What to focus on in the coming year?

[The Duke]

What about volunteering for a cause you feel strongly about? Become involved in non profits that you are passionate about.

It will help you focus on something you can feel good about as well as meet people.

What's your social life like? How about your social skills?

Do you have hobbies?

 

[BergischerLöwe]

What about volunteering for a cause you feel strongly about? Become involved in non profits that you are passionate about.

It will help you focus on something you can feel good about as well as meet people.

What's your social life like? How about your social skills?

Do you have hobbies?

I’ve said before that my hobbies are playing and recording music, collecting instruments, weightlifting, reading, journal writing, learning languages, and riding my bicycle.

As for causes I could volunteer for, my local hindu temple is building a new temple and they’ll have a farm on that land. Once that temple is complete I can volunteer on their farm but the temple won’t be finished for another year and a half.

With my social life I really still only have one friend left that I hang out with regularly. We were roommates all thru college and he’s the guitarist in my band. Other than that I don’t really have any friends I do things with, just people I’m friendly with whom I know from the gym or the temple. At my age it’s really hard to make new friends, especially when you’re introverted like me. I didn’t peak in high school outright but as far as my social circle is concerned that’s when I had the most friends and was actually hanging out with people a lot. But that was a long time ago and over the years I’ve lost touch with all those friends. My social skills were probably better in high school and college but now after the pandemic I haven’t been able to socialize as much and they’ve most likely gotten worse.

 

[The Duke]

I’ve said before that my hobbies are playing and recording music, collecting instruments, weightlifting, reading, journal writing, learning languages, and riding my bicycle.

As for causes I could volunteer for, my local hindu temple is building a new temple and they’ll have a farm on that land. Once that temple is complete I can volunteer on their farm but the temple won’t be finished for another year and a half.

With my social life I really still only have one friend left that I hang out with regularly. We were roommates all thru college and he’s the guitarist in my band. Other than that I don’t really have any friends I do things with, just people I’m friendly with whom I know from the gym or the temple. At my age it’s really hard to make new friends, especially when you’re introverted like me. I didn’t peak in high school outright but as far as my social circle is concerned that’s when I had the most friends and was actually hanging out with people a lot. But that was a long time ago and over the years I’ve lost touch with all those friends. My social skills were probably better in high school and college but now after the pandemic I haven’t been able to socialize as much and they’ve most likely gotten worse.

So how about you push yourself to get around people in social settings? If you aren't comfortable talking to people, set goals to improve your situation. Set a goal to strike up a conversation with a stranger once a week. Start by talking with others you have things in common with. Get out of your comfort zone.
Take your musical interests to the next level.

Ya gotta have some fire in your belly and under your ass to get somewhere. You can't just go thru the motions in life and be a top guy.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

So how about you push yourself to get around people in social settings? If you aren't comfortable talking to people, set goals to improve your situation. Set a goal to strike up a conversation with a stranger once a week. Start by talking with others you have things in common with. Get out of your comfort zone.

Yeah that’s a good point. I go to the same coffee shop almost every day so I could talk to people there sometimes if I had a good opportunity to. It’s gotta happen organically tho. Can’t put too much pressure on myself

 

[The Duke]

It’s gotta happen organically tho. Can’t put too much pressure on myself

There you go again....another reason to not try very hard.

I'm out. Good luck.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

There you go again....another reason to not try very hard.

I'm out. Good luck.

I’m not saying not try, I’m saying if I force it too much it’s counterintuitive

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I’ve said before that my hobbies are playing and recording music, collecting instruments, weightlifting, reading, journal writing, learning languages, and riding my bicycle.

As for causes I could volunteer for, my local hindu temple is building a new temple and they’ll have a farm on that land. Once that temple is complete I can volunteer on their farm but the temple won’t be finished for another year and a half.

With my social life I really still only have one friend left that I hang out with regularly. We were roommates all thru college and he’s the guitarist in my band. Other than that I don’t really have any friends I do things with, just people I’m friendly with whom I know from the gym or the temple. At my age it’s really hard to make new friends, especially when you’re introverted like me. I didn’t peak in high school outright but as far as my social circle is concerned that’s when I had the most friends and was actually hanging out with people a lot. But that was a long time ago and over the years I’ve lost touch with all those friends. My social skills were probably better in high school and college but now after the pandemic I haven’t been able to socialize as much and they’ve most likely gotten worse.

I’m not saying not try, I’m saying if I force it too much it’s counterintuitive

Dude stop!

Stop being so god damned negative, multiple posters have told you that with every reply from comes a reason not to do something.

Stop being a child- even if it’s what you think keep it to yourself when speaking to those who seek to help you!

Your mission right now from this point forward is to find reasons to say yes instead of no to everything.

You’re frankly acting like a spoiled kid, always shopping for answers and always coming up the reasons not to do something outside your comfort zone. Your comfort zone has gotten you where you are, how’s that working for ya?

 

[MatureDJ]

I'm not really sure if I really qualify as "overweight" anymore. On one hand my weight always tends to remain around 100kg, but the majority of midsection fat that I have is nearly completely gone. I hardly have a gut anymore, granted there's still fat to lose but I'm in a much better place physique wise compared to how I looked at the beginning of the year. In the past six months I've mainly used an ebike to get around, but now my ebike is undergoing major repairs in the shop so for over a week now I've had to use an analog bike. The analog bike is proving even more effective at fat loss, so I may just continue just riding this bike most of the time instead of the ebike. Furthermore I just broke thru a plateau in my weightlifting training so now I'm gaining strength and muscle. The irony is, of course, that now I have the best physique in my life so far, and I'm arguably more attractive than I've ever been, but the amount of single women I could date that I'm meeting is zero. I've busted my ass in the gym and I'm in better physical shape than the overwhelming majority of people in America, but a huge paradox is there's just no women in my life that could even be remotely considered a dating prospect right now.

As for the job thing I understand the need for it, and I realize I'm doing myself a disservice by not having one, but on the other hand I feel like I shouldn't just get any job for having a job's sake. For a job I get to be sustainable, it needs to be one I can actually do and one that is fulfilling. Yes in theory I could apply to work at the grocery store next to my apartment complex, but what would that actually do for me besides just giving e a job for the sake of having one? It wouldn't do much for me except giving me the ability to say that I have a job, and the mundane nature of a job like that would mean that eventually I would lose motivation to work. I want a job that I would actually enjoy doing, but there's just such a barrier to the careers I would actually consider and enjoy doing. Everything I would be interested in requires levels of credentials and experience that I just don't have. In my case it's especially weird since I'm articulate and intelligent and everyone who knows me personally considers me such, but the lack of credentials and work experience I have means the only jobs where I'd even get hired are like minimum wage, retail type jobs. This of course is really bad since I come from a relatively wealthy background, went to a private school, went to college and all that, and I have above average intelligence according to doctors, yet I don't have any legit credentials or any career to speak thereof. As far as jobs/career is concerned, I'm operating right now at a level far beneath what would be expected of someone of my background, social class, intelligence, and level of education. This is of course very concerning, and I'm not sure how to fix this yet.

How about going to college abroad (many places have programs in English, and of course you could take the local language as a foreign learner)? You get the credential and an excuse to GeoMax.

 

[MatureDJ]

How long would I have to go to Europe for in order to meet anyone? Doubt I'd be able to meet a woman there if I only went for a couple weeks. I'd imagine I'd have to stay there for months if I wanted a date. So I'd basically have to move to Europe if I wanted to try out the women there I think. Which is theoretically doable since I'm an EU citizen, but it'd be incredibly expensive and time consuming to move all the way there for that, it'd be a huge gamble and it feels weird to me to move to Europe and live there just to find women to date. It'd be like uprooting my entire life and moving somewhere else and have to invest all that time, money, and effort just to be able to date, and there's no guarantee I'd even be able to find anybody doing that. Is it really that easy to meet and date women in Europe? For someone like me who always has had trouble even meeting women to date, I'm skeptical it would be that much better for me over there. Sure the women in Europe are more attractive, intelligent, and reasonable than their American counterparts, but do I really stand much of a chance trying to meet them over there when my problems meeting women, especially irl, have been so pervasive? For that reason it seems trying my luck overseas would be setting myself up for disappointment. If I were at least somewhat capable of meeting women occasionally irl and getting dates out of it I would have more confidence in trying, but I'm not even at that point. Wouldn't I have to get good at meeting and approaching women anyway in order to succeed in Europe, even if the conventional wisdom is that foreign women are easier to attain?

Why would it be expensive? What are you doing in the USA that is so "rooted"? It certainly isn't getting your d!ck any action. Buy a super-cheap house somewhere out in the sticks (in the USA) so that you will have that home base to visit (make sure to be in the USA more than 36 days a year so as to still be a resident). You have an EU passport, so you can move to any EU country, and not be concerned with the 90-day visa-run rule.

 

[MatureDJ]

I live in the states right now, I have for most of my life. Not trying to shoot down anyone’s suggestion here, I just really wonder why exactly you think africa or south asia would be good for me? For what it’s worth however I’m not really interested in dating asian women to be quite frank. Never been really that attracted to them in the first place and I refuse to perpetuate the “introverted white guy with an asian girlfriend” stereotype. I really do believe for many reasons that Europe would be a better place to go but even then to outright move there would be a huge gamble, even if I’ve lived there before and have numerous relatives there. Funny you mention Detroit tho. I live a few hours from there and I go there with friends sometimes when we want to go to a concert and buy cheap weed. Honestly it’s not too bad of a place

I can understand not wanting to date non-white women - but there is Eastern Europe, where there are white women.

 

[BoomToTheMoonAlice]

I’m not trying to make excuses. I’m just asking questions because I’m not sure what direction to really take. I have received good advice here sometimes and I always make a point to acknowledge when I have. However other times people throw me suggestions that seem kinda out of left field or not really relevant to my situation or not properly acknowledging the nuances of it. It’s those times when I probably come across as making excuses. Let it be know it’s not my honest intention to shoot down anyone’s advice. It really isnt

Not sure what family members I’d consult as far as them mentoring me. My grandpa was pretty damn successful in life and in business but unfortunately he’s since passed away. Can’t really think of anyone else

Join the Navy.

 

[Ricky]

How would I geomaxx tho? If I'm not good at approaching women in the states, how would it be any different overseas?

how many languages do you know? German and english for sure.

id focus on learning some new languages. Its very rewarding. The women you meet will absolutely light up when you speak a bit of their language.

 

[Ricky]

Dude stop!

Stop being so god damned negative, multiple posters have told you that with every reply from comes a reason not to do something.

Stop being a child- even if it’s what you think keep it to yourself when speaking to those who seek to help you!

Your mission right now from this point forward is to find reasons to say yes instead of no to everything.

You’re frankly acting like a spoiled kid, always shopping for answers and always coming up the reasons not to do something outside your comfort zone. Your comfort zone has gotten you where you are, how’s that working for ya?

Neil strauss has a book where you do different missions… or maybe that was in his stylelife academy but i think it may be in rules of the game

it has you slowly be more social.

 

[Gamisch]

So a bit of background information in case some of you are unfamiliar with my situation. I’m a 27 year old ethnic German man living in the suburbs of a midwestern state capital. In the past few years my dating life has gotten progressively worse and worse and now it’s basically dead, like I’m a virgin again or something. Right now my situation looks like this:

• The last time I had a relationship or sex was BEFORE covid, in the fall of 2019
• I used to be able to meet women thru dating apps, but ever since covid they’ve really gone downhill. In 2021 and 2022 I only went on one date each and now in 2023 I’ve gone on literally no dates. I still get matches sometimes but they never get anywhere near far enough where I can actually get a date out of it anymore
• All of the women I’ve been with I met thru apps. That’s the only way I’ve been able to get dates thus far, and now that they no longer work for me I’m meeting literally nobody. I want to reduce my dependency on the apps but I’ve never been able to.
• it’s very clear cold approach won’t work for someone like me, as I’ve stated numerous times on here. However, I have no opportunity to do warm approaches either since I’m never in any real life situations where I’m even around women I could possibly date. My life just doesn’t have those opportunities, and I have very low confidence in my ability to land a date with a woman I’ve first met irl since something like that has literally never happened to me
• Often when I post threads like this, people have a tendency to end up grilling me, talking harsh to me, or just telling me to cold approach or other generic advice like that. It doesn’t seem like I’ve gotten a good answer yet so that’s why I keep feeling the need to post these threads. I try to google search about the problem I have with dating and nothing useful comes up, so I have to try asking here. I’m just looking for answers, there’s no reason for anyone here to grill me or talk harsh to me just for asking for help. I don't like being in the position where I have to keep posting this stuff to begin with and peoples' harshness to me makes no sense.

So now this leads me to the question of what I should focus on dating-wise in the coming year. This year of 2023 has yielded absolutely no progress with women and relationships at all, and I’m gravely worried that next year will be no different. Now that I can’t use online dating anymore and expect to get anything out of it, I have no way of meeting women anymore. Thus I’m looking for ways I can actually make progress in the coming year 2024, and at least maybe get a date or two next year so I can at least get back to being a “one date every year” kinda guy like I used to be lol. I don’t have many ideas right now of what I should do, but at least i have a couple:

• This year I’ve lost a lot of bodyfat, so I’ll continue to work on that next year
• I’m gonna continue swiping on apps despite the fact they’re no longer effective since the remote chance I have at meeting a woman thru apps is at least better than nothing
• I’ve begun to frequent a local coffee shop, I got there to read a lot now so at least I’m out in public more than I was previously. Not expecting to meet any women this way tho, it’s just more of a way to get out of the house more.
• I’ve toyed around with the idea of maybe going to another country and see what can find there, but this almost certainly wouldn’t work considering the fact that I can’t approach women, let alone get a date out of approaching
• Other than that the idea of giving up on dating is becoming more and more tempting. The fact of the matter is that dating in the present day is completely broken, and I can’t really take it anymore. There’s no way right now I can meet women organically, have a relationship organically. Society in the Kali Yuga just doesn’t loan itself to that, and my life doesn’t either. It’s just a dead end

Other than that though I don’t have many ideas. So what would all of you suggest I focus on next year so that it ends up better than this one as far as dating/seduction is concerned?

Ofcourse you end up back here.

But why ask for advice if you already know you won't listen? @Money & Muscle made maybe post of the year ,looks like he put some time into his response.

Yet we all Know you won't ever follow said advice . You ,my friend, are simply made to be played.

Your fundamentals suck. You're overweight and out of shape, and if I recall correctly, you do not have steady employment.

Most of the advice you will receive on this board is from gainfully employed men with optimized physiques. What good is that going to do you?

It's like me telling you to pick up your date in your Maserati - oh wait, you don't have one? Well go get one, and we can talk. (I'm using this analogy because most guys like cars...).

1. get in shape
2. find a job

These should be the only things you focus on.

That's it. Two things he wont do anyways .

He won't get in shape ( he thinks JUST physically while I'm also talking about MENTAL shape..) and a job..hell 2 the Fecking no!! This man is as lazy as it gets!!

The irony is that IF he ever gets a woman it will be oneof us who takes her away from him LOL.

Your fundamentals suck. You're overweight and out of shape, and if I recall correctly, you do not have steady employment.

Most of the advice you will receive on this board is from gainfully employed men with optimized physiques. What good is that going to do you?

It's like me telling you to pick up your date in your Maserati - oh wait, you don't have one? Well go get one, and we can talk. (I'm using this analogy because most guys like cars...).

1. get in shape
2. find a job

These should be the only things you focus on.

That's it. Two things he wont do anyways .

He wint get in shape ( he thinks JUST physically while I'm also talking about MENTAL shape..) and a job..hell the Fecking no!! This man is as lazy as it gets!!

The irony is that IF he ever gets a woman it will be oneof us who takes her away

Nevermind, stay in Germany, go on welfare. I have a friend just like you.

It's taken me a while to accept that there are some men who cannot be helped. Some men will spend their entire lives in limbo with nothing and there is nothing you can do about it. I have a friend who has an excuse for everything and every idea you give him he shoots down. Then goes on b1tching about his sh1tsandwhich. Get over to Detroit and find yourself a woman. You can probably find a house that matches your income too.

I had already been to Korea, Japan and Mexico by my early twenties, your entire generation is pathetic.

this


This man can't be helped. Just like @Hacker he will ask and make threads untill someone will say what he wants to hear( and the "funny " thing is NOBODY not even OP knows what that is). Op is like a woman, one that cant be satisfied. His only disadvantage is he doesn't have a stink hole that gets chased after.

I HAD many friends like this. But at this point of my life I even ditch men who choose to be weak. Weak by choice. Your weakness is weakining MY chain. I rather be solo and work on one of my 16 hustles than to drown in a circle jerk-esque pool of self pity.

The interesting thing about OP is we get to see the mind of a man who KNOWS its game over. And that beta BoB can have money yet he remains INVISIBLE to women lol. He won't ever be admired let alone loved by a woman. Why ? Because he doesn't love himself.

He got hundreds of great tips and options. Next year will be the fifth (!!!!) year of drought LOLLL. Imagine being 27 and having a 5 year dryspell ..meanwhile I am entering 40 league contemplating becoming a male model,just because I am ripped AF

OP you can't be helped. Might as well say to the mirror:
Hans , get das flammenwerfer

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Join the Navy.

I have more than one medical condition disqualifying me from military service. But even if I didn't I really wouldn't be a good fit for the military. But if I had to join one branch of service it would indeed be the navy

 

[BergischerLöwe]

How about going to college abroad (many places have programs in English, and of course you could take the local language as a foreign learner)? You get the credential and an excuse to GeoMax.

I've thought about that but I'm not sure what I'd study. I've studied abroad in Austria before so I at least know what student life is like over there tho

 

[BergischerLöwe]

how many languages do you know? German and english for sure.

id focus on learning some new languages. Its very rewarding. The women you meet will absolutely light up when you speak a bit of their language.

I know several languages to varying degrees. German and English I know natively, having spoken them ever since I acquired the ability to speak, but I'm slightly more articulate in speaking English than German since I've spent almost my whole life living in the states. When I do find myself in Germany I can talk to everybody just fine and I understand everything people are saying, it just takes a few days before I'm more articulate in speaking it. I've been learning Russian for the past couple years and I can read it somewhat but my ability to converse in it is still quite limited. However Russian speakers I've talked to tell me at the very least that my pronunciation and grammar are good despite the fact I can't say that much in Russian yet. Apart from those I have knowledge of several classical languages. These being Latin, which I learned in school from 7th-11th grade and later took two semesters of in college; Old Norse, which at the age of 20 I taught myself to read at least on an elementary level, and Sanskrit, which I begun to learn after my conversion to Hinduism. However I've always considered my knowledge of classical languages to be parlour tricks. After all, the only things you can do with classical languages is read them, and since I'm not some kind of archaeologist or professor like Indiana Jones, I'm not using these languages in any professional capacity.

In German I tried to become a freelance translator for a while, but I didn't really make any money from it and the whole endeavor just kinda fizzed out after a while since it wasn't getting anywhere. I at least have something to show for this period tho. A few years ago I translated an entire book (it was an obscure Austrian treatise on fencing from 1796) from German to English, and in 2019 some of this translation appeared in a published book by a fencing historian. I think this is the biggest professional accomplishment of my life so far, even if it's so niche that I'm not bound to get any actual recognition for it other than being credited in the acknowledgments of the book by the aforementioned fencing historian.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Neil strauss has a book where you do different missions… or maybe that was in his stylelife academy but i think it may be in rules of the game

it has you slowly be more social.

I have that book, been reading it

 

[BergischerLöwe]

OP you can't be helped. Might as well say to the mirror:
Hans , get das flammenwerfer

*den Flammenwerfer

 

[BergischerLöwe]

I can understand not wanting to date non-white women - but there is Eastern Europe, where there are white women.

Yes exactly, at the end of the day East Europe would be better. But as I've said in my current condition I doubt I'd be able to approach a woman over there. I feel like I'd have to have had at least some success approaching before I could actually pull that off.