What to say when you get explicitly friendzoned?

[Findog]

Met a girl off OKCupid recently. Had a good time on the first meetup. Today she invites me out to this Fraternal Lodge that has an outdoor pool with a bar. We're sitting there and she says to me "You're okay with us just being friends, right? I just have a lot going on right now, I gotta figure some stuff out."

Of course if Clooney or Pitt comes along, all of the sudden she has nothing going on and nothing to "figure out." And she's not looking for a boyfriend even though she's active on dating sites. /dismissive wanking motion

Obviously I have no interest in being her beta orbiter and will pursue other plates and stop contacting her, but usually when they're not interested they just blow you off when you follow up after a date or they'll say something like "I enjoyed meeting you but I don't think we're a good fit. I wish you well."

Still, in the moment I was a bit taken aback by how brazen she was in just explicitly friendzoning me. I didn't want to say anything that came across as butthurt, so I said something like "Yeah, sure, no problem," even though in my mind I'm thinking "Okay, so you don't want to do anything romantic or sexual with me even though we met on a dating site, but you do want me to stick around and give you emotional support without fulfilling any of my needs."

What should I have said? What do you say when a girl just straight out friendzones you like this? Most of the time women are covert communicators and you have to read between the lines.

 

[switch]

any man who uses online dating is a faggot in my eyes.same for speed dating.

social circle is the way

 

[BeDJ]

How far did you get with this woman? I had a first date make out, only to friend-zoned 30 minutes after the date.

The only play is to walk away. I used to be driven crazy how and why women lose interest so fast. Once I shifted from pursuing to the one being pursued, everything was easy. Sure, I may miss a few opportunities, but my peace of mind is much more important.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Findog,
"What to say when you get explicitly friendzoned?"...In two words Adios Amigo.

 

[VladPatton]

Should of said: "Yeaaaaah, suuuuure, whatever....oh hey I gotta go!" Just make it comically blatant you are immediately uninterested. Yawn and look at your watch even lol.

The deleting of the number in front of her as mentioned by Mauser96 is fücking brilliant!

 

[Dominance]

I've always said to them "no.. I won't just be friends with you" and not talked to them. Some you don't see again, but i've had several i've ended up sleeping with after that.

 

[switch]

Burroughs, is that you?

LMAOOOOOO :crackup:

 

[Greasy Pig]

From bitter experience, a woman who says she's "got a lot if stuff going on right now", or any variation of that theme, is most definitely fvcking someone she likes more than you.
Good report, Findog. Now go ghost on that bytch.

 

[Kailex]

I would immediately do what another posted said... Ask if she has any cute friends she wouldn't mind matching you up with. Women LOVE to play matchmaker so if she says yes... then she's probably genuinely placing you into a friendzone... if she says no or her reaction isn't favorable... she's granting you orbiter status.

Funny thing is... I've actually gone more lays lately from "friends" than I have from non-friends. It's quite the weird trend in the last year, I'd say.

God forbid, I call it "going out" or a "date"... we are just "hanging out" as "friends" with my cinnamon stick deep inside her cake. I don't care what they call it as long as I get what I want.

It just seems to relieve the pressure for a lot of women if they call you "friends"... Now, I just try to gauge how the "hang out" goes and if there is no physicality involved, then I ditch her.

 

[PlayHer Man]

Met a girl off OKCupid recently. Had a good time on the first meetup. Today she invites me out to this Fraternal Lodge that has an outdoor pool with a bar. We're sitting there and she says to me "You're okay with us just being friends, right? I just have a lot going on right now, I gotta figure some stuff out."

Of course if Clooney or Pitt comes along, all of the sudden she has nothing going on and nothing to "figure out." And she's not looking for a boyfriend even though she's active on dating sites. /dismissive wanking motion

Obviously I have no interest in being her beta orbiter and will pursue other plates and stop contacting her, but usually when they're not interested they just blow you off when you follow up after a date or they'll say something like "I enjoyed meeting you but I don't think we're a good fit. I wish you well."

Still, in the moment I was a bit taken aback by how brazen she was in just explicitly friendzoning me. I didn't want to say anything that came across as butthurt, so I said something like "Yeah, sure, no problem," even though in my mind I'm thinking "Okay, so you don't want to do anything romantic or sexual with me even though we met on a dating site, but you do want me to stick around and give you emotional support without fulfilling any of my needs."

What should I have said? What do you say when a girl just straight out friendzones you like this? Most of the time women are covert communicators and you have to read between the lines.

It doesn't matter what you say because you're never gonna f*ck her anyway.

I rarely get friendzoned, but when it does happen I'm usually honest and say: "I have no interest in being friends".

If she can be "brazen" about her lack of sexual interest.. you can be brazen about your lack of emotional interest. :yes:

Most of them will get p!ssed when you say you're not willing to be a beta faggot orbiter. But why are you afraid of p!ssing off a girl who doesn't want to f*ck you anyway?

 

[Slickster]

I was speaking about this with a friend just yesterday.

My relationships with women improved immensely when I began to refuse any bullish!t like this.

If a chick was trying to friendzone me or giving me mixed messages I was very direct and called them on it right away.

If it were me and she said "I hope you're ok with just being friends?" I would just say "No I'm not actually. I won't waste my time."

Now after saying that I would just leave it hanging like that and usually get a favourable response. If not I would politely leave. Not butthurt or rejected but a happy confident man who knows what he wants and unwilling to accept any less.

 

[Findog]

I was speaking about this with a friend just yesterday.

My relationships with women improved immensely when I began to refuse any bullish!t like this.

If a chick was trying to friendzone me or giving me mixed messages I was very direct and called them on it right away.

If it were me and she said "I hope you're ok with just being friends?" I would just say "No I'm not actually. I won't waste my time."

Now after saying that I would just leave it hanging like that and usually get a favourable response. If not I would politely leave. Not butthurt or rejected but a happy confident man who knows what he wants and unwilling to accept any less.

I think if I had to do it over again I would have said something like "I have plenty of friends. I don't use dating sites to meet friends. I use dating sites to find people to date. Take care." And then politely leave. It was just weird, because usually when you meet up with a girl from a dating site and they're not feeling it, they have no interest at all in seeing you again. They either blow you off or will say "It was nice meeting you, but I don't think we're a match." When she invited me out, I assumed her interest was greater than zero.

Most of them will get p!ssed when you say you're not willing to be a beta faggot orbiter. But why are you afraid of p!ssing off a girl who doesn't want to f*ck you anyway?

Not really worried about pissing her off, but I think a lot of guys in this situation, not necessarily those of us in the manosphere, their reaction might be to get butthurt and try to argue with her about this. And it seems like the advice that is usually given out is to avoid this reaction at all costs. It ends up being win-win: you either walk away with your dignity and self-respect and don't waste any more time on a losing endeavor, or your indifference and willingness to walk away in rare cases gets their hamster going and they reassess their rejection of you.

 

[Colossus]

I think if I had to do it over again I would have said something like "I have plenty of friends. I don't use dating sites to meet friends. I use dating sites to find people to date. Take care." And then politely leave. It was just weird, because usually when you meet up with a girl from a dating site and they're not feeling it, they have no interest at all in seeing you again. They either blow you off or will say "It was nice meeting you, but I don't think we're a match." When she invited me out, I assumed her interest was greater than zero.

Yeah I think you have it figured out. That was pretty brazen of her and I cant personally recall being FZ'ed like that in a long, long time. I'd be caught off guard as well.

Best thing you can do is give her a polite "no" and end the date. I mean at that point it's game over. She may or may not come back, but that shouldn't be your concern.

 

[Lexington]

As Greasy Pig said, by "stuff going on" she probably means other dudes. But the fact that she agreed to meet you means that she's at least considering other options. In this particular context "let's just be friends" is almost certainly a sh*t test. Why else would she meet a guy off of an online dating website?

A lot of guys would take her words at face value and back off. But the best course of action here is to escalate. If anything, you should escalate more aggressively than usual. If she's really not interested your problem is solved. I'm guessing she would have been receptive to a make out and maybe even a first date lay if you blew off her sh*t test and escalated.

 

[MatureDJ]

This is easy - let *her* be the aggressor (you have to make sure that she has your phone number, which can be accomplished by calling her.) She has just told you that she is not looking for a relationship, which allows you a plausible excuse to blow her off, while still accepting her invitations to meet.

I had a chick tell me something like this once. She ended up calling me all the time, and we had a quick romance. (She ended up going too psycho for me, so I bailed.)

 

[PlayHer Man]

As Greasy Pig said, by "stuff going on" she probably means other dudes. But the fact that she agreed to meet you means that she's at least considering other options. In this particular context "let's just be friends" is almost certainly a sh*t test. Why else would she meet a guy off of an online dating website?

A lot of guys would take her words at face value and back off. But the best course of action here is to escalate. If anything, you should escalate more aggressively than usual. If she's really not interested your problem is solved. I'm guessing she would have been receptive to a make out and maybe even a first date lay if you blew off her sh*t test and escalated.

You make some good points about escalating anyway since you have nothing to lose. However, I would advise against investing too much energy or waiting too long.

Making a man confused and overly analytical is exactly what women seeking CONTROL do. A woman who wants nothing to do with you will flat out reject you. But a woman who wants to use your sexual interest in her to exploit you will play confusing mind games and try to keep you in the dark about exactly where you stand.

Word to the wise --> If a woman refuses to reveal to you EXACTLY where you stand with her.. she is playing you in some way. No exceptions.

Women are never "confused" about what they want sexually. They know they want Bradly Cooper.. so why are they confused about you? Men need to pull their heads out of there asses and stop falling for women's manipulations.

 

[Lexington]

You make some good points about escalating anyway since you have nothing to lose. However, I would advise against investing too much energy or waiting too long.

Making a man confused and overly analytical is exactly what women seeking CONTROL do. A woman who wants nothing to do with you will flat out reject you. But a woman who wants to use your sexual interest in her to exploit you will play confusing mind games and try to keep you in the dark about exactly where you stand.

Word to the wise --> If a woman refuses to reveal to you EXACTLY where you stand with her.. she is playing you in some way. No exceptions.

Women are never "confused" about what they want sexually. They know they want Bradly Cooper.. so why are they confused about you? Men need to pull their heads out of there asses and stop falling for women's manipulations.

I agree 100% about not investing too much time, energy or money on any girl. In this scenario, the guy was already out anyway and he had nothing to lose. Just go for the kiss close or make out. If she's receptive, great. If not, you'll know for sure that this one's a write-off and you can move on.

When it comes to potential romances, I don't believe in salvaging anything. You either succeed or you burn it to the ground. Make the ho say no. That way you're never in any doubt about where things stand.

 

[like2jam]

What if you said something like, sure, I'll be your 'friend' as long as it comes with 'benefits'. Gauge her reaction. Then I would probably high tail it outa there asap.

Not sure I'd try to get her to hook me up with her gfs. You're a DJ, you don't need some strange woman's help meeting HBs. You already have other options waiting for your attention... ( in theory )

 

[englishman]

Should of said: "Yeaaaaah, suuuuure, whatever....oh hey I gotta go!" Just make it comically blatant you are immediately uninterested. Yawn and look at your watch even lol.

The deleting of the number in front of her as mentioned by Mauser96 is fücking brilliant!

I love it! yawn, look at watch, delete her number in front of here and walk! :cheer:

 

[Findog]

What if you said something like, sure, I'll be your 'friend' as long as it comes with 'benefits'. Gauge her reaction. Then I would probably high tail it outa there asap.)

Or maybe "Hey, I'd never date you, you're not girlfriend material, but we should still meet up to have sex." Pretty much the guy equivalent of what she said.