Hey guys I am new to this forum and I had a question that has been bugging me. There is this girl (isn't that how these kind of things always begin..) who I had been friends with for many years (10 or so plus years) and we were friends talked regularly and what not she went off to college I became a fireman and we kind of stopped talking for a little while. We randomly end up hanging out one night and I told her that I had feelings for her and had for a long time and she kind of shot me down. Told me that she appreciated me telling her that but that she just wanted to stay friends so whatever I said that's cool and moved on, kind of forgot about it. Anyways, we don't talk for several months and I see her out at a bar with a mutual friend and we start talking and she tells me that she feels the same way that I do but she was scared to admit it. (good one) So we end up kissing I take her home all is well. She goes home that night and the next couple days I tried to contact her, not over the top, just like three or four times in a two week time period. She responds very short on the phone or over text and doesn't really seem interested anymore. The icing on the cake is we go out for a mutual friends birthday and I didn't push it or bring it up but I can obviously tell something is different and she does not seem to want to be around me anymore. Kind of confused as to what I might have done to make her feel this way and if you guys think the situation is hopeless because I am past the point where I am actively pursuing her. Just wondering if there was something I did wrong in your eyes or if there is something I could do to win her back because damn she is awesome. Well be easy on me haha don't beat me up with the comments!
What would you do
- Thread starter jdeed1221
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she's got another guy (or gal) with whom she's off/on.
marmel75
Master Don Juan
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You shouldn't have expressed your feelings like that...that's what women do. That's what estrogen makes you do. Men show their intent by actions, that's what testosterone makes you do.
You took on the female role in this, that was your first mistake.
You took on the female role in this, that was your first mistake.
RangerMIke
Master Don Juan
4 times in two weeks is too much. You call once, wait 2-3 weeks and call again, if you don't here from her move on.
If a woman likes you she will call you back. Women who are interested in you will make things easy for you to reach them. You toss her the ball and wait for her to toss it back.... if the ball doesn't come back guess what? She doesn't want to play.
Why do women change on a dime like this? Simple, they are emotional creatures and it's ALL about how she feels in the moment. Women running hot and cold is completely normal. The best way for a man to respond to this is to behave in such a way as to demonstrate that what she does or does not do, will not effect you AT ALL.
Meanwhile keep seeing other women, let her know you have other options. If she likes you she'll be back, if she doesn't come back.... no problem... there are plenty of women.
If a woman likes you she will call you back. Women who are interested in you will make things easy for you to reach them. You toss her the ball and wait for her to toss it back.... if the ball doesn't come back guess what? She doesn't want to play.
Why do women change on a dime like this? Simple, they are emotional creatures and it's ALL about how she feels in the moment. Women running hot and cold is completely normal. The best way for a man to respond to this is to behave in such a way as to demonstrate that what she does or does not do, will not effect you AT ALL.
Meanwhile keep seeing other women, let her know you have other options. If she likes you she'll be back, if she doesn't come back.... no problem... there are plenty of women.
RecoveringNiceGuy
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Pretty already covered by others, but my rules are you call 5-7 days after the date if she hasn't contacted you. Call, not text. If she doesn't answer leave a short voicemail simply saying "Hey [her name], it's [my name]. Give me a call. Have a great night. Bye". Should be in an upbeat and confident tone, as if you assume she's busy out with friends or family or sleeping, and that the thought of a woman ignoring your call on purpose never even crossed your mind. If she hasn't called back in 10-14 days try calling once more if you're still interested.
Calling 4 times in two weeks is waaaay too much. Would it take 4 calls for someone you liked to get in contact with you? Of course not. One call is all it takes. Anything more displays neediness and weakness.
Within the first several dates, less is more. You want to let them know you're interested, but not that you care too much. Definitely don't talk about feelings. If you have to say something say "I want..." instead of "I feel...", and then act on what you want.
Also, never agree to be just friends with someone you're romantically interested in. Recently a woman I went out with twice told me she was getting back with her ex of 5 years and wanted to be just friends, I told her "No thanks, I'm not interested in being friends with a woman as sexy and as good of a kisser as you are. If it doesn't work out with him give me a call and we can go have some fun if I'm still single. Take care [name]." Be friendly but also make it clear that friendship is not an option, either she's your lover or she's not in your life at all.
Calling 4 times in two weeks is waaaay too much. Would it take 4 calls for someone you liked to get in contact with you? Of course not. One call is all it takes. Anything more displays neediness and weakness.
Within the first several dates, less is more. You want to let them know you're interested, but not that you care too much. Definitely don't talk about feelings. If you have to say something say "I want..." instead of "I feel...", and then act on what you want.
Also, never agree to be just friends with someone you're romantically interested in. Recently a woman I went out with twice told me she was getting back with her ex of 5 years and wanted to be just friends, I told her "No thanks, I'm not interested in being friends with a woman as sexy and as good of a kisser as you are. If it doesn't work out with him give me a call and we can go have some fun if I'm still single. Take care [name]." Be friendly but also make it clear that friendship is not an option, either she's your lover or she's not in your life at all.