What to focus on in the coming year?

[BergischerLöwe]

So a bit of background information in case some of you are unfamiliar with my situation. I’m a 27 year old ethnic German man living in the suburbs of a midwestern state capital. In the past few years my dating life has gotten progressively worse and worse and now it’s basically dead, like I’m a virgin again or something. Right now my situation looks like this:

• The last time I had a relationship or sex was BEFORE covid, in the fall of 2019
• I used to be able to meet women thru dating apps, but ever since covid they’ve really gone downhill. In 2021 and 2022 I only went on one date each and now in 2023 I’ve gone on literally no dates. I still get matches sometimes but they never get anywhere near far enough where I can actually get a date out of it anymore
• All of the women I’ve been with I met thru apps. That’s the only way I’ve been able to get dates thus far, and now that they no longer work for me I’m meeting literally nobody. I want to reduce my dependency on the apps but I’ve never been able to.
• it’s very clear cold approach won’t work for someone like me, as I’ve stated numerous times on here. However, I have no opportunity to do warm approaches either since I’m never in any real life situations where I’m even around women I could possibly date. My life just doesn’t have those opportunities, and I have very low confidence in my ability to land a date with a woman I’ve first met irl since something like that has literally never happened to me
• Often when I post threads like this, people have a tendency to end up grilling me, talking harsh to me, or just telling me to cold approach or other generic advice like that. It doesn’t seem like I’ve gotten a good answer yet so that’s why I keep feeling the need to post these threads. I try to google search about the problem I have with dating and nothing useful comes up, so I have to try asking here. I’m just looking for answers, there’s no reason for anyone here to grill me or talk harsh to me just for asking for help. I don't like being in the position where I have to keep posting this stuff to begin with and peoples' harshness to me makes no sense.

So now this leads me to the question of what I should focus on dating-wise in the coming year. This year of 2023 has yielded absolutely no progress with women and relationships at all, and I’m gravely worried that next year will be no different. Now that I can’t use online dating anymore and expect to get anything out of it, I have no way of meeting women anymore. Thus I’m looking for ways I can actually make progress in the coming year 2024, and at least maybe get a date or two next year so I can at least get back to being a “one date every year” kinda guy like I used to be lol. I don’t have many ideas right now of what I should do, but at least i have a couple:

• This year I’ve lost a lot of bodyfat, so I’ll continue to work on that next year
• I’m gonna continue swiping on apps despite the fact they’re no longer effective since the remote chance I have at meeting a woman thru apps is at least better than nothing
• I’ve begun to frequent a local coffee shop, I got there to read a lot now so at least I’m out in public more than I was previously. Not expecting to meet any women this way tho, it’s just more of a way to get out of the house more.
• I’ve toyed around with the idea of maybe going to another country and see what can find there, but this almost certainly wouldn’t work considering the fact that I can’t approach women, let alone get a date out of approaching
• Other than that the idea of giving up on dating is becoming more and more tempting. The fact of the matter is that dating in the present day is completely broken, and I can’t really take it anymore. There’s no way right now I can meet women organically, have a relationship organically. Society in the Kali Yuga just doesn’t loan itself to that, and my life doesn’t either. It’s just a dead end

Other than that though I don’t have many ideas. So what would all of you suggest I focus on next year so that it ends up better than this one as far as dating/seduction is concerned?

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Your fundamentals suck. You're overweight and out of shape, and if I recall correctly, you do not have steady employment.

Most of the advice you will receive on this board is from gainfully employed men with optimized physiques. What good is that going to do you?

It's like me telling you to pick up your date in your Maserati - oh wait, you don't have one? Well go get one, and we can talk. (I'm using this analogy because most guys like cars...).

1. get in shape
2. find a job

These should be the only things you focus on.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

C.R.E.A.M. cash rules everything around..

 

[MatureDJ]

Your fundamentals suck. You're overweight and out of shape, and if I recall correctly, you do not have steady employment.

Most of the advice you will receive on this board is from gainfully employed men with optimized physiques. What good is that going to do you?

It's like me telling you to pick up your date in your Maserati - oh wait, you don't have one? Well go get one, and we can talk. (I'm using this analogy because most guys like cars...).

1. get in shape
2. find a job

These should be the only things you focus on.

He doesn't need steady employment; he is the beneficiary of a family trust. I think he should start GeoMaxxing.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

He doesn't need steady employment; he is the beneficiary of a family trust. I think he should start GeoMaxxing.

How would I geomaxx tho? If I'm not good at approaching women in the states, how would it be any different overseas?

 

[MatureDJ]

How would I geomaxx tho? If I'm not good at approaching women in the states, how would it be any different overseas?

Because women in other places aren't spoiled.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Your fundamentals suck. You're overweight and out of shape, and if I recall correctly, you do not have steady employment.

Most of the advice you will receive on this board is from gainfully employed men with optimized physiques. What good is that going to do you?

It's like me telling you to pick up your date in your Maserati - oh wait, you don't have one? Well go get one, and we can talk. (I'm using this analogy because most guys like cars...).

1. get in shape
2. find a job

These should be the only things you focus on.

I'm not really sure if I really qualify as "overweight" anymore. On one hand my weight always tends to remain around 100kg, but the majority of midsection fat that I have is nearly completely gone. I hardly have a gut anymore, granted there's still fat to lose but I'm in a much better place physique wise compared to how I looked at the beginning of the year. In the past six months I've mainly used an ebike to get around, but now my ebike is undergoing major repairs in the shop so for over a week now I've had to use an analog bike. The analog bike is proving even more effective at fat loss, so I may just continue just riding this bike most of the time instead of the ebike. Furthermore I just broke thru a plateau in my weightlifting training so now I'm gaining strength and muscle. The irony is, of course, that now I have the best physique in my life so far, and I'm arguably more attractive than I've ever been, but the amount of single women I could date that I'm meeting is zero. I've busted my ass in the gym and I'm in better physical shape than the overwhelming majority of people in America, but a huge paradox is there's just no women in my life that could even be remotely considered a dating prospect right now.

As for the job thing I understand the need for it, and I realize I'm doing myself a disservice by not having one, but on the other hand I feel like I shouldn't just get any job for having a job's sake. For a job I get to be sustainable, it needs to be one I can actually do and one that is fulfilling. Yes in theory I could apply to work at the grocery store next to my apartment complex, but what would that actually do for me besides just giving e a job for the sake of having one? It wouldn't do much for me except giving me the ability to say that I have a job, and the mundane nature of a job like that would mean that eventually I would lose motivation to work. I want a job that I would actually enjoy doing, but there's just such a barrier to the careers I would actually consider and enjoy doing. Everything I would be interested in requires levels of credentials and experience that I just don't have. In my case it's especially weird since I'm articulate and intelligent and everyone who knows me personally considers me such, but the lack of credentials and work experience I have means the only jobs where I'd even get hired are like minimum wage, retail type jobs. This of course is really bad since I come from a relatively wealthy background, went to a private school, went to college and all that, and I have above average intelligence according to doctors, yet I don't have any legit credentials or any career to speak thereof. As far as jobs/career is concerned, I'm operating right now at a level far beneath what would be expected of someone of my background, social class, intelligence, and level of education. This is of course very concerning, and I'm not sure how to fix this yet.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Because women in other places aren't spoiled.

So if I were to go to like Rumania or somewhere to meet women, how would I do that? Even though women overseas may be less spoiled, I still have never approached a woman and gotten a date out of it, so I'm not sure about my ability to pull that off anywhere. In any case, what do I need to know and what should I do if I were to look for women somewhere in Europe instead of America? Like I've said before I'm a German citizen and I've spent a lot of time in the German speaking world and I'm familiar with how things are there and in the rest of Europe, but I've never really tried to approach European women at all. I just need to know what I'd be getting myself into before I spend thousands of dollars going to the Old Country to potentially meet a woman. But I feel like if I went that route I'd come back to the States without having had any luck. At the end of the day, the fundamental problem is that I don't have enough experience approaching women or meeting women irl to really be able to just go abroad and get a date. What do I actually gotta do if I want to go international?

 

[BergischerLöwe]

I'd take a look at the Male Action Plan (now Mindful Attraction Plan) and assess what you need to correct. Lucky for you, I typed it out for another member so here you go.

Male Action Plan

Prioritization: Top to Bottom, Red to Green. (let me know if that doesn't make sense)
Some of these may not apply to you, it's just what was in the book.

1. Physicality and Health -comes first because all your feelings and most of your energy are going to come directly from your own body. If your body is in bad shape, your overall energy and happiness will be low. Notice how everything in your life can be going great, but as soon as you get sick, your energy levels take a dive and you’re miserable.
   1. Exercise
   2. Grain Consumption
   3. Substance abuse
   4. Sugar consumption
   5. Processed food consumption
   6. Medications
   7. Medical Care
   8. Find positive friends
   9. Be in shape
   10. Balanced Diet
   11. Fasting
   12. Fresh Air
   13. Supplementation
2. Money and Material Wealth -is second, because money is stored energy and the material items you own all have a heavily influencing effect. These are all real world things with substance.
   1. Wasting Money
   2. Debt
   3. Buying junk
   4. Buying for status
   5. Ignoring broken items
   6. Get rid of clutter
   7. Make more money
   8. Work smart not hard
   9. Time management
   10. Functional and beautiful things
   11. Emergency fund
   12. Work a positive job
   13. Give/donate from a position of strength
   14. Invest in the marriage - vacations, dates, etc.
3. Displaying High Value -comes after Money and Material Wealth, because Displays of High Value are the style to Money’s substance. You can fake having High Value by acting all confident and ****y, but you can’t fake the ability to actually pay the bills and put food on the table. There’s just something about watching your car being repossessed that trumps you to pretending everything is fine.
   1. Stop displaying low value
      1. Whining, nagging, complaining, and otherwise bitching
   2. Stop emotional tunnel vision
   3. Stop beta orbiting
   4. Start passing **** tests
   5. Maintain your own frame
   6. Learn to parent
   7. Teach “No X until Y”
   8. Dress well
   9. Be cool
      1. Being able to demand respect for yourself and get it, while still respecting others.
   10. Be playfully dominant
       1. Being funny, lightly teasing, flirting, smiling, laughing
   11. Lead them/her somewhere
   12. Follow somewhere (if not dominant in social position)
   13. Figure out whose in charge
   14. Emphasize masculine/feminine
4. Building Relationship Comfort -trumps your Personality and Preferences, because ultimately most people are self-interested. They want to be assured they will get their needs met before attending to someone else’s. Put another way, people want to build a positive relationship first before really determining to be interested in you in particular. For a couple of weeks you might just be a coffee barista to me, but after that I might learn your name is Janet and you’re in college doing a Master’s degree.
   1. Stop demanding pampering
   2. Stop being lazy
   3. Stop fighting dirty
   4. Stop ignoring people
   5. Apologize for major incidents
   6. Recognize double binds
   7. Find out what they like
   8. Discover the covert contracts
   9. Start passing loyalty tests
   10. Express affection
   11. Say thank you
   12. Have integrity
   13. Most important people have priority
   14. Assume positive intentions
5. Personality and Preferences -
   1. Stop nerfing your personality
   2. Stop fake relaxation
   3. Stop doing things you hate
   4. Stop loving energy vampires
   5. Stop people pleasing
   6. Learn your personality type (Myers-Briggs)
   7. Start putting yourself first
   8. Decide what you want
   9. Control the electronic devices
   10. Do what energizes you
   11. Enjoy the journey
   12. Complete tasks
   13. Pay attention to flow states (the zone)
   14. Quality beats quantity
6. High-Energy Sex -comes last. Before someone wants to jump into a serious relationship and/or bed with you, typically you’ve had to pass all five hurdles before reaching the bedroom. Note that it can happen very quickly if someone has all the goodies lined up already, or it can take some time, but there’s not much getting around having to get five green lights before it all comes together.
   1. Stop blaming them about sex
   2. Stop faking sexual pleasure
   3. Stop outside sexual sources
   4. Stop trying to force it
   5. Discover the 30% that works
   6. Work on your sexual fitness
   7. Take turns on pleasing each other
   8. Partner commitment
   9. Express yourself
   10. Play all day
   11. Just make a move

Wow thanks for this reply, all of this is good and detailed

 

[MatureDJ]

I just go to social meetups where it is expected that everyone speaks English. If I click with a chick, I ask her if she would like to hook up (no NOT that type of hook-up). Of course, Eastern Europe is better.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

I just go to social meetups where it is expected that everyone speaks English. If I click with a chick, I ask her if she would like to hook up (no NOT that type of hook-up). Of course, Eastern Europe is better.

How long would I have to go to Europe for in order to meet anyone? Doubt I'd be able to meet a woman there if I only went for a couple weeks. I'd imagine I'd have to stay there for months if I wanted a date. So I'd basically have to move to Europe if I wanted to try out the women there I think. Which is theoretically doable since I'm an EU citizen, but it'd be incredibly expensive and time consuming to move all the way there for that, it'd be a huge gamble and it feels weird to me to move to Europe and live there just to find women to date. It'd be like uprooting my entire life and moving somewhere else and have to invest all that time, money, and effort just to be able to date, and there's no guarantee I'd even be able to find anybody doing that. Is it really that easy to meet and date women in Europe? For someone like me who always has had trouble even meeting women to date, I'm skeptical it would be that much better for me over there. Sure the women in Europe are more attractive, intelligent, and reasonable than their American counterparts, but do I really stand much of a chance trying to meet them over there when my problems meeting women, especially irl, have been so pervasive? For that reason it seems trying my luck overseas would be setting myself up for disappointment. If I were at least somewhat capable of meeting women occasionally irl and getting dates out of it I would have more confidence in trying, but I'm not even at that point. Wouldn't I have to get good at meeting and approaching women anyway in order to succeed in Europe, even if the conventional wisdom is that foreign women are easier to attain?

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

So, you need a career. Figure out what type of educational needs your career of choice requires and go to school. Community colleges are everywhere and cheap, and will get you going.

In the real world, it doesn’t matter how smart you are if you don’t do the things that are necessary to get the job that you want you’re not going to get the job. And even then you might not get it.

You’re not a unique snowflake, the world owes you nothing.

P.s. going to Romania or wherever the fack else is not gonna change anything unless you change.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

So, you need a career. Figure out what type of educational needs your career of choice requires and go to school. Community colleges are everywhere and cheap, and will get you going.

In the real world, it doesn’t matter how smart you are if you don’t do the things that are necessary to get the job that you want you’re not going to get the job. And even then you might not get it.

You’re not a unique snowflake, the world owes you nothing.

P.s. going to Romania or wherever the fack else is not gonna change anything unless you change.

Yeah I know I need a career, but I still don’t have much of an idea of what I could even do. The problem with going back to school is that my undergrad gpa isn’t good enough to get into grad school, and as far as some alternative like trade school is concerned I don’t know what trades would even be suitable for me. I still need career counseling, admittedly I’ve kinda procrastinated on that but I gotta get that going.

As for Rumania or wherever else, that’s my point exactly. I wouldn’t be able to meet girls there unless I really got my act together. If I can’t meet women in America in my current situation, then I can’t expect to anywhere else

 

[BoomToTheMoonAlice]

So, you need a career. Figure out what type of educational needs your career of choice requires and go to school. Community colleges are everywhere and cheap, and will get you going.

In the real world, it doesn’t matter how smart you are if you don’t do the things that are necessary to get the job that you want you’re not going to get the job. And even then you might not get it.

You’re not a unique snowflake, the world owes you nothing.

P.s. going to Romania or wherever the fack else is not gonna change anything unless you change.

He said he went to college. All the Krauts I meet are engineers that build trains in China. Skip Romania, go all the way to Transylvania (Castlevania) or alternatively, pick an African or South Asian country, they are cheap as hell, especially for a guy without a steady income. Do you even need a steady income? Do you have any special talents you can sell? Get a sales job, it'll pay back in dividends later on.

You can do an MBBS in China pretty easily or go to school for something else inexpensively. If you like trades go to the Philippines and do a welding or auto mechanic course. It's like $2400 for 4 years.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

He said he went to college. All the Krauts I meet are engineers that build trains in China. Skip Romania, go all the way to Transylvania (Castlevania) or alternatively, pick an African or South Asian country, they are cheap as hell, especially for a guy without a steady income. Do you even need a steady income? Do you have any special talents you can sell? Get a sales job, it'll pay back in dividends later on.

You can do an MBBS in China pretty easily or go to school for something else inexpensively. If you like trades go to the Philippines and do a welding or auto mechanic course. It's like $2400 for 4 years.

Would I really want to live in africa or south asia tho? Might be cheap but that aint everything

 

[BoomToTheMoonAlice]

Would I really want to live in africa or south asia tho? Might be cheap but that aint everything

Nevermind, stay in Germany, go on welfare. I have a friend just like you.

It's taken me a while to accept that there are some men who cannot be helped. Some men will spend their entire lives in limbo with nothing and there is nothing you can do about it. I have a friend who has an excuse for everything and every idea you give him he shoots down. Then goes on b1tching about his sh1tsandwhich. Get over to Detroit and find yourself a woman. You can probably find a house that matches your income too.

I had already been to Korea, Japan and Mexico by my early twenties, your entire generation is pathetic.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Nevermind, stay in Germany, go on welfare. I have a friend just like you.

It's taken me a while to accept that there are some men who cannot be helped. Some men will spend their entire lives in limbo with nothing and there is nothing you can do about it. I have a friend who has an excuse for everything and every idea you give him he shoots down. Then goes on b1tching about his sh1tsandwhich. Get over to Detroit and find yourself a woman. You can probably find a house that matches your income too.

I had already been to Korea, Japan and Mexico by my early twenties, your entire generation is pathetic.

I live in the states right now, I have for most of my life. Not trying to shoot down anyone’s suggestion here, I just really wonder why exactly you think africa or south asia would be good for me? For what it’s worth however I’m not really interested in dating asian women to be quite frank. Never been really that attracted to them in the first place and I refuse to perpetuate the “introverted white guy with an asian girlfriend” stereotype. I really do believe for many reasons that Europe would be a better place to go but even then to outright move there would be a huge gamble, even if I’ve lived there before and have numerous relatives there. Funny you mention Detroit tho. I live a few hours from there and I go there with friends sometimes when we want to go to a concert and buy cheap weed. Honestly it’s not too bad of a place

 

[The Duke]

I'd take a look at the Male Action Plan (now Mindful Attraction Plan) and assess what you need to correct. Lucky for you, I typed it out for another member so here you go.

Male Action Plan

Prioritization: Top to Bottom, Red to Green. (let me know if that doesn't make sense)
Some of these may not apply to you, it's just what was in the book.

1. Physicality and Health -comes first because all your feelings and most of your energy are going to come directly from your own body. If your body is in bad shape, your overall energy and happiness will be low. Notice how everything in your life can be going great, but as soon as you get sick, your energy levels take a dive and you’re miserable.
   1. Exercise
   2. Grain Consumption
   3. Substance abuse
   4. Sugar consumption
   5. Processed food consumption
   6. Medications
   7. Medical Care
   8. Find positive friends
   9. Be in shape
   10. Balanced Diet
   11. Fasting
   12. Fresh Air
   13. Supplementation
2. Money and Material Wealth -is second, because money is stored energy and the material items you own all have a heavily influencing effect. These are all real world things with substance.
   1. Wasting Money
   2. Debt
   3. Buying junk
   4. Buying for status
   5. Ignoring broken items
   6. Get rid of clutter
   7. Make more money
   8. Work smart not hard
   9. Time management
   10. Functional and beautiful things
   11. Emergency fund
   12. Work a positive job
   13. Give/donate from a position of strength
   14. Invest in the marriage - vacations, dates, etc.
3. Displaying High Value -comes after Money and Material Wealth, because Displays of High Value are the style to Money’s substance. You can fake having High Value by acting all confident and ****y, but you can’t fake the ability to actually pay the bills and put food on the table. There’s just something about watching your car being repossessed that trumps you to pretending everything is fine.
   1. Stop displaying low value
      1. Whining, nagging, complaining, and otherwise bitching
   2. Stop emotional tunnel vision
   3. Stop beta orbiting
   4. Start passing **** tests
   5. Maintain your own frame
   6. Learn to parent
   7. Teach “No X until Y”
   8. Dress well
   9. Be cool
      1. Being able to demand respect for yourself and get it, while still respecting others.
   10. Be playfully dominant
       1. Being funny, lightly teasing, flirting, smiling, laughing
   11. Lead them/her somewhere
   12. Follow somewhere (if not dominant in social position)
   13. Figure out whose in charge
   14. Emphasize masculine/feminine
4. Building Relationship Comfort -trumps your Personality and Preferences, because ultimately most people are self-interested. They want to be assured they will get their needs met before attending to someone else’s. Put another way, people want to build a positive relationship first before really determining to be interested in you in particular. For a couple of weeks you might just be a coffee barista to me, but after that I might learn your name is Janet and you’re in college doing a Master’s degree.
   1. Stop demanding pampering
   2. Stop being lazy
   3. Stop fighting dirty
   4. Stop ignoring people
   5. Apologize for major incidents
   6. Recognize double binds
   7. Find out what they like
   8. Discover the covert contracts
   9. Start passing loyalty tests
   10. Express affection
   11. Say thank you
   12. Have integrity
   13. Most important people have priority
   14. Assume positive intentions
5. Personality and Preferences -
   1. Stop nerfing your personality
   2. Stop fake relaxation
   3. Stop doing things you hate
   4. Stop loving energy vampires
   5. Stop people pleasing
   6. Learn your personality type (Myers-Briggs)
   7. Start putting yourself first
   8. Decide what you want
   9. Control the electronic devices
   10. Do what energizes you
   11. Enjoy the journey
   12. Complete tasks
   13. Pay attention to flow states (the zone)
   14. Quality beats quantity
6. High-Energy Sex -comes last. Before someone wants to jump into a serious relationship and/or bed with you, typically you’ve had to pass all five hurdles before reaching the bedroom. Note that it can happen very quickly if someone has all the goodies lined up already, or it can take some time, but there’s not much getting around having to get five green lights before it all comes together.
   1. Stop blaming them about sex
   2. Stop faking sexual pleasure
   3. Stop outside sexual sources
   4. Stop trying to force it
   5. Discover the 30% that works
   6. Work on your sexual fitness
   7. Take turns on pleasing each other
   8. Partner commitment
   9. Express yourself
   10. Play all day
   11. Just make a move

what a well thought out list. It's what successful people do differently than The rest.

 

[The Duke]

@BergischerLöwe

Reading your replies, you have an excuse for everything. For every thing you could do, you come up with a reason of why you can't do it or it won't work.

Successful people find a way and do whatever it takes.

I don't know your financial situation, outside of a few previous posts but I'd guess you come from a family that has money. Somewhere in that family there are most likely some successful people? Maybe they could mentor you?

 

[BergischerLöwe]

@BergischerLöwe

Reading your replies, you have an excuse for everything. For every thing you could do, you come up with a reason of why you can't do it or it won't work.

Successful people find a way and do whatever it takes.

I don't know your financial situation, outside of a few previous posts but I'd guess you come from a family that has money. Somewhere in that family there are most likely some successful people? Maybe they could mentor you?

I’m not trying to make excuses. I’m just asking questions because I’m not sure what direction to really take. I have received good advice here sometimes and I always make a point to acknowledge when I have. However other times people throw me suggestions that seem kinda out of left field or not really relevant to my situation or not properly acknowledging the nuances of it. It’s those times when I probably come across as making excuses. Let it be know it’s not my honest intention to shoot down anyone’s advice. It really isnt

Not sure what family members I’d consult as far as them mentoring me. My grandpa was pretty damn successful in life and in business but unfortunately he’s since passed away. Can’t really think of anyone else