What went wrong ??

[gb1112]

I am 50 and she is 36. More than 100 days have passed since my last text message to her. During that conversation she was telling me about a small issue that she was facing at her shop and I responded by saying that I wish I had more time to be able to assist her. At this point, the otherwise normal communication, just sparked off and she suddenly got angry and told me that I have never helped her during her tough times (I really don't know what tough times she is referring to) and it escalated to more insulting remarks from her. At this point I told her that if that's how she feels then maybe we should consider seperation. She immediately retorted back saying that my presence or absence from her life made no difference to her. Whenever she is angry she will pass insulting remarks which she will later acknowledge was wrong but never apologize. Also she never will attempt to reconcile after a fight. I have been a Beta in many ways that I dealt with her. I let her know that I loved her a lot and cared for her a lot. I stopped spinning plates when I saw that she truly loved me and I felt that I too should be true to her. I never did this before for any woman. We've been together for 4 years now and we've had our fair share of fights, but it's always been me who has initiated to make up after a fight.

But in other areas of my life I'd like to think that I have not acted as a Beta. I have always focussed on my purpose in life (I am well off than 95% of males in my career). I have mostly refused to bear any unwanted expenses for her or her shop. I take care of my physique. I have the strength and stamina of a 25 year old man. I think I am above average handsome from the response that I continue to get from women of my age and even much younger. Our sex life has been excellent. She always makes it a point to dress well for me, cook food for me, give me massage, buy me gifts regularly and none of this had changed till the day of the last text message. She is always eager to be with me and she will drop all her plans to be with me.

Some of her friends have managed to get good and regular financial support from their boyfriends. Although she has never asked me directly, but when she talks about the way her friend's boyfriends have helped them, I feel that she is hinting that I too should help her. She has a daughter and her income from her shop is good enough to take care of both of them. I am financially well off but I am not ready to trade money as a condition for love. Although, If she ever has any real need, I will not hesitate to help her.

I also know that if I go back to her and make up with her, our relationship will restart with the same fire and excitement as before but somehow I don't want to initiate to make up with her. I truly miss her but my ego does not permit me to once again reconcile for a mistake that never was mine. Am I CORRECT or am I WRONG ???

Note: It's during this period that I came across the book "The Rational Male" and heard about SoSuave forum. I wish I had known before.

 

[darksprezzatura]

I stopped reading after you mentioned she insulted you.

This is cue for block delete #next.

Find more women, and pull some mature man game on them, whatever that it.

Keep it spinning playah.

 

[gb1112]

I stopped reading after you mentioned she insulted you.

This is cue for block delete #next.

Find more women, and pull some mature man game on them, whatever that it.

Keep it spinning playah.

Sure, I have no plans on going back to her nor allowing her to come back. Thanks bro.

 

[Serenity]

The positives of a relationship can never excuse the negatives, especially if she has a choice. She could have behaved better, but chose not to. She could have at least apologized, but she chose not to.

You made the right call.

 

[gb1112]

You miss the emotions that came with her. Feelings.
Keep reading and learning their nature and when they do this stuff it won't even phase you and you will almost expect it.
Seems like you got a little oneitis.
Rule Zero gang just did a show about breakups. Was good. They touch on some really good views on staying un attached.

Yes, I thought I would never fall for one. But got Oneitis with her. I am glad my eyes are open now.

 

[PRW63]

First,...I'm not telling you to get back together with her,...nor am I telling you not to.

Second,...I'm not saying her response was good, bad, or indifferent....

I am just analyzing what I see. I am connecting the dots as Rollo likes to say.

I responded by saying that I wish I had more time to be able to assist her. At this point, the otherwise normal communication, just sparked off and she suddenly got angry and told me that I have never helped her during her tough times (I really don't know what tough times she is referring to) and it escalated to more insulting remarks from her.

This up here ^^^^^

Came from this down here.

I have mostly refused to bear any unwanted expenses for her or her shop.
.............and..........
I am financially well off but I am not ready to trade money as a condition for love.

So to her you probably come across as a cold selfish d**k. Is that one of the insults she threw at you?

Note: It's during this period that I came across the book "The Rational Male" and heard about SoSuave forum. I wish I had known before.

Then keep reading, because your comment here, "I am financially well off but I am not ready to trade money as a condition for love." show that you really don't get it and have an over simplistic and almost "mathematical" view of things that will get you nowhere.

-----------------
Iron Rule of Tomassi #6
Women are utterly incapable of loving a man in the way that a man expects to be loved.
-----------------

Rollo always says the Men fall in love idealistically, while woman fall in love opportunistically. I usually say "pragmatically" and I think it is more accuarate,...but it is the same general idea. Factor this in with the two sides of Hypergamy,...the Alpha Seed, and the Beta Need. One side she is looking for the Genetics to make "good babies", while the other side provides the provisioning and security. Ideally women want both in the same guy, but it is nearly impossible to find today. Well at 50yo (and her at 36yo) you ain't making sexy babies on the genetic side, and on the provisioning side you are acting like a "cold selfish d**k",...so where does that leave you? You fail on both sides of women's natural Hypergamy,...so the woman pragmatically has no opportunity to fall in love with you,...you don't serve any purpose for her at all,...you are just taking up space in her life.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I am 50 and she is 36. More than 100 days have passed since my last text message to her. During that conversation she was telling me about a small issue that she was facing at her shop and I responded by saying that I wish I had more time to be able to assist her. At this point, the otherwise normal communication, just sparked off and she suddenly got angry and told me that I have never helped her during her tough times (I really don't know what tough times she is referring to) and it escalated to more insulting remarks from her. At this point I told her that if that's how she feels then maybe we should consider seperation. She immediately retorted back saying that my presence or absence from her life made no difference to her. Whenever she is angry she will pass insulting remarks which she will later acknowledge was wrong but never apologize. Also she never will attempt to reconcile after a fight. I have been a Beta in many ways that I dealt with her. I let her know that I loved her a lot and cared for her a lot. I stopped spinning plates when I saw that she truly loved me and I felt that I too should be true to her. I never did this before for any woman. We've been together for 4 years now and we've had our fair share of fights, but it's always been me who has initiated to make up after a fight.

But in other areas of my life I'd like to think that I have not acted as a Beta. I have always focussed on my purpose in life (I am well off than 95% of males in my career). I have mostly refused to bear any unwanted expenses for her or her shop. I take care of my physique. I have the strength and stamina of a 25 year old man. I think I am above average handsome from the response that I continue to get from women of my age and even much younger. Our sex life has been excellent. She always makes it a point to dress well for me, cook food for me, give me massage, buy me gifts regularly and none of this had changed till the day of the last text message. She is always eager to be with me and she will drop all her plans to be with me.

Some of her friends have managed to get good and regular financial support from their boyfriends. Although she has never asked me directly, but when she talks about the way her friend's boyfriends have helped them, I feel that she is hinting that I too should help her. She has a daughter and her income from her shop is good enough to take care of both of them. I am financially well off but I am not ready to trade money as a condition for love. Although, If she ever has any real need, I will not hesitate to help her.

I also know that if I go back to her and make up with her, our relationship will restart with the same fire and excitement as before but somehow I don't want to initiate to make up with her. I truly miss her but my ego does not permit me to once again reconcile for a mistake that never was mine. Am I CORRECT or am I WRONG ???

Note: It's during this period that I came across the book "The Rational Male" and heard about SoSuave forum. I wish I had known before.

One word: Entitled

Another two words: Move on

Modern Man Advice

 

[handle]

An alternate take: it wasn’t so much a problem to her that you weren’t going to help her out, but your responses (saying you wished you had more time to help, etc) came across as flippant or dismissive in her view. Imagine a friend calls you up to tell you he’s going through a difficulty at work. You don’t say “well I can’t help with that.” You let him hash it out, within reason.

Do I know for sure? No, I’m just lobbing another idea your way. I have friends who are doormats in their relationships, but I also have friends who are comically ‘on guard’ in their relationships to the point of neuroticism. There is a balance.

As for whether you are correct or incorrect: it’s your life, live by your boundaries and desires.

 

[SW15]

She's a single mom. I can't imagine being a 50 year old man and dealing with some child of some other man.

36 is young enough to be childless. Plenty of 36 year old childless women. A 36 year old today was born in 1985, making that person a Millennial. Childlessness is common in Millennials, whereas it was less common in Gen X for a woman to reach 35-40 and be childless.

Next.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Next time, you next her ass while your still with her, you need to continue approaching and speaking to women regardless if your attached, a comfortable woman is an unhappy man, you need to keep her uncomfortable so she isn't testing you with nonsense like insults

 

[gb1112]

So to her you probably come across as a cold selfish d**k. Is that one of the insults she threw at you?

That's exactly what she meant. She told me that I was weighing the Pros and Cons in the relationship. Fact is I don't but I don't want to spend my money on expenses that she can herself bear. On the other hand whenever we travel (inland and overseas) or go out for dinners or go shopping, I never let her spend a dime. But I refuse to pay any money for her shop's electricity bills or pay the shop rent or some other nonsense. Maybe she expects me to do that since a lot of her friend's sugar daddy's do that constantly.

Maybe I am a d**k, or maybe she expects me to support her more than I think is reasonable.

 

[gb1112]

An alternate take: it wasn’t so much a problem to her that you weren’t going to help her out, but your responses (saying you wished you had more time to help, etc) came across as flippant or dismissive in her view.

Sure, that's a possibility. I have always been blamed for called a spade a bloody shovel. I think I need to refine my communication skills. Thanks buddy.

 

[PRW63]

That's exactly what she meant. She told me that I was weighing the Pros and Cons in the relationship. Fact is I don't but I don't want to spend my money on expenses that she can herself bear. On the other hand whenever we travel (inland and overseas) or go out for dinners or go shopping, I never let her spend a dime. But I refuse to pay any money for her shop's electricity bills or pay the shop rent or some other nonsense. Maybe she expects me to do that since a lot of her friend's sugar daddy's do that constantly.

Maybe I am a d**k, or maybe she expects me to support her more than I think is reasonable.

I understand your position and I agree with what you are saying. I can analyse the crap out of the situation but coming up with a solution is a tough thing. There is a balance to it, but sometimes there is just no way to win. If you were married it wouldn't be her shop,... it would be "our" shop, and logically you both would pool resources,...and she is probably thinking that way or wants to get to that point. It could be a "Mexican Standoff" where she wants to see you take on that responsibility first before she commits more,...while you may want to see more from her before you take on any more responsibility,...and you are both waiting for the other to "blink" first. This is one of the big problems merging lives with two adults that are already established with their own lives. With young people, they both come into it with nothing on either side, so they don't have the same issue.

 

[gb1112]

If you were married it wouldn't be her shop,... it would be "our" shop, and logically you both would pool resources,...and she is probably thinking that way or wants to get to that point. It could be a "Mexican Standoff" where she wants to see you take on that responsibility first before she commits more,...while you may want to see more from her before you take on any more responsibility,...and you are both waiting for the other to "blink" first

It's as if you can see right through the situation. I had on a few occasions indirectly offered to invest in her shop for a fair share of returns. But she never reacted. It was as if she just wanted me to finance her without making me a partner in the business. I didn't want to give her the funds and then risk being left high and dry. Maybe this separation is the final solution. Thanks for your replies. I really appreciate.

 

[sph21]

Then keep reading, because your comment here, "I am financially well off but I am not ready to trade money as a condition for love." show that you really don't get it and have an over simplistic and almost "mathematical" view of things that will get you nowhere.

I agree with PWR63.

OP, I believe you were too rational. I don't blame you for that. Most of us had been there.

Women are moved by emotios; not logic.

she was telling me about a small issue that she was facing at her shop and I responded by saying that I wish I had more time to be able to assist her. At this point, the otherwise normal communication, just sparked off and she suddenly got angry and told me that I have never helped her during her tough times

When a woman tells you her problem(s), most often, she just want you to really listen to her and feel what she's feeling. Don't try to solve her problems, unless she asks you to. Being present & listen.

During her tough times, you can ask something like, "Is there anything I can do to help you?". This shows her that you care and showed it with your feelings, not your money. If she says, "No, thanks. I'm good.", then you can follow up with, "are you sure?". If she really doesn't need your help, then respect her decision and don't force her to accept your help.

I wish I had more time to be able to assist her.

Replying with that sentence means that she is not worth of having your time. There is something/ someone else who is more whorty of your time. That was why she got angry.

Our basic human instinct is that we want something which we don't have but not impossible to get.

If you're physically and emotionally unavailable & unreachable for her, then she loses all motivation to get you. To solve this issue, sometimes you just have to sacrifice your work and time (but not your dignity) and let her "win" you.

Text messages often times can be perceived as total opposites of what you were trying to say. You can't send your tonality and face expressions with them. If it's so personal and important, always (video) call her or at least send her voice messages. I learnt it the hard way years ago that ended in a break up.

Your relationship with that woman is broken now. It's not worth your efforts to fix it. Move on and find someone new. It's easier to start a new than to fix a broken one.

Please forgive my grammar mistakes. English is not my first language.

 

[PRW63]

>>>>>>> I wish I had more time to be able to assist her.
Replying with that sentence means that she is not worth of having your time. There is something/ someone else who is more whorty of your time. That was why she got angry.

Interesting take on that. I didn't catch it that way, but I think you are right. That makes sense.

 

[Black Widow Void]

I truly miss her but my ego does not permit me to once again reconcile for a mistake that never was mine.

Welcome aboard.

It's a tough place to be and yeah.... in my life, I've had a woman or two living in my head and they didn't deserve to be there.

You don't sound like someone that is dependent on ego. Instead, you sound like someone that still has their pride.
By now, you probably know how it goes. There will be a honeymoon/make up phase and once it's gone, you'll be thinking... "why in the **** did I do this all over to begin with?" I've been there.

 

[gb1112]

When a woman tells you her problem(s), most often, she just want you to really listen to her and feel what she's feeling. Don't try to solve her problems, unless she asks you to. Being present & listen.

yes, that's what I should have done. I always knew that I shouldn't speak or reply when women complain or speak about their tough times. But I faulted at this moment. Anyhow, as you said, this has ended. Thanks buddy.

 

[gb1112]

You don't sound like someone that is dependent on ego. Instead, you sound like someone that still has their pride.

Sure I'd like to think that I don't have too much ego. But it hurts my pride to think that everytime we fight I have to make up irrespective of whether it's my fault or not. Why does it always have to be me to make up ? This time I decided it was the end of trying to reconcile. If the love between us is equal, then she too should take the initiative to reconcile, especially when she knows that it is her mistake. And I know very well in my heart, that I have taken the best care of her till date. I deserve better.

 

[PRW63]

Good luck! to blindly follow this one man's "internet forum philosophy" is so short sight to say the least.

Rollo Tomassi

www.sosuave.net

Then you are in the wrong place dude. Tomassi was one of the founding moderators here,...one of those who put this place on the map. The term and concept of Red Pill was born here. This is where it came from, where it originated from. You are standing on the birthplace of Red Pill and criticizing the man who some call "The Godfather or the Red Pill". If you are going to bad mouth that then maybe you shouldn't be here.

As far as an "internet forum philosophy",....you are on the internet,....you are on a forum,....and you are projecting your philosophy,...so by that logic we shouldn't listen to you either.