people on this planet ready to screw you over as soon as they can! but hey, at least im the good guy

 

[backbreaker]

i'm 26 and honestly there is not very much I would change. I made necessary sacrifices, I did not put women first..

if I had to say one thing I would do differently, I would have been more open minded at an earlier age.

my income which was already well above avg, went to a whole new level when I stopped trying to be the smartest guy in the room and learn to listen to others when the time called for it.

 

[grinder]

There are some life lessons I wish I had learned at a younger age. Some of these things I have learned the hard way and it sure would have been good to know them sooner. So I regret not doing the work to improve myself and learn a few of these things when I was younger.

1) Never complain, never explain. I have found this an incredibly powerful tool both at work and with women. Neither your boss nor a woman wants to hear you complain. If you do not know this; learn it now! Explaining assumes a NEED to explain and that need is never a good thing.

2) Assume all is well. We are our own worst enemy in our work lives and personal lives. If we behave “as if” all is well, often, very often actually, the “all is well” assumption becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.

3) Be playful. Much is assumed here, first that you CAN be playful. Play with women, pick on them, have fun. This is David’ D’s foundation.

4) Revealing “feelings”. This has been a really hard one to learn and yes, I regret not learning it sooner but……99.999% of all people really don’t care one whit about your feelings….unless somehow….it positively impacts THEIR feelings.

5) Scarcity. If every time you walked out the door you were tripping over those annoying diamonds that were all over the place you would not place much value on them. It’s OK to not always answer the phone, reply to a message immediately.

6) Focus. Whatever you focus your attention on becomes important. Oneitis is the perfect example of the destructive power of focusing on dead end goal. A dull brown rock can become the central focus of your life if you ruminate and obsess about it ad infinitum. Starting a successful business could be another…..

7) Indifference. This should be considered an evil secret power. Whether you “act” indifferent or are indifferent the results are the same. It drives people nuts. Learning to wield it takes years.

I could write much more on each of these but I don’t want to hijack this thread. But I regret that I had to learn every one of these 7 things the hard way.

 

[Tiguere]

Nice post above

 

[Kailex]

There are some life lessons I wish I had learned at a younger age. Some of these things I have learned the hard way and it sure would have been good to know them sooner. So I regret not doing the work to improve myself and learn a few of these things when I was younger.

1) Never complain, never explain. I have found this an incredibly powerful tool both at work and with women. Neither your boss nor a woman wants to hear you complain. If you do not know this; learn it now! Explaining assumes a NEED to explain and that need is never a good thing.

2) Assume all is well. We are our own worst enemy in our work lives and personal lives. If we behave “as if” all is well, often, very often actually, the “all is well” assumption becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.

3) Be playful. Much is assumed here, first that you CAN be playful. Play with women, pick on them, have fun. This is David’ D’s foundation.

4) Revealing “feelings”. This has been a really hard one to learn and yes, I regret not learning it sooner but……99.999% of all people really don’t care one whit about your feelings….unless somehow….it positively impacts THEIR feelings.

5) Scarcity. If every time you walked out the door you were tripping over those annoying diamonds that were all over the place you would not place much value on them. It’s OK to not always answer the phone, reply to a message immediately.

6) Focus. Whatever you focus your attention on becomes important. Oneitis is the perfect example of the destructive power of focusing on dead end goal. A dull brown rock can become the central focus of your life if you ruminate and obsess about it ad infinitum. Starting a successful business could be another…..

7) Indifference. This should be considered an evil secret power. Whether you “act” indifferent or are indifferent the results are the same. It drives people nuts. Learning to wield it takes years.

I could write much more on each of these but I don’t want to hijack this thread. But I regret that I had to learn every one of these 7 things the hard way.

I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING HERE.

God my life would have been so much different, but it's a Catch 22. How are you supposed to learn all of this if you didn't experience if before-hand.

The only thing I disagree with is that last part. Personally, I don't regret it. I'm just glad that I learned all of this in time... and that I can USE this knowledge now. I'm sure most of us feel the same way. I'm not even 30 yet, not til October, so the window of opportunities is still very much open!

I'm just glad I took my punches but wasn't knocked down. Time to apply all of this knowledge from the school of dating hard-knocks!

 

[5string]

I'm going to focus on some more positive things first. You are turning 30. Have the best times in your life in front of you! Enjoy them! There will be regrets about decisions you have yet to make. That is just part of life. The best part of dating, at least for me, is that the best ones come along when you least expect them too. Not when you are actively looking for them, at least that was the case for me. If you stay busy, and involved in things that make you happy, you will always be meeting people who have similar interests. And guess what? 50% of those will be female for the most part depending on the activity. My regrets? Staying married to my first wife for 25 yrs. Big mistake. I wasted alot of things in my 30's and 40's as a result. I never had kids and don't regret that. I don't regret my time in the Army, getting my education and being employed since I graduated. Please stay active at all times my friend. My current wife and I tell each other quite often...."Let's not waste a day". Good medicine, no matter what your age. Best wishes/luck to you.

 

[Colossus]

I dont have quite the wisdom of the older guys, but so far:

1) Be less afraid of rejection. Not just with women, but everyone. Most of my life I was so afraid of being rejected by people, I never stepped out and tried. That is a shame, but I guess as you mature you learn it doesn't invalidate you as a person if someone rejects you, because it's NEVER about you. It's about them and their own agreements.

2) Don't expect women will reciprocate your loyalty. They will be loyal as long as their needs are being met. Men I've learned will be loyal---to friends, family, and lovers---as a matter of principle and personal integrity. Not always, but it is the mark of a good Man.

3) Take debt seriously!!! It WILL own you if you dont.

4) Don't expect people outside of your family to truly give a sh!t about your success...or lack thereof.

5) Totally agree with Grinder---Never complain, Never explain. Especially at work.

6) No one ever thought their way into something they wanted. You have to get out of your chair and act.

7) Withhold your public judgment. Someone hears every word you say.

 

[st_99]

There are some life lessons I wish I had learned at a younger age. Some of these things I have learned the hard way and it sure would have been good to know them sooner. So I regret not doing the work to improve myself and learn a few of these things when I was younger.

1) Never complain, never explain. I have found this an incredibly powerful tool both at work and with women. Neither your boss nor a woman wants to hear you complain. If you do not know this; learn it now! Explaining assumes a NEED to explain and that need is never a good thing.

2) Assume all is well. We are our own worst enemy in our work lives and personal lives. If we behave “as if” all is well, often, very often actually, the “all is well” assumption becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.

3) Be playful. Much is assumed here, first that you CAN be playful. Play with women, pick on them, have fun. This is David’ D’s foundation.

4) Revealing “feelings”. This has been a really hard one to learn and yes, I regret not learning it sooner but……99.999% of all people really don’t care one whit about your feelings….unless somehow….it positively impacts THEIR feelings.

5) Scarcity. If every time you walked out the door you were tripping over those annoying diamonds that were all over the place you would not place much value on them. It’s OK to not always answer the phone, reply to a message immediately.

6) Focus. Whatever you focus your attention on becomes important. Oneitis is the perfect example of the destructive power of focusing on dead end goal. A dull brown rock can become the central focus of your life if you ruminate and obsess about it ad infinitum. Starting a successful business could be another…..

7) Indifference. This should be considered an evil secret power. Whether you “act” indifferent or are indifferent the results are the same. It drives people nuts. Learning to wield it takes years.

I could write much more on each of these but I don’t want to hijack this thread. But I regret that I had to learn every one of these 7 things the hard way.

I disagree with most of this. It sounds too much like you're protecting yourself and living in a defensive mode.

 

[jophil28]

I dont have quite the wisdom of the older guys, but so far:

1) Be less afraid of rejection. Not just with women, but everyone. Most of my life I was so afraid of being rejected by people, I never stepped out and tried. That is a shame, but I guess as you mature you learn it doesn't invalidate you as a person if someone rejects you, because it's NEVER about you. It's about them and their own agreements.

.

And be less afraid of failure generally. Dump your "perfectionism" - ultimately it is not in your best interests.

The trick is to live in a mindset which believes that if your risk pays off then you deserve the rewards, but if you do crash and burn, then you at least had the balls to try. Failure always offers insight and wisdom, IF YOU LOOK.

Develop what I call "calculated boldness"...,assess the risk of loss, calculate the rewards and make a decision to move or stay put. Not all risks are worth the efforts .

There is an old saying that says "Pick your battles."
I expand it to this," Pick your battles, assess your career risks and qualify your women."
That alone will eliminate about 4 fifths of needless suffering.

 

[joekerr31]

I'll contribute, but with teh caveat that I don't believe in regret (hey, I'm not some starving african kid - so I got nothing to complain about).

but in terms of what advice would i give myself if i could travel back in time say 15 years?

I think it would be the following...

1) Pay more attention to some of the awkward girls... they usually know how to take care of their man

2) don't put anything ahead of your physical fitness

3) don't sweat the small stuff... life is too short to worry about 90% of the things we worry about

4) don't let your past determine who you are today or in the future - let go of all the **** and find a journey to take and do so with a positive attitude

5) buy google stocks - lots of em!

and the absolute biggest life lesson that i wish i knew when i was younger is....

Being happy is 100% a function of your attitude towards life. You don't need a woman, money, success, etc. to be happy - real happiness is being happy regardless of whether the breaks are going your way or not - it is a choice.

 

[LeftyLoosey]

I don't regret any mistake I've made. I don't regret getting married and divorced because I couldn't have learned the truth without going through it myself.

The fact of the matter is, all of this information, these forums, other blogs, etc, were all there, but I never would have read them or believed them if I hadn't experienced it for myself.

You can read every book about how to be a good golfer, but until you swing a club, you cannot improve.

 

[trufun]

My regret is not approaching all those woman I've wanted to ****