What Went Wrong With This chick?

[2cirius]

A couple of years ago I had this relationship with a married woman. I was about 28 and she was 40. She was VERY attractive (nice bod, very cute, all that), but I am interested in seeing what you guys think about what happened here. I'm not pining over this woman or anything and when we broke up, it just pissed me off that SHE was the one who ended it. In other words, I didn't care about her too much, I was just upset that my DJ skills were wrong somehow. Her marriage was on the rocks and I found out after we ended our relationship that she got divorced and moved out.

Anyway, we used to go hiking a lot. We had incredibly fantastic sex - I mean it was like firework shooting, hot, sweaty porn sex. We'd be in bed for hours. We made out in public all the time, it was hot. I've never seen a woman's panties so wet! Not bragging but I mean we were VERY physically compatible.

So to keep this relationship going, I tried to pull some strategies. I didn't know about this website back then, in fact I was just trying to pull some strategy that I knew intuitively should work. I tried to not show too much interest in her, and we worked at the same place, so we saw each other everyday anyway. I wasn't too keen on having everyone at work know we were dating, since everyone knew she was married, but I would pull some kino on her when we were alone. Shoulder massages, rubs on her thigh, a quick kiss on her neck. But other times I would seem aloof to her. I thought this might keep her guessing and off-balance.

I was kind of in charge of some of the things she was doing at work and one time I went in and mildly called her out on some things she was doing wrong with her work. She got all angry and told me to get the hell out of there before I really pissed her off. I didn't want to cause a scene in front of others, so I quietly left. But a couple of hours later, I pulled her aside in private, looked her straight in the eyes and told her "Don't you EVER talk to me that way again. You save that kind of talk for all the other *******s out there, but you DO NOT talk to me that way." She stormed off but later apologized.

She was kind of a competitive person, and I think that she was always trying to prove to me what good shape she was in by "out-hiking" me. She was 12 years older than me and I think it bothered her. She was always really pushing it and giving herself a super workout when we went, and I began to get tired of this. I didn't want to exercise when we went hiking I just wanted to enjoy the walk and the scenery. So one time when we went, I told her this. I said: "I DO NOT want this to be some sort of competition. Let's just enjoy ourselves." So we are hiking for awhile and all of a sudden she starts pulling ahead of me. I'm thinking "you *****, I'm not going to chase you when I just TOLD you I didn't want to do this." I stay behind and sooner or later she's just gone. She got so far ahead of me I can't see her anymore.

Anyway, I started to get really pissed 'cause there are paths off the trail and all kinds of ways she could have taken and we could have easily gotten lost from each other, so I walk back down to the beginning of the trail and wait for her. When she finally gets back I give her a big chewing out and tell her "I TOLD you I didn't want to do this, blah, blah, blah." She never says a word and I give her the silent treatment all on the drive back into town.

Well, that was pretty much the end of our relationship. She gives me the cold shoulder at work for the next week or so, and one day I pull her aside and say "what's up?" She tells me I am too HOT and COLD and that she has men begging for her phone number all the time and I tell her "well, then you should go out with THOSE guys and I'll tell you what, if you think I'm hot and cold, how 'bout I just go with COLD." And these were pretty much the last words I ever said to her. LOL

The way I look at it, she broke it off, because the way she was talking to me at that last conversation, she was already done with me.

Just curious what you guys think about this. I thought I did everything right. But maybe not.


~~~~~~2cirius~~~~~~~~~~

 

[joekerr31]

you didn't do everything right, that's for sure. but all in all you did the right thing.

first, you failed to recognize what kind of woman you were dealing with. fact is, it's a man's world. sure, its tough on men but we don't have to shave our legs, wear lipstick, get our hair done, watch as we grow older become basically valueless to the opposite sex, etc.

because of this reality there are women (such as the one you describe) who "rage against male dominated society". they basically are out to prove, at every opportunity they can, that they are just as good, or better, than men. and this is how they interact with men as well. its a need their ego has.

stay the f*ck away from these women - they will eventually try to shred your sense of self worth to shreds.

now as for how you handled the situation. you failed in the sense that you let her see that she got under your skin. i've been in the situation you've described and i've reacted just as you did. now that im older though i've learned better.

you did the right thing walking back to the beginning of the trail. you even did the right thing with the silent treatment.

you however did the wrong thing getting as upset as you did.

the best thing you could have said to her was "that was about the most immature thing i've seen in a long time." THEN cut to the silent treatment.

at which point you should have just cut her out of your life until she apologized. no apology after a week, then she's out for good.

as for telling her to go be with other guys. and that you were going COLD. once again, displaying too much emotion.

would have been easier to simply say "hey, it was fun while it lasted." and THATS IT.

the mistake you made in all this is that you didn't make it clear that YOU were the prize. by reacting emotionally to her behavior you let her know that you actually see her as the prize and that is why you were getting so upset.

the best analogy to think of should this kind of thing happen to you again is how would you react if a child were behaving the way a woman was?

so if you were hiking with a child and told them to stay near you and they just took off? would you let the child know you were emotionally upset with them?
no. you'd tell them that their behavior was innapropriate and that because of that you wouldn't go hiking with them anymore.

just like children, the only weapon women have is their ability to evoke an emotional reaction out of you. and just like children, when they see that nothing they do will cause you to lose control of your emotions - and instead their antics will basically just get them in trouble and lower your interest in them - they become submissive almost immediately.

and just like some children, no matter what you do there are always going to be brats - these type of women you want to just walk away from. they are wrapped up in their emotional trantrums and use sex to get a guy to take their crap.

anyway, you had your fun with this woman, now its over. unless you are up for a relationship built on continual arguing and attempts to gain dominance, this one has run its course.

 

[insidious]

I really don't think a married woman is the proper context against which to guage your DJ skills. There are way too many other factors at play here that have nothing to do with your abilities. It's like trying to judge your pitching skills by blowing balls past some 11-yr-old Little Leaguer.