JPFromTally
Senior Don Juan
I think the most pathetic posts are those that go something like this:
"I've been in college now X years and I haven't got laid. I've been away from mommy and daddy but no girl will jump in the sack with me. Could it be that my bunny pajamas are just turning them off?" Now don't get me wrong, I've had dry spells throughout college but I've always been able to rectify them with a simple little plan:
All it takes is 50 bucks. Now, there are three options you have when wanting to spend 50 bucks in order to get laid. They are:
1) Get the nerve up to ask a girl out, take her to dinner, listen to her mindless rambling about her friends and her stupid social positions (if she has any) and expect to get some nooky if you're lukcy enough to repeat this process 2 or 3 more times. Most of the times however, the girl will just refer to you as the "free meal" and laught at all the stupid things you did during the date to her friends.
2) Go to the seedy side of town and pick up Patty the Prostitute. Very high risk of itchy **** syndrome (IDS) on this though.
Now most guys will opt for option 1 which has a fun level of about 10% with a laid level of about 5%. Me, on the other hand, I'd rather use the money for option 3...
3) Go down to your local liquor store and buy 3 bottles of vodka (quality of little importance), 3 cartons of some really sweet fruit juice (orange kiwi or some crap like that), bottle of peach shnaps, 2 bottles of Sprite. Mix all contents together in a big container and come up with catchy name for your drink.
You might want to buy a bottle of rum and some Coke for those not wanting to drink your vodka drink.
Now you have the ingredients to throw a little party. Make it specifically clear to your buddies that they cannot come to your party unless they bring a girl and the girl brings at least one friend. Call all the girls that you're pathetic social life has been able to muster up. Make sure to tell them that there will be FREE alcohol. You might want to say, "Hey Nicole. I'm having a 'Sex in the Keys' party this Friday and I want you to come. Bring all your friends." She'll want to know what 'Sex in the Keys' is and you'll just explain it's the name of your drink (explain ingredients). For some reason or another I've found college age girls gravitate towards fruity drinks like this like flies on crap.
Lastly, you have a reason to talk to girls now. If you see a pretty girl on campus you could just talk to her and invite her to your party. You might want to have a flyer with directions on it. When I've done this is in the past I've put "NO KEGS!" on the flyer and I had a reduction of 50% on the sausage factor. This is just in case a guy comes across the flyer. It seems guys hate going to parties where there will be no beer. Awwww...
Now honestly, which one of the above 3 options will give you the most opportunity to:
- Network with girls?
- Get laid?
- Have a great time?
Now if you don't have 50 bucks to spare or a place to throw a party then you might as well stick with option 2 because you might not have that much luck with option 1 anyway.
By the way, a couple of other pointers to make your party a success:
- Video camera. I've had 10 times the boob sitings when video cameras where out than had they not been present. Girls are exhibitionists when they are drunk.
- Beads. (Increases the boob quotient for above).
- Lays. (See above).
- Truth or dare jenga.
- Music. (House and techno usually work great).
Hope this helps!
"I've been in college now X years and I haven't got laid. I've been away from mommy and daddy but no girl will jump in the sack with me. Could it be that my bunny pajamas are just turning them off?" Now don't get me wrong, I've had dry spells throughout college but I've always been able to rectify them with a simple little plan:
All it takes is 50 bucks. Now, there are three options you have when wanting to spend 50 bucks in order to get laid. They are:
1) Get the nerve up to ask a girl out, take her to dinner, listen to her mindless rambling about her friends and her stupid social positions (if she has any) and expect to get some nooky if you're lukcy enough to repeat this process 2 or 3 more times. Most of the times however, the girl will just refer to you as the "free meal" and laught at all the stupid things you did during the date to her friends.
2) Go to the seedy side of town and pick up Patty the Prostitute. Very high risk of itchy **** syndrome (IDS) on this though.
Now most guys will opt for option 1 which has a fun level of about 10% with a laid level of about 5%. Me, on the other hand, I'd rather use the money for option 3...
3) Go down to your local liquor store and buy 3 bottles of vodka (quality of little importance), 3 cartons of some really sweet fruit juice (orange kiwi or some crap like that), bottle of peach shnaps, 2 bottles of Sprite. Mix all contents together in a big container and come up with catchy name for your drink.
You might want to buy a bottle of rum and some Coke for those not wanting to drink your vodka drink.
Now you have the ingredients to throw a little party. Make it specifically clear to your buddies that they cannot come to your party unless they bring a girl and the girl brings at least one friend. Call all the girls that you're pathetic social life has been able to muster up. Make sure to tell them that there will be FREE alcohol. You might want to say, "Hey Nicole. I'm having a 'Sex in the Keys' party this Friday and I want you to come. Bring all your friends." She'll want to know what 'Sex in the Keys' is and you'll just explain it's the name of your drink (explain ingredients). For some reason or another I've found college age girls gravitate towards fruity drinks like this like flies on crap.
Lastly, you have a reason to talk to girls now. If you see a pretty girl on campus you could just talk to her and invite her to your party. You might want to have a flyer with directions on it. When I've done this is in the past I've put "NO KEGS!" on the flyer and I had a reduction of 50% on the sausage factor. This is just in case a guy comes across the flyer. It seems guys hate going to parties where there will be no beer. Awwww...
Now honestly, which one of the above 3 options will give you the most opportunity to:
- Network with girls?
- Get laid?
- Have a great time?
Now if you don't have 50 bucks to spare or a place to throw a party then you might as well stick with option 2 because you might not have that much luck with option 1 anyway.
By the way, a couple of other pointers to make your party a success:
- Video camera. I've had 10 times the boob sitings when video cameras where out than had they not been present. Girls are exhibitionists when they are drunk.
- Beads. (Increases the boob quotient for above).
- Lays. (See above).
- Truth or dare jenga.
- Music. (House and techno usually work great).
Hope this helps!
