What to do with girl who wants a relationship when you don't?

[timble9]

Met a girl who had just moved to town through mutual friends last weekends and hit it off, went back to her place with some friends and ended up in her bed. We started fooling around but she stopped me and told me she wasn't going to have sex with me because she didn't like random hook ups or one night stands and was looking for more of a relationship, but then back-tracked a little bit and apologized, saying that she didn't want to "scare me". I said that was fine and stated that I really wasn't sure what I wanted, but COULD BE open to a relationship if I met the right person. She then changed her mind, we had sex and I stayed the night.

We've hooked up again since then but no sleepovers, the problem is I think she is really keen on pursuing a serious relationship. I was somewhat open to the idea because she is a great girl, has a great job and is easy to get a along with. But the more I've thought about it, I think its pointless getting in a relationship with her because she is only in town for a year and me myself might be moving countries next year and I don't want to have to consider someone else's feelings when making this life decision.

I don't really know what to do going forward or how to approach this with her. I'm going to be seeing her around pretty often now because she seems to have become involved with the same social circle as me now. I've only known her a week, but don't want to lead her on. But also don't want to get into a relationship because I feel obligated to do so. What do?

 

[Stanley]

If you want different things then pursue the things you want.

She wants a relationship, you don't? Then drop her and find someone that fits your needs, or don't. That said she sounds kinda nutty or at the very least immature to me. "I don't do hookups" then you immediately hookup and then multiple times thereafter?... judge her actions not her words...

You've only known her for a week right?... Don't get in your head about this chick, she is more or less a complete stranger to you.

 

[RangerMIke]

Be what you want: let her be what she wants. It's not rocket science... then let her figure out what she wants to do about it.

There are plenty of women that are not interested in anything long term... if you are HONEST about who you are and what you want, you will find them. But being dishonest about who you are and what you want could give you short term success, long term it is a better strategy. Stringing chicks along makes you weak... turns you into a liar and is inauthentic.

You might think you are fooling a woman, but you are not... she likely knows exactly who you are and what you want, women are really good at sniffing out reality... they often opt to ignore reality for a time... but if she is a sane, normal woman she will know. When you don't behave in a way that is consistent, she will lose attraction quicker, and then when things end (which always happens) you will have an enemy.

One rule in life that everyone should follow: Never intentionally make enemies. It's the stupidest freaking thing in the world you can do. I see it all the time, people who strut around like a stupid @ss bully or conning people. Look enemies will come to you, you will always find people that will dislike you for one reason or another because there is always conflict, but behaving in a way that creates enemies is just stupid as fvck.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You tell her that you enjoy spending time with her and getting to know her, but that you don't jump into relationships and you need to find out more about her before that could happen.

Even if you have no intention of being in a relationship with her, she needs to think there will be a chance at some point if you want to continue banging her.

Also, a woman who wants a relationship in a week is a red flag. It shows she makes rash impulsive decisions and she will make the same rash, impulsive decisions when something small happens and she decides to break up with you.

 

[felaflex]

Met a girl who had just moved to town through mutual friends last weekends and hit it off, went back to her place with some friends and ended up in her bed. We started fooling around but she stopped me and told me she wasn't going to have sex with me because she didn't like random hook ups or one night stands and was looking for more of a relationship, but then back-tracked a little bit and apologized, saying that she didn't want to "scare me". I said that was fine and stated that I really wasn't sure what I wanted, but COULD BE open to a relationship if I met the right person. She then changed her mind, we had sex and I stayed the night.

We've hooked up again since then but no sleepovers, the problem is I think she is really keen on pursuing a serious relationship. I was somewhat open to the idea because she is a great girl, has a great job and is easy to get a along with. But the more I've thought about it, I think its pointless getting in a relationship with her because she is only in town for a year and me myself might be moving countries next year and I don't want to have to consider someone else's feelings when making this life decision.

I don't really know what to do going forward or how to approach this with her. I'm going to be seeing her around pretty often now because she seems to have become involved with the same social circle as me now. I've only known her a week, but don't want to lead her on. But also don't want to get into a relationship because I feel obligated to do so. What do?

Why don't you spin more plates?

 

[Glassguy]

You obviously like this chic enough to continue seeing her. Keep letting sex happen and keep getting to know her. The advantages are you have steady pvssy while that happens and if after a while you're not interested in more, tell her. If you wind up liking her enough to date her, let her continue to pursue a "relationship" as it should be the woman chasing a relationship with the man she wants to be with.

You're in a good position. Keep it going until you figure out what type of value she brings to your life. If it's only sex, you can at least get that while it lasts.

 

[RazorRambo24]

Its as simply calling her friend or just saying "were just friends i dont want a relationship right now" its not rocket science.. lol

why do dudes act like they're afraid of women lol .. its really hard to wrap my head around.. its annoying

 

[Gamisch]

why do dudes act like they're afraid of women lol .. its really hard to wrap my head around.. its annoying

Because they are afraid to lose them. And because a lotta men are sincerely afraid (intimidated) by women. Women are crazy, but not stupid. She's testing OP, and probably felt safe to do this.

Same category as; "do you see somebody? do you have a date with somebody , what do you want from a woman, how many women have you slept with? " All questions you don't neccesarily wanna be honest about.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

You could say something like, "I really enjoy spending time with you and having sex with you, but I want to be clear that I'm not looking for a romantic relationship right now. I don't want to lead you on or give you false hope, so I think it's important that we both understand where we stand."

If she hangs around for a bit and claims it’s ok, you need to expect her to dump you as soon as she secures the next guy to monkey-branch to.

 

[timble9]

Thanks all, I'll just keep seeing her and see where things go. I didn't know if I should just bring up the conversation about me not really being too keen on a relationship the next time I see her or just take things as they come

I'm not afraid of losing her because I hardly know her and I have other options right now. I'm just currently living/working in a small town where its easy to get a bad reputation and she has now pretty much been adopted into the same social circle as me, so I'm just trying to avoid being socially ostracized if things go pear shaped

 

[Divorced w 3]

Why don't you spin more plates?

Oh it’s that simple is it?

 

[Divorced w 3]

Thanks all, I'll just keep seeing her and see where things go. I didn't know if I should just bring up the conversation about me not really being too keen on a relationship the next time I see her or just take things as they come

I'm not afraid of losing her because I hardly know her and I have other options right now. I'm just currently living/working in a small town where its easy to get a bad reputation and she has now pretty much been adopted into the same social circle as me, so I'm just trying to avoid being socially ostracized if things go pear shaped

Oh I read this entirely differently. Nature has a really time tested process for guys who don’t have feelings or want a relationship … it’s called ‘not caring.’

You’re catching feelings hard and fast kid. Which could be great. I mean, I missed the part where it’s only been a week. I would check where you stand on this. Give her a day or two without reaching out. It’s not to see how she feels it’s to see how you feel.

 

[timble9]

Oh I read this entirely differently. Nature has a really time tested process for guys who don’t have feelings or want a relationship … it’s called ‘not caring.’

You’re catching feelings hard and fast kid. Which could be great. I mean, I missed the part where it’s only been a week. I would check where you stand on this. Give her a day or two without reaching out. It’s not to see how she feels it’s to see how you feel.

I'm really not sure how you're getting that I'm catching feelings hard and fast when it is the complete opposite, I hardly know her and would actually feel more relieved if she didn't want to see me anymore at this point.

My MAIN concern is that if I wanted to keep having sex with her to see where things go and she is pushing for a relationship and I ended up not wanting it, I don't to be branded as a player and for leading her on by our social circle.

It happened to me early last year where I was hooking up with a girl and had set boundaries with her (i.e. saying it was strictly casual, I wasn't looking for a relationship and she wanted the same), 6 weeks in she decides she wants me to be her boyfriend and I break things off.

A few months later I met a different girl who I was into, who rejected me because she heard I was a "fuccboy" and lead women on/broke their hearts in reference to the previous girl.

Again, I live in a small town where most people know eachother and people tend to know who is banging who. Maybe "spinning plates" and having casual relationships just doesn't work in this environment...

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

B1tches who push for LTRs from the jump without even knowing your last name tend to be a red flagging loony tune and a nut. A cramp to deal with.
Tread lightly.