What would you do?(I know it's long, please take the time)

[JimmyBizzle]

So here's the situation: I've been going out with my girlfriend for 8 months. A couple nights ago she held a party at her apt. for her friend's b-day, and I was at this party too. Well she got really drunk and high there, and a guy who lives across the street from her, who she doesn't even know his name, came up to her at one point and told her that he saw me supposedly getting "frisky" with other girls at the party and "touching their booties" or something like that while she was off smoking with some people.

Now she told me she wouldn't have believed him but she came down and at one point supposedly saw me touch or slap or something along those lines the butt of my best friends gf, but my best friend and his gf live with me and I basically treat her like one of my guy friends cause I've known and lived with her for so long. But the catcher is is that I don't even remember that happening at all, but at the same time it very easily could've and I wouldn't have even thought twice about it because nothing would've been meant by it. It would've just been in the "good game" kind of nature or whatever.

Well when my gf came down and saw this she asked this neighbor guy of hers if that was the same girl and he said no. So she believed him and took his word for it. Well I honestly believe this guy was just trying to get into her pants and was trying to start sh!t because she is an extremely good looking girl.

Well she believed him and is taking his word for it and not mine and doesn't believe me that I wasn't doing what he said(and I honestly wasn't). She also said she would've possibly thought he was just trying to get into her pants too but then she supposedly saw the thing with my best friend's girl and then the neighbor said it was a different girl, so she trusted him.(plus he didn't make any more advances according to her)

Keep in mind her, and that guy most likely, were both very drunk and very high, so the views of what was going on was probably pretty distorted.

Up to this point in our relationship she has absolutely adored and idolized me and would do anything for me. Now she says that I'm gross to her and that she doesn't have me up on a pedestal anymore and that I'm just like all the other guys out there now and that from now on I have to ask permission to stay over.

I was man enough to say to her that if I did slap my roommates butt, which once again I don't remember doing that night, that I'm sorry it hurt her and she should know it means absolutely nothing. But despite this she still doesn't believe me about not doing anything to any other girl and she's still taking the word of some drunk *sshole who she hardly knows.

So this is where we're at. I believe she is being extremely unreasonable in this situation and it's not very fair to me at all. I haven't seen her all day cause I've been working on the other side of town and I want to know how some of you guys would proceed from here, cause I'm at a loss. Thanks.

 

[JimmyBizzle]

I don't really want to next her though. Up to this point we've had something really good going on. I'm just trying to find a way to get her to see reason.
(reply to a deleted post)

 

[Moofahsa]

I'd probably point a finger in her face and tell her exactly what you said.

If she doesn't believe you tell her "You think I need this ****? pfff"

 

[WC2]

Ha next her? I mean if you want to, more power to you, but you are in a very good position right now. Yes you ****ed up, made a mistake. But if anything this tells you how much your GF does care about you.

Sure, she is being unreasonable, but when you're in love with someone there isn't always a lot reasonable. She is jealous and she wants to be your only object of attraction.

I think your best move is to apologize and tell her that you let the alcohol get to you. It's not like you hooked up with some other chick. You can also add that she was a bit unreasonable, but tell her that it was an honest mistake. If she doesn't accept your apology, then just leave her alone. She'll most likely break down very soon.

Oh and this guy who said this to your girl sounds like an absolute tool. He stepped into the friend zone with her the minute he told her you were doing something.

 

[MacAvoy]

Your at a key point in your relationship and how you react is going to define the rest of the relationship. You can choose to try and salvage the relationship by supplicating to her, or you can be a man, and not allow her to play these games.

I've seen friends give up the power and end up being the b1tch in a relationship. Here is some reading, I'm not giving you all the answers cuz I don't have them but what I'm telling you is what not to do.

From The Cardinal Rule of Relationships

In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.

This is a foundation of any relationship, not just intersexual ones, but family, business, etc. relationships as well. It is a dynamic that is always in effect. For my own well being and that of my family's, I need my employer more than he needs me, ergo I get up for work in the morning and work for him. And while I am also a vital part for the uninterrupted continuance of his company and endeavours, he simply needs me less than I need him. Now I could win the lottery tomorrow or he may decide to cut my pay or limit my benefits, or I may complete my Masters Degree and decide that I can do better than to keep myself yoked to his cart indefinitely, thereby, through some condition either initiated by myself or not, I am put into a position of needing him less than he needs me. At this point he is forced into a position of deciding how much I am worth to his ambitions and either part ways with me or negotiate a furtherance of our relationship.

The same plays true for intersexual relationships. Whether you want to base your relationship on 'power' or not isn't the issue; it's already in play from your first point of attraction. You are acceptable to her for meeting any number of criteria and she meets your own as well. If this weren't the case you simply would not initiate a mutual relationship. This is the first comparisson we make with another individual - call it 'sizing up' if you like - but we make innate (and often unconscious) comparissons about everything and in the case of initial attraction we decide if the the other person is acceptable for our own intimacy. From this point it becomes a cooperative negotiation.

This principle isn't so much about 'power' as it is about control. This might sound like semantics, but it makes a difference. It's very easy to slip into binary arguments and think that what I mean by the cardinal rule of relationships is that one participant must absolutely rule over the other - a domineering dominate to a doormat submissive. Control in a healthy relationship passes back and forth as desire and need dictate for each partner. In an unhealthy realationship you have an unbalanced manipulation of this control by a partner. Although control is never in complete balance, it becomes manipulation when one partner, in essence blackmails, the other with what would otherwise be a reinforcer for the manipulated under a healthy circumstance. This happens for a plethora differenet reasons, but the condition comes about by two ways - the submissive participant becomes conditioned to allow the manipulation to occur and/or the dominate initiates the manipulation. In either case the rule still holds true - the one who needs the other the least has the most control. Nowhere is this more evident than in interpersonal relationships.

Too many people who I counsel and read my posts (here and elsewhere) assume that this Rule means that I'm advocating the maintaining a position of dominance at the expense of their partners; far from it. I do however advocate that people - young men in particular - develop a better sense of self-worth and a better understanding of their true efficacy in their relationships (assuming you decide to become involved in one). Don't get me wrong, both sexes are guilty of manipulation; Battered women go back to their abusive boyfriends/husbands and pvssy whipped men compromise themselves and their ambitions to better serve their girlfriends insecurities. My intent in promoting this Rule is to open the eyes of young men who are already predisposed to devaluing themselves and placing women as the goal of their lives rather than seeing themselves as the PRIZE to be sought after. Compromise is always going to be a part of any relationship, but what's key is realizing when that compromise becomes the result of manipulation, what is in effect and developing the confidence to be uncompromising in those situations. This is where a firm understanding of the cardinal rule of relationships becomes essential.

There's nothing wrong with backing down from an argument you have with your girlfriend, but there is something wrong when you continually compromise yourself in order to 'keep the peace' with the understanding that she'll withhold intimacy as a result of you holding your ground. That is a power play, also known as a 'sh!t test'. She initiates it thus becoming the controlling party. No woman's intimacy (i.e. sex) is ever worth that compromise because in doing so you devalue your own worth to her. Once this precident is set, she will progressively have less respect for you - exactly opposite of the popular conception that she'll appreciate your compromising for her and reward you for this. And really what are you compromising in order to achieve? Set in this condition, her intimacy. That isn't genuine desire or real interest in you, it's a subtle psychological test (that all too many men are unaware of) meant to determine who needs the other more. There is no more a superior confidence for a man than one with the self-understanding that he will not compromise himself for the recognized manipulations of a woman, and the fortitude to walk away knowing he can and will find a better prospect than her. This is the man who passes the sh!t test. It's called 'enlightened self-interest', and a principle I wholely endorse.

 

[JimmyBizzle]

Update:
Soooooo she didn't tell me the whole story until tonight, but the incident with my buddies girl was just icing on the cake. Apparently I had been making sexual gestures and talking derogatory about women(which I honestly don't remember either cause I was drunk and it obviously didn't even register as being a big deal in my mind if I can't remember it) and she was told this by more than just the tool. She was told this by some of her friends.

Whoops on my part.

But I apologized and she does love me a lot and I'm getting a second chance.

So all is well(just to put all of your curious minds at ease).