What Would You Do Here?

[yeahbuddy14]

It's a long story but I am confused and feeling like **** and wanted to know if I should just ignore and avoid her or if it is possible to be Friends with her again?

Girl, I work with and have been "good" Friends with for a number of years, changed her behavior towards me drastically after we had a couple of lunch "dates" (even though I had reminded her that we are good Friends as I am married a few times) we also used to text and email each other a lot, anyway there is a lot to go into but my main question is why the hell would she send me a false harassment text (that was apparently a drunken joke between 2 guys who had stolen her phone and gone through her private messages).

I had no idea it was a joke and I treated her coldly and ignored her for weeks, we ended up having a big drunken talk about things (she brought up the I treat her coldly thing and a whole lot of other things) and she mentioned that she had kept all of messages (WTF?) there was no harassment, I hardly contacted her, maybe the night she came out to dinner I sent her a few texts that she didn't reply to but they were just random ones like have you seen so and so, where are you? etc

Anyway, I suspect that she got annoyed with me that I walked off on her (I often do this when she annoys me) and texted her and another girl the reason why (Family things) I thought I was being polite.

So she ignored me for a couple of weeks and ending up saying Hi and talking to me again, I sent her a Facebook message saying let's just leave all of this BS in the past and start a new Friendship as our old Friendship was dead and she lept at the chance and said yes and no more awkwardness ok?

Fast forward to our work Christmas party and a guy we both know (one of the losers that went through her phone) came up to me and asked me if I was into her and that I am not to contact her anymore and that the Friendship is over etc, he got quite agitated too but I don't think it was any of his damn business and no one asked that nosey douche to go through this girls private messages.

Since then, I have not said a word to her and she still comes down to my office (she has Friends down there) and looks at me, in fact she often looks at me and there is no smile, just a straight look.

There has been a lot of other drama as well and I'm pretty sure that things changed between us when we attended a course together and her demeanor totally changed when I told her that the tutor was flirting with me, she ended up saying that we needed to talk but when the time was right, we ended up talking after the course and she laid all of this I think you were mean to me when I asked you if you needed help, I said No I was tired and sore from a gym session the previous night and for her to not take it so personally.

Not only that but I have seen her look over at myself and my new co-worker (a nice, Friendly girl who I get on with and joke around with) when she comes down and I see her position herself in a certain place so it looks like she is watching us, I could be wrong but that is how it seems.

This same girl once said that she spoke to her Friend about me and asked her if "she was reading to much into it" a while back, this same girl that when we were cool would often come and say hey and sit next to me if we were out drinking as a team, this same girl would often look at me a lot when we worked on the same floor, in fact an old coworker used to make tally's and she always had the most looks lol

My question is, what the hell does she want and why did this guy come up to me about this, what has she been saying to him?
Also, her Friend said that she didn't invite me to a Christmas lunch because there was tension between myself and this girl.

Does she enjoy the drama?, is this all for attention? Did I get **** tested?

I just really need some closure and I want to be professional at work, but I really can't stand this girl and her mind games and BS anymore.

Thanks for any help here

 

[yeahbuddy14]

Probably the most confusing message she ever sent me (amongst many) was when she told me that she had no issue with me as long as we kept things on a Friendship level and then I asked me if that is what I wanted.:crazy:

 

[ZTIME]

It's a long story but I am confused and feeling like **** and wanted to know if I should just ignore and avoid her or if it is possible to be Friends with her again?

Girl, I work with and have been "good" Friends with for a number of years, changed her behavior towards me drastically after we had a couple of lunch "dates" (even though I had reminded her that we are good Friends as I am married a few times) we also used to text and email each other a lot, anyway there is a lot to go into but my main question is why the hell would she send me a false harassment text (that was apparently a drunken joke between 2 guys who had stolen her phone and gone through her private messages).

I had no idea it was a joke and I treated her coldly and ignored her for weeks, we ended up having a big drunken talk about things (she brought up the I treat her coldly thing and a whole lot of other things) and she mentioned that she had kept all of messages (WTF?) there was no harassment, I hardly contacted her, maybe the night she came out to dinner I sent her a few texts that she didn't reply to but they were just random ones like have you seen so and so, where are you? etc

Anyway, I suspect that she got annoyed with me that I walked off on her (I often do this when she annoys me) and texted her and another girl the reason why (Family things) I thought I was being polite.

So she ignored me for a couple of weeks and ending up saying Hi and talking to me again, I sent her a Facebook message saying let's just leave all of this BS in the past and start a new Friendship as our old Friendship was dead and she lept at the chance and said yes and no more awkwardness ok?

Fast forward to our work Christmas party and a guy we both know (one of the losers that went through her phone) came up to me and asked me if I was into her and that I am not to contact her anymore and that the Friendship is over etc, he got quite agitated too but I don't think it was any of his damn business and no one asked that nosey douche to go through this girls private messages.

Since then, I have not said a word to her and she still comes down to my office (she has Friends down there) and looks at me, in fact she often looks at me and there is no smile, just a straight look.

There has been a lot of other drama as well and I'm pretty sure that things changed between us when we attended a course together and her demeanor totally changed when I told her that the tutor was flirting with me, she ended up saying that we needed to talk but when the time was right, we ended up talking after the course and she laid all of this I think you were mean to me when I asked you if you needed help, I said No I was tired and sore from a gym session the previous night and for her to not take it so personally.

Not only that but I have seen her look over at myself and my new co-worker (a nice, Friendly girl who I get on with and joke around with) when she comes down and I see her position herself in a certain place so it looks like she is watching us, I could be wrong but that is how it seems.

This same girl once said that she spoke to her Friend about me and asked her if "she was reading to much into it" a while back, this same girl that when we were cool would often come and say hey and sit next to me if we were out drinking as a team, this same girl would often look at me a lot when we worked on the same floor, in fact an old coworker used to make tally's and she always had the most looks lol

My question is, what the hell does she want and why did this guy come up to me about this, what has she been saying to him?
Also, her Friend said that she didn't invite me to a Christmas lunch because there was tension between myself and this girl.

Does she enjoy the drama?, is this all for attention? Did I get **** tested?

I just really need some closure and I want to be professional at work, but I really can't stand this girl and her mind games and BS anymore.

Thanks for any help here

I believe that men, just like women, enjoy having orbiters. It's normal to have this type of interaction with the opposite sex in the work place. Once you leave the house and your wife for the day, it's easy to live a different lifestyle (or at least fake living it) in front of your co workers. The funny thing is that when we start to loose these orbiters, it's like a mini breakup.

The closure you seek isn't really necessary. You clearly have a memory for every interaction you've had with this girl.

Maybe the answer you're really looking for is how to get your orbiter back. Maybe, just maybe, you enjoyed the attention from her and her work friends.

Search inside of yourself and ask why this interaction with this girl is needed.

If you truly just want to be professional, the easiest way is to just be professional. It's simple. Hello with a smile and goodbye with a smile really doesn't require a lot of thought.

As for the guy at the Christmas party..........Who cares what she says to him, and apparently, he just wants to get in her pants. One should never fish off of the company pier.

“Conquer the angry one by not getting angry; conquer the wicked by goodness; conquer the stingy by generosity, and the liar by speaking the truth. ― Gautama Buddha

On a side note; I do believe posting here requires an age on your profile.

 

[yeahbuddy14]

I believe that men, just like women, enjoy having orbiters. It's normal to have this type of interaction with the opposite sex in the work place. Once you leave the house and your wife for the day, it's easy to live a different lifestyle (or at least fake living it) in front of your co workers. The funny thing is that when we start to loose these orbiters, it's like a mini breakup.

The closure you seek isn't really necessary. You clearly have a memory for every interaction you've had with this girl.

Maybe the answer you're really looking for is how to get your orbiter back. Maybe, just maybe, you enjoyed the attention from her and her work friends.

Search inside of yourself and ask why this interaction with this girl is needed.

If you truly just want to be professional, the easiest way is to just be professional. It's simple. Hello with a smile and goodbye with a smile really doesn't require a lot of thought.

As for the guy at the Christmas party..........Who cares what she says to him, and apparently, he just wants to get in her pants. One should never fish off of the company pier.

“Conquer the angry one by not getting angry; conquer the wicked by goodness; conquer the stingy by generosity, and the liar by speaking the truth. ― Gautama Buddha

On a side note; I do believe posting here requires an age on your profile.

Thank you ZTIME, yeah that's the thing, it feels like we have broken up and it has been hard to deal with, we have been through a lot and done a hell of a lot together, I am pissed off with her, she has caused all of this drama and I don't understand why, I am sick of the drama and I hear the gossip that is said, people have actually asked me if there is something going on with us before.
I am 32.

"Search inside of yourself and ask why this interaction with this girl is needed."

Very good point here.

 

[ZTIME]

Thank you ZTIME, yeah that's the thing, it feels like we have broken up and it has been hard to deal with, we have been through a lot and done a hell of a lot together, I am pissed off with her, she has caused all of this drama and I don't understand why, I am sick of the drama and I hear the gossip that is said, people have actually asked me if there is something going on with us before.
I am 32.

"Search inside of yourself and ask why this interaction with this girl is needed."

Very good point here.

Thanks for the age update. Just a thought.........Maybe you should re read both of your posts. You may notice a common element of you caring way to much about what others think (other co workers, other dude, drama and gossip).

Remember that you "being pissed" is not her fault. It's just your reaction and way of handling this type of situation. Maybe experiment with a new reaction and a new way of dealing with situations like this. This exercise itself will help You to become a better You.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."

 

[yeahbuddy14]

Thanks for the age update. Just a thought.........Maybe you should re read both of your posts. You may notice a common element of you caring way to much about what others think (other co workers, other dude, drama and gossip).

Remember that you "being pissed" is not her fault. It's just your reaction and way of handling this type of situation. Maybe experiment with a new reaction and a new way of dealing with situations like this. This exercise itself will help You to become a better You.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."

Excellent, well yeah it's almost 2015 and I want a fresh start with myself and the way I react to things, I do care but all I am doing with this post is to gain some understanding and to not dwell on her or these situations anymore, it's not healthy, I am aware of this, ZTIME how would you deal with her and the situation?

A coworker (her best Friend) actually said to a Friend of mine that I need to grow up as I am married, I am not totally sure what she meant, but she was right, I did wish that she told me that personally though.

As for this confusing girl, I should note that she is 21, still lives at home with her folks and in all of the 3 and a bit years I have known her, she has never had a relationship and often stays out till 4:30 am in the weekends and goes home with dudes that never have anything to do with her afterwards.

Do I need interaction with someone like that? No
Do I need to keep it professional at work with her? Yes

Thanks so much for your inspiring replies, you are making me think a lot, in a good and positive way.
Lastly, I don't think we would have all of this drama and confusion, if I wasn't married, I have done pretty well with the Ladies in the past (I'm married) and I know how to escalate etc but 2 major blocks that have stopped anything happening with her and perhaps why I have acted like I have, have been my marriage and the fact that we are coworkers.

I won't lie, I was attracted to her and there has been chemistry there, but it serves no purpose.

 

[ZTIME]

Excellent, well yeah it's almost 2015 and I want a fresh start with myself and the way I react to things, I do care but all I am doing with this post is to gain some understanding and to not dwell on her or these situations anymore, it's not healthy, I am aware of this, ZTIME how would you deal with her and the situation. Dealing with her is your choice. You can either choose to interact with her in a healthy way with no expectations, or you can choose to ignore her (could be hard being that you work with her). Either way, It's a simple answer. Being mad changes nothing. If you want change, make change.

A coworker (her best Friend) actually said to a Friend of mine that I need to grow up as I am married, I am not totally sure what she meant, but she was right, I did wish that she told me that personally though. Aahh, growing up is a good point. Being grown up would mean that you could care less about what her best friend said to your friend. Again....Your reaction to the situation is your choice.

As for this confusing girl, I should note that she is 21, still lives at home with her folks and in all of the 3 and a bit years I have known her, she has never had a relationship and often stays out till 4:30 am in the weekends and goes home with dudes that never have anything to do with her afterwards. You just described every 21 yr. old party girl on the planet. And I'm sure there are countless other guys who she starts drama with. Welcome to their club. Membership dues are due Jan of 2015. But you pay the dues every time you allow yourself to be affected by the drama. Serious question. (Don't get offended). Is she prettier then your wife, or do you feel better connected to her then your wife? Seems like there's a little more to the story. Unless you're always this emotionally connected to drama.

Do I need interaction with someone like that? No
Do I need to keep it professional at work with her? Yes

Thanks so much for your inspiring replies, you are making me think a lot, in a good and positive way.

That's all I've got this evening.

 

[yeahbuddy14]

^haha so true, no she isn't prettier than my wife, but I do feel that we have more in common than my wife and I do.

I thanked my Friend for telling me, but I didn't appreciate the backstabbing, however, I did think that maybe I must be important or something, I think she knew that he would tell me what she said.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Just wipe this attention seeking drama queen and have no contact with her outside of work.
At work be a consummate professional. Say good morning to her and be pleasant but no need to be overly friendly.
She's obviously been talking smack about you to other dudes at the office, so solve the problem by not engaging her.
Even if she gets angry or asks why you're being so cold, just tell get you've been really busy and make an excuse to end the conversation.
Above all, DO NOT commit anything to writing that could be used against you. And keep all her correspondence with you.
She sounds like a conniving cuunt and you should extricate yourself delicately but forcefully from her evil web.

 

[yeahbuddy14]

Just wipe this attention seeking drama queen and have no contact with her outside of work.
At work be a consummate professional. Say good morning to her and be pleasant but no need to be overly friendly.
She's obviously been talking smack about you to other dudes at the office, so solve the problem by not engaging her.
Even if she gets angry or asks why you're being so cold, just tell get you've been really busy and make an excuse to end the conversation.
Above all, DO NOT commit anything to writing that could be used against you. And keep all her correspondence with you.
She sounds like a conniving cuunt and you should extricate yourself delicately but forcefully from her evil web.

Thanks GP, yeah and I don't understand why, we used to be really good Friends and I know she gossips about me as it gets back to me (Gay guys always love to spread the gossip back lol), it says everything about her though, do you think all of this drama is because she was into me and I didn't do or act the way she wanted me to?

I have known her for over 3 years and have never known or seen this side to her.

Exactly...acknowledge her but don't engage her

 

[Greasy Pig]

It doesn't matter what her motivation is, all you need to worry about is taking care of yourself and your own shyt.
Women and fags love to create drama and talk shyt about people to entertain their crazy minds. Steer well clear.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I agree with what everyone else said.

Regarding this:
Fast forward to our work Christmas party and a guy we both know (one of the losers that went through her phone) came up to me and asked me if I was into her and that I am not to contact her anymore and that the Friendship is over etc, he got quite agitated too but I don't think it was any of his damn business and no one asked that nosey douche to go through this girls private messages.

That sounds like you getting bullied. I hope you told that guy to go fvck himself.

 

[yeahbuddy14]

I agree with what everyone else said.

Regarding this:
Fast forward to our work Christmas party and a guy we both know (one of the losers that went through her phone) came up to me and asked me if I was into her and that I am not to contact her anymore and that the Friendship is over etc, he got quite agitated too but I don't think it was any of his damn business and no one asked that nosey douche to go through this girls private messages.

That sounds like you getting bullied. I hope you told that guy to go fvck himself.

No, but I gave him the filthiest look when I left the party, I am going to get him in big **** with his Girlfriend when I leave my job in a couple of months, he is a sleazy douche and seems to want to keep his nose in everyone's business.

 

[yeahbuddy14]

Just wipe this attention seeking drama queen and have no contact with her outside of work.
At work be a consummate professional. Say good morning to her and be pleasant but no need to be overly friendly.
She's obviously been talking smack about you to other dudes at the office, so solve the problem by not engaging her.
Even if she gets angry or asks why you're being so cold, just tell get you've been really busy and make an excuse to end the conversation.
Above all, DO NOT commit anything to writing that could be used against you. And keep all her correspondence with you.
She sounds like a conniving cuunt and you should extricate yourself delicately but forcefully from her evil web.

I just cannot find it in me to even muster up a hello, she pisses me off and to be honest I hate her, I don't have anything to say to her or have any time for her.

I haven't spoken to her or even looked at her since we returned to work, I avoid her as much as I can and I am noticing that her Friends are acting very cold towards me, they really should grow some balls and tell me what the issue is, one girl has been a total ***** to me for a while, but she isn't well liked in the team and is a backstabbing, two faced **** and I don't pay her any attention really, so obviously she is talking smack about me to them.

I'm looking hard for a new job, I can't be around these toxic people anymore, it's really hard to hold my tongue because I just want to rip into them, what ****s me off the most is that they are only getting her side of the story and making judgments, what is wrong with these people?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Sorry to kick you when you're down, but this is why you don't mess with women who are your coworkers. You also made the mistake of thinking a woman was your friend.

Those are the two important lessons to take from this - don't sh!t where you eat, and men and women can't be friends.

I hope everything works out for you.

 

[yeahbuddy14]

Sorry to kick you when you're down, but this is why you don't mess with women who are your coworkers. You also made the mistake of thinking a woman was your friend.

Those are the two important lessons to take from this - don't sh!t where you eat, and men and women can't be friends.

I hope everything works out for you.

Thanks for your honesty, yes you are dead right, the thing that puzzles me the most is why she is acting this way and if I didn't bother her or she has moved on why react this way? :crazy:

I see it that she wants attention from me as I am not talking to her, she has go to extremes, it's a bit uncomfortable in the office at times, but these girls will get over it and have a new drama to obsess over :crackup:

 

[yeahbuddy14]

What do I do now?, I haven't had any contact with her in almost a month, yet she comes down to my office every day and always looks at me and the other day she came over to my desk with a co-worker and looked down at the floor when my coworker spoke to me, I don't get it, obviously she knows that I am not talking to her and I don't want anything to do with her so why would she come over with the coworker?

I keep hearing things that she has been talking about me with other people as well.

I am doing my best to find new work, I don't need this **** in my life.

 

[Greasy Pig]

She's just testing the waters, seeing if you'll engage her.

I strongly advocate the "Cheerful Charlie" routine. I've been in this situation and by acting like I couldn't give a fvck, it not only messed with her head to the point that she was begging me to fvck her about six months later, it also put doubts in our co-workers' minds.
I don't think she was bad mouthing me but people who'd heard of the fvcked up shyt she'd done were either thinking I was the coolest mutha fvcka on Earth or that maybe what they'd heard wasn't true.
I think you lose that air of mystery by showing the understated hostility here.

 

[yeahbuddy14]

She's just testing the waters, seeing if you'll engage her.

I strongly advocate the "Cheerful Charlie" routine. I've been in this situation and by acting like I couldn't give a fvck, it not only messed with her head to the point that she was begging me to fvck her about six months later, it also put doubts in our co-workers' minds.
I don't think she was bad mouthing me but people who'd heard of the fvcked up shyt she'd done were either thinking I was the coolest mutha fvcka on Earth or that maybe what they'd heard wasn't true.
I think you lose that air of mystery by showing the understated hostility here.

Thought as much, thanks for this GP, tell me more about the "Cheerful Charlie" routine please.

 

[Atom Smasher]

On a side note; I do believe posting here requires an age on your profile.

Your check is in the mail.