What to make of this one?

[Eljayem]

Hi all,

So I’m back in the dating game, met this woman and over the few days texting back and forth constantly. Called her on the first evening and had a nice chat on phone. Followed each other on socials etc.

Next day messaging constantly again back and forth. Went to call her that evening and I get

“Sorry just dealing with the broker and chatting to my Dad (Issues with the place she wants to purchase) I send her this:
Don’t stress, hopefully all is ok!
Call me whenever you are free

Next morning at 6am I get: Good morning! Sorry we didn’t get to chat yesterday. Things are still back and forth with my finance. It’s all stressing me out a bit. I’m hoping it’s done today. Hope you slept well. What time do you start today?

From then more back and forth texting and then eventually told her I’d call her after work and I get:
Yeah today has been crazy!
Definitely want to smash out a work out. Can’t wait to get to gym. If i don’t answer when you finish it will be because i’m still at gym but will call you when i’m finished

Called her and no answer…. Let it go for a day and then thought she’s wasting my time/being a f*ck around so unfollowed her on socials and sent this following back and forth:

Me: Hope you're alive and well

Her: I'm doing ok thanks hope you are too

Me: Take care of yourself

Her: Thanks you too. I noticed you unfollowed me based on me not calling you back i guess

Me: No hard feelings, theres busy and there's not interested. All the best x
(Mind you this is two nights in a row of bs, wasn’t being needy about it, just cutting through the bs)

Her: If that's what you think all good.
Nice chatting to you. All the best to you too

Me: What is it then?

Her: Sorry but i'm not taking the time to explain to someone who assumes the situation and goes ahead and unfollows me
(Wtf does that even mean, she spinning crap here because I pulled her up on her bs?)

Me: So explain..
(she blocked my number at this point ‍lol)

 

[pipeman84]

Man, you want to text, do it with ChatGPT
With women you have to interact in person, otherwise what's the point, really?
That's how you best read her interest level and build connection.

 

[Bingo-Player]

You're way too invested too early

I don't think this chick has done anything particularly bad she's just busy with life and you are low on the priority list its not that deep

She owes you nothing at this stage , and you've had a tantrum


And another thing there is absolutely zero benefit in having a woman on socials let alone one you want to date

It ruins the mystery and the attraction

Why did you even add her ?

 

[kavi]

You cant get upset cos a woman didnt call you back lols. It aint a job interview, women are gonna do that, often times as a test to weed out the insercure guys who get upset if a woman dont call when they said.

 

[Gamisch]

You make a decision and stand on that. If you delete her socials you say in the most bytchy ,passive aggressive way you are a needy little whiny mangina . You can't do that but yet act like everything is cool and text her how she's doing.

The most concerning to me is the fact you feel like you did nothing wrong. At leat have the capacity to see your own mistakes.

Before anything started between the two of you you've already showed your true colors. Ofcourse she'll pass on this bs.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Low interest and you never asked her out.

 

[Gamisch]

Low interest and you never asked her out.

This is why the general advice is to spin plates. In that case OP would text her , and soon as she goes cold he would shift his attention to the next plate.

@Eljayem , so you call her up. Good move. But what do you talk about then? About the wheather, her work and justin Bieber? She picks up and waits for you to set a date. Maybe she expected you to escalate on the phone already. Next time you called her again and she already knew it was gonna be about bs.

Dont text and call a woman to talk about nothing. Communicate with a purpose.

Patient is the game when dealing with them. You gotta have patient because that's shows you are busy with other shyte. Never ever ever delete her number/ socials if she can see that. If you simply would'nt had deleted her SM ,she had no idea you was butthurt and you would at least had another shot at the poosy. And yes, sometimes we all feel butthurt like that, but women only get to see our stoicism.



-skip SM ,straight to phone number
Set the dat ASAP. Talking too much will kill the momentum.
-communicate with purpose and a goal. She has a bff for chitchat.
-dont show emotions by acting feminine and acting butthurt
- never delete a woman's SM or nr if she can see it.

 

[Gamisch]

Best advice ever! (OP, I'm female).

Way too intense mate. Lower expectations, ask her out, make a plan.

I was exhausted just reading that. How hard you came on, to the point she felt she had to justify not promptly texting/calling back.

And then assuming the worst, that she wasn't interested or playing games.

Too much pressure, too many expectations; try and relax and enjoy the process.

The discrepancy between how men should talk to women and how we "naturally " talk to them is staggering. I have to admit I've made that same mistake way too often.

Men nowadays either grew up with a" yes man happy wife happy life " type of father or no father at all. Both are bad extremely bad examples. Seems like the baby boomers already were feminized beta men, and I geuss the benefited from social structure more than anything. Today these men would struggle just as much as us modern men . Those men really let us down. Not only financially, but also spiritually, economically, ritually, romantically ect. They should be ashamed their sons don't even know how to talk to a woman.

 

[Eljayem]

Alright I messed it up and definitely overstepped…. Best way forwards, I would like to get to know this woman more. Yes I am spinning plates

 

[Eljayem]

My suggestion? Leave it be for a couple of weeks, let the dust settle. Hopefully she will have unblocked you by then..

Reach back out with something fun and playful.

Own that you were a jerk, that you enjoyed chatting and make a plan to meet. If she accepts, great. If not, you move on for good, lesson learned.

You have nothing to lose imo, sometimes a little humanity and humility can work in your favor.

Good luck!

Edit: Some guys may think it's best to just let this go and learn for next time, it's actually what I first thought myself.

But then I thought "nothing ventured, nothing gained."

I've had things turn around for the positive when a man displayed a little humility, it can be quite endearing when it's sincere.

Appreciate the reply

No, I don’t think it’s worth just letting go and moving on etc etc, I pushed too hard and ultimately could miss out getting to know a really great woman, I’ll give it some time and see how it plays out

 

[jaymbrs]

You’re childish for unfollowing and STILL texting afterwards. Grow up.

 

[RazorRambo24]

I have to agree with @jaymbrs on this one. It was a childish move on your part.. But I'm also wondering if this chick was just a scammer/catfish.. Its weird to start talking about struggles with your finances with someone you just met.

If she's a legit person, basically you shot yourself in the foot as a crazy dude before anything can happen.

 

[Eljayem]

I have to agree with @jaymbrs on this one. It was a childish move on your part.. But I'm also wondering if this chick was just a scammer/catfish.. Its weird to start talking about struggles with your finances with someone you just met.

If she's a legit person, basically you shot yourself in the foot as a crazy dude before anything can happen.

Interesting point of view on the scammer/catfish scenario.

In regards to shooting myself in the foot, yes I think so. I guess I got frustrated with her constantly being available with texting but then disappearing when it came to phone calls…..

 

[jaymbrs]

Interesting point of view on the scammer/catfish scenario.

In regards to shooting myself in the foot, yes I think so. I guess I got frustrated with her constantly being available with texting but then disappearing when it came to phone calls…..

It’s too early to be getting frustrated. Need to hone in on those emotions.

 

[Eljayem]

It’s too early to be getting frustrated. Need to hone in on those emotions.

Spot on,
I guess past situations pop up in my head and play on me, e.g am I getting f*cked around, am I wasting my time, am I getting played etc etc

 

[jaymbrs]

Spot on,
I guess past situations pop up in my head and play on me, e.g am I getting f*cked around, am I wasting my time, am I getting played etc etc

I know that very well. But part of being a man is to not overthink which leads to overreacting. Keep yourself busy and don’t allow a woman to be the center of your attention.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Alright I messed it up and definitely overstepped…. Best way forwards, I would like to get to know this woman more. Yes I am spinning plates

If you are spinning plates then you wouldn't care about this woman or what happened. Your level of investment tells me you actually aren't.

 

[Eljayem]

If you are spinning plates then you wouldn't care about this woman or what happened. Your level of investment tells me you actually aren't.

This one had stood out, my interest has dropped on another.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This one had stood out, my interest has dropped on another.

Exactly my point. Find more women.

 

[Gamisch]

Interesting point of view on the scammer/catfish scenario.

In regards to shooting myself in the foot, yes I think so. I guess I got frustrated with her constantly being available with texting but then disappearing when it came to phone calls…..

I am sorry , but that last paragraph is more than enough reason for you to thoroughly reevaluate yourself and your vision on relationships , women ect.

WhatsApp is a great way for people to control the pace of a conversation. The phone forces one to keep the attention on the actual phonecall. It's more intimate than the app. You being needy for her validation while you haven't even met her is NOT a good sign, and something you'd wanna work on to improve future interactions.

Rea life example; I am chatting with a couple women. I would meet up with one last week but got the flu . I've asked her few days ago what's she doing this weekend. No response at first. Now , I could make a snarky comment ,or even a playfull comment about it. I could over analyze why she doesn't respond. But I rather just keep quiet, and wait it out. Et voila, a day later she responds. She ain't going nowhere. Now imagine if I would've blocked her...ain't no coming back from that move!

Remember fellows, when in doubt act like a man! . Really easy to remember. Better to be silent than to show your cards and lose. Better to be known as stoic than overly emotional. Act like a man at all times. I talk about how you text ,act , sit ,walk , talk ,laugh, dress ,eat ect. Train that shyte and improve it.